Sometimes we lose trust in people who are close to us, the bond that was naturally formed may have been somehow disrupted. Recently I went back in my memories to age 12-13 and I've realized that at that time I lost trust in close friends that I had at that time. They were my friends, I trusted them, I was close to them, yet I was somehow betrayed because of one selfish person.
The natural bond was simply broken, and as a result I began to isolate. It wasn't immediate, it was years later. In the mean time, I joined several other groups of friends with no problem, however this initial incident was a "big one", and it took time (years) for it to surface.
At that time I didn't obviously understand, but only recently I realized that that was actually quite a big event, if it didn't happen I would most likely have different personality, I would be naturally more open and friendly, more trusting to people, less isolating... I would probably be quite less competitive and less achieving as well, as these are just result of attempt to compensate feelings of insufficiency. So I achieved relatively quite great things, and I can't be sorry for that, but sometimes I have to ask myself: wow, how the fuck did I ended up here? It just doesn't make any sense!
Even today I gave up on trusting people. Somehow I just learned that I can't really trust others, somehow I realized that we are on this planet alone. It is not really sad, it is rather a reality - we are born alone and we die alone, anything in between is just an attempt to join our lives with others so we don't feel that lonely.
Even though it may sound depressing, I believe that that's actually quite a good realization because once a person realizes that on emotional level, he'll naturally stops clinging to others, he'll become more independent and more mature, and he'll stop the effort to impress others in order to be liked. Perhaps somewhere deep insight we are just primitive and selfish animals, all we truly care about is our own satisfaction and happiness. I know many would argue about that, but again - do these people really give a damn about others, aside the great speeches? Nope, they only do it for their own satisfaction, for their own pleasure, for the great feelings when others say "Wow, look what great things he's accomplished and how successful he is"...
So anyway, somehow we have to find forgiveness because most people don't hurt others consciously, they just do it because they don't really know any better, they do it for their own satisfaction...
As always, the blue sky might be cloudy today, and it is only our choice whether we feel good about it, miserable about it, or nothing at all. The sky is just a sky, it doesn't give a damn what we think about it...
