FU I need to be demoted

[fsc]

I did every single possible thing wrong, and I'm not exaggerating.

I'm half pissed at myself for fucking up so badly, and I'm half laughing at myself because I fucked up so badly. This was the absolute worst I've ever done, but it was an experience in which I learned the most in a single occasion. It's not that I learned new things--I already knew what I was supposed to do, but I fucked up and didn't do it.

Anyway, I hope folks can learn from my stupidity and not repeat what I just did.

Prelude:
I had been largely absent since mid-December or so because I had been sick for about 2 weeks, and I have been wrestling with internal/personal/mindset issues. Even when I was physically and mentally "okay" at the beginning of the month, I was faced with a bit of approach anxiety and felt quite rusty. Maybe this is just an excuse, but I'm not feeling 100% normal yet.

How we met:
My frat had a party on Friday. Our designated security bro and a couple of others were absent for various reasons, so I guarded the door for the entire party because only a few brothers can bounce effectively. A fairly cute blonde and her friends walked past me to leave the party as I was guarding the front steps.

My buddy who was bouncing with me at the time: Damn, she's cute
Me: Go talk to her then
My buddy: Mmm...nah
Me: If you don't do it, then I will
My buddy: Oh...okay, fine, let's see if you can get her number

Thankfully they stopped on the sidewalk not too far away. I jogged down the steps and walked toward them

Me: Hey
Her: (Turns around)
Me: I was doing security all night, so I didn't get to meet you. You're really freaking cute. What's your name?
Her: Oh! Haha thank you! I'm Sarah
Me: fsc...nice to meet you (handshake, sexy eyes and sexy smile). Ooh, I like your necklace...I remember seeing this earlier
Her: Oh! Were you the one who complimented me on it earlier?
Me: Yeah, it probably was me as you were walking in. I like how it matches your hair.
Her: Aww thank you! No one else complimented me on it (sad face)
Me: That sucks...Oh shit, you have gold earrings too. Nice matching outfit

We small talk for a bit, then she briefly re-enters my frat house to fetch her friend. While I wait, I lock myself in by sitting on the hood of someone's car and chat up her Latina friend for a bit until she returns.

Her: Your party was so much fun. Are you having anything tomorrow?
Me: Probably not. We could have a kickback if you'd like (referring to her and her group of friends)
Her: OMG, that would be cool!
Me: Yeah, I like kickbacks better...it's more intimate than a large party like this
Her: Yeah, I'm totally down. Here, let's do this. (She takes out her phone) Give me your number, and let me know if you have something tomorrow and I"ll come.
Me: Sounds good. Text me your name (because I forgot it at this point. Lols)

Sweet. I save my number on her phone, then she leaves with her friends.

Saturday's text exchange:
Her: Sarah
Me: Nice meeting you fashion star
Her: You too headband boy
Me: Doing security all night wasn't exactly the brightest idea. I didn't get to spend as much time as I could've with you
Her: Well maybe you'll make it up to me another night
Me: That's the plan. Are you staying over the weekend?
Her: Not tonight

I didn't know how I should respond to this, especially because i felt like she held more power at that point, so I decided to ignore it for a bit. That turned out to be the best decision because she sent me another text an hour later.

Her: But the rest of the weekend yeah
Me: Awesome since I'm busy all day today. Sunday or Monday? I'm thinking we'll grab some sweets or whatever and see where things go

No response until Sunday evening.

Sunday's text exchange:
Her: My roommate's friend is still in town and I think they wanna go out tonight, you know of anything going on?
Me: Nope, and it seemed pretty dead when I went out a few hours ago. Most people prolly went home for the weekend. If no one else knows, I suppose you can wander about and see if anything is happening. Yall are welcome to chill and drink and play at my house although I'd prefer to hang out with just you.
Her: Is it cool if my friend and I come to the house?
Me: Is it "friend" or "friends"? Not sure if you remember, but the first thing I said to you was that I think you're cute. So I'm interested in you and would like to be alone with you eventually.
Her: Not sure yet, it's my friend and the guy she's dating but idk what we're doing yet

Then we exchanged a few more texts setting up the kickback.

This is where I started getting confused about her intentions. I texted her "I'd prefer to hang out with just you" and "I'm interested in you and would like to be alone with you eventually", but she did not respond to those at all and focused on setting up logistics. The fact that she was continuing to reply and set up logistics to come over told me that she may be interested, but she was making the event a group thing. Furthermore, one of my frat bros who also met her during the party on Friday texted me asking about the kickback that was happening tonight--I guess Sarah sent out texts to a bunch of people inviting them to the kickback. So yeah, I wasn't sure if she was interested in me or in having fun.

Lesson #1: Avoid group situations
I initially thought that being in a group setting with people she knew would give her more comfort, and I was confident that I could handle it. However, people are like variables that you can't fully control; everyone has their own mind, preferences, obligations, etc., so you usually can't simply lay down a plan and follow it. Even if everything was going well, some random shit could happen at any time; for example, while in bed with you, the girl could receive a phone call from her boss telling her to come to work ASAP (true story...got major blue balls).

I knew this, so my plan was to simply build some comfort then isolate myself with her as soon as possible.

But even that plan failed because she came with a female friend and a male friend, and one of my frat bros joined us. I was expecting a small kickback with 10-20 people, in which case it wouldn't have been too difficult to peel her off and ride off into the sunset. But there was 5 of us, so it was more cohesive and more difficult to move things forward with the girl because conversations became group discussions. Furthermore, had my frat bro not joined us, it may have been easier to peel her off because her male and female friends would've been left to do their own thing. In the situation, however, it would've been awkward for me to peel her off because my frat bro would've been left as sorta like a third wheel.

Lesson #2: Don't get passive and lead at all times
I should've just done it anyway. I should've led and just peeled her off anyway, but I became passive with the mindset of "Hmm...let's see what happens. I'm not 100% sure if she's interested anyway". I also liked the challenge of having potential interferences for the sake of learning.

Lesson #3: Don't drink
We started off with a game of beer pong, then played a game of pool for shots (shots for losers and whoever scratches), then a few games of foosball for shots (losers take shots). I was fine after beer pong, but pool and foosball screwed up my head because we took shots of Grey Goose. Again, I was too confident in myself and was passive in thinking that I'd be sober by the time she was ready to be pulled. But no...I became stupid.

During the foosball games, I noticed her female friend and her starting to exchange non-verbal communication and whispering to each other when non-verbals didn't suffice. I believe alcohol and games warmed her up enough, and she was ready for me to move things forward at this point. After the foosball games and a few minutes of groupchat, they went to the bathroom.

Lesson #4: Logistics logistics logistics
Always keep logistics in mind, even when she's over at your place. Having her at your place just means you took care of location logistics; you figured out how to take her from wherever you were to your place, but you still have to figure out how to take the interaction from conversation to sex.

They didn't return from the bathroom for about 10 minutes, so my frat bro and I went to the part of the frat house where the bathroom was. For a moment I thought they had snuck out; I was already feeling like I was fucking up, but my brain was too drunk and stupid to come up with solutions to fix it. We found the trio sitting on a couch by the bathroom. We joined them and the groupchat continued. The best part about this portion of interaction was that I was able to physically escalate a bit. Prior to this, the most I had done was hug her a few times after winning/losing in games. Here, I put my arm around her as soon as I could do it smoothly, then I began gently massaging her shoulder with my fingers after a few minutes, then a few minutes after that I stroked her hair.

They eventually got bored, and we decided to play Cards Against Humanity in my room. This was a bad idea because instead of peeling her off from the group, now I had to find a way to remove everyone but her from my room. On a positive note, the interaction became a bit more sexually charged because of Cards Against Humanity, and she also asked me what lock jaw and bukkake were, and I whispered what they were into her ear. I also have a rubber cock/chicken that you can squeeze to make sounds, so there were some sexual innuendos when she kept playing with it.

Adding onto the logistics lesson: make everything about moving things forward. We played for at least 2 hours. It was fun, but it doesn't move things forward toward sex. We eventually stopped playing when one of the cards read "Idiots playing a stupid card game instead of socializing like normal humans" or something like that. It was terrible because Sarah was the one who suggested, "Hmm...maybe we SHOULD do that and talk".

More groupchat followed, and more non-verbal communication was exchanged between her and her female friend. It felt like her female friend was communicating "Is this really that guy you were talking about?" (because I definitely was NOT being a Casanova at the moment and I wasn't the guy she met and texted) and "What now?". Sarah's responses felt like "I don't know". There was a short silence once a conversation topic died, and I asked her the only thing that moved things forward:

Me: What are you doing tomorrow?
Her: Oh, I don't know...nothing

Her female friend's eyes widened, and some serious non-verbal communication was exchanged between the two girls. Lol. They knew I asked that question because I wanted her to stay over. I couldn't think of a way to continue off of that to somehow kick everyone else out, so the conversation turned into some bullshit go-nowhere talk about running in the morning vs running at night.

A few minutes later, my frat bro states that he has to go home and offered to drive the trio back to the dorms. They didn't seem to want to get up and leave. FUCK FUCK FUCK! I could not think of a way to have her stay.

Luckily when we went down to the courtyard of the house, Sarah told me she needed to enter the main room again because she left her jacket in there. PERFECT. So I punch in the security code and walk her in. She grabs her jacket and turns around to face me.

Me: Hey, if you're not doing anything tomorrow, you can stay.
Her: I can't
Me: I can drive you back tomorrow
Her: I really can't. Next time

Then I hear footsteps behind me. I turn around and see everyone behind me. What the fuck?

My frat bro: Lol, hey, that side door was unlocked!

This is why you avoid group situations...because so many unexpected things can happen. I thought I'd be alone with her for a minute and be able to convince her to stay and have my frat bro drop the other two off, but NOPE.

Another mistake here; instead of being passive and letting things flow, I should've taken charge of the situation and persisted. I could've told everyone to give us a minute while I worked through her objections, but I walked them to the car like a total n00b and said goodbyes instead. After I hug her, she tells me "I have your number, so...next time".

We'll see what happens. Hopefully I can turn this around. Also, my frat is having dinner with her sorority this Thursday, so this could be interesting. Lols

This fuck up got me so fired up now. I feel like I have approach addiction again.

I hope this helped

 

[Ross]

At least you can recognize how you fucked up. That way you can fix it next time around .

I didn't know how I should respond to this, especially because i felt like she held more power at that point, so I decided to ignore it for a bit. That turned out to be the best decision because she sent me another text an hour later.

Her: But the rest of the weekend yeah
Me: Awesome since I'm busy all day today. Sunday or Monday? I'm thinking we'll grab some sweets or whatever and see where things go

No response until Sunday evening.

This used to happen to me quite a lot. I wouldn't respond for a bit because she put in zero effort, then she'd respond again and leave me hanging after my response. Therefore, I've made it a rule that if texting starts to break down after a few texts, I'll just leave her as the last one to text. Then I'll bring up getting together a few days later.

Sunday's text exchange:
Her: My roommate's friend is still in town and I think they wanna go out tonight, you know of anything going on?
Me: Nope, and it seemed pretty dead when I went out a few hours ago. Most people prolly went home for the weekend. If no one else knows, I suppose you can wander about and see if anything is happening. Yall are welcome to chill and drink and play at my house although I'd prefer to hang out with just you.
Her: Is it cool if my friend and I come to the house?
Me: Is it "friend" or "friends"? Not sure if you remember, but the first thing I said to you was that I think you're cute. So I'm interested in you and would like to be alone with you eventually.
Her: Not sure yet, it's my friend and the guy she's dating but idk what we're doing yet

Her first text wasn't necessarily a good sign. She's hitting you up as a friend at this point. Also, when you are setting the invite asking her to come chill at your house then weakly suggesting that the two of you just hang out together, you're giving her all the power and starting to sound like a bit of a nag with the petty discussion about who is coming over. Remember to make things happen on your terms.

This is where I started getting confused about her intentions. I texted her "I'd prefer to hang out with just you" and "I'm interested in you and would like to be alone with you eventually", but she did not respond to those at all and focused on setting up logistics. The fact that she was continuing to reply and set up logistics to come over told me that she may be interested, but she was making the event a group thing. Furthermore, one of my frat bros who also met her during the party on Friday texted me asking about the kickback that was happening tonight--I guess Sarah sent out texts to a bunch of people inviting them to the kickback. So yeah, I wasn't sure if she was interested in me or in having fun.

Girls usually won't respond to things like that. It's "hiding the banana" so to speak. You're not fully putting yourself out there, instead being wishy-washy and saying it could go one way or another. If a girl is texting you, she's interested. It's just up to you to set things towards the bedroom, rather than just going with a friends-type thing.

Adding onto the logistics lesson: make everything about moving things forward.

Very important lesson to learn.

This is why you avoid group situations...because so many unexpected things can happen. I thought I'd be alone with her for a minute and be able to convince her to stay and have my frat bro drop the other two off, but NOPE.

Sometimes, even though you've fucked up everything, you can salvage the entire thing just by going for the physical escalation. Kiss her in front of the dude, he should get the message to leave the two of you alone.

Another note to end on is to work with her to get these things done. The situation may have sucked, but I guarantee if you just began to flirt with her and kept up warmth, pulling her would come a lot more naturally. Also, she would probably have tried to get alone with you (and it even seems like she did try that even though things weren't ideal), making it much easier to escalate.

 

[Grand Pooba]

FSC -

Yeah, group situations are tricky. Best avoided if you can.
I'm glad to see that you recognize where you made mistakes, so that moving forward you can fix them or not repeat them as needed.

Me: Sounds good. Text me your name (because I forgot it at this point. Lols)

I like this compliance. It also allowed you to build up some witty rapport.

Her: My roommate's friend is still in town and I think they wanna go out tonight, you know of anything going on?
Me: Nope, and it seemed pretty dead when I went out a few hours ago. Most people prolly went home for the weekend. If no one else knows, I suppose you can wander about and see if anything is happening. Yall are welcome to chill and drink and play at my house although I'd prefer to hang out with just you.

I think this text was a mistake - you basically offered to host her and her friend even though your real intention was just to be with her. So by conveying this, you're betraying your own intentions with her and sending her the wrong messages. She never said that she wanted to hang out with them that night, only asking if you knew what was happening. But you offered to create a party and host everyone. This is probably also why you got confused by her intentions when she started setting up group logistics. Something more appropriate would be to say something like "Not that I know of, it seemed pretty dead when I went out a few hours ago. Are you planning to go out with them? <Wait for response> I was thinking of making a pizza and watching a movie, keeping it low key tonight; why don't you join me?"
Or tell her something that is going on for her roommate and friend, and then if she's not planning on joining them, invite her to do something with just you.
But you should have avoided the group thing altogether, I think.

Me: Is it "friend" or "friends"? Not sure if you remember, but the first thing I said to you was that I think you're cute. So I'm interested in you and would like to be alone with you eventually.

This message seems a little bit contrived and forceful, and not very warm.

More groupchat followed, and more non-verbal communication was exchanged between her and her female friend. It felt like her female friend was communicating "Is this really that guy you were talking about?" (because I definitely was NOT being a Casanova at the moment and I wasn't the guy she met and texted) and "What now?". Sarah's responses felt like "I don't know". There was a short silence once a conversation topic died, and I asked her the only thing that moved things forward:

Also why it's best to avoid the group situation altogether. But since she was there, you should have been extra cognizant about not drinking and also about leading the whole group well, and making a good impression to her roommate most of all. However, at this point even though she may have wanted to hang out with you before, she now has to maintain her social reputation in the eye of her roommate, and you basically didn't have a chance whether or not she was doing something the next day.

After I hug her, she tells me "I have your number, so...next time".

Interesting. Not sure what to make of this.

We all fail badly once in a while. Don't ruminate over it - it looks like you learned a lot from what you wrote, and moving forward I think you can apply these lessons and keep pushing for success!

 

[Mr.Rob]

To be honest it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, and really it seems your biggest mistake was doing the group date limbo "do we really know the point of meeting up?" (fun? Sex? Networking?).

Though as you pointed out a lot of times these fuck ups can get you fired up to hold yourself to that higher standard and actually help you blast through your current plateau.

When I first got to Orlando 2 weeks ago I went on two dates in a row where I failed to escalate during an escalation window which caused me to lose the girl. Like a bitch waiting for the perfect opportunity to kiss her, and procrastinating and procrastinating until she leaves.

That shit pissed me off and since then I've resolved to step it up and well I feel like I did that one.

Even super experienced guys fall off occasionally and get reminded of the "universal principles" that one should embody in his actions/thoughts.

Be grateful for fucking up, it just might shoot you to the next level.

Good post FSC.

Keep it pimpin

-Rob

 

[fsc]

Ross and Grand Pooba:
Thank you for your input. You two helped me realize that it doesn't really matter what intentions and plans I hold in my head; what matters is how I present myself. Even though I was simply trying to set something up so that I'd have a opportunity to spend face-to-face time with her, my texts were hella weak and didn't convey my intentions in her eyes.

But yeah, I'll definitely make sure to do things on my terms.

Rob:

Like a bitch waiting for the perfect opportunity to kiss her, and procrastinating and procrastinating until she leaves.

I love this. I'm gonna update the "Let's see what happens" type of mentality with "let's see what I can MAKE happen"

I'm really glad that I fucked up so bad.

Extension to the report:
While we were playing Cards Against Humanity in my room, a different frat brother entered my room to announce that a non-member housemate got wasted off of a few bottles of beer. Then he squatted down next to me and showed me his phone saying "Hey, check this out". I saw the text creation window with me as the receiver, and I was confused so I was like:

Me: What is this?
Him: Just read the text
Me: Why? I don't get it. What are you sending me?
Him: Just read the text
Me: Why are you texting me that instead of telling me? I don't get it
Him: Nevermind

Then he left. This morning he tells me that the text said "Do you want me to help you get everyone else out of your room?"

LOLOLOLOL I was too drunk to read that and comprehend what he was trying to do. Fail

 

[Grand Pooba]

You two helped me realize that it doesn't really matter what intentions and plans I hold in my head; what matters is how I present myself. Even though I was simply trying to set something up so that I'd have a opportunity to spend face-to-face time with her, my texts were hella weak and didn't convey my intentions in her eyes.

But yeah, I'll definitely make sure to do things on my terms.

YES! On your terms. Have the confidence to set it up that way, and trust that she will follow your lead if she is attracted to you. No need to really beat around the bush - if you're trying to set something up to spend face-to-face time with her and only her, then that's the only option you really need to present to her. Not blatantly - it's moreso implied that it will be just you and her.

For the record, when a girl try to bring friends along to hang out with us when in actuality I just want to be with her alone, I'll decline to hang out and tell her we can meet another time, just her and I.

Keep it up man - it's another opportunity to learn and succeed! So I wouldn't beat yourself up over it at all.