I have massive issues...

[killerman]

Right there's one thing that's bothering me. Basically i'm adopted and the one topic that I dread a girl finding out about me is about me being adopted. Such much that I even lie about it nowadays and tell her lies about my history. It's fucking with my head. My main concern is that in their female mind they'll process it as "if even his own mother didn't want him, there's no way in hell other women would want him, so i don't want him either". It's like negative preselection. It doesn't even have to be a conscious thought, in fact I think that it's all unconscious and that they're not even aware of it...perhaps...What do you guys think?

 

[Skid]

Killerman ,

Bro first thing is that's a limiting belief. One of the first things I learned was don't make things a big when it don't have too be : when you tell a girl to meet with you if you put tons of social pressure onto it and make it a big deal , then that conveys you're not used to meeting up with girls (negative pre-selection) and she'll probs back out. Same thing with you being adopted if you make it too be a big deal , it just shows you're not comfortable with yourself which is going to send alarm bells through her head. There is no magic pill that will make you feel comfortable you just have to force yourself to bring it up in the most casual way you can , so for example you deep dive girl about her relationship with her parents and then when she asks you about yours just tell her you're adopted. After a few times eventually you'll be more comfortable telling people.You never know she might be adopted too and then you can connect on that . Lastly the fact that you're saying its like negative pre-selection is blowing it out of proportion , the way a mother loves her son is different to the way a women thinks about a man who she thinks is sexually attractive.

You gotta face your demons.

Peace,

Skid

 

[Flames]

Or on the other hand your parents (The ones who brought you up) selected you.

Don't assume what others think, ask.

 

[Drck]

My main concern is that in their female mind they'll process it as "if even his own mother didn't want him, there's no way in hell other women would want him, so i don't want him either". It's like negative preselection.

>>>> That is your perception, you don't know how girls perceive you. However, you can influence a lot how you are being perceived.

If you are making a big deal about it, if you are lying about it, if you are trying to hide it, if you feel that being adopted is something very wrong - you will be perceived as negative, many girls will avoid you because they will feel that you are not mature about this issue. It's not much about being adopted, it is mostly about how you can deal with it as a person.

On the other hand, if you simply tell the truth, if you show that you are perfectly fine about it, if you don't make a big issue about it, and if you even show that you are thankful and grateful for your parents to raise you - they will perceive you as a mature and strong guy who is able to deal with difficult issues.

Don't lie about it, don't try to hide it, simply accept it and present it as a fact. Mature girls will understand it and accept it as well. Immature girls, well, you don't want to be around these girls anyway...

 

[Metalus]

If a girl would tell me that she is adopted and I would ask her further questions about it.
U know how i would feel ?
"Wow she really opens up to me coz that is something I wouldnt tell every stranger. We are getting a real connection here"

U know how i would certainly NOT feel ?
"Wow she isnt loved so she must be ... (fill in some random insult or whatever)."

For the rest of advice I totally agree with Drck

 

[Fuck This]

Don't sweat being adopted. PERIOD.

When asked simply say:

"I never knew my birth parents, but the people who raised me are my Mom and Dad." Then talk about the VALUES they taught you. Love, service, loyalty and trust...

If a girl has a problem with that you dodged a huge bullet.

 

[Sophisticated Gent]

Excellent responses guys. Very well put.

 

[killerman]

Sweet, cheers guys! I'll follow your advice, definitely know what to do now, helped me out a lot.