I don’t want you to go get offended when I don’t want to have sex with you anymore

[Don Giovanni]

Hi guys,

it’s been a while. I had a ons last week with a pretty cute girl (I will write a lr when I get the time).

The one thing that stood out was, after she was done giving me head she said “I hope you don’t mind if we dont have sex tonight. I had a bad experience with guys. I hope I can trust you want do anything against my consent.” I asked her what was with that guy and assured her I want do anything that she wouldn’t want me to do. I just want to please her and leave her better than I found her. After that she iniciated sex.

It was great, aside from that, I really dig this chick as a person. In the morning I left a note saying “Had a great time, see you sometime ”. I didn’t want to wake her up and I knew I could get her number from a friend who knows her.

I got the number. 2 days after another friend who is a tatoo artist tells me that this girl was todays costumer. Apperantly she said I’m a good person and and that she had a good time.

5 days later I text her “Hey, its DG. How are you? I see you already met all my friends ” to which I get no reply.

Yesterday I went to the same venue and met her. I greet her in a casual way, then she proposes we go sit somewhere and talk.

I joke why the formality... then ask her did she get my text. Because I thought she wanted to hear from me. She said that its not cool that other people give away her number that only she can give away her number. I told her I did’t want to wake her up, because I knew I could get her number from a friend. Then she started asking me how would I react if she didn’t want to have sex with me. Do I see her purely as a sex object or do I value her as a person, as somebody worth talking to. I told her that I like her energy, that I like her and of course I want to have sex with her. I had some ons with girls I dont want to see again, but with her it was different. I felt like we connectes.

Then as she was about to speak her mind her friend and friends boyfriend (who I know) comes and she rushes away with her friend. That felt like shit and I needed to get sleep anyways so I chated with friends boyfriend a bit then went home.

Before I do anything stupid I want to hear your opinion. I was thinking of backing away, not texting her (her objection on not giving other peoples numbers) but then again I feel like I should reasure her that I value her.

And that stuff with not having sex because of bad experiences sounds pretty fishy to me...

Thanks guys!

 

[Will_V]

For me personally, a girl like this is trouble and I would move right on.

It may be true that she had a bad experience, but she has developed a very powerful victim mentality that she uses to reframe things and have everything on her own terms. In my opinion, a woman who has a bad experience and who still has a good grip on reality will need reassurance etc but will resent the role of the victim. She may express anxiety and fear and want to go slowly, but she will not want the problem to define her relationships and will try to compensate with enthusiasm and goodwill when she is treated well.

So I can understand her wanting to go slowly with sex, but if she really liked you and wanted you as a man, she would not have made a problem out of the phone number. It sounds like she wants to use her past as a way to 'keep you in check' and constantly manage your behavior with her. For me this is not acceptable and I would treat her with warmth and friendliness and make an exit.

 

[Skjöldr]

In the morning I left a note saying “Had a great time, see you sometime ”. I didn’t want to wake her up and I knew I could get her number from a friend who knows her.

5 days later I text her “Hey, its DG. How are you? I see you already met all my friends ” to which I get no reply.

IMO you texted her too late, but you did leave her a note so idk. But i'm not sure if that is where you messed up. Like @Will_V says, maybe this girl is just weird.

Personally, i had a girl i was having sex with and then we fell asleep together, but then the next morning she was gone. She left a note on my mirror she wrote "merry christmas <3" with lipstick. It kinda pissed me off that she just left because she didnt say that she was gonna leave during the night. It made me perceive her as a bit untrustworthy and unreliable, but then the forum people talked sense to me and i realized it was a matter of, me thinking her actions come from a certain "place" which angers me, but her intentions were not of that sort i realized and then i forgave her for it.

So maybe this girl is misreading your actions as you doing her harm, like hurting her feelings, when that was not what you intended at all. You leave her a cute note, give her space etc. because you care about her. However, she wakes up, you're gone, she have a piece of paper and then she doesn't hear from you till 5 days later and she thinks you're a dickhead who doesn't give her re-assurance... Same shit different perspective...

 

[Skills]

Hi guys,

it’s been a while. I had a ons last week with a pretty cute girl (I will write a lr when I get the time).

The one thing that stood out was, after she was done giving me head she said “I hope you don’t mind if we dont have sex tonight. I had a bad experience with guys. I hope I can trust you want do anything against my consent.” I asked her what was with that guy and assured her I want do anything that she wouldn’t want me to do. I just want to please her and leave her better than I found her. After that she iniciated sex.

It was great, aside from that, I really dig this chick as a person. In the morning I left a note saying “Had a great time, see you sometime ”. I didn’t want to wake her up and I knew I could get her number from a friend who knows her.

I got the number. 2 days after another friend who is a tatoo artist tells me that this girl was todays costumer. Apperantly she said I’m a good person and and that she had a good time.

5 days later I text her “Hey, its DG. How are you? I see you already met all my friends ” to which I get no reply.

Yesterday I went to the same venue and met her. I greet her in a casual way, then she proposes we go sit somewhere and talk.

I joke why the formality... then ask her did she get my text. Because I thought she wanted to hear from me. She said that its not cool that other people give away her number that only she can give away her number. I told her I did’t want to wake her up, because I knew I could get her number from a friend. Then she started asking me how would I react if she didn’t want to have sex with me. Do I see her purely as a sex object or do I value her as a person, as somebody worth talking to. I told her that I like her energy, that I like her and of course I want to have sex with her. I had some ons with girls I dont want to see again, but with her it was different. I felt like we connectes.

Then as she was about to speak her mind her friend and friends boyfriend (who I know) comes and she rushes away with her friend. That felt like shit and I needed to get sleep anyways so I chated with friends boyfriend a bit then went home.

Before I do anything stupid I want to hear your opinion. I was thinking of backing away, not texting her (her objection on not giving other peoples numbers) but then again I feel like I should reasure her that I value her.

And that stuff with not having sex because of bad experiences sounds pretty fishy to me...

Thanks guys!

- the good thing is that you address her sex objection masterfully, good job doing that....

after this, what you did here is totally unattractive and socially uncalibrated, dlv (pua terms)...:

- leaving a note, extremely weak and chump behavior, the proper thing to do is say good by (and bang her again while at it)
- you get the number from her and text right away (that was hot/amazing with 3 fire emojis)... you don't go and get the number from a 3rd party that shows lack of social dynamics aka dlv again turn off...
-the follow up message, total dlv, 5 days later game over....

^ you cock block yourself with the lack of social calibration, you dried her vagina....

 

[ulrich]

Leaving without waking her up. That’s a little risky.
I know your intention was not to bother her but to her it can also feel like you don’t care how she feels waking up alone.

She seems over-reactive to the fact that you got the number from someone else… perhaps a bad previous experience.
In the future, I would avoid doing that unless there’s no other way to get it. It is a little intrusive.
Now she is wondering what are you saying to her friends…

A text 5 days later and you don’t call again when she did not answer? Terrible move.
You left a possible awkward situation unfold itself.

Overall you unwillingly gave away too much of a “player” vibe and this girl is dangerously close to auto-rejection.
She feels she is not special to you… just one more of your conquests.

You have to find a way to make her feel special and appreciated

 

[topcat]

She sounds manipulative and you sound agreeable. This girl will flip your world upside down if you don’t know what you’re doing. Give her a wide berth and consider yourself blessed.

There are sweeter girls out there..

 

[Tr1cky]

I would avoid this one. Her getting upset you got her number from a friend is a massive red flag. And not a "not ltr material" red flag, but rather a "dangerous woman you don't want to be involved with" red flag

 

[Skills]

I would avoid this one. Her getting upset you got her number from a friend is a massive red flag. And not a "not ltr material" red flag, but rather a "dangerous woman you don't want to be involved with" red flag

The right way to get a number from a 3rd party is to ask the 3rd party to ask the target if is ok that pua gets number... this is not what happened here...

 

[Don Giovanni]

Thanks everyone for replies. I’m going to answer you all here...

Skills...

First, I didn’t know it was such a mistake getting a number from a friend. I figured if she would do the same, I would be pleased to hear from her.

On the other side, I realise the proper thing was to have sex again in the morning. Well.... fuck it. Next time i guess.

It seems like uriel and Phoenix think I came across too asshole-ish. That was my idea at first, when I saw her this friday. She sounded like she took offence because of something.

So I was thinking of sending her a text along the lines of...

Hey, its been on my mind since friday... I think you’re cool as a person and I respect you. Just wanted to drop that here.

But then I figured thats a bad idea. I mean she was also pretty touchy when she was talking to me and then she just walked away... Thats playing games. And thats not cool.

My best guess is just to do nothing. I will probably see her again and me not contacting her maybe reasures her I’m not needy and am not going to blow up her phone now when I have her number.

My conclusion is, why bother? There are other girls. If I lost this one, well... fuck it.

 

[ulrich]

My conclusion is, why bother? There are other girls. If I lost this one, well... fuck it.

Well, and in that case from her point of view you would indeed be some of an asshole.

If you don’t want her, you don’t want her. That’s for you to decide.
Sometime you date a girl who is not material for anything beyond a one time lay and that how life is.

I’m just saying that from her perspective she opened herself to you, she was very vulnerable and did something she usually does not do and you repaid her trust with a mix of clumsiness and disinterest (again from her perspective).

If you want her, you have to send a message but it’s not about liking or respecting her, it’s about caring for her.
Something along the line of “hey, I just want you to know that I indeed care for you and I am sorry I have been clumsy and made you feel like I don’t”

If you don’t want her, I guess you can just stop and let inertia happen.

But this is a good situation to learn from and will help you in future deductions.
Think less about being respectful/friendly in general and more about being attentive and empathic TO HER specifically.

Don’t treat her like a normal human being, treat her like a woman who is special to you.
It will streamline your seductions.

 

[Skills]

My conclusion is, why bother? There are other girls. If I lost this one, well... fuck it.

not saying it will happened, but you will be surprised how many times, i have said this to myself, and then..... out of the blue they come back... but kudos on the right attitude...

 

[Don Giovanni]

I send her a text last night anyway. I don't expect I'll be hearing from her, I just wanted to right my wrongs.

hey, its been on my mind since friday... i think youre a cool person and i do care for you... sorry, if i made it look like i dont.

No reply so far. I'm unphased somehow... Burried my desire to sleep with her again, don't care if I don't, I just don't want her to feel bad because of me.

 

[ulrich]

Good work!

 

[Skills]

I send her a text last night anyway. I don't expect I'll be hearing from her, I just wanted to right my wrongs.

hey, its been on my mind since friday... i think youre a cool person and i do care for you... sorry, if i made it look like i dont.

No reply so far. I'm unphased somehow... Burried my desire to sleep with her again, don't care if I don't, I just don't want her to feel bad because of me.

I would have included, hey HB I know we totally lost momentum, and is kind of a boomer cause I thought you were pretty cool and someone worth getting to know, but I just wanted you to know even if we never speak again that the way I came across of not caring about you was totally not my intention and I just wanted you to know this fact, anyways it was nice to meet you and not bad feelings wish you happiness and I enjoyed and don't regret meeting you.... or something like that were I would have included the " if we never speak again I wanted you to know" so that way she gets the sense that you are ok with her walking.... I called this a hail Mary sometimes it works sometimes doesn't if you look at lofty and cientifico journal both have samples of jail Mary's it has worked for me in the past as well.... but radio silence Also works as well...