Hello guys,
Firstly, thanks to Chase for a great website: I've been reading some of these article for months and they are gold. A lot of this stuff has been working for me for a while, chase-frames in particular. Also thanks to the forum users for some really interesting thread topics. I was actually going to put this post in "beginners" because frankly I believe it is a simple, black and white issue of either going too slow or being friend zoned. But I put it here because generally speaking I do not consider myself as a "beginner" and I have lots of success with women, and continue to do so. However, typically, I have a problem with this one girl. It's always that one girl!!
I met this girl about 9 months ago in a bar and I immediately liked her, find her really intriguing. She's very pretty, down to earth, sophisticated, intelligent, likes to party and is really good fun. Ticks all the boxes for me. We didn't hook up but we kept in touch on facebook and I tried to push for a date within 2-3 weeks of our first meeting. She, however, was really stand offish and always gave an excuse to meet up. In the coming months I tried maybe another 3 times to get her out on a date but with no luck. So I gave up, moved on and did no contact.
The next time I saw her was about 5 months later at a club. She came over and grabbed me and started being really flirty, etc and acting really pleased to see me. While I was talking to her a girlfriend (who is quite hot btw), who I was with, came over to me, touched me on the shoulder and said "let's get a drink" so I said my good byes to the girl. When this happened I noticed a change in the girls body language when my girlfriend came over and touched my shoulder and the girl I liked looked her up and down from head to toe. I got the impression that she was jealous but didn't think any more of it.
Anyways, I continued to not contact this girl. I then saw her again about a month later in a club where I was this time on my own with 5 girl friends (all hot btw) and 1 girl in particular who I was seeing at the time. While I was dancing with all these girls I kept noticing in my peripherals that the girl that I liked was checking me out A LOT. This went on all night. However I did not push because I was with this other girl at the time. I chatted to the girl I like briefly at the bar, but the girl I was seeing came over and the girl I like then went cool and left immediately. The girl I was seeing at the time was 6 foot blonde, very pretty but was just not intellectually compatible with me and its finished now.
About 2 weeks later the girl I liked started contacted me on facebook, hinting to me that she wanted me to take her out for a drink. I hadn't initiated contact with her for 5 months and now she was doing it. So I asked her out and the next night she came and met up with me at a bar that I frequent. So she lands up at this bar, looking fantastic, and I was confident and thinking "this is going to go well" and then *boom* she tells me she can only stay for a while because she is meeting another guy friend for a beer somewhere across town. She asked me if I wanted to come but I declined because I'm wary about becoming friend zoned. Anyway, we had a really great time at this bar: conversation flowed, we laughed and danced. She even told me that she was single (without me asking or hinting to her). Then later she left. The next day the girl contacts me on facebook saying that she had a really great time and wanted to do it again sometime, inviting me to a party the following day.
So I goes to this party the next day thinking I was definately in and I get there and this girl lights up when she sees that I arrived. We chatted and danced but there were A LOT of her friends there so I backed off, chilled out my friends for a while not wanting to be too obtainable, and gave her some space. When I come back to chat to her later she was really drunk and touchy-feely with lots of other guys. I was a bit pissed off but I thought that as we hadn't kissed or anything that I had to suck it up and get on with trying to get her. But I had made other plans (for several weeks) for later that evening so I bailed from the party but texted her to say that I had to leave and I'd catch her again. She texted me the next day saying the usual " hope you had a good night, see you soon" blah blah and I left it at that.
Afterwards I was thinking whether I should have made a move at this party, because I think that was the moment when attraction was highest. But the girl was reallyt drunk and drunk girls aren't my thing unless I am drunk myself which I wasn't at the time. So I left it a few days and called her but no answer.
Then I went on vacation for 2 weeks and got back this week.
When I got back I invited her for a drink and she came and met me and we had again lots of fun, dancing and flirting. When we were dancing she was holding eye contact which to me is a really good sign. But as she was driving and working early the next day she left early and I said that I would call her the next day to plan something for the weekend.
So I called her the next day, but no answer. I texted her and invited her to go bowling with me. She texts me back about 5 minutes later saying that she was working and couldn't answer the call but said that she had already made plans for that evening to cook dinner for a guy that she is dating (saying explicitly that he was not her boyfriend, because it was too early). I though *wow* but am seriously not surprised as this girl is top drawer and would have lots of guys chasing her. So I texted her back and said "no probs, good luck! enjoy the weekend" and left it at that. She never mentioned before that she was dating anyone (I guess it must have been the past few weeks) but I had kind of guessed that something was up because she had not been initiating contact with me since just before I left on vacation.
To be honest I think I did not kiss her and close the deal with her quickly enough and missed the window of opportunity. But I felt that this girl was giving me signals that she was interested enough to at least test the water and go on some dates together. But I feel that I didn't really get a chance to in the end, because we didn't go on a serious one-to-one date just the two of us. We haven't even kissed. But I was planning to kiss her if she had accepted my invitation to go bowling as our first official date.
I guess a lot of you will probably say that I didn't pursue it quickly enough and that's probably true to be honest. It's probably a case of when you meet a girl who is really great and you take things too slow so as to not fuck it up and then by doing so you inadvertedly fucked it up.
So guys any advice for me? I like this girl a lot, and want to date her, but I'm not going to be a chomp and end up in the friend zone. Should I pursue and try to get a date with her, even though she is dating another guy (but is not boyfriend/girlfriend) OR should I forget about it and move on. I'm not sure whether this girl was genuinely interested and I missed the boat or whether she was just looking for some attention. Either way, even though I like this girl a lot, I have promised myself to not fall into the dreaded friend zone trap (been there, done that and learned the lesson before) and will go no contact with this girl like I did before without problem. I've thought about it, but I honestly don't think that I have already been friend zoned (but please feel free to disagree) - because I don't really know the girl that well and have not been contacting her all the time or doing anything nice for her - in fact, I have rarely initiated contact with her until a few weeks ago. Even though we have a lot of fun together, I'd rather have nothing to do with her than be just friends. The friend zone is for smucks. After reading this website, I'll never allow myself to be friend zoned again.
Any thoughts and insights are much appreciated.
Best,
Brian
PS. If I put this post in the wrong section then I sincerely apologise!
Firstly, thanks to Chase for a great website: I've been reading some of these article for months and they are gold. A lot of this stuff has been working for me for a while, chase-frames in particular. Also thanks to the forum users for some really interesting thread topics. I was actually going to put this post in "beginners" because frankly I believe it is a simple, black and white issue of either going too slow or being friend zoned. But I put it here because generally speaking I do not consider myself as a "beginner" and I have lots of success with women, and continue to do so. However, typically, I have a problem with this one girl. It's always that one girl!!
I met this girl about 9 months ago in a bar and I immediately liked her, find her really intriguing. She's very pretty, down to earth, sophisticated, intelligent, likes to party and is really good fun. Ticks all the boxes for me. We didn't hook up but we kept in touch on facebook and I tried to push for a date within 2-3 weeks of our first meeting. She, however, was really stand offish and always gave an excuse to meet up. In the coming months I tried maybe another 3 times to get her out on a date but with no luck. So I gave up, moved on and did no contact.
The next time I saw her was about 5 months later at a club. She came over and grabbed me and started being really flirty, etc and acting really pleased to see me. While I was talking to her a girlfriend (who is quite hot btw), who I was with, came over to me, touched me on the shoulder and said "let's get a drink" so I said my good byes to the girl. When this happened I noticed a change in the girls body language when my girlfriend came over and touched my shoulder and the girl I liked looked her up and down from head to toe. I got the impression that she was jealous but didn't think any more of it.
Anyways, I continued to not contact this girl. I then saw her again about a month later in a club where I was this time on my own with 5 girl friends (all hot btw) and 1 girl in particular who I was seeing at the time. While I was dancing with all these girls I kept noticing in my peripherals that the girl that I liked was checking me out A LOT. This went on all night. However I did not push because I was with this other girl at the time. I chatted to the girl I like briefly at the bar, but the girl I was seeing came over and the girl I like then went cool and left immediately. The girl I was seeing at the time was 6 foot blonde, very pretty but was just not intellectually compatible with me and its finished now.
About 2 weeks later the girl I liked started contacted me on facebook, hinting to me that she wanted me to take her out for a drink. I hadn't initiated contact with her for 5 months and now she was doing it. So I asked her out and the next night she came and met up with me at a bar that I frequent. So she lands up at this bar, looking fantastic, and I was confident and thinking "this is going to go well" and then *boom* she tells me she can only stay for a while because she is meeting another guy friend for a beer somewhere across town. She asked me if I wanted to come but I declined because I'm wary about becoming friend zoned. Anyway, we had a really great time at this bar: conversation flowed, we laughed and danced. She even told me that she was single (without me asking or hinting to her). Then later she left. The next day the girl contacts me on facebook saying that she had a really great time and wanted to do it again sometime, inviting me to a party the following day.
So I goes to this party the next day thinking I was definately in and I get there and this girl lights up when she sees that I arrived. We chatted and danced but there were A LOT of her friends there so I backed off, chilled out my friends for a while not wanting to be too obtainable, and gave her some space. When I come back to chat to her later she was really drunk and touchy-feely with lots of other guys. I was a bit pissed off but I thought that as we hadn't kissed or anything that I had to suck it up and get on with trying to get her. But I had made other plans (for several weeks) for later that evening so I bailed from the party but texted her to say that I had to leave and I'd catch her again. She texted me the next day saying the usual " hope you had a good night, see you soon" blah blah and I left it at that.
Afterwards I was thinking whether I should have made a move at this party, because I think that was the moment when attraction was highest. But the girl was reallyt drunk and drunk girls aren't my thing unless I am drunk myself which I wasn't at the time. So I left it a few days and called her but no answer.
Then I went on vacation for 2 weeks and got back this week.
When I got back I invited her for a drink and she came and met me and we had again lots of fun, dancing and flirting. When we were dancing she was holding eye contact which to me is a really good sign. But as she was driving and working early the next day she left early and I said that I would call her the next day to plan something for the weekend.
So I called her the next day, but no answer. I texted her and invited her to go bowling with me. She texts me back about 5 minutes later saying that she was working and couldn't answer the call but said that she had already made plans for that evening to cook dinner for a guy that she is dating (saying explicitly that he was not her boyfriend, because it was too early). I though *wow* but am seriously not surprised as this girl is top drawer and would have lots of guys chasing her. So I texted her back and said "no probs, good luck! enjoy the weekend" and left it at that. She never mentioned before that she was dating anyone (I guess it must have been the past few weeks) but I had kind of guessed that something was up because she had not been initiating contact with me since just before I left on vacation.
To be honest I think I did not kiss her and close the deal with her quickly enough and missed the window of opportunity. But I felt that this girl was giving me signals that she was interested enough to at least test the water and go on some dates together. But I feel that I didn't really get a chance to in the end, because we didn't go on a serious one-to-one date just the two of us. We haven't even kissed. But I was planning to kiss her if she had accepted my invitation to go bowling as our first official date.
I guess a lot of you will probably say that I didn't pursue it quickly enough and that's probably true to be honest. It's probably a case of when you meet a girl who is really great and you take things too slow so as to not fuck it up and then by doing so you inadvertedly fucked it up.
So guys any advice for me? I like this girl a lot, and want to date her, but I'm not going to be a chomp and end up in the friend zone. Should I pursue and try to get a date with her, even though she is dating another guy (but is not boyfriend/girlfriend) OR should I forget about it and move on. I'm not sure whether this girl was genuinely interested and I missed the boat or whether she was just looking for some attention. Either way, even though I like this girl a lot, I have promised myself to not fall into the dreaded friend zone trap (been there, done that and learned the lesson before) and will go no contact with this girl like I did before without problem. I've thought about it, but I honestly don't think that I have already been friend zoned (but please feel free to disagree) - because I don't really know the girl that well and have not been contacting her all the time or doing anything nice for her - in fact, I have rarely initiated contact with her until a few weeks ago. Even though we have a lot of fun together, I'd rather have nothing to do with her than be just friends. The friend zone is for smucks. After reading this website, I'll never allow myself to be friend zoned again.
Any thoughts and insights are much appreciated.
Best,
Brian
PS. If I put this post in the wrong section then I sincerely apologise!
. 