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I need your help with this

mad_max03

Rookie
Rookie
Joined
Oct 28, 2014
Messages
4
Hello everybody,
first of all I wanted to thank you (especially Chase) for teaching me so much useful stuff. Oh and please try to ignore any language errors (I'm from Germany)
So I met this cute girl, I started doing my thing till there was this perfect high point. So I told her : "Hey how about we exchange numbers so we can grab something to eat sometime"
She really liked the idea and gave me her phone number. I broke the ice after about two hours and she replied right back. Next day I found this funny book with her name (this is especially funny because it was named aggressive Anna and that was an inside joke of us). Nevertheless I told her we could probably find a funnier book and could grab something to eat after that, so I asked her when she is free. She replied that she has no free time this week and isn't generaly interested in dates. So I played it cool and told her that I would give her some free time, but I will ask her again in the future and that she should rethink her answere. She replied: "Okay :)"
The problem is I really like this girl, so it is game over?

Greetings from Germany,
Max
mad_max03

(Sorry for repost, but I really need some help)
 
a good date brings a smile to your lips... and hers

ray_zorse

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Aug 12, 2014
Messages
1,982
She isn't keen. Better get out and meet some new women.

Some other things to consider for next time.
- finding cute stuff she would like: this is called investment -- you investing time and effort in her -- don't do it, or at least if you must invest mental energy in her, don't let her find out
- saying you'll hit her up later, that's making a promise which you don't need to make and for which you are getting nothing (or in fact a negative) in exchange

Basically these things look chasey and position yourself as lower value (less desirable) than her.

cheers, Ray
 

Drck

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Feb 14, 2013
Messages
1,488
This is what you write or say: "Hey how about we exchange numbers so we can grab something to eat sometime"
>>>> This is what she may read or think: This guy may be indecisive and slow, he imay not be dominant. "Something" and "Sometime" is not specific. He is asking for permission (how about we exchange) and I am not any "Hey".

Compare to this: <Her Name>, Why don't you give me your phone number so I can take you out (to XYZ), is Th or Fr good for you?
>>>> Note that in this scenario you are not asking her, you are telling her to do something. You are telling her to give you her number and you are telling her that you will take her out. You - the one in charge. You placed yourself in leading position. You are quite specific, meaning she thinks that you are a guy who knows exactly what he wants: Date on Th or Fr. She has to decide now, there is no "sometime in the future". You don't call her "hey", you call her her name.

There is of course no need to go overboard, but you got the idea, there is a quite difference between these two approaches.

You think: "I broke the ice after about two hours and she replied right back.
>>>> She may think: This guy can't wait even one day, he may be too impatient and too eager to meet me. Most likely has no other girls to talk to, most likely he has nothing else to do.
No need to read much into this as there is nothing wrong texting that girl the same day, but once she makes an overall mental picture of you it may hurt you.

You: "Next day I found this funny book with her name (this is especially funny because it was named aggressive Anna and that was an inside joke of us). Nevertheless I told her we could probably find a funnier book and could grab something to eat after that, so I asked her when she is free".
>>>> Well, now she has some picture about you. He may not be much decisive by talking about "sometime" and most likely he is impatient and in a hurry to meet her, meaning there are not so many other girls in his life. And now, he also want to be "funny".

I'm not saying there is something wrong with being funny, but assuming that she is looking for a guy she is looking for someone who is more serious about getting physical. Funny guys are more entertaining, which she loves, but at the same time there is not much sexual tension in being funny.

Hope it makes sense :)
 
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