I want to make friends but I can't stand people!

[Shake&Bake]

I really would enjoy more friends in my social circle and the ability to talk to anybody. But I just can't stand to be around people anymore. Every body is just so full of it feels.

I tried for the longest time to be humble, listen to the advice on the website about not throwing people under the bus, and not gossiping about people.

But that never matters since all the people I meet do that to me! I always hated alot of people. There are simply the worst human beings when you have no value to them. When I try to meet them sometimes and every blue moon I meet someone and we are cool. But they always ended up doing something shady.

Me thinking that maybe it's not them that's doing something wrong maybe it's me. So that turned into me trying to make amends with everyone who doesn't respect me which is worse.

Everyone just haves pet peeves and boundaries that they hold high that it seems impossible to talk to them.

 

[Michal]

Hi,

I would encourage you to analyse these situations more because there might be something dangerous for you going on. What I mean is that if you start thinking like this, that you cannot stand people or that the ones that you are cool with betray you anyways, then you might cultivate a bad mental prison and become more guarded, therefore less approachable, therefore more isolated and as a result more miserable. I doubt ALL the people are like this. Analyse them and find out what is the root because our brains are lazy and it will just feed you "people cannot be trusted" to save energy instead of "if someone who is insecure with no job sees me, tries to befriend me and I dont find them cool enough for me, then they get nasty for not giving them what they want, betray me and I cannot trust these people then" .. well, then the first kind of thinking throws everybody in the same bin. It is natural because the brain is lazy but if it really is everyone you meet, with very few exceptions, then the problem is most likely on your side because whether consciously or su I dont know how old are you but I grew up like that and adopted some of the characteristics I described because my parents were ignoring my emotional needs, I was a wimp so entire ice hockey team was picking up on me with few exceptions and at school I had potential, I was smart, good at sports so other guys kept challenging me. And as a total meek dude I could not handle that at that time. So as a result, I thought that the world does not want me to succeed and does not give two shits about me.bconsciously you behave in a way that is causes it.

 

[Shake&Bake]

I'm sorry to hear that. Hopefully you've gotten better since. Your situation was kinda the same as mine when I was on the wrestling team. Most of the people on the team didn't take me seriously and use to pick on me. I eventually got kicked off for having fisticuffs battle with the main one when I had enough.

I appreciate your insight. I want to change for the better. It's hard to do fighting my brain every strp

 

[Bran D]

Hey mate,

Been in the same situation myself-though to a lesser degree. In high school, there was one kid a hated - he was shifty, conniving, and betrayed me more than once before I learnt my lesson to keep him at arms length. When I started college, there was a kid in my housing I took a near instant dislike to, strange because I usually take longer than most to form opinions on folk. However, with him, I just had a feeling, and it ended up being true; he too was shifty, conniving, and tried stabbed me in the back. I thought nothing off it, simply writing off my initial intuition as my sub-conscious picking up on some subliminal signals, since he acted a lot the high school kid. It wasn't until a friend from high school visited, and pointed out the this new guy looked a lot like the guy I hated in high school that it clicked; this new guy wasn't really as shifty and etc. as I thought, he only acted that way around me.

Hence, I had judged the college guy to be similar to the high school guy merely due to physical attributes, even though he wasn't really that similar. (Most people liked the college guy, was the high school guy was more of an out-cast)
The problem was with me; because I expected it from him, he:
1) Mirror my expectations of him
2) Over-intrepreted his actions so that I could justify my mistrust and dislike of him.

My point is a lot like Michal's, you're probably expecting this treatment, and hence behaving in a way that causes it, as well a reading into people actions with a tinted lens that skews them so you can just your beliefs. The way I got over hating the college guy, (as well as some other folk that I've met with similar attributes, he looked a lot like "Cajun the PUA" - a real distinct face) is consciously making sure I was giving the guy a fair go, and not judging him by the action of the high school guy. For you, I would suggest one; stop making amends, better to cut your loses and start fresh, and two; start ignoring that feeling that's "everyone so full off it". Chances are, your subjected them to standards higher then yourself (most people do to some extent) so give them a bit off grace; you're probably just reading to much into their actions.

That being said, if you are providing "no value" to them, there actions may be just trying to protect themself. In that case, I recommend: https://www.girlschase.com/content/socia ... imbalances . Once you're not expecting in advance for people to treat you like shit, and are a cool, socialable guy that provides value; people will have little people to do something shady to you, cause they'll want to keep you around.

Hope that helps

 

[Shake&Bake]

I try my best to be someone worth having around. I followed multiple advice here like not talking behinds people's back and throwing shade on people despite everyone else doing the same I tried to different.

How can possibly make friends with them if I dont have nothing for them. I hate being that guy that having to kiss someones ass to be back in the circle. Since I'm not in that place right now I can actively talk my way out bad situations, I can't demand respect from the people around me. Because believe me I can snap better than most of them can. But knowing people's scheming firsthands they're gonna look at me like I'm in the wrong even though they started it. Because God knows it irks my soul knowing I have to be the one to apologize constantly attempting to be friendly since they devalue me. So I am limited to very small mistakes.

I read the article just now on value imbalance. Nice read. So if my circle is the people at my workplace, it's generally best to just leave them alone right? Until I get a proper footing for myself to give value in return. I assumed it's better that way to avoid annoying the living hell out of everyone being the guy who's friendly but no one wants him at work label.

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

The "I can't stand people" paradigm is very strong if you know how to work it. Though, if you don't have the experience to make it the cool "I'm a solo-rider" frame, then it'll suck. Being an isolationist is only cool if you COULD have tons of friends but CHOOSE NOT TO. I enjoy some people and really don't like a lot of people. It causes some strife with some people, but those people usually suck (or at least that's my frame). Also, you sometimes NEED this frame if you're going to focus on non-social things (like writing or business building).

If you have nothing to offer people, you need to develop a love for getting to know people. See them as a puzzle to be figured out.

If you have a lot to offer, it's okay to be a bit more of a loner. A lot of the top guys I know are huge loners. I'm one myself and don't even enjoy going out unless I'm with super cool people. I'm confident enough in my ability to get pussy that I don't worry if I auto-reject swaths of people. It's a net-positive to be less attached to many groups/people.

Hector

 

[Mr.Rob]

If you have a lot to offer, it's okay to be a bit more of a loner. A lot of the top guys I know are huge loners. I'm one myself and don't even enjoy going out unless I'm with super cool people. I'm confident enough in my ability to get pussy that I don't worry if I auto-reject swaths of people. It's a net-positive to be less attached to many groups/people.

Lol the way you put it but WORD.

I've always been under the conviction that I'd rather be alone than with some humbunch crowd that needs each other to be cool. I personally like being around people that I laugh my ass off with when I'm around and then people that I'm on the same journey with or more successful/higher caliber than me in said journey. Ideally they have both qualities though.

-Rob