I WANT to get better

[duncanmcloud]

I would like help with what I am doing wrong, I’ll try to be to the point. I'm in my late twenties mechanical engineer, currently unemployed. I have my own apartment and a car. I’m 6’4’’ 210lbs, done bjj and boxing in the past, now I hit the gym. Friends and girls say I am good looking, handsome and look much younger (not trying to brag). I had been in a relationship for two years and was out of dating scene. From October I am back and here are my statistics: 17 dates, 10kclose, 2fclose.

My goal: To get a LTR with a girl I like physically and by personality and to have sex with girls I like by looks or personality.

My problem: I get kcloses quite easy and I get alone with girls (my apartment or theirs), but getting only make outs most of the time.

Inner issues: I think regularly that girls just playing and acting to like me just to boost ego (even when we kiss). I get nervous when I get girls to bed for the first time. Also when I like a girl very much I get nervous (somewhat, not that it freezes me out).

Outer: I use banter and teasing too much and act cool at times. I get very drunk every time I go out.

Friends tell me: I have to be more persistent.

Girls say (what I got multiple times): they don’t know what I want with them and that I am manipulative at times.

Two of the girls I did like very very much- with the first one nothing happened and with the other one it got to making out. Also when I get approached (from time to time) even then I f… up. The girls I got to bed both had great bodies, but not so great personalities, one I met on fb the other one from social circle.

 

[duncanmcloud]

My latest date where I had LMR:
She is 20, met her over social circle, I will write about our D2 (trying to be concise). D1 we sat at a venue, then walked to a park and at the end sat at a second cafe, at the end we kiss.

D2: I call her to take a walk two after our first date, she says she can't and that it is better tomorrow. Then she calls me at 21:00 and says:
"Come for a coffee? "
me:"When, I can make it in an hour..."
she:"OK, and we are alone until 00:30, then my roommate comes home."
I get there at about 22:00 and we go to her apartment, she makes me coffee.
We talk and we kiss petting and that, I go slowly, she seems a bit tight... Then she breaks the momentum and says she wants something to drink. Turns out she drinks more then me. We get a liter of an alcoholic beverage 30% alcohol and sip by sip drink all of it. Then her friend comes, she drinks a bit and then the my girl starts to insist on going out to a club. I say OK (to get her separated from her roommate). We go to the club, and we have a good time, kissing, and two more drinks. She takes pictures of us and even post one on FB (but removes it tomorrow).
After that I drive her to my place saying "We should get sober, I can not drive you home... " (my place is closer to the club).
Then we go to my apartment, I turn on the stereo and we're listening to some music, drinking water.
She is sitting in my lap, I am massaging her, sniffing her neck, petting her hair, then I go for her waist and tits. She responds good and I carry on the legs and hips and I feel she is getting in the state. I go for her crotch gently she doesn't mind. I am drunk and I don't carry her to the bedroom, I just take her hand and push her on the bed. We make out, the look on her face changes, she breathes heavily, I go for her pants, she then says "It is too early, it's our second time..."
I say:"You are right" and slow down a bit
Then I bit by bit proceed more heavy make out and dry humping.
I try once again and again she says "Not tonight OK? " and I put her hand on my dick and she gives me HJ.
She asks me when we got up "Do you still like me?", I respond with "Of course? I do like you very much".
I take her home and she says to me "Come tomorrow when you wake up to my place..."

Tomorrow I wake up with an ultra hang over and with stomach issues, I don't call her.
She writes me on FB:"Are you still alive? I am wasted... What have I been talking last night, I talk nonsense when I'm drunk hhaha"
me:"I can't remember, what did you talk? "
she:"I can't remember either I'm going to get some sleep"
me:"I got up recently..."
Then I go out for a coffee with a friend to get some air and was planing to ask her to come to my place when I get better. She sent me (while I was with him): "I can't sleep, and I have a headache"
I responded when I got home:"Awww, I'm back now, I was with my friend"
she:"OK."
me:"OK? "
she:"Yeah... "
me:"Are you feeling better?"
she:"I don't know, maybe I'll go out tonight, but I won't drink..."
me:"OK. I won't go out or drink neither "

Then at about 23:00 I send her on FB:"Are you going out"
she:"Yes, right now."
I say:"OK, have a good time Come to afterparty at my place, I won't be sleeping... "
she:"I can't I am not feeling well... "
Then she sends me pictures from a club of what she is drinking and sends me sound messages of music there...
I send:"Don't get wasted again and we'll see each other tomorrow ok? "
she:"OK. "

Tomorrow I send her SMS to come to my place at 20:00 and she responds with "I can't, I have to go to coffee with my friend."
me:"OK.. Did you have a good time last night? "
she:"Yeah..."

I wait until next day and send her a message and she doesn't respond...

 

[NotRealFakeDude]

It seems like you missed an escalation window.
All I can say is more deep diving and comfort building while also being flirty and giving compliments. Tease her more sexually too.
Could also just the girl being complicated. It's happened to me before.

 

[NikitaRussia]

I believe that u should fucked her right away when u were private with her, and should went to club(maybe after a good sex its ok to hit club)

 

[Drck]

Agreed with the above

she:"OK, and we are alone until 00:30, then my roommate comes home."
I get there at about 22:00 and we go to her apartment, she makes me coffee.
We talk and we kiss petting and that, I go slowly, she seems a bit tight... Then she breaks the momentum and says she wants something to drink. Turns out she drinks more then me

That's a huge window she gave you, you were too slow... You were in a dating mode while she invited you to her place and gave you 2.5 hours to act...

Think about confidence. Confident man doesn't need to get drunk before he have sex with a girl. If she goes with you to your place, or even better, if she invites you to her place and nobody is there for couple of hours, she is pretty much decided to have sex. 95% seduction is done, you don't have to keep seducing her, all she wants is sex. Forget all seduction, focus on sex... Most of the time it is up to you to overcome the last 5%, though there are situations when she jumps on you and does it herself...

Confident man knows it, and he goes for it because it is clear - she wants him. Less confident man is hesitant, he is unsure what to do, he is confused when she gives him a hard time, he needs some boost either from her or from alcohol, he takes his time... It's to slow, she gets bored, her interest drops... So improve confidence and you'll be fine...

 

[duncanmcloud]

Of all the "dating schools" (and I read like much of it, throughout the years), Girlschase only made sense to me. I'm such a pussy I did not write thank you note for these answers which actually helped me back in the day. I also have forgot about what I wrote here, and now seeing what I wrote was my goal:

"My goal: To get a LTR with a girl I like physically and by personality and to have sex with girls I like by looks or personality."

I feel thrilled I really SUCCEDED! I was lucky to be in a relationship with a beautiful girl and had sex with other girls throughout the years. Read Girlschase site non stop. And this forum. Then faded away, I was happy with my dating life and life in general.
But my luck ended, I don't want to be negative, but long story short, I was hospitalized in the ICU for some time and my life spiraled downwards from there. Standard stuff, friends left me, girlfriend left me, lost my job...
Anyways, I want to get back in the game.

THANK YOU AGAIN. To me this forum is a lucky charm and I hope it will help me in my journey again.

 

[Chase]

Happy to hear you got there, Duncan. Didn't realize until a few posts down the OP was from 2016!

Sorry to hear about the hospitalization, and everyone leaving. Life is full of ups and downs.

Anyway, you did it once, man. Well, more than once! You can do it again.

If you think of it, post some reports or let us know what issues you're dealing with. Plenty of guys here willing to help.

Chase

 

[duncanmcloud]

Hi Chase!

Thank you for your support, means a lot, I really mean it... Yes, that was also my reaction- I mean 2016! Time goes by fast… I will get up again, I’m determined. I will do my best and we’ll see…

Yes, thank you, I am trying to write this post for days, about my newer experiences, and maybe some insight.

I had only one girl, and another one that called me to her place (over Facebook), but lives 200km away from me (to be honest ugly face, good body though, but the distance)- those were the straight forward experiences. And these are the highlights in the last couple of months which were strange to me…

Girl 1:

My female friend asks me if I want to go out with her and her two friends, I say yes, it was a summer style outside party in a bar. I didn’t drink much because of my medication and condition and try to hide that. My friend insists that I drink- that was my first mistake (had only one drink), alcohol gets me gamy. So I get talking to her friend, she asks this and that, she is very pretty, we get talking and then she, while I was talking about my trip to Kenia (I did not say anything stupid nor uninteresting), girlcodes my friend and they go inside (restroom I suppose), just like that ignores me, after that she moves away from me, and I do not engage her anymore, she positions herself so that she is hard to approach, and I decide not to pursue because she, as mentioned, practically ran away from me. Night was really good, my second time going out after the rough times; I exchanged a few glances with her and that was it. We go home.

Girl 2:

I know her for some time, and decide to ping her, we start exchanging messages, and then I decide to call her. She immediately tells me she is studying and very busy, I thought OK next, but she continues the conversation and whenever I try to escalate, she continues talking (I don’t know if on purpose to stop me escalating or just wanted to talk more), we touch on different topics, she laughs blabla, then I try to end the conversation, but she continues, I get enough of it, tell her good luck with the exam and hang up. I ask my friend what she thinks about that and she tells me strange conversation it was, but she thinks I should just try to message her for a date. The girl answers she is very busy. Next.

Girl 3:

Spanish girl. My friend meets her in a bar, shows her my photos at a moment in time (to cut to the chase) while I was on rehab. She tells him she likes me and when I got back from my rehab, she sends her to my place (to that moment I thought he was joking), because she needed somewhere to sleep for a night or two, as she got evicted from some other accommodation- that is her story. I thought that the eviction is just an excuse, but then she asks me for the copy of the keys of my apartment and mentions she will “only” stay for a month. I was like stunned, the “date” goes at max 30 min, she goes away, then starts to text me like 10 messages in a row and tells me she is bringing her things in two days. Next.

Facebook:

I talk to a girl while I was recovering by the sea over FB, ping her sporadically, and she also pings me. I get back to my city, arrange a date, she tell OK, she sounds eager. Then a minute before the date, she flakes. She says she did not think I would come; I tell her WTF, she doesn’t arrange a different time and I don’t call, next.

Tinder:

Sporadically I get matches, say 5-7 a week. From that, most of them do not reply (I don’t send hey how are u). Two situations of those who do talk I would mention. The first one, I arrange a date quite fast, but she then says to me she is further away then she put on her profile, and to come to some different town. Next. Other one writes first, says to send her more of my photos, I do that she sends hers, says I’m handsome and then asks me for 50 Euros.