I just don't get it and it's driving me INSANE :(

[TomGray]

I've been approaching a lot of girls lately which I haven't put up because I wanted to experiment with something. See, last monday, when thinking about how this used to be fun and is no longer, I came up with a sentence, I thought at the time a magic sentence: "What matters is that you have fun" My game instantly leveled up and for the whole week I was projecting good vibes and didn't have a single mood swing. Until last night. And today. And probably for a long time in the future. My "magic effect" depleted and now, no matter how many times I say it, it has no power.

I approached a bunch of girls today, feeling worse and worse and being treated worse and worse but refusing to give in to my negative feelings and still approached. So, I ask a friend of mine who likes to do this too occasionally(he's black, of course) and he is my wingman for one approach. There are two of them plus a guy. The girl I talk to doesn't even give me her name until I ask and even scoots and turns away from me. Realizing that my approach is kaput, I turn to my friend to see what he's doing. He's joking around with the guy! The girls asks him: do you two know each other? My friend says "We go way back. We used to do this and that." They've never met before. I pathetically piggyback on his joke. "Yeah, we go way back too". We leave.

I realized how stiff I had been. I see him talk to one more girl:

"How you doing?"
She smiles. "Good!"
"Late for class?"
"No, Haha"

Two lines and he's made her more comfortable than all my pitiful deep-diving does. (I think that I'm deep diving wrong too. Should I do it when we first meet or on the date? Not that I get dates

He's as short as me, skinnier than me, not dressed as well, and with a goofy haircut and beard, but all this time I'VE BEEN THE AWKWARD ONE. I just don't feel like a man should feel, confident, smooth, and powerful. I'm just a dorky boy, overreaching and trying hard.

I've asked this question before in various ways: what is the right vibe? How should I come across? But the answers I get are unhelpful. Or maybe I'm just not interpreting them right. I feel like the solution is STARING ME IN THE FACE but I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong. Do you guys understand what I'm saying? Can you help in some way?

I sobbed in my car while driving home, I was so tormented. I'm going to take a break for a while because the stress from this is killing me.

 

[Marty]

Tom:

Take it easy, fella

Remember you're doing something here which is very HARD. You're also doing something you don't have to do... you're doing it because you want to, remember?

This is a really, really unusual skill. There are men who know how to make money out of thin air and how to lead organizations of thousands of people, yet who have no idea where to start on this stuff. Believe me, you're learning something special and it's worth the worry.

What's more, you don't have to take this route... you've shown great imagination and courage already by choosing to. You could always have taken the easy path. I took the easy path because I didn't know there was another. As I emerge into adulthood some pretty young girl likes me, fools around, we experiment with sexual stuff, I cheat on her in front of her nose and get a proper girlfriend, 4 years older, who teaches me to have sex, then she leaves town and I cheat on her too, mess around with another slightly older woman just for the hell of it, no serious intentions, then get another girlfriend, older again, cheat on her too... and so it goes on until I end up married to a girl 4 years younger and chasing after women 15 years younger. Sound familiar? That's the type of path most men take and there's nothing wrong with it per se. But you can do better.

It's a hard skill, it's gonna take time, yes, it's gonna take a few sobs if you're still young and sensitive, but the tougher program you put yourself through, the more you learn. I admire your courage. I never took that path and if I had done my life might have been a whole lot more fun and happier in the long run. But I'm not sobbing now, because I know life deals you a tough hand and it's the way you play it that counts. You're pushing yourself to the limit and it's gonna take time before you see the benefits. But when you do...

Don't worry about that for the moment. Focus on each interaction, come back here and ask questions. Keep them specific and brief; there are plenty of guys here who can answer you. Guys 10-15 years younger than me with brilliant talent and skill I can only dream of. You're in a great position already to have this program available. Even better, you're actually taking advantage of it, like 95% of men do not. Finally, you have great self-awareness and good sense and if you apply yourself and keep the long perspective, sky's the limit.

Way to go, Tom...

-Marty

 

[Mr.Rob]

I agree with Marty also. I can understand how it feels to put in work and not get anywhere and how overwhelming it feels. I don't know your story but I really didn't start to see any real improvements until recently when I did that thinking in numbers post. Before that it was 7 months of not really getting anywhere. The only progress I was really making was that I was actively upping my activity levels, aka "rejection levels" lol. And I was only doing that by one girl a week tops. Though before going into this self improvement I made the choice to do three things that have had a killer result on my success so far (which isn't much but its success nonetheless).
1. I chose to forgive myself when I had shitty interactions, got rejected, and never got phone numbers/always flakes. This helps me to not be mad/hate myself for making the same mistakes over and over and realizing that I have the power to do differently next time (even if I don't do differently next time).
2. I chose to possess a grateful heart. Knowing that I can't be depressed (my worst fear and why I try hard to progress in this skillset) if I am grateful of all the awesome things in my life. So when I get rejected by every girl I talk to in a day and feel like a loser (which I don't anymore because I feel like a warrior for approaching and getting rejected in the first place) I take a step back and look at what good I'm creating by going out and doing this, even if its as simple as facing your fears and getting stronger mentally (which your definitely accomplishing). This also means if I don't feel happy or ready to go I'll act like it so everyone will think I am happy, obviously you want to do this without repressing your emotions. If all else fails I look at my hand and thing about how awesome it is, how easy it makes my life, all the things I can do with it, and how much it would suck to not have my hand. Take a step back and look at the positives of the big picture.
3. I chose to persist without EXCEPTION. I chose to do this before starting because I have always given up on just about everything I have started in my life (except surfing, but doesn't count because its fun) and I was tired of being a quitter. So when all hell breaks loose and the last thing I want to do is go out and approach, my brain already knows it has to keep doing it anyway. The key to this one is without exception. So when I saw no progress at all I still kept at it because I know that the only sure fire way to lose is to give up. Warriors don't give up! They fight even when things look hopeless, because they know they'll lose for sure if they give up. Find a way when there is no way! I'm a warrior, I'll find a way.

Honestly I think you are too, fight my friend! Fight!

 

[The Tool]

Hey Tom. You are doing great. Keep it up. You will have some ups and downs getting into this. Some people take longer than others. You just have to keep working and tweaking your process every time something doesnt work untill it works.

yes some people do have to try harder than others. And some people dont Just because of the natural attitude, Looks, and vibe they were born with. You just have to weigh your strengths and weaknesses and work harder on the weaknesses and take advantage of your strengths.

Cheers, The Tool