- Joined
- Aug 16, 2014
- Messages
- 3
Okay, I'll try to make this short and sweet (Edit: And, apparently fail miserably...).
I'm a network engineer from a rather fucked up and unloving family that produced a very Beta me. Approaching 30 and still trying to get my life off the ground I found success in computers and networking. I feel like I'm not much better off than most people fresh out of highschool as success means I simply have a couple years out of 12 worth of experience. Confidence is my issue as my father who raised me is severely Beta. I never had any sexual relationships. All my encounters were outside of any relationship and all my relationships never led to sex. Fast forwarding...
I fell for this girl I worked with for 7 months. I never made a move past getting the digits and getting her over to my pad to smoke a joint. While at my place which was a room rented out of a house with 4 other tennants one of the roommates pulled a major cock block and I was unable to recover. A few months went buy including me losing that job for what I can only tell is me being too much of a threat to my peers. I have exceptional confidence in my work ability and my future, but constantly lose jobs due to a lack of social skills but maintain some of the highest numbers on record at most places I work. Once I end up in the social circle or with women I can't seem to harness that same confidence I have at work. Fast forwarding again..
A month after I lost the job, I got a call from this girl who literally is a 10 to me. She's had car probs, before she asked to crash at my place for a few days between moves when kicked out, etc. I said no to the move-in BS of course, but the car stuff I could help with. After a couple days of giving her a ride to "help out" (Create social interaction) I got the feeling she was not into me at all. I flat out told her to not call me for rides anymore and only call me if she ever felt like giving us a shot. I then deleted her number from my phone. The following weekend I got a call from her to come over and watch movies. I didn't recognize the number so I answered and it was her, I hung up on her (best move I made so far as I can tell). She called me 3 more times and left 2 messages practically begging me to call her back, so I did. I ended up over at her place, in her bed watching movies with her. I botched the opportunity and here is where fuckup 1 occurred..
I was so nervous that every conversation attempt fell short with 1 word or evasive answers. I drank a few more beers to loosen up and ended up drinking too much as I have lost a lot of weight recently and misjudged my limit. I ended up tripping in her bathroom and accidentally broke a necklace she liked on top of making a fool of myself for being afraid of drunk dick after trying to loosen up. This girl knows I have feelings for her as I ended up replacing the necklace and supplicating to her. In comes fuckup number 2..
We went to the store to replace the necklace, $50, no big deal and didn't seem like a negative since I actually did break the previous one. But, the trip to the store felt so awkward. She was out in front walking away from me the whole time and I found myself trying to figure out if I needed to keep up with her or just play it cool. A mix of both happened. After replacing it and we left the store I started the conversation to apologize and she walked away from me mid-sentence under the auspices of checking out some sweater she liked. I didn't follow and she was right back 15 seconds later since I didn't follow. We went to lunch, which I didn't pay for her meal. I didn't eat as I had just eaten before we met up and lunch was last minute thing after I replied to her texts "Oh, I didn't know this was a rush thing" where SHE then popped up the lunch idea and I agreed stating I wouldn't eat because I had just eaten and am focused on getting my previous body back.
After all this I dropped her off back at her place and felt so defeated I made no move. Like an idiot I later texted her a wall of text about how I have feelings for her and she didn't have to act like she liked me because "I would have replaced the necklace anyways, because that's what a man does is fix his mistakes." I then followed up with I'll leave you alone and get in touch if you're ever interested in romance...
This was 1 week ago and I haven't initiated any contact as I will no longer be the seemingly weak guy. I don't understand how this happened, as I have never had any problems with women once in the "opportunity to fuck" position. She's also much younger than me, so I don't know how much experience she has, but she is absolutely smoking and I can't see any reason she would have a shortage of men dying to get with her. I have a feeling she thinks I'm an alcoholic because I drank too much that night and the conversation content included me as an idiot admitting to a forced 90 day stint in AA for failing a military drug test for pot (we both smoke). But, I fear that the combination of the 2 made me out to seem like a substance dependent idiot instead of the almost mormon type of outlook I have on substances at this time while trying to get my old body back. It's purely for the sake of getting back into shape fast and keeping in the best chemical form I can to avoid carbs, sugars and things that throw me off the game plan.
My connundrum is that I want this girl like no-one's business and more for a LTR than a pickup. I'm not brooding over her and ignoring other women, I have just never been good at approaches. Since these incidents, I've been working on approach and gone crazy in studying for certifications in my field since my confidence stems from money and security of not getting kicked out of another home for rent issues. I never had money issues until after the military and that's been a huge hit to the ego. I literally have no experience with interacting with women without having a few hundred bucks in my pocket allowing for spontaneous adventure, but the past few years I haven't had that and also haven't had women in the life because of that.
I'm wondering if this can be recovered after a cool-off period and then re-initiating contact as a "new man" once these probs have been dealt with (months down the road, so I can use the "going through a hard time at that point" excuse). Please let me know what you guys out there have seen or experienced in these situations..
PS: I mentioned being a beta, but that is literally only in the women domain. Throughout my younger years and military service I was a literal badass including martial arts and many "in-your-face" altercations in which I never even got hit before ending the situation. This included many situations where I was majorly outnumbered and walked out without a scratch due to working the situation properly and making an example of the first couple ppl who got within reach. I know physically, still over weight I have no situations to fear with men as I have yet to meet someone that intimidated me. Including my MMA roommate who just started a fight with me a few days ago and bit a chunk out of my hand after he attacked me and I had to restrain him (He's going through some shit and nearly suicidal, but he's a .mil bro and I can't give up on him; he's getting better too BTW, thank god). Point being is I know my capabilities, but I have a hard time illustrating my value with women. Please let me know; those of you who have pulled off a turn around to such magnitude, how you did it and if this situation seems reasonable. I've been the overly aggressive, too alpha male for too long and need to find a balance. I work with nerds so the "man" angle of standing up for yourself and being the one guy to step into a bad situation to resolve it what makes me a threat to these people, yet years of being around them has me fucked in the head as far as the alpha perspective goes.
I'm a network engineer from a rather fucked up and unloving family that produced a very Beta me. Approaching 30 and still trying to get my life off the ground I found success in computers and networking. I feel like I'm not much better off than most people fresh out of highschool as success means I simply have a couple years out of 12 worth of experience. Confidence is my issue as my father who raised me is severely Beta. I never had any sexual relationships. All my encounters were outside of any relationship and all my relationships never led to sex. Fast forwarding...
I fell for this girl I worked with for 7 months. I never made a move past getting the digits and getting her over to my pad to smoke a joint. While at my place which was a room rented out of a house with 4 other tennants one of the roommates pulled a major cock block and I was unable to recover. A few months went buy including me losing that job for what I can only tell is me being too much of a threat to my peers. I have exceptional confidence in my work ability and my future, but constantly lose jobs due to a lack of social skills but maintain some of the highest numbers on record at most places I work. Once I end up in the social circle or with women I can't seem to harness that same confidence I have at work. Fast forwarding again..
A month after I lost the job, I got a call from this girl who literally is a 10 to me. She's had car probs, before she asked to crash at my place for a few days between moves when kicked out, etc. I said no to the move-in BS of course, but the car stuff I could help with. After a couple days of giving her a ride to "help out" (Create social interaction) I got the feeling she was not into me at all. I flat out told her to not call me for rides anymore and only call me if she ever felt like giving us a shot. I then deleted her number from my phone. The following weekend I got a call from her to come over and watch movies. I didn't recognize the number so I answered and it was her, I hung up on her (best move I made so far as I can tell). She called me 3 more times and left 2 messages practically begging me to call her back, so I did. I ended up over at her place, in her bed watching movies with her. I botched the opportunity and here is where fuckup 1 occurred..
I was so nervous that every conversation attempt fell short with 1 word or evasive answers. I drank a few more beers to loosen up and ended up drinking too much as I have lost a lot of weight recently and misjudged my limit. I ended up tripping in her bathroom and accidentally broke a necklace she liked on top of making a fool of myself for being afraid of drunk dick after trying to loosen up. This girl knows I have feelings for her as I ended up replacing the necklace and supplicating to her. In comes fuckup number 2..
We went to the store to replace the necklace, $50, no big deal and didn't seem like a negative since I actually did break the previous one. But, the trip to the store felt so awkward. She was out in front walking away from me the whole time and I found myself trying to figure out if I needed to keep up with her or just play it cool. A mix of both happened. After replacing it and we left the store I started the conversation to apologize and she walked away from me mid-sentence under the auspices of checking out some sweater she liked. I didn't follow and she was right back 15 seconds later since I didn't follow. We went to lunch, which I didn't pay for her meal. I didn't eat as I had just eaten before we met up and lunch was last minute thing after I replied to her texts "Oh, I didn't know this was a rush thing" where SHE then popped up the lunch idea and I agreed stating I wouldn't eat because I had just eaten and am focused on getting my previous body back.
After all this I dropped her off back at her place and felt so defeated I made no move. Like an idiot I later texted her a wall of text about how I have feelings for her and she didn't have to act like she liked me because "I would have replaced the necklace anyways, because that's what a man does is fix his mistakes." I then followed up with I'll leave you alone and get in touch if you're ever interested in romance...
This was 1 week ago and I haven't initiated any contact as I will no longer be the seemingly weak guy. I don't understand how this happened, as I have never had any problems with women once in the "opportunity to fuck" position. She's also much younger than me, so I don't know how much experience she has, but she is absolutely smoking and I can't see any reason she would have a shortage of men dying to get with her. I have a feeling she thinks I'm an alcoholic because I drank too much that night and the conversation content included me as an idiot admitting to a forced 90 day stint in AA for failing a military drug test for pot (we both smoke). But, I fear that the combination of the 2 made me out to seem like a substance dependent idiot instead of the almost mormon type of outlook I have on substances at this time while trying to get my old body back. It's purely for the sake of getting back into shape fast and keeping in the best chemical form I can to avoid carbs, sugars and things that throw me off the game plan.
My connundrum is that I want this girl like no-one's business and more for a LTR than a pickup. I'm not brooding over her and ignoring other women, I have just never been good at approaches. Since these incidents, I've been working on approach and gone crazy in studying for certifications in my field since my confidence stems from money and security of not getting kicked out of another home for rent issues. I never had money issues until after the military and that's been a huge hit to the ego. I literally have no experience with interacting with women without having a few hundred bucks in my pocket allowing for spontaneous adventure, but the past few years I haven't had that and also haven't had women in the life because of that.
I'm wondering if this can be recovered after a cool-off period and then re-initiating contact as a "new man" once these probs have been dealt with (months down the road, so I can use the "going through a hard time at that point" excuse). Please let me know what you guys out there have seen or experienced in these situations..
PS: I mentioned being a beta, but that is literally only in the women domain. Throughout my younger years and military service I was a literal badass including martial arts and many "in-your-face" altercations in which I never even got hit before ending the situation. This included many situations where I was majorly outnumbered and walked out without a scratch due to working the situation properly and making an example of the first couple ppl who got within reach. I know physically, still over weight I have no situations to fear with men as I have yet to meet someone that intimidated me. Including my MMA roommate who just started a fight with me a few days ago and bit a chunk out of my hand after he attacked me and I had to restrain him (He's going through some shit and nearly suicidal, but he's a .mil bro and I can't give up on him; he's getting better too BTW, thank god). Point being is I know my capabilities, but I have a hard time illustrating my value with women. Please let me know; those of you who have pulled off a turn around to such magnitude, how you did it and if this situation seems reasonable. I've been the overly aggressive, too alpha male for too long and need to find a balance. I work with nerds so the "man" angle of standing up for yourself and being the one guy to step into a bad situation to resolve it what makes me a threat to these people, yet years of being around them has me fucked in the head as far as the alpha perspective goes.
