Last night, I hosted drinking games gathering/party at my apartment. It's always tough estimating who will come and who won't as I try to keep the numbers to about 10-15 as my apartment is small and with equal ratio or more girls. As it happened yesterday, a few hours in, many of the girls came and we were around 20 ppl, of which a few couples, and realistically only I and 1 other guy were single. Vibe was great and everyone was having a good time (apart from my new elderly neighbours, oops). We then left for a busy bar and finally to a club.
My social proof was through the roof but it almost makes it worse that I can't take advantage of it. What I want to be is that cool guy that can even take a girl to his bedroom there and then or when we go out after to a bar/club to be able to use that social proof...
Here are a couple of opportunities/escalation windows missed.
Juicy Tatas girl - She did not go out with her main friendship group to come to my mini party. The 2-3 times we met before, I had the feeling she may be attracted to me. She was close to me the entire night initiating convos. She's decent looking, but as horrible as this sounds, I would only want to set her up as a backup. The problem is, I haven't got a clue how to do that without it being obvious. In the end, after me not making a move for the zilionth time, she left the bar and went back to her main friendship group in a different bar.
DTF Girl - I think I friendzoned myself here from a while ago somewhat on purpose, but twice she asked me out of a lot of other of our friends to go out for a smoke when we were at the bar. She's shared stories and basically if a semi-decent guy chats her up, she will go home with him. Is very chilled and non-judgmental. The problem here is my inaction from before, and also that if I do hint at doing something, because I'm not sure if I want it myself then I come off as "Well I'm not really sure but if you make it easy for me I'll take it". Nothing exciting or charismatic about that. I think in reality it's probably good that I don't do anything with her as she is becoming too much part of my main social circle in this city.
Cute Piercings Girl - When we went to the bar, at some point I noticed another group that I know a few of the people there. They were all sat down in a corner and a girl I had met once before immediately squeezed through everyone to come talk to me. The first time we had mostly spoken at a club, and again I had the feeling she liked me but I didn't bite the trigger. Didn't take advantage and ejected due to not wanting to commit. I reckon, both the first time we met and last night, if I had just done 1 or 2 compliance tests to isolate and then invited her back home, she would have came.
Hot Insecure Girl - A couple of months back, a female friend invited me to go out for a drink as she was having bf troubles. She then invited this girl as well and we ended up going out out midweek. Me and this girl got too drunk while my friend left the club early, we were having lots of fun (seeing the pics we took together) and my friend even thought we must have at least kissed when I saw her next. We had added each other on IG and she liked my stories for a couple of weeks. However, I didn't msg her. I don't really know why - partially just assumed I will see her again via my friend, partially because she was going away for a few weeks soon. Anyway, we met again in a social group setting about 5-6 weeks after that night and even though she was friendly, I could feel distance. Almost like - "I gave you so many indicators and you ignored them and now you want to do something". But she later told me she recently started sleeping with a colleague who was stringing her along while she "wants a relationship". Anyway she was back to being more open with me last night but after a girl tells me about current intimate experiences, while we havent slept together yet, it makes me feel weird making a move lol.
Then some of us went to a small club but vibe wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. There I had a few more potentially missed escalation windows with DTF and hot insecure Girls but also two others:
Golden Hair Girl - In the club they had these fake flower decorations. So I took a few and placed them on my ears and on a couple of my friends. This girl that was nearby noticed and came to try and take it off my ear.. Anyway, I playfully pushed her hand away, but she didn't seem to like that. I spoke to her for a bit but her initial enthusiasm died pretty quickly. I was reading Alek's night game articles and I think I was focusing too much on rapport too early rather than keeping the high energy vibe. But I struggle to set sexual frames in night game more than I do on dates. I think dates are a little more structured so it makes sense what I need to do and when. In Night game, things can progress really fast or even skip stages and somehow I always end up doing the wrong thing - either too slow when I need to be fast or too fast when I need to slow down.
My Perfect Type Girl - I think she was friend of Golden Hair Girl. By now they kind of joined our group and this girl had already talked to one of the guys for a while but nothing happened. At one point she was lingering close to me so I stroke up a conversation but it tanked even quicker. Again, what I said was more in lines of building rapport on a commonality rather than getting the exciting energy vibe and she moved away pretty quickly.
At that point I was pretty depleted mood wise, and told my friends I was going home. Hot Insecure girl tried to make me stay as the plan was to go to a bigger, better club but I was adamant as my mood was gone. In retrospect, I probably should have gone as I like that club, social proof would have still been high, and it's a club that has spots where the music isn't as loud where you can approach girls easier.
Anyway, my question after all this is - What do you think I should focus on improving first and how? I almost feel I need to go out for a few months with a natural/coach and get some immediate feedback as while I usually do find at least some of my weak points, it's after the night is over and next time it's something else that doesn't go well lol.
My social proof was through the roof but it almost makes it worse that I can't take advantage of it. What I want to be is that cool guy that can even take a girl to his bedroom there and then or when we go out after to a bar/club to be able to use that social proof...
Here are a couple of opportunities/escalation windows missed.
Juicy Tatas girl - She did not go out with her main friendship group to come to my mini party. The 2-3 times we met before, I had the feeling she may be attracted to me. She was close to me the entire night initiating convos. She's decent looking, but as horrible as this sounds, I would only want to set her up as a backup. The problem is, I haven't got a clue how to do that without it being obvious. In the end, after me not making a move for the zilionth time, she left the bar and went back to her main friendship group in a different bar.
DTF Girl - I think I friendzoned myself here from a while ago somewhat on purpose, but twice she asked me out of a lot of other of our friends to go out for a smoke when we were at the bar. She's shared stories and basically if a semi-decent guy chats her up, she will go home with him. Is very chilled and non-judgmental. The problem here is my inaction from before, and also that if I do hint at doing something, because I'm not sure if I want it myself then I come off as "Well I'm not really sure but if you make it easy for me I'll take it". Nothing exciting or charismatic about that. I think in reality it's probably good that I don't do anything with her as she is becoming too much part of my main social circle in this city.
Cute Piercings Girl - When we went to the bar, at some point I noticed another group that I know a few of the people there. They were all sat down in a corner and a girl I had met once before immediately squeezed through everyone to come talk to me. The first time we had mostly spoken at a club, and again I had the feeling she liked me but I didn't bite the trigger. Didn't take advantage and ejected due to not wanting to commit. I reckon, both the first time we met and last night, if I had just done 1 or 2 compliance tests to isolate and then invited her back home, she would have came.
Hot Insecure Girl - A couple of months back, a female friend invited me to go out for a drink as she was having bf troubles. She then invited this girl as well and we ended up going out out midweek. Me and this girl got too drunk while my friend left the club early, we were having lots of fun (seeing the pics we took together) and my friend even thought we must have at least kissed when I saw her next. We had added each other on IG and she liked my stories for a couple of weeks. However, I didn't msg her. I don't really know why - partially just assumed I will see her again via my friend, partially because she was going away for a few weeks soon. Anyway, we met again in a social group setting about 5-6 weeks after that night and even though she was friendly, I could feel distance. Almost like - "I gave you so many indicators and you ignored them and now you want to do something". But she later told me she recently started sleeping with a colleague who was stringing her along while she "wants a relationship". Anyway she was back to being more open with me last night but after a girl tells me about current intimate experiences, while we havent slept together yet, it makes me feel weird making a move lol.
Then some of us went to a small club but vibe wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. There I had a few more potentially missed escalation windows with DTF and hot insecure Girls but also two others:
Golden Hair Girl - In the club they had these fake flower decorations. So I took a few and placed them on my ears and on a couple of my friends. This girl that was nearby noticed and came to try and take it off my ear.. Anyway, I playfully pushed her hand away, but she didn't seem to like that. I spoke to her for a bit but her initial enthusiasm died pretty quickly. I was reading Alek's night game articles and I think I was focusing too much on rapport too early rather than keeping the high energy vibe. But I struggle to set sexual frames in night game more than I do on dates. I think dates are a little more structured so it makes sense what I need to do and when. In Night game, things can progress really fast or even skip stages and somehow I always end up doing the wrong thing - either too slow when I need to be fast or too fast when I need to slow down.
My Perfect Type Girl - I think she was friend of Golden Hair Girl. By now they kind of joined our group and this girl had already talked to one of the guys for a while but nothing happened. At one point she was lingering close to me so I stroke up a conversation but it tanked even quicker. Again, what I said was more in lines of building rapport on a commonality rather than getting the exciting energy vibe and she moved away pretty quickly.
At that point I was pretty depleted mood wise, and told my friends I was going home. Hot Insecure girl tried to make me stay as the plan was to go to a bigger, better club but I was adamant as my mood was gone. In retrospect, I probably should have gone as I like that club, social proof would have still been high, and it's a club that has spots where the music isn't as loud where you can approach girls easier.
Anyway, my question after all this is - What do you think I should focus on improving first and how? I almost feel I need to go out for a few months with a natural/coach and get some immediate feedback as while I usually do find at least some of my weak points, it's after the night is over and next time it's something else that doesn't go well lol.