I Always Text First...Should I Tell Her This?

[Troy]

Hello GC

So there is this girl I always text first. For about a week now, I have backed off texting her. Due to the Coronavirus, we are all on quarantine. I constantly see her on Whatsapp which means she is messaging or talking to other people.

I also alternate texting and calling. So if I call her today, I will text her about 5 - 9 days later. I keep texts short. Basically because of the quarantine, I am unable to go on a date with her so I am working on keeping the "relationship" going so when quarantine is finished, me and her can go on a date. Basically everytime I call her, she seems so happy to talk to me, and we have very fun conversations, never a dull moment. I have been on 1 date with her previously which she absolutely enjoyed. We had a sexual and flirty vibe all through that date and then the momentum got lost when the quarantine happened.

I was considering to send her a text like this "Hey (girls name). I was just wondering why you never text me first even since we always have good conversations?"

I am thinking that might be a bit too desperate of a text to send and might scare her away before I have a chance to ask her out on a 2nd date after quarantine has ended. At the same time, I am thinking me letting her know how I truly feel about her not initiating contact will do 2 things:

A. Reveal her true feelings towards me and she finally starts texting or calling me first
B. She ignores me and ghost on me and confirms she was just being polite all along

I just really want to know what is on her mind. Because she is obviously talking to other persons on Whatsapp and not me, she has time to talk, we had a great date but she is behaving like this. What would you do if a girl treated you the same? Do you call her out on her behaviour? Or just cut contact with her cold and never contact her again?

Troy

 

[ieatapples]

Unless you have slept with the girl on multiple occasions and are in her presence, I would not raise the issue of texting first.

If anything I would suggest you avoid text pinging anyway. It, in my experience during this lockdown, will ruin your chances. If your texts and conversations are genuinely fun and effortless then keep ongoing. However, given that you've written this post, it tells me there is a degree of effort coming from your side and you're beginning to feel a level of over investment. Trust that feeling.

What is on her mind will be, "I'm bored and need validation." Don't be the one to give her that validation. It will kill any sexual desire she had for you. When a woman can get what she wants without giving anything back, she will take it.

Stay cool Troy, wait for this lockdown to ease up and work on texting girls on Tinder you're unlikely to meet. It'll keep your mind sharp and hopefully her off it for the time being.

 

[Troy]

@ieatapples

I agree, I have over invested. Even though the conversations me and her have, I will definitely stop contacting her for now. It's been almost a week since I contacted her. So I will just buckle down somemore and go lift some weights and make some more money until quarantine ends, I contact her again.

I will check out Tinder again as well. 2 months ago I downloaded it pre-Valentines Day and there was a strange membership fee. I could not even send 1 message without having to pay. So I will check if due to the quarantine things have changed with their platform

 

[Hiya]

Hello GC

So there is this girl I always text first. For about a week now, I have backed off texting her. Due to the Coronavirus, we are all on quarantine. I constantly see her on Whatsapp which means she is messaging or talking to other people.

I also alternate texting and calling. So if I call her today, I will text her about 5 - 9 days later. I keep texts short. Basically because of the quarantine, I am unable to go on a date with her so I am working on keeping the "relationship" going so when quarantine is finished, me and her can go on a date. Basically everytime I call her, she seems so happy to talk to me, and we have very fun conversations, never a dull moment. I have been on 1 date with her previously which she absolutely enjoyed. We had a sexual and flirty vibe all through that date and then the momentum got lost when the quarantine happened.

I was considering to send her a text like this "Hey (girls name). I was just wondering why you never text me first even since we always have good conversations?"

I am thinking that might be a bit too desperate of a text to send and might scare her away before I have a chance to ask her out on a 2nd date after quarantine has ended. At the same time, I am thinking me letting her know how I truly feel about her not initiating contact will do 2 things:

A. Reveal her true feelings towards me and she finally starts texting or calling me first
B. She ignores me and ghost on me and confirms she was just being polite all along

I just really want to know what is on her mind. Because she is obviously talking to other persons on Whatsapp and not me, she has time to talk, we had a great date but she is behaving like this. What would you do if a girl treated you the same? Do you call her out on her behaviour? Or just cut contact with her cold and never contact her again?

Troy

Your not in a relationship with this girl, so how can you call her out on her behaviour?

Doing so also makes you look desperate, unless your social market value is much greater than hers, which then makes you look like a dick. Not a bad thing sometimes, however the alpha would not be concerned with her response, you sound like you would be.

As you've only been on one date and haven't had sex or intimacy, your overly invested in her and should not keep messaging her over this period.

You should not always be messaging her first unless, she's the type which baits you to message her (the type who puts a WhatsApp status up and you know it's about you and her) and even then, that annoys me, a proper women will message you, but you do get those types.

What I would do is, increase my social value through social media, she is likely to notice this and will possibly contact me... if she doesn't move on to the next... or wait it out until lockdown is over, talking to much during lockdown, will likely burn out attraction and lead to you being friend zoned.

Also, if your out on a date with her and the vibe becomes poor, end the date, don't try to rescue it. Tell her you have to leave early (do not apologise), if you try to hard to impress her, she will think she is to good for you or that you lack self-esteem. She is more likely to wonder where she went wrong then.

 

[BigPapa]

@Troy my take is to text her if you are feeling like texting her

if a girl is super attracted to you , this would put you maximum in the potential boyfriend territory .

if she is not that into you , then yes , you Most likely will be put in the backpack , but in the same time you should also try to stay in contact with her somehow , otherwise she will just move one since there is nothing more than 1 Date till now .

at the end of the day , you know better exactly the dynamic that is between you and her .

The main problem that I see is with you over investing , and then just keep pushing . As long as she is communicative and warm it does not really matter if she is texting you first or not . In the moment you tend to see her getting colder , then you need to back off And ping her after minimum 2 weeks

 

[Troy]

@Hiya

What I would do is, increase my social value through social media, she is likely to notice this and will possibly contact me... if she doesn't move on to the next... or wait it out until lockdown is over, talking to much during lockdown, will likely burn out attraction and lead to you being friend zoned.

I strongly agree with increasing social value. Due to the whole Coronavirus I have posted less on social media. I don't take photos that much or do posts, I am more focused now during quarantine to increase my value. Which is why I like the point you made above. Currently my focus is on:

1. Developing that big chest and six pack. Once quarantine is over, I do plan on asking her out on a date where I will take her to a beach or a river. I need her to be all over my body feeling my sexiness.

2. My money. I still have a day job (luckily) while building a side business for the past 3 years now. My goal is to get my money to level so after quarantine, I can spend whatever I want without even thinking about it. I vividly remember the days when I would go on dates and could not afford anything more than a soda and that used to make me very insecure. Also I do plan on getting a nice car in the near future to up my social value.

@BigPapa

if she is not that into you , then yes , you Most likely will be put in the backpack , but in the same time you should also try to stay in contact with her somehow , otherwise she will just move one since there is nothing more than 1 Date till now

I am truly feeling the urge to text her because she is so fine

And I have held back from doing so. It's been 2 weeks now and she has not texted or called me. I find it very strange, despite all the lovely conversations we had, I always made her laugh, she always told me her dreams and aspirations. I truly find it strange she has not contacted me once since.

The whole quarantine, I know for a fact has 100% locked down her part of the city for 7 days (started Wednesday April 15), so no one is allowed to leave their homes, not even for groceries. So I know she is at home with her Mom, most likely not fucking anyone since no one is allowed to go anywhere. She is working from home and last time we spoke she mentioned starting up some nursing studies again.

But even that, she ain't that busy because I do see her occasionally on Whatsapp which means she is speaking to other people. Who knows, maybe some other guy (s) are texting her as well, friends and family! Yes

The thing with women I never understand is even when a seemingly "strong" connection is built, they sometimes ghost on me for weeks or months on a end.

Very important point, I know for a fact, if I call her right now she will be all bubbly and sound like she was waiting to hear from me. So I am honestly so on the fence about doing what you say @BigPapa or do as you say @Hiya

This girl is a mystery and we had such a wonderful date. I am going back and forth because this could be a catch 2-2 situation.

A. I wait till quarantine is over and then contact her again. She forgets about me and maybe does not want to go out with me anymore. Maybe some other guy kept in contact with her during quarantine and she prefers to date the other guy instead.

B. I continue to contact her occassionally during quarantine, maybe every 2 weeks I call or text her and keep it short and sweet. And she might come to see me a platonic, unsexual guy and friend zone me.

So either way I go, I could get fucked.

This is a hard decision to make :/

 

[BigPapa]

I would never really have high hopes about a girl contacting you in the first place , especially only after 1 date . Girls always take the passenger seat

Did you at least follow up with a text after the date , like "had such a good time , bla bla bla" ?

 

[Troy]

Yes I followed up with her. The same night she gave me a good night kiss on our first date and I put her on a taxi, I sent her a text saying "I had a great night, text me when you reach home safe".

And she replied saying "yes I got home safe, I had a great night as well "

And from there I asked her out again 2 times, but due to the Coronavirus, we had to pospone twice. She said yes to a 2nd date twice. So I think it's just a matter of time when Coronavirus ends for me to find out if she will actually commit to going out with me again. I have alternated calls and texts with her for about 2 months now, where I only contact her once per week. For the last 2 weeks though I have not contacted her at all because I am not whether she really likes me or just enjoyed the date so much she kissed me then and there.

It is rather tough to judge her level of interest though and more importantly how I can build or maintain that level of interest she has in me while in quarantine. Which is why I am going back and forth whether to contact her during quarantine or not contact her.

Catch 2-2 scenario it feels like:

A. I wait till quarantine is over and then contact her again. She forgets about me and maybe does not want to go out with me anymore. Maybe some other guy kept in contact with her during quarantine and she prefers to date the other guy instead.

B. I continue to contact her occassionally during quarantine, maybe every 2 weeks I call or text her and keep it short and sweet. And she might come to see me a platonic, unsexual guy and friend zone me.

The best scenario for me would be, whether I contact her during quarantine or not, she accepts a 2nd date with me once life goes back to normal and I can then focus on hooking up with her.

 

[BigPapa]

Given the situation , I think that you oversimplify things. Let me explain you why.

Since you had a good first date , and she was warm (being warm both during texts & calls ) to you for a long time during the lockdown , my guess is that she likes you , but for sure you are going more on the boyfriend side of things. Which might or might not be what you want , but I think that you like her enough to be opened to this possibility too.

Now , since things are super wired from a social point of view ( due to the quarantine ) you face 2 options : you going for the lover positioning , which basically means not giving a fuck ( but , this position works best if you can move fast , which in this particular case it is not the case , nor it will be anytime soon ) , or you can go towards more the lover & maybe potential boyfriend positioning , where it is ok to ping her from time to time , so you keep the momentum as much as possible .

The key to the 2nd positioning is to make her invested to you , like deep diving more , make her talk about her dreams , stuff like that

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@Troy dude! If you were to do option B you'd only be seen platonic and unsexual if you act that way. You're leading the interaction and you can display whatever side you want.

You can do this by teasing, being playful, flirting, sexual talk, sensual talk, sex talk. There's enough gambits available on the forum that you can use.

A lot of them are better to do in person, but in the current situation it might be all you've got. Being fun, engaging and interesting on your texts will keep things going. Dropping off the face of the earth completely is an option but you could put her into auto rejection with this.

 

[Troy]

Thanks for the insight guys!

I will keep in contact with her and other girls. I just fired off a fun text to all girls in my phone who I have not spoken to in a while and I just this girl I am referring to in this post. Her phone went to voicemail. It is 12:29PM so she might be out shopping today Saturday. So I will try calling her this evening. Another girl I know likes me from high school, I just called her up. She actually called me about 3 weeks ago to rekindle the connection. So I called her today and in summary here is the conversation:

Troy: Hey Attracia, pick one: Beach, River, Picnic or Ice Cream

Attracia: (very excited) river oh my gosh and Ice Cream. Take me to the river

Troy: Definitely when quarantine is over I'll take you to a very nice river

I flirt with her a little and then end the call on a good note.

P.S. I also just saw an email from Chase Amante titled "Fill Up Your Pipeline (With Women). Chase in that email basically recommends staying in contact with women during this time since they are lonely. So now I know what to do. Be sexy and flirty over the phone and via text. Paint a picture in their head about how much fun we are going to have once quarantine is over.

So later on this evening I will resume contacting girls in everyway possible, Instagram, Facebook and get them from social media to direct texting or phone calls and do my very best to get a ton of dates lined up for after quarantine.

Thanks again guys!