I don't know how to handle this (hurt a girl bad)

[Mr.Rob]

I made a hugely bad decision and made a girl over invest in me when, due to logistics (legal reasons), we both knew their was no way we could date or see each other. We saw each other all the time and continued to invest like a relationship (saw each other wayyy too often, as I was too undisciplined to stop myself).

We even got intimate once (no sex) which furthered her attraction for me. Now she's highly infatuated with me and has feelings for me.

Because there is no way for us to be together I've decided to stop seeing her so that her feelings don't progress further, and further hurt her. I had no idea I had such an effect on her since she always played things cool. However I should've read her/my actions and been able to know that after 4 months of investment she'd probably be head over heels into me. I fucked up, I learned my lesson here and this is completely my fault.

We talked and agreed that we can't keep this up without getting more hurt. She played things cool and I thought we we're good (she repressed her emotions towards me as a result of me not deep diving her emotions) until she came out later that night and begged me to come talk to her (she probably wanted to talk about her emotions towards me).
I didn't see the significance of her wanting to talk to me other than hanging out so I told her no due to the reasons we talked about earlier. She got mad and sent me a 3 page text talking about how she's stupid, she knew this would happen, and she's sorry she fell for me. I told her that we can't keep spending time together since it'll be more painful down the road, she agreed.

I feel I was emotionally unavailable here and that might have cause further resentment.

Now I feel terrible for leading her on when I knew there was no way we could ever be together (due to logistics) and I want to apologize and let her talk about her emotions which I think might be good for her healing process. Is this a good idea to apologize? Is it too late? Or should I just remain unavailable and let her sort things out on her own terms?

Is it likely she'll resent me and become bitter or is their chance she might see I had good intentions and put the blame on the logistics, and we can end this on good terms?

Also she has the power to take my life off course if she wanted to. I made my bed and I'm prepared to sleep in it however I would like to end this on good terms if possible to avoid the possibility of her doing that.

Thank you for your help guys,

-Rob

 

[Ross]

Also she has the power to take my life off course if she wanted to. I made my bed and I'm prepared to sleep in it however I would like to end this on good terms if possible to avoid the possibility of her doing that.

Anytime I ran into this situation I just stopped contact with the girls. Hard to have feelings towards someone when they don't interact with you, even if they blew the interactions up in their head to mean that the two of you were together or were going to be together.

But, as always, don't be emotional about it. Sounds like you're starting to slip a bit emotionally, blaming yourself and fearing what she could do to you. Remember, she wants to make something happen with you due to the time invested, so if you show that fear she may exploit it to wrangle you into a relationship.

Is this a good idea to apologize? Is it too late?

Don't apologize for something that isn't your fault, as you aren't the gatekeeper of her emotions. Perhaps acknowledge that you had some part in it getting to the point it did, but there's no need to apologize for trying to make something work.

Is it likely she'll resent me and become bitter or is their chance she might see I had good intentions and put the blame on the logistics, and we can end this on good terms?

It doesn't sound like she's going to have any bad feelings towards you. She seems to be saying that she believes it is her fault, while still acknowledging that you had some part to play in it. The thing is, relationships rarely end on good terms. Good terms means that the two of you would still be talking, thus you would fall into the same trap. What you definitely DON'T want to do, however, is burn any bridges. As long as you avoid that, I think you're in the clear.

 

[Mr.Rob]

Hard to have feelings towards someone when they don't interact with you

Right. She lives across the street from me so I guess I make myself busy/unavailable/ignore her texts.

Do you recommend cutting contact forever, or would it be fine to see her once/twice a month to chat for 30 minutes or something if I see her out and about?
It feels almost awkward to never talk to her again.

On the bright side I'm moving in a month from now. Should I not even say goodbye?

Remember, she wants to make something happen with you due to the time invested, so if you show that fear she may exploit it to wrangle you into a relationship.

Makes sense I will stay icey then.

Thanks for your help Ross, it's much valued.

-Rob

 

[Ross]

Do you recommend cutting contact forever, or would it be fine to see her once/twice a month to chat for 30 minutes or something if I see her out and about?
It feels almost awkward to never talk to her again.

Nothing is "forever", at least in my mind. Circumstances are changing all the time.

However, if there's truly no way to date/see each other, there's likely no reason to invest more time in her. If you see each other out and about, don't be a complete asshole and blow her off, but avoid spending a lot of your time talking to her because you have other things to be doing.

As for texts, I always recommend not using them for anything other than meeting up. So ignore texts from this girl and don't text her.

As for saying goodbye, I don't really think you need to let her know. Though, you could use it to get her off your back, because once she knows that you're gone/leaving she's probably going to lose long-term feelings towards you. Your choice.