I am having a mid- seduction life crisis: plateaued.

[kalyan]

if there is a more proper term for this, please correct me. I called it mid seduction plateau because i feel that i am around halfway though my journey of being "good" with women. i'm talking about a point of consistency, being content enough with where i am... (whether this exists or not is a not my main question of concern)

I have many things down. I take action and approach. I've put in hours. I keep a journal. I took coaching with hector. I feel more confident about myself. and i bedded 7 new girls in the past 6 months. This is all signs of improvement for me: i learned many things in the past year. And it wasn't magic; i tried and tried and failed and got frustrated and had happy moments of understanding.

But now, i am out of ideas. I am asking myself "what do i need to work on?", and in the past i always had an idea. I worked on genuineness. I worked on taking a lotof action and approaching girls, on being less needy and many things, but now, I don't know what to focus on. I am failing to see any new "lessons". For example, in the last 3 days i did 20 approaches. Only 2 girls look like solid prospects, with most not giving their number, or not responding. This approach worked for a while: realistically, i can do 100 approaches, and get a lay. This maintains my current rate of 1 new lay a month. But, after doing 20 approached, i had close to nothing to add to my journal: before, i used to write so much in my journal, so many new realizations. Now, nothing. Nothing i see that i need to change, that i want to work on. And that worries me: how am i supposed to move forward if i dont know what to do next?

There is 1 last twist to the story: i just went out to game with a guy yesterday who spent 15,000$ on a workshop with a solid coach. Its a lot of money, and i am familiar with that coach's philosophy. And it's a nice philosophy, a natural approach. My friend watched me approached and asked me to focus on grounding myself, on feeling my lower body, and gave me advice on energy and keeping tension and all. I like that, but here is the thing: for so many different reasons, i dont want to branch far away from girlschase. I started here, i am comfortable, and i want to keep on progressing with gc. But my problem is, while each and every article on this site has something to offer, since i cannot find what my problem is, i am not sure what article, or series or aricles, i should focus on. Hence, the phrase mid seduction life crisis: halfway through, but stuck, not knowing what to do. I feel that i could do 100 more approaches and still be stuck here if i do not focus on correcting what needs to be corrected.

 

[foggy]

I have a few ideas:

1. You could push your comfort zone with women. What are you afraid to do to a woman you just met? What are you afraid to say to a woman you just met? Make a list and then start doing those things. Your confidence will go up. (Getting comfortable when you're in a plateau is really easy to fall into which is BAD)

2. Improve your fundamentals.

3. Tweak and refine all your current skills to the point of mastery.

4. Go day game in a new city. If it's a harder city to succeed in you will realize the holes in your game and be forced to patch them up.

How are women reacting to you after they've just met you? Are they warm....do they ask you a lot of questions...how are they looking at you? etc.

 

[kalyan]

Backstory,
Thank you for your reply.
1) comfort wise i can say anything to women. I always open direct. I don't mind calling girls sexy, or pointing out that i like their assets. There isn't anything im afraid to do, per se. I'll go a step further and say that i have talked to girls in hard situations: girl with mom, with mom AND dad, group of 3 girls, group of 4+ girls, girls with guys.. i've opened a lot of girls in the past 6 months, there's little im not comfortable doing: my confidence doesnt have much room for going up in this field. Also, I'll never get comfortable with where i am, dont worry about that

2. That's very valid. I haven't actively worked on that for a while, it's something to consider.

3. That's what im doing by constantly talking to new girls.

4. Doing that too. I daygame everyday: its just part of who i am now.

On how they react, the general story is the same: the first 15 seconds, they are thrilled. Like literally so happy i gave them a compliment. I am genuine, i am sweet, and they appreciate it. It goes well, some conversation, around 3-4 minutes, then i go for the number close. By this point it is either "i have a boyfriend" (but some of these girls give off the impression they are genuinely interested) or number close, with no reply to first text. I know that there is SOMETHING about my vibe i have to change, but I don't know what's wrong, and how to fix it. I know that i come accross as too strong, and to combat that i consciously suppressed my masculinity... which i am just beginning to notice wasnt the best thing.

 

[PrettyDecent]

Hey Kalyan,

You tried Chase's diagnostic quiz? That should give you plenty of homework.

Nick

 

[kalyan]

Hey Kalyan,

You tried Chase's diagnostic quiz? That should give you plenty of homework.

Nick

Hey man,
That was going through my subconscious mind but for some reason i put it off... i just took the test - a couple times, to be sure- and i am at technician level. I downloaded the ebook and skimmed through it. I was pleased to see that many of the homeworks are things i already do already (while others were very alien to me.

You can hold me accountable: i shall start this ebook, and finish the 30 days within 40 days (extra leeway since i am moving, plus for unforeseeable events)

 

[Drck]

What is the constant obsession with "must do something to get a girl, must be constantly improving to get another womanl, must do other things to get to another level"? I just don't get it.

Let go. Stop chasing women. Stop improving because of them. Stop obsessing with women, don't move a finger in order to "get them"....

Life is so vast, there are so many great things to do in life. Remove sex and women from your mind...


What the actual paradox is, that once you do that women will notice, virtually immediately. They will notice that you don't care. There is a difference between pretending not to care and really don't care... You can walk away from any women anytime you want, their pussy have no power over you whatsoever.... And that is - paradoxically - huge magnet for them...

Another thing that you may notice is, all the fakeness of relationships. Once you remove pussy from the equation the whole relationships will appear under totally different light...

Hear who has ears...

 

[kalyan]

What is the constant obsession with "must do something to get a girl, must be constantly improving to get another womanl, must do other things to get to another level"? I just don't get it.

Let go. Stop chasing women. Stop improving because of them. Stop obsessing with women, don't move a finger in order to "get them"....

Life is so vast, there are so many great things to do in life. Remove sex and women from your mind...


What the actual paradox is, that once you do that women will notice, virtually immediately. They will notice that you don't care. There is a difference between pretending not to care and really don't care... You can walk away from any women anytime you want, their pussy have no power over you whatsoever.... And that is - paradoxically - huge magnet for them...

Another thing that you may notice is, all the fakeness of relationships. Once you remove pussy from the equation the whole relationships will appear under totally different light...

Hear who has ears...

Hey man, thanks for your honest reply.

Here's the real paradox: what you said, I completely agree with. You said to stop improving because of them. That's fair. But if you don't put in the effort, you're going to do just that- not improve. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I don't know about you, but im much happier now than 24 months ago. There is one simple fact which is one of the causes of this happiness: i know that i can approach any woman i desire. I didnt have that 24 months ago. Now i am prusuing another "knowledge ": that i could walk up to a tirl and have a fair shot of bedding her.

I don't know about you, but i love women. It's my only hobby, and it has been so for quite some time, hands down. All i care about is understanding them better and better attracting them. "Remove sex and women from your mind" isn't an option simply because, at this stage of life at least, thats what i want.

Now, i do want to point out the merits of your post: you essentially are asking me to be non- needy. And if i am going to be honest with you, yes, i am needy. Not desperately needy, but its there alright. I just read the recent gc article about it and i could see in myself some of the needy traits. So yes, your point is valid, but the solution isnt to not care about women at all. I dont know what it is.

 

[Frost]

Hey Kaylan,

I've told you this before, and I will say it again. My advice is not specific for your exact situation, but it's a reality when you're in the process of learning something new. The plateau is a natural part of the learning process. I've experienced it many many times in different skills I was learning, and it took me a while to realize that this is the natural way of things and to stop feeling like shit whenever it happens.

However, something I've noticed in these many situations is that the change happens in a strange and sudden way. You'd think that you're still in the plateau when suddenly, out of nowhere, you start to get these new ideas, start to perform better and move forward again. You can compare it to changing gears in a car. When you're in first gear and you're getting near the maximum you can get, you feel like you stopped gaining speed, but you know that you have to push just a little more, and then you can shift to the second gear and it's like everything reset, and suddenly you have a brand new start with all that you gained from the previous stage.

So my advice to you is keep grinding, but take more breaks to free your mind. It's during those breaks that your mind is working hard at solving your problems, and before you know it you'll have it all figured out

 

[kalyan]

Hey frost,
I see where you are coming from. I think it is important to take a break once in a while and reassess. That is what i will do wuite soon: break from everything. Also, i know what you mean by the changing gears example, but ive felt stuck for some while now

 

[Sandman]

This post really resonated with me.

I do have a plateau as well. At one point, around 2 months ago I was having sex with a new girl almost every week, sometimes several girls in a week. Now, it's been a month and a half since I had any sex.

My case is a bit different because I've just started cold approaching and haven't put in the hours you have, so I clearly know where my weaknesses are. But I sympathize.

You are clearly a dedicated guy. See how much improvement you already had? Unfortunately, I do not have a solid advice for you but I do genuinely believe you'll get past it and level up if you persevere, keep changing things up.

Hang in there buddy, we suppport you

 

[kalyan]

hey brother,
this is my ony hobby. at least for now, i have no interest other than women, and i love it. i have seen much improvement, i am a calm and collected guy and i can almost always approach a girl i like. but the idds of it developing into something more is very slim.
i see how your situation is similar to mine. i once was gettin laid consistently but now have. adry spell close to yours in length. i know i will persevere, i just would love to cut through unnecessary time wasting,.. but oh well

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

Hey homie,

Remember, everything ultimately comes back to value or attainability. How are these rejections happening? Are they not responding at all? They might think you're a player (attainability problem). Or they're simply not interested. If they're blowing you out of the water, it's probably value. If they're nice in the interaction, then going cold, it's the player-problem....probably.

Try being nicer and more laid back. See how the respond. Adjust.

Or be more of an asshole and more assertive. See how they respond. Adjust.

We need more deets on the nature of the rejections.

I know we skipped straight to the lover identity, which was good, but I think you could use some edge, if I were to venture a guess.

Maybe we should do another 12 weeks?

Hector