I need a reality check

[scarygood536]

Hey guys,

I've been reading around for a while now. After numerous failed attempts at getting a girl friend, I'm officially discouraged and tired of failing.

First I'll describe myself to get you guys a better feel for me and my personality. I am 5'10" 150 lbs. I pretty light guy. I been trying to gain weight and muscle to boost my appearance, but it is what it is and I'll be a stick figure for a while. I am pretty happy with my appearance and don't think I'm that ugly. We all have our flaws and I'm not worried about mine. I'm a construction worker, an electrician to be exact (we tend to have larger egos). I'll admit for a construction worker I don't fit in. I'm the nice guy, thinking of other people type. I certainly don't hold myself above anyone else. In life outside work I am the same way. Even if I am confident with something, I can't flaunt it. I'm the avoiding confrontations type. Even when I'm with my ball busting friends I never have a comeback or anything. I just sort of take it and laugh. So obviously I know my problem with girls extends from that. I don't know low testosterone?

I am always the guy to get caught in the friend zone, blown off or screwed over. Of course, I'm that nice guy that likes to move slow because moving fast comes off as creepy. If I may say so I am not that bad at opening, but keeping a conversation going or sealing the deal is the difficult part. I have gotten numbers before, but usually nothing comes of them. My last date was about six months ago. I dated her for a handful of dates. Nothing got too serious. I could tell she liked me and was interested in me. She always initiated text conversations. She would be the super nice quiet kind of girl. When we were on dates I was doing all the talking, which usually never happens. I would purposely direct my topics to something where I knew she had interest or similarities in. Getting her to continue or be more engaged in the conversation was like pulling teeth. I eventually weened her off me and stopped talking to her. Nice girl, just too quiet and frustrating to talk to. Looking back I look at how she acted and found similarities with myself. I try not to be as quiet and be more engaged in conversations no matter what. I don't want to be that shy guy. I'll admit I struggle with being socially active in a group. I prefer one on one.

I guess my first order of business is to obtain more genuine confidence. If I had more self esteem I probably would talk more. Then I would love to learn the chase diet for getting girls. Any support would be greatly appreciated. Writing this defiantly was depressing, but I'm generally a happy person and get over things fast

Thanks,
~scary

 

[kayrn]

So I'm new to the 'girlschase deal', but I've been skimming and scanning all the topics and how to guides, and honestly have never really had an issue getting women, sex or otherwise - but my best advice is to just stop stressing over it. The women you've been approaching can sense it... I personally haven't bought Chase's book, but I will probably do so, just because I really feel that there may be insights and knowledge to greater expand what I already have.

One thing about emotions - that Chase does cover - is actualization that they are not permanent. When you realize that happiness, sadness, love, anger, hate and all those other emotional type words that people associate with feeling for others (men and women included) are just temporary, and don't really hold any value you can begin to make actual progress in becoming a better man. When people hold onto emotions is when they start doing crazy things that tend to push others away.

I've had my fair share of dry spells and even recently lost focus with a girl that was TOTALLY into me... I even slept with on the first night! I felt the need to put her on a pedestal... BIG mistake, made some clingy, needy mistakes, and didn't take control of my feelings and emotions, or remember the fact that ABUNDANCE is key. Just remember, every time a girl shuts you down, there are thousands more to chose from.

I'd really recommend reading (and re-reading...again and again) some of the articles he's posted here:

*EDIT* Read this first: https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-master-anything *EDIT*

https://www.girlschase.com/content/girls-silly-and-cute
https://www.girlschase.com/content/most- ... -be-bitter
https://www.girlschase.com/content/sprez ... -investing

I could honestly link tons of them... Thing is, I think you need some real self evaluation time before you try to head out there and project what comes somewhat across as a negative outlook and possible depression type behaviors.

No matter how good someone is at something, there is ALWAYS someone better, or who is challenging themselves to BECOME better. That is why you can never settle. The one quote that currently sums this up for me comes from Ray Lewis.

"I'm pissed off for greatness. Because if you ain't pissed off for greatness, that means you're OK with being mediocre. Ain't no man here wanna be basic".

This really exemplifies the quest you should seek to self awareness and self confidence. Live for today like there is no guarantee for tomorrow.

Best of luck to you bro, and keep pushing on!

 

[scarygood536]

Thanks for the reply. I appreciate your investigative work with the articles. I have read a lot, but the ones you pointed out pertain to me a little more than most of the others I've read. I have am more aware now than ever of the way I respond to people. Using my "big boy" voice is a little important. Some of my short comings may be self inflicted when I use passive language rather than assertive or even some aggressive. I set the tone to be walked over. sometimes when asked something I panic mentally and talk before I think. I'm sure I get that from my mother.

I had my sleep with a girl on the first date about 2 years ago. Actually, my buddy set me up with her. She had the intention of sleeping with me before we met. Through text messages and phone calls she wanted it. Dated her for a little bit. She was a rebound after a hard fall for me. We got in a fight. I didn't back down from my morals and told her what I was going to do. I didn't care about her feelings and I didn't have any for her. In the end she canned the relationship idea and said she just wanted sex. I turned that down, but still got jealous girlfriend messages from her lol.

I used to be the more popular guy and had a ton of friends both guys and girls. Now I'm lucky to have a handful of female friends. I inadvertently pushed some away. I don't know what happened. perhaps I got too complacent or satisfied with being mediocre. I really don't like Lewis, that guy pisses me off (could just be the steelers fan in me).

You are right though, I shouldn't worry about it as much as I am.

Thanks again for the helpful words and motivation!

 

[charming]

I've been reading around for a while now. After numerous failed attempts at getting a girl friend, I'm officially discouraged and tired of failing.

Welcome to the boards Scarygood!

Have you read Chase's article on How to overcome depression? I can totally relate to your sentiment here, and looking back became really depressed after my last two failed relationships. Don't be discouraged though, everyone fails. The more I look at failure as an opportunity to grow the more quickly I'm able to try again. Keep in mind every man you admire has failed way more times than he has succeeded. Don't give up, you're always just one more failure away from success.

Go out everyday and make new friends, wherever you are. (the gas station, the movie theater, the grocery store, the mall) Girls are everywhere!! You'll get laughed at, mocked, and rejected guaranteed, but who cares! It's a game, and it can be fun if you set the right expectations. Girls are silly, most of there responses to you have nothing to do with you but with themselves. Go out there and get it done. The more you fail, the sooner you'll succeed.

 

[scarygood536]

I'm not so sure I'm depressed. I mean I was really depressed for a while after a bad break up. I came out of that quick after I changecfd my ways and pushed forward. It's was tough seeing my friend go through similar but not being able to push himself forward.

A brilliant man by the name of Thomas Edison had a quote "I have not failed 1000 times, but rather found 1000 ways that don't work" or something like that. This one of my favorite motivational quotes

Meeting new people and opening up has always been a problem for me. I chose construction work because it forces me to talk and open up. Also, it challenged me to be more witty

 

[Tyme2k]

Ok man if you want to get a girl you are happy with you are going to have to put in some work. First read my blog post on abundance https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=1093

Then you are going to want to go out and actually seek abundance. Once you feel like there are many girls surrounding you it wont be a big deal and all the silly little shit they do, like not engaging, or trying to get you chasing will just make you laugh. They will start to crave your attention.

My suggestion is start by utilizing your strength. The only way to get better is by practicing, you say you are good at the approach then go start approaching. You're sticking point is what comes after, so how do you get better? Practice.

You're not going to like this part, but go out and approach 1000 girls then come back to the forum and tell us what you learned. If you want, go make a journal on it, we would love to read it. If 1000 is too many start with 100, then another 100, then another 100 hahah. Set a goal, stick to it and MAKE it. You will start to learn how to utilize your strengths more than you could ever imagine. This game is not just about the women, but it really forces you to find who you really are and makes you become a man you could only dream of.

I was also decent with women, strong relationships, and two solid pickups before I ever knew about game. Here I am though, getting better every day working towards massive success with women. I will never get stuck in another relationship with a 7, if you ever see me with a girlfriend again you will say WOOOW she is smoking hot!

 

[scarygood536]

well i cheated. I have a date next Saturday. I used an online dating site as a pick up. Like my last date, I'm not nervous and I could care less what happens. So I'm thinking things might go my way. So do I give a kiss at the end of the date? or play it by ear? I'm not trying to go home with her on the first date. If I like her I'd like to date her for a while and possible have her as a GF.

 

[Tyme2k]

I'm not trying to go home with her on the first date. If I like her I'd like to date her for a while and possible have her as a GF.

I stongly advise you do not go into the date like this. It is setting you up for failure, because you're pre planning to not escalate naturally and it could make it akward. I mean you can try whatever you like, but time tested you must create attraction and take opportunities where they lie. When you do not take these escalation windows attraction plummets and girls move on.

Been there, done that.