I have toxic beliefs about life after college I cannot seem to lose.

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

It comes up in my mind every now and then and it has been a pain in the ass to lose. I missed out on the college experience, mainly due to the fact that I went the community college then transferring to a 4-year school route. Then after sitting down with myself and thinking about it, I started to drill down, I mean drill down deep on why I am still so bitter over it.

It all comes down to a fun community, like-minded people who want to enjoy life, and the fact that I missed out on that aspect of my youth. Never having a crew of friends or any community to really belong to.

It isn't about the sex as much as it was about belonging to a social circle, having community in life, stories to look back on with fun, and having that feeling of belonging to a group of college kids who are in the same phase of life as me. I start to feel like now I am compensating, that life is not the same, and that opportunities have passed me.

Throughout my life I was told that after college, people settle down and start families but I do not want that. I feel like mentally, I am in that mode of wanting to have the fun I missed out in college, wanting to be around the kinds of people I could not be around in college, having that community of bros that push me to get laid that I can brag about sleeping with randoms with, and having girls in my circle who know my friends and party with us.

Fuck it is so much, it really really is, it has me philosophical.

I am supposed to be happy I got ahead compared to the people that had their fun in college and got married shortly after right?

But I am not, because who do I have to enjoy my life experiences with? I don't have the access to the same kinds of cool people and fun crowds.

Even in big cities, even though I am brand new to NYC, I just don't know.

Maybe I am a slave to society, to media, and to an older generation. Right?

I feel like deep down I really want that community, that feeling of belonging to a group of fun single people, and those same social experiences....But then I feel like I am too late or that it isn't supposed to be that way. It is like my mind is at a debate with itself.

But most of all, I don't know what peaking as an adult really looks like socially....

Peaking in high school and college is obvious but peaking as an adult?

Wife and kids? I don't want that shit.

A "career" and being "mature"? Fuck that shit, I want to party hard and fuck as many randoms as possible but also make friends that want to do the same.

What do I have to aspire to socially?

I have never seen how the better half of adulthood lives...

 

[Seppuku]

Instead of forever crying and lamenting whining and flagellating yourself about the life you didn't have in college, why don't you work right now for the kind of life you want to have in your mid twenties?

What is past can never be changed, however you can work today so that you won't whine five years from now about the life you could have had now.

That would be a much better use of your mental energy.

So you want cool crowds and parties and social circle? Alright, don't wait that one just fall onto you by chance. Just go, and create it from scratch.

Find ONE cool guy, and organize a party. Instructions are, he finds two cool friends, and themselves bring some friends in turn. Find a cool venue to host that. If there is money involved, you charge a small fee to cover the expenses. Do that twice a month. Commit yourself to doing that, open a journal here for this purpose, and come back to report your progress over time.

If you stick to this, in six months time you will be a known cool party host, and will know plenty of people. Also, in terms of getting girls, being the leader of a social event will put you in the spot position.

Seems to me a very good idea. I may try it myself. But if you don't like it, why don't you suggest an alternative proposal more suitable to you?

That's what these Boards are for: a place to find solutions, experiment, challenge yourself, try new things, track progress, and ultimately improve.

 

[Sub-Zero]

If this is bothering you so much that it's driving you insane, why don't you just quit your job, take out a bunch of loans go to a university to in NY and join a frat.

I have no idea on how frats work after you graduate, either do that or take night classes at a college campus and see if there's a way to join some kind of group.

Maybe a graduate frat??

Sounds like you want to live the whole college experience over again and you also want to bartend which you can't do while working a full-time job. Well maybe you can, but you'll be burned out.

It really makes no sense on taking debt to do this, but realistically what can you do to live this college life?

Joining frats is a lifestyle and you have to accept that.

Imo I would just go take a couple of night classes and see if I can join a frat or a group and work from there.

 

[Fuck This]

Kwityourbitchen!

A guy with a house and a career can get 10X the pussy that the most popular frat guy, and do it stone cold sober with higher quality women.

I WAS a frat guy. That time is past for you and if you tried to play "Old School" you will be mocked endlessly.

Grow the Fuck up already....

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

That's the problem with some of the replies, people think it is about pussy or women, it isn't even about that as much. It is about friends, community and feeling like you are a part of something fun and cool and energetic. I cannot describe it in words but I didn't get that in college. The friends, the lax social life, and being around a lot of fun lively people with cool shit going on in their lives.

Now I graduate and it is all work.

I never got the friends to just chill out to have fun parties with, large social gatherings with, and cool stories to look back on with.

I know what I want but I can't really put it in words other than saying college would have given it to me. But I do not know where the kinds of people I want in the real world would really hang out. People going towards family life are lame and I avoid them like cancer because I rather get cancer than be near them. Nightlife is a pain to break into unless I quit my career and dedicate my life to that.

I want to feel like a part of a large community but cannot seem to find it.