Sorry if this post isn’t perfectly structured — it’s more of a raw thought I just wanted to put out here and explore a bit.
Something happened to me today in bachata class that hit a nerve. It’s not the first time either, and I’d really like to hear what you guys think.
I’m usually pretty socially skilled. I dress well, elegant and serious, and once I’m in a conversation I can be funny, confident, engaging. But I’ve noticed that whenever I interact with a woman I find very attractive — the kind that immediately lights up your system — something shifts in me.
It’s subtle, but it happens. I start feeling off. Like I lose my natural rhythm. I become more self-conscious, and it’s as if I’m trying to calibrate myself too much. The result? She often goes cold. Not because I say or do anything weird, but because the vibe drops. That light tension or lack of flow becomes noticeable.
This doesn’t just happen in dating — it shows up in other environments too. In professional settings, for example, if I don’t feel safe or sure about how to step in socially, that same internal discomfort kicks in. And when I’m not relaxed, I can’t fake it. It shows. I wish I could just "disguise" the discomfort, but I’m not good at pretending. The strange part is, the moment someone opens the space and I feel accepted, I can shine.
So I’ve been wondering — maybe there’s a mismatch between how I present myself and how I really am. I look like a serious, … but I actually love being playful, ironic, expressive. And sometimes people don’t know what to expect. Maybe I don’t either, when the stakes feel high.
Something else I’ve noticed: I tend to look a lot at attractive women on the street. Not in a creepy way, just visually focused. But I wonder if it’s messing with my mindset — like, am I subconsciously reinforcing this scarcity idea? Would it be better to only pay attention when I’m actually going to approach?
Bottom line — I know I have good instincts and strong communication once I’m in. But I’m still hitting this wall at the very beginning, when it counts most. I want to work on that. So if anyone here has been through this and found a way forward — mindset-wise, socially, even energetically — I’d appreciate hearing from you.
Something happened to me today in bachata class that hit a nerve. It’s not the first time either, and I’d really like to hear what you guys think.
I’m usually pretty socially skilled. I dress well, elegant and serious, and once I’m in a conversation I can be funny, confident, engaging. But I’ve noticed that whenever I interact with a woman I find very attractive — the kind that immediately lights up your system — something shifts in me.
It’s subtle, but it happens. I start feeling off. Like I lose my natural rhythm. I become more self-conscious, and it’s as if I’m trying to calibrate myself too much. The result? She often goes cold. Not because I say or do anything weird, but because the vibe drops. That light tension or lack of flow becomes noticeable.
This doesn’t just happen in dating — it shows up in other environments too. In professional settings, for example, if I don’t feel safe or sure about how to step in socially, that same internal discomfort kicks in. And when I’m not relaxed, I can’t fake it. It shows. I wish I could just "disguise" the discomfort, but I’m not good at pretending. The strange part is, the moment someone opens the space and I feel accepted, I can shine.
So I’ve been wondering — maybe there’s a mismatch between how I present myself and how I really am. I look like a serious, … but I actually love being playful, ironic, expressive. And sometimes people don’t know what to expect. Maybe I don’t either, when the stakes feel high.
Something else I’ve noticed: I tend to look a lot at attractive women on the street. Not in a creepy way, just visually focused. But I wonder if it’s messing with my mindset — like, am I subconsciously reinforcing this scarcity idea? Would it be better to only pay attention when I’m actually going to approach?
Bottom line — I know I have good instincts and strong communication once I’m in. But I’m still hitting this wall at the very beginning, when it counts most. I want to work on that. So if anyone here has been through this and found a way forward — mindset-wise, socially, even energetically — I’d appreciate hearing from you.
