I keep getting approach invitations from girls who are out of my league

[132]

I've been keeping track the past few weeks and every single day I get at least 1 approach invitation from a girl who is out of my league.
And I've literally read the article on Approach Invitations 50+ times and have learned it by hard.

Every single time at the gym there is a girl that checks me out multiple times and when I look towards her she quickly looks away, And literally following me around - hovering near me. Today again a girl was following me around and after I noticed this - I went near one of the bikes and she followed me 15 seconds later and sat exactly next to me on another bike and pretended to be doing cardio. She mush have thought that I was going to do cardio as well. But I stood there and noticed her stealing glances but I didn't do anything and after a minute or two she stood up, looked kinda mad andleft the gym.
Also at the supermarket I notice girls following me around, hovering, stealing glances, etc.


But the problem is that the girls are pretty. And I automatically assume they are out of my league.
I start thinking that she's beautiful and probably has lots of abundance of guys who want her. She probably goes clubbing and partying every night and has 30 guys hit on her. Probably has slept with lots of guys. And why would she want me to approach her?? She can have any of those guys who approach her every day at university, at bars, at clubs, etc.




I know it is an approach invitation. I'm super self-critical and putt myself down constantly. So if I think those were approach invitations - it means there are pretty obvious.
But I can't bring myself to approach cause I can't imagine that a girl, any girl would like me and want me to approach her.



It's not that i'm ugly - I'm actually quite above average, have been working out for 2 years and have great body, 6 feet tall, good haircut and facial hair. I've been working for a year and a half on body language - my slow walk, my movements, my eye contact and sexy smiles, even deepening my voice and making it more powerful.
So It's not that I feel ugly or sth like that.

My mental block comes from the fact that I'm inexperienced. I've said it before till half a year I was really fat and had bad fashion and looks. So I've never kissed a girl or been on a date or had sex. Or even had a girl who liked me.

And I'm super insecure about that. I keep reading here how preselection is the most important thing - for a man to have slept with lots of women. That girls want a guy who's bedded at least 50 women. And find inexperienced men creepy. Basically you talk how manliness is only measured by the number of women you've slept with.
You might be a great warrior, genius scientist and businessman, famous musician, a powerful figure , but that skinny weird guy who's slept with 50 women is 10 times the man you are.


And I'm afraid If we get to having sex, my inexperience will show and creep the girl out or even scare her and get her running away from me. Or that I'll get too excited when we kiss or when I touch her - cause I've never felt a girls skin or body part.. Thant's my only insecurity and mental block - that I'm inexperienced.


I'll be trying to do the newbie challenge in a month. But I'm skeptical I'll get the balls to do it and will probably end up going out and just walking around and coming home disappointed.


I'm seriously considering getting 20-30 grand to spend on 20-30 prostitutes, that are really hot. I found elite escort agency in my city. So in the course of 1 month to sleep with a new prostitute every day/night and to rack up 20-30 lays from different women. To get a bit experience - cause what girls would like teaching a guy how to fuck..
And probably after sleeping with 20-30 women I'd get over my mental block. I would have slept with 20-30 women and then I'd be a man.

I might finally get to approach some pretty girl who gives me obvious approach invitations.

 

[luego]

Girls don't want a man who has slept with 50 girls. They want a man who has OPTIONS to sleep with 50 women (or however more).
Ditto for experience.

They do want a guy who's good in bed. A lot of that can come with experience, but there's tons of guys who have had a LOT of bad sex.

Relax. Go for it. Have fun. Get shot down a few times and have a few successes, and work past this in the only way possible.

Edit: Missed the last paragraph. I don't think you'll "learn" a lot from prostitutes. It'll be tough to get them to *actually* be into it. All you'll be able to do is maybe get your mechanics down a bit, and that would also be a different situation from when you're heart is pounding and palms sweating as you do the "will she or won't she" dance with a new girl.

 

[Casanovelis]

If you THINK she is out of your league then she WILL be out of your league.

Sounds like you have issues stemming from your past. Obviously things are different now and they are giving you attention so go for it. Don't worry about sexual experience and just cut your teeth. If you happen to fail don't let it get to you and try again. Those are approach invitations. I don't think it gets more obvious than following you around. After a couple of women you will be laughing at yourself and wondering what you was so apprehensive about.

 

[Franco]

Ico,

And I'm afraid If we get to having sex, my inexperience will show and creep the girl out or even scare her and get her running away from me. Or that I'll get too excited when we kiss or when I touch her - cause I've never felt a girls skin or body part.. Thant's my only insecurity and mental block - that I'm inexperienced.

You need to get over the fact that you are going to fail at doing things correctly, and it's going to happen many, many times. None of us got to where we were by reading all of the material and perfectly executing a seduction on the first try. And at this point, I know you realize this, but you haven't fully accepted it yet and ran with it.

You are getting too caught up on failing with a specific girl rather than realizing that all of this is about YOU, and not about HER. It's about you learning how to become good with women; it's not about not disappointing a girl or not succeeding with a girl. Some girls are going to be disappointed and some girls you are not going to succeed with. That's just the way it is when you're learning. Within one week of meeting you, those girls will move on and find other men who are not afraid to fail, and eventually one will succeed with her (albeit moderate success if they haven't read and mastered the material on this website).

You need to stop seeing pretty girls as a chance to succeed but rather as a chance to fail and make yourself more experienced. You need to see this whole experience as an RPG (role-playing game). You're level 1, and maybe you've already read the whole strategy guide to beating the last boss, but it won't matter because you're STILL level 1. The final boss will squash you because you haven't leveled up yet. You need to go practice leveling up knowing that you have the right path in mind as well as the fact that you get experience for every girl you approach -- there's no "losing" experience and regressing in the world of seduction. There's only being stagnant and progressing.

Right now, you are being stagnant. You need to approach girls (and don't even make it the "hottest" ones), and you need to practice the basic fundamentals of engaging in conversation with them. Once you get past your fear of approaching, your learning curve tends to rapidly increase because you can constantly approach women to get more experience.

So get out there and get past level 1. Go make some approaches, level up your abilities, and experience some failure. Only then will you be able to approach that hot gym girl and take her home with you.

- Franco

 

[132]

You know what, Franco. You're right.

I put way too much pressure on myself. When I see a pretty girl I tell myself that I have to make the best approach in the history of mankind. Be the smoothest guy she's ever met. And execute the approach so precise that an atomic clock would seem sloppy in comparison. I put it in my head that girls are super mean and have sky-high criteria for being approach and are extremely critical. Even if she liked me a lot and I'm not absolutely perfect she'll completely reject me.
Like singing in front of Simon Cowell. Just one wrong syllable and she's gonna punch me in the face and start running and screaming.


I don't see it like a learning experience. I see it like I have to approach her and make her fall in love with me cause this is the most important approach in my entire life.

I bet that's a common newbie mistake.



Here's the problem. I can logically understand that this is my problem and that I'm over thinking it too much. And that if the girl liked me and game an invitation to approach - as long as I give her a compliment, exchange names and propose we go out some time - it's gonna be okay. I realize that girls are human.
I've thought that they must also feel excited and nervous when they see a guy the like and give him an approach invitation. And just hope he says hi, no matter if he's smooth or not - she already wants to talk to him, so it doesn't matter if he does the perfect approach.

That's my logical brain understanding it but the emotions start rushing at the moment and any logic goes out the window and there's room only for fear and anxiety.




I know I'm gonna have to deal with this and at some point (hopefully soon) suck it up and approach the first 5-10 girls(I guess those are the hardest ones). It's like I've always believed - you're on your own in this life. No one will ever help you. Sure they might give advice but no one will ever help you, cause no one will ever care for you.

I've always been alone and learned to do everything on my own, cause no one would help me or care about me, so I learned not to trust people. Maybe that also keeps me from approaching. And honestly I think the first girl that likes me and we go out and hit it off, and sleep together and she want a relationship.. I'll fall pretty fast for her and start a relationship. Simply because she's the first girls to like me and the first person to care about me..

Which I don't know if it's good or bad.

 

[Casanovelis]

I've always been alone and learned to do everything on my own, cause no one would help me or care about me, so I learned not to trust people. Maybe that also keeps me from approaching. And honestly I think the first girl that likes me and we go out and hit it off, and sleep together and she want a relationship.. I'll fall pretty fast for her and start a relationship. Simply because she's the first girls to like me and the first person to care about me..

I've always heard not to fall in love with your first piece but most of us still do it lol.

 

[mindful]

I put way too much pressure on myself. When I see a pretty girl I tell myself that I have to make the best approach in the history of mankind. Be the smoothest guy she's ever met. And execute the approach so precise that an atomic clock would seem sloppy in comparison. I put it in my head that girls are super mean and have sky-high criteria for being approach and are extremely critical. Even if she liked me a lot and I'm not absolutely perfect she'll completely reject me.
Like singing in front of Simon Cowell. Just one wrong syllable and she's gonna punch me in the face and start running and screaming.

I can relate with you on this man. This is something that was a huge hurdle for me as well. Executing that "perfect" approach, and not saying one thing wrong. After a while, it will tire you out thinking like that. It did for me. What really helped me get through it was saying to myself, "do it for yourself, not her. Get the experience". Because in the end, it's about personal growth, and you won't grow without taking that first step and not worrying about messing up.

Hope this helps and good luck!

 

[132]

It happened again today at the gym.

This time there were two girls literally following me around again. Where ever I went there was one or the other. And a third girl I caught looking at me 6-7 times.

I get it that I'm good looking and attractive. But I still can't shake this crippling approach anxiety. At least I'm getting confidence boosts every day when I catch a girl checking me out multiple times.


I have a good feeling that once I start approaching I''ll be having amazing results. I said that I catch at least 2-3 girls checking me out obviously ever single day. So if I get the balls to approach those girls - that's at least 1 girl wanting to go out per day..




So I'm really trying to work on building my confidence really fast so I start approaching the girls who obviously want me to approach them.

Any suggestions on the topic of building fast confidence? I'd really appreciate it. Thanks.

 

[Doctor]

Ico,

I completely understand. I, like you, saw approach invitations everywhere. But I never did anything about them. I would also describe myself as good looking and honestly I think this makes things harder to start with. You often notice perfect 10s giving you approach invitations and basically drooling over you, fantasising about being with you, but, you have no idea how to embody that fantasy despite it being expected of you due to your looks. In my early dating career I took a perfect 10 out as my first ever date, and left her totally disappointed. But that experience taught me an extremely valuable lesson, Franco explained it exquisitely so I wont re-tread old ground, but that lesson was to level up! And fast!

And honestly I think the first girl that likes me and we go out and hit it off, and sleep together and she want a relationship.. I'll fall pretty fast for her and start a relationship. Simply because she's the first girls to like me and the first person to care about me..

Which I don't know if it's good or bad.

And yes, I did basically fall in love with her. She was perfect, or so I thought, and we had a magnetic physical attraction, you could feel the electricity when we touched. But I wasn't anywhere near man enough to provide her with what she wanted, neigh, expected from me. And that bold bit is what really hurt. It feels terrible, honestly one of the worst feelings I have ever experienced. I felt terrible for myself, but I also felt terrible for her, I should have been the man to make all her fantasies come true, but I wasn't. She is still looking as far as I know.

Will this happen to you? Yeah, probably. I think most of us had that 'one that got away' early in our career which pushed us hardcore into improving with women.

Should this stop you? Hell no! It should only act as encouragement to make you become that man, lest you break any more beautiful girls hearts.

Anyway, for some practical advice:

This may be a bit left field but I recommend Tinder. Especially if you are good looking (well this probably only works if you are good looking). It did a few things for me:

Abundance
There are so many hot girls on there, and YOU are judging them! Don't like the way she does her hair? Next! Don't like that eyebrow piercing? Next! Don't like one girl? There are 100 more hot girls right after! It gives you an almost instant abundance mentality (although a rather flimsy one).

Fear of Failure
You realise it's a numbers game. Tinder may take this to the extreme but when you quickly realise that, for whatever reason, most of your interactions will come to nothing, you soon lose that fear of failure.

The Pressure is Off
If you do strike up an interaction then you can take your time with each message. It gives you a chance to think things through and eventually you will find yourself creating a very personal; 'script' that you flow through with each girl. I found that this script is stuck in my head and I can easily follow it out in field too.

It's a bit of an Ego Boost
Today I set up 5 dates for the weekend with moderately good-looking girls (you typically get less hot girls from online game) without even getting out of bed. It's nice to wake up in the morning, feeling and looking like shit, only to check your phone and have girls desperate to meet with you! Keeps your spirits up at least.

No Embarrassment
Said something stupid? Doesn't matter, you don't have to stand there and look the fool. Worst case scenario is she stops responding, oh well, onto the next. Really helps if you are worrying that saying the wrong thing to a girl is going to cause the world to end.

Anyway, all of this transfers (with a bit of re-moulding) well into cold approach. Especially having a script which has been tried and tested on real girls. So yea, Tinder actually really helped my offline game before it even really got going.

Of course there is no real substitute for actually getting out there and making mistakes and just doing it! But this might supplement cold approach well, if you aren't already doing it that is!

Cheers
-Doctor