"I have a girlfriend" bf-disqualifier

[ray_zorse]

I'm talking to a few cuties atm, numbers seem to be falling in my lap, so funny haha. Anyway they want to meet me for "language practice" and I am thinking I may well make a move. The girl I knew for longer, I tried to set a friendly frame and set her up with a dude I know and like, this only seems to have increased comfort and attraction and there appears to be quite a big window. What I want to know is how to use rhe "I have a girlfriend already" bf-disqualifier. And bf-disqualifiers generally, as they are not a regular part of my game. Earlier I took Chase's advice "as a new guy you probably have enough on your plate already without handicapping yourself with bf-disqualifiers" but now it may be time to change that. Also how would I set discretion frames, generally I would have thought it best to avoid the topic of my being already attached, but can it be an advantage? What are your favourite ways to do this?
Ray

 

[Eternity]

If pressed if you are seeing someone, just say you're dating around and have yet to find someone you truly click with at the moment. If she doesn't ask, dont tell, being complely honest will just scare most women away, unless she's that into you that she views this as a challenge and chases you...

 

[Skid]

I'm not a big fan of using mind games to get girls. And I feel as though it makes something that's usually somewhat simple - girl likes guy, guy likes girl lets hangout create a connection then fuck ; over complicated and just makes a mess of things. I agree with you that you should just avoid the topic & in my small amount of experience in this area just literally say to her your not going to be her gf or looking for a relationship escalate and see if she accepts the frame - but yeah , there is only one way to find out :

https://www.girlschase.com/content/real-empiricists-test

 

[Bboy100]

I feel like that's too strong a frame. 90% of the time, it would probably drop your attainability to 0. They'll either friend-zone you, or otherwise go into auto-reject and quit talking to you altogether. Especially if these girls feel you're high value anyways. I would recommend just directly stating that you're not interested in anything long-term. I feel this is better because
1. Even if they want something long-term, they'll view you as the a challenge: " The bad boy who only she could tame" which is a well known female fantasy.
2. They might be ok with short-term dating. Whereas, they are probably NOT ok with taking part in sabotaging existing relationships (remember, even if your relationship is perfectly safe, and your well within your bounds, they might not see it that way).

Having said that, I've never actually done this, so feel free to test it out.


Conversely, if you have no social ties to these girls, you can just tell them you're always traveling and you're not in the area for long. Or, you can just say that you're always working and you don't have time to commit to a LTR.

In my experience though, most girls can kinda tell when you're not open to LTRs. On surprisingly large amount of my dates, girls will straight up tell me that they can tell (probably based on my vibe and fundementals) that I'm not the kinda guy who will commit to one girl. I never have to say anything at all.

 

[Franco]

ray,

I have to agree with Bboy here. There is no "I have a girlfriend" disqualifier with women that aggressively makes them pursue you as a Lover. That works as a man when you're approaching a woman (because she's on auto-pilot response when she replies with "I have a boyfriend"), but no girl is ever just going to assume you're on auto-pilot response when you say you have a girlfriend. To them, that's almost always an immediate time to eject and save face. Girls never are on auto-pilot when it comes to what you say -- they need to be listening closely because that's how they learn about you.

There may be the occasional girl who desires you so strongly that she'll try to push past the fact that you have a girlfriend and still obtain you, but the only girls I've usually seen do this are generally lower quality and recognize that you are far more valuable than anything they think they have come across.

One thing that can and does work is telling a girl that "I'm seeing someone right now, but it's nothing serious." Girls will see this as you basically saying, "well, I have options, but I'm not taken right now if you want to keep investing and see how far it goes!" However, if you actually have a girlfriend, then this is just a blatant lie, and you'll likely get chastised for it later if somehow your girlfriend or the girl find out about each other.

You can't really turn the game around here. Girls are coming from a different angle when they say they "have a boyfriend," but they'll almost never take a reputation risk with a guy who says he has a girlfriend.

- Franco

 

[Bboy100]

"I'm seeing someone right now, but it's nothing serious."

I like this. It seems like a really great way to great scarcity (i.e. "Uh oh, maybe that other girl will snag him up! I better make it happen quick!"). My only question is: How would you bring it up? If she asks "do you have a girlfriend" I think it would work great. But in any other scenario, I feel like just explicitly bringing it up might sound tryhard/douchey.

 

[Franco]

Bboy,

I like this. It seems like a really great way to great scarcity (i.e. "Uh oh, maybe that other girl will snag him up! I better make it happen quick!"). My only question is: How would you bring it up? If she asks "do you have a girlfriend" I think it would work great. But in any other scenario, I feel like just explicitly bringing it up might sound tryhard/douchey.

Yeah, you have the right idea. It's pretty much only restricted to if she asks you (A) if you have a girlfriend or (B) if you're seeing anyone else. Under those two circumstances, you can reply with that answer and have it work out well most of the time. It shows that you're an honest man but you also have other options as well.

You can even sneak in a little "sly smile" at the end when you say, "...but it's nothing serious" as a way to imply that you're wanting to give this girl a chance to show you what she has to offer. This can excite her.

- Franco

 

[ray_zorse]

Good responses. Thanks guys. I was kind of reluctant to use this myself because I couldn't see how it would work, based on my current game and what I know of women. The reason I asked the question was, because of this passage in Chase's ebook:

To navigate the boyfriend dilemma – something you’ll want to do, to an extent, even if you want to be a girl’s boyfriend -- you’ll need to do a better job disqualifying yourself as a boyfriend.

Here is a list of ways you can let women know about yourself that will disqualify yourself as a potential boyfriend:

• Let her know you have a girlfriend or are in a relationship
• Let her know you’re newly out of a relationship and still recovering and not looking to get involved
• Let her know you’re on travel and only in town another night or two
• Let her know you’re moving out of town and will be far away
• Let her know you have all kinds of friends in your life, but that when it comes to serious dating, you usually only date girls of XYZ race / nationality / hair color (something different than her)
• Let her know you’re not really all that sure about relationships anymore, and not even sure you want to have another one (in a very neutral, non negative / non pessimistic way)

Some of these you’ll want to be careful with. This technique is for the more advanced students of the social arts; beginners will want to avoid handicapping themselves with boyfriend disqualifiers.

But I'll take it that the first item in this list isn't really much of a goto (although it did work for me once in the past and got me laid, but later in the course of dealing with her objections told her truthfully that my relationship was FWB, so that's essentially the same as what's being suggested here).

Ray

 

[Franco]

ray,

• Let her know you have a girlfriend or are in a relationship

Out of all the ones Chase listed there, I'd say this is the worst one (by a large margin). The other ones are much easier to work with.

EDIT: What's nice about the "I have a girlfriend" one though is that it's usually the truth; if she accepts that you have a girlfriend and is still willing to sleep with you, then at least she knows what she's getting into. At the same time, I imagine the hit rate is super low compared to the other ones.

The best one is probably this one:

• Let her know you’re on travel and only in town another night or two

- Franco