I’m the neediest I’ve ever been after breakup.

naturalmikey

Cro-Magnon Man
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I’ve been broken up with my ex three months ago. For the first month I didn’t hook up with anyone. Since I’ve been with 15-20 girls idk. But I’ve never been with any more than once. I normally don’t contact them. But every time I actually like a girl and have to talk to her beyond the night we meet I somehow duck it up from being needy. One really gorgeous girl I liked a lot and she hung out with me but I totally fucked it up.

I hooked up with a girl Thursday night. I really like this girl. Not in a girlfriend sort of way but I’d really like to be her friend that she has sex with maybe once or twice a week. She is exceptionally beautiful and also very cool. I told her I was leaving town and would text her in a week and we could hang out. I’m now no longer leaving town but still planning on waiting a week. It’s really hard. I wanna text her and tell her I like her even though I know that’s not gonna work. Before the relationship I just did what I wanted and it didn’t matter. I think I got spoiled by having a hot young girlfriend I could sleep with whenever I wanted. I want that same luxury now but it is just that a luxury. It’s hard to be abundant when you have high dating standards. Really hot chicks are scarce. I’m just wondering how I can drop this neediness. I think one thing I could do is start making the less hot girls I hook up with fbs but I really would rather fuck a new six than see the same one over and over again. I think I just have to be patient and work one hot girl into my rotation at a time and it may take a while.

Before my current relationship I had two hot fwbs and a couple cute fbs. I really wanna get back to having a team of minimum high sixes and I don’t like the rate it’s happening. The good thing is I am getting laid a couple times a week. I’d just rather have it be with someone I like
 

Pitcher

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I can really relate to this dude. It feels like I can bed the 5/6/7s that I feel meh about pretty easily, but the 8/9/10s that really excite me slip away due to my neediness bleeding into my interactions with them.

I think the neediness is largely because of our attachment to a certain result. Our ego latches onto something we’re missing that we think the hot girl can give to us. In my mind that could be a myriad of things: validation, physical pleasure, a sense of connection, etc. I believe there is a feminine essence and that us men don’t need it to survive, but we do need it to thrive. Interdependence.

To me, it‘s the need for the validation piece that ruins our pursuits with women the most. Perhaps that is exacerbated post-break up because during the relationship your ego was constantly being validated.

Back to being too focused on a result. This used to kill me in sports. Got me stuck in my head and out of the present moment, out of flow. I have mostly conquered this through meditation and creating a process that anchors my awareness in the now while I’m performing. When I notice I‘m beginning to think about the result I want, I return my awareness back to my anchors (one of which is my breath).

I have been able to transfer this over to game/dating during face-to-face interactions a bit. I mostly get tripped up when the girl is no longer in front of me, the neediness seeping into my texts/response times. I want to try to tune into the feeling of neediness more, pause and breath, and then be able to use my present awareness/intuition/gut.

Some macro strategies I use are having a mission (my sport) that I love/is before anything else and making moves on more than one woman at a time. You already do the sleeping with multiple women thing much better than me though lol.

Now take all of that with a grain of salt though because I’m not as experienced as you and have never been in an monogamous relationship so I don’t what it feels like directly following a break up.

Are you fucking things up during your face to face interactions or via virtual (like texting)?

naturalmikey said:
Really hot chicks are scarce.
Yes, definitely based on numbers. But if you’re a high value guy with magnetic energy (cultivated by things like a gratitude practice, high T-levels, etc.) you end up meeting/drawing in way more than you would if you were purely looking at the probabilities. Reading some of your lay reports (https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=21432), you definitely have some of this magnetic energy going for you. Lean into this more.
 

helloladies21

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naturalmikey said:
Really hot chicks are scarce.
This isn't what I see. I went to a Halloween party last night and saw two 9s, one of which was by herself. Wish I hadn't brought a date (a 7 grrr). And that was at 1 party in Buffalo, NY, one of the fat chick capitals of the world. You live in LA with a bunch of actresses and models.

I believe you correctly characterized a large segment of this board as spamming advice of just do mass approaches. Unlike these guys, I agree with you that this is incomplete advice and that game techniques are effective. But the first and most important skill I would teach any beginner is the ability to do mass cold approaches. It's the most important step. Even with a medium-low amount of skill, a guy who can approach 20-30 girls a night every time he goes out is going to have an abundant sex life. Something would have to be off with him not to.

You should approach a lot more and threads like these won't even exist for you anymore.
 

naturalmikey

Cro-Magnon Man
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I pulled what most would consider a nine last weekend. I’d call her an eight. I can show you pics if interested. Anyway I have no problem fucking hot chicks. But I want to date, which is how I used to do. I used to always have multiple fwbs. I now have none. But in past two months I’ve pulled two girls a week on average. Three were 8+. My problem is long game stuff. I’m not needy in the bar. I’m just needy texting and uncalibrated.
 

JacobPalmer

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naturalmikey said:
I pulled what most would consider a nine last weekend. I’d call her an eight. I can show you pics if interested. Anyway I have no problem fucking hot chicks. But I want to date, which is how I used to do. I used to always have multiple fwbs. I now have none. But in past two months I’ve pulled two girls a week on average. Three were 8+. My problem is long game stuff. I’m not needy in the bar. I’m just needy texting and uncalibrated.
could you show an example or two of a text exchange you've had where you felt you were needy?
 

naturalmikey

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I become embarrassed and delete them. One girl from tinder is been really slow which I find works best. After I got the number I pushed too hard for the meet and she quit responding. Stuff like that.
 

JacobPalmer

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Ahh ok. Yeah that's tricky. You have to find that balance between being persistent and pushy and not needy. Can't really dive into specific advice without examples, so I'll go general. The biggest thing it sounds like you need to focus on is outcome independence, because having that will shine through in your texts. Also, match her investment level. If she's sending you short answers, you do the same until she hooks. Make sure you're not always the one asking questions and that it's a two way conversation. And the biggest thing, you don't always need to be talking. If there's a lull in conversation let it die and then reengage in a day or two.

Above all, act like the buyer, not the seller.
 

helloladies21

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naturalmikey said:
I pulled what most would consider a nine last weekend. I’d call her an eight. I can show you pics if interested. Anyway I have no problem fucking hot chicks. But I want to date, which is how I used to do. I used to always have multiple fwbs. I now have none. But in past two months I’ve pulled two girls a week on average. Three were 8+. My problem is long game stuff. I’m not needy in the bar. I’m just needy texting and uncalibrated.
Then you have proof that hot chicks are that scarce. Maybe it's that you're just not over your ex yet.
 

naturalmikey

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Both. I probably am still not over my ex. But also I live in venice beach. If I go out on a Saturday night I will usually only see 5-10 8+ chicks if I go to every bar in venice and Santa Monica.
 

helloladies21

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I meant are not that scarce. If you're getting laid by hot girls at this rate, you are not living in scarcity.
 
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