I must admit that I just don't get college.

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

I know in America people say "DUDE UR IN COLLEGE U SHOULD BE GETTING LAID LIKE NO TOMORROW" but I don't really find it to be that true. You see I even go to a school which is the type of school where you would suspect a guy would be living the experience of partying and casual hookups but it is like majority of the guys aren't. So far I have met more guys who are frustrated of the fact that they have tried to live that experience but haven't been able to live it. An overwhelming number of STEM majors I know (even the ones who are somewhat outgoing and goodlooking) admit to having terrible lives when it comes to girls, most say they are either spending weekends alone or with friends as miserable as they are.

The only guys I see dating girls who are even somewhat attractive in college are either athletes or frat boys. Most of the girls seem to be very choosy and exclusively go for the highest status guys. I have to admit that might be due to the greek scene having a huge hold on my campus. Then I am also Asian (Korean) and not your typical White kid so that makes things tougher for me because most girls (read:White) do not want anything to do with a guy who is a minority unless he is in a frat (which I have no money to join as I can barely pay for college and requires a lot of time investment) and even then I know of some in that situation who complain.

For me what is worse is that I have actively tried to better myself in this regard but failed. What I have come to find is that college is exclusively a status game for most girls who want the high status guys (or higher than theirs) to elevate their status. Dating girls and landing girls above your league is a lot harder from what graduates tell me and from what I have experienced on my own by spending summers in big cities with good logistics.

Now the loneliness is not what bothers me sometimes. It is the belief being pushed that college is this time your social life is supposed to be at an all time high. I find it to be more true for girls but most guys seem to be struggling a lot and I have heard this on other places on the internet too.

I don't get it.

People say college is supposed to be easy but the heavy focus on social hierarchy and structure there seems to make it ungodly difficult for any guy that isn't an athlete or in a top name frat.

 

[Franco]

Have you tried approaching women during the day?

- Franco

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Yes I have and it has ended in me getting a reputation of "trying to get some" from people around me. Usually it is the guys hating but I hear girls have talked about being approached by me.

 

[Doctor]

I find the same. I am in the UK and I am even a top athlete at my university yet I find hooking up difficult. It could be because I am training so much, over 20 hours a week, as well as my studying commitments (I only go out partying once a month or so) but even out of all my friends here I find very few are getting laid regularly, most of them not at all.

Even most of the girls I know claim they aren't getting any, although I am not sure if I should believe them of if this is just them trying not to sound like sluts.

Either way I think that the whole myth of hooking up every night at university is either out dated or just plainly wasn't true to begin with.

Who knows?!

 

[Whizzy]

Try going out for a bit and doing cold approaches in situations where you will most likely never see the girl again. Malls, grocery stores, book stores, you name it. I know several asian friends that dress well and have the fundamentals to make girls swoon. Social status does help in college a bit, but it's by no means a be all end all.

 

[metomeya]

I think approaching during the day at a college should be treated as gym game if the college is small. In a gym you will run into the girl again, so be careful how you approach.

This really depends on the size of the college. Bigger ones you can get away with cold approach.

Sounds like you are at a smaller college to me, or you are hitting on all the popular chicks (aka the 9s and 10s the frat guys hang around). But you still have to play it cool and just hang out in a friendly way. Even the approach should be light, getting to know her conversation. I know Chase says move fast, but that really applies to girl who you will never seen again if you don't get her number (like the at malls or shopping centers). College really is a grey area here (whether to use more gym game or cold approach).

Besides cold approach you can try social game. I like this article by Mark Manson:
http://markmanson.net/how-to-pick-up-girls-in-college

Bottom line, don't get frustrated. You can get results, you just need to use your head to do better strategies.

Hope that helps.

 

[metomeya]

College is pretty crazy in the frats.

A common frat practice is to wait until 1am at a party and grab a girl by the hand they had been talking to that night and just walk her to a designated sex room. If she won't go, he'll just go to another girl he had been talking to that night.

But don't be jelly. A lot of the girls at the frat parties are slimy and slutty. But it is good to know you have it as an option if you get in good with a frat.

 

[Franco]

Fuji,

Yes I have and it has ended in me getting a reputation of "trying to get some" from people around me. Usually it is the guys hating but I hear girls have talked about being approached by me.

Then it means you aren't succeeding with any of the women you approach, otherwise you wouldn't hear guys or girls talking about you (at least negatively). Instead of trying to make sweeping generalizations of how men like you don't succeed in college, you need to start focusing on specific details of your own approach and why YOU aren't succeeding with these women.

This can come down to a fundamentals issue, or a deep-diving issue, or a number-close issue. Either way, there is something wrong with the way you are approaching these women; there is nothing wrong with them or their judgment of you. They judge you based on your approach, so if your approach is too "gamey" or is fundamentally weak, then women are going to talk about you as some guy who is "gamey" or just "awkward."

You need to think about what parts of your approach are causing the interaction to fail. I haven't seen one post by you that says, "hey, so I talked to this girl and she SEEMED interested up until X, but then I didn't get the number. I think it's because of Y. What do you guys think?" Instead, all of your posts have been "women in college don't like men like me, and all my friends are having trouble too." When you make statements like this, then we can't help you figure out what the problem actually is. The best advice I can give you is to start writing field reports about your interactions while trying to jot down every detail so that the people here who HAVE succeeded in a college environment (and that includes White, Black, Asian, Brown, or anyone else) can help you improve.

- Franco

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Well my college does have a powerful frat scene (Greek Life is a big part of campus) and a lot of the parties going on in the campus (it is a big school) have a heavy greek presence. That is what makes it so hard for me because the parties have so many sorority girls in them and most of them are in no ways interested in me. I also think it has to do with a culture shock.

My college is mostly White kids from the more privileged neighborhoods and I am one of the few Asians who have tried to break out of the clique. Now don't get me wrong, with the Asian clique I have had some girls show interest in me but they are more traditional Asian and not Westernized like I am. The very few Westernized Asian girls we have (not many of those at my school) tend to be around White girls.

And another thing I want to throw in, my college isn't exactly in California or some super tolerant liberal state, it is in the exact opposite. Its a big school and not a small one.

I know it is unhealthy to do but I sometimes think that is the main thing screwing me over because even though it is a college environment. I don't even think it is a race thing as much, but more of a thing about the kind of people I am around. The people who are less into the casual hookups thing also tend to be more outgoing and inclusive while the groups that are into the casual hookups (frats and sororities mainly) are very exclusive and not that open to letting most people be a part of their tribe.

Right now I feel the problem for me is finding a group or clique that is a part of that scene. Get what I am trying to say?

 

[Whizzy]

Fuji...reread what Franco said please. The environment may not be ideal but it is workable

 

[Water]

I am an Asian undergraduate student at a major university in the US. One of the top 3 most populated in the entire country, actually. I am also a STEM major (double major to be exact).

Just out of curiosity, why haven't you tried joining a frat? The only reason I haven't joined one is because of time, and a few other selective reasons that I don't need to get into. I am probably going to join a nontraditional frat in the fall though, for the sake of getting with girls, but it won't be one of those party frats so I have no idea how much influence that will make.

Also, don't feel pressured by societal standards like "you should be getting laid and having the time of your life in college." The majority of guys I know are NOT getting laid left and right. And the guys who even get laid have long steady relationships with mediocre girls. A few of my friends are knocking hot girls left and right, and they have several things going for them. Some of them are in frats, yes. Most of them are pretty good looking as well.

My advice to you is to try to fix your fundamentals (How often do people make you repeat yourself because they can't hear you? How often do you get complimented on your fashion sense? How often do you get invited out to parties?). I would agree that being Asian can be a disadvantage sometimes, but only slightly. If you're not getting laid or having any success then it is really your own fault. What about the girls in your classes or school clubs? Join some clubs, meet girls there, and hit on the girls in your classes! I have seriously asked out so many girls in so many of my classes, I don't even care anymore.

A lot say "no", I don't care though, because a few say "yes" and then I take it from there. Are most of your friends Asian too? Or is your preference in women for white girls or Asian girls? Just curious. Almost all my friends are not Asian, and I have a strong preference for white girls. I am asking because you specify "white" and "Asian" several times in your post, and usually Asians who were brought up predominantly around other Asians feel alienated in such environments... In my observations.

Cold approaching on campus can be good too. I have done that quite a few times. You have to also remember that some ATTRACTIVE girls have Asian fetishes. The hottest girl I ever took on a date AND the hottest girl I have ever laid both had strong preferences for Asian males. I mean, these were girls who could turn heads when walking around. Both were white.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

The reason I have not joined a frat is because of time for one and the other reason being I can barely pay for college the way it is, a fraternity would require a lot of money (frats at my school are expensive to be a part of). I read Chase's article on good looking guys and like Chase I have no idea what makes a guy good looking to women.

1. I never have to repeat myself
2. I do get SOME compliments on my fashion
3. I do get invited out to some parties

Most of my friends are not Asian and my preference is for White girls. I would assume you probably go to OSU, I am in a lot less of a liberal state. I feel that most of these girls would be my friends or talk to me in front of other White guys but they do not see me or any minority as dating material. Interracial relationships are in no ways the norm here in my state, especially not among the upper middle classes. A girl who is hot and in a sorority dating a guy who is Asian or Brown or any kind of foreign would attract a lot of negative attention. I do not think any hot girls have Asian fetishes here and most are quite conservative.

That could be the one thing setting me back dramatically. I could see the advice Chase has offered working for me in a school in California but I go to school in a much more conservative part of the country where interracial relationships are largely frowned upon and not welcomed. So it could be that some of these girls like me but are too afraid to get into a relationship or even a one night stand because I am not a White male.

 

[bassman]

Fuji, we understand you have this "mindset" but you aren't giving anybody here anything to work with or help you out on. Are you just looking for someone to feel sorry for you and your situation? And even if by chance the real reason is because of your "situation" and not because of you, then there isn't much we can do about that here is there? I really wish you could see where we are coming from but it seems every reply that you post is just another excuse for not taking responsibility for yourself.

I know because I used to be there. Making up any and every excuse that would make me temporarily feel better about myself. Lots of great articles on this site about the mind. I hope you can shake these negative mindsets you have, they'll get you nowhere fast.

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

Fuji,

You seem like a very introspective guy who is aware of what you SHOULD do, but aren't actually DOING it.

My suggestion?

Read some Tucker Max.

It's time for you to go through the "Asshole/Jerk Gauntlet." At first, you'll be a straight DOUCHE and piss off a lot of people, but once you get a feel for it, you'll soon become a charismatic asshole that everyone knows they should dislike but just can't keep getting enough of.

Also, Chase's article on being an asshole is good, too.

Read that, read Tucker Max's books, and get the fuck out there.

If I give you too much theory, you'll get stuck in your head. You need action.

Anatman

 

[metomeya]

Interesting post.

I feel like most betas or AFCs or whatever the hell you wanna call it are best to act like, even become, a total asshole. At least they can learn how to stand up for themselves and get the shit they want out of life.

Eventually, (hopefully) your assholeness should wear off (cause you know you are still a boy scout deep inside) and you'll become a guy with self-respect (or whatever the fuck you were looking for) and class. But hey, if not at least being an asshole is better than being an AFC.

Just don't be a passive aggressive asshole. Have the balls to be direct in life except for when discretion is required.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Anatman's post hit home with me. As I said though, my problem involves demographics. Most of the girls I am around are White and the ones who are above average looking or hot don't want anything to do with a Korean guy most of the times. I thought about approaching girls outside of my college but there isn't any quality there at all, like whatsoever.

So I kept on looking and did find some outliers. I found that being involved in a more liberal activity helped. Just got involved with a dance class and met this hot redhead who I went on a date with this past Friday night. It is coming together slowly.