A
Anonymous
Guest
As much as I tried to round out my identity throughout high school and college, the one roadblock that I always ran into was the issue of race and culture. I realize that the term "race" carries much baggage and people are often hesitant to approach the subject, but the fact of the matter is, there is no denying the levels of institutional racism and how it has affected intergroup interactions.
There are many historical, sociological, socio-economic reasons for why race relations are the way they are in the U.S.. In fact, there were many anti-miscegenation laws even as recent as the mid 1900s (I don't recall the exact year(s)) that stemmed from xenophobia and fear that the black/yellow/etc. men were taking all the "white" women. This was a very real, and very sad phenomena that occurred. There has been a history of systematic and institutional racism that is "rich" within the history of the U.S.
Why do I bring this up?
I've since long made my peace with my racial identity and the baggage that comes with it. I don't bring this up out of spite, out of anger and a desire for revenge.
No, I bring up this point because while race certainly is a factor that most men either blow out of proportion or either ignore entirely (color blind racism), I've observed a trend among Asian men a defeatist attitude that emanates from their own lack of identity and cultural awareness.
As long as we reside in a country that is predominantly white-Caucasian, the media and entertainment, the news, all forms of information outlets and propaganda will favor or cater to those who are white. This is no surprise, nor is it anything new under the sun.
Being Asian American, I will speak from my perspective and the insights and the experiences I've had in relation to all things social and dating.
Many of us who have grown up in the States are likely to be English only, or have limited proficiency in our native languages. The generation that I am a part of saw many immigrant parents who struggled to make ends meet, who spent much of their time putting food on the table and having little time left over for proper upbringing or attention to their children. Thus, we see these children growing up through the school system, being taught by not only teachers, but through the media and their peers.
I see language as one of the biggest anchors to culture. Not being able to speak the language doesn't mean you don't know anything about your own culture, but lacking fluency and comfort with it can limit your ability to connect and understand it.
The biggest problem that many Asian American men face is their lack of cultural identity and awareness.
Now you might say, "But I'm American. I'm not a 'real' Asian." As much as we might try to conform to American standards, we cannot undo the racial component of our identity. We look Asian. People will always factor race into the equation. But that doesn't mean it's a bad thing, nor should race ever account for the bulk of our identity.
I'm not saying you should go out there and make yourself more "Asian" just for the sake of it. But what I've observed is that a number of Asian American men have a disdain for their own culture. They lack appreciation and a sense of pride in their roots and they don't represent that part of themselves with strength and without apology.
This is quite evident when I see self deprecating humor that plays on their own "Asian"-ness. They poke fun at their race, but it stems from insecurity and a desire to rise above other Asians and it comes across as approval seeking behavior to others.
Instead of pride, there lies a dormant sense of shame. Instead of being proud or owning this facet of their identity, some Asian men think they have to be more like those "white guys and black guys". The problem with this type of thinking is that you're already shooting yourself in the foot before you step out the door. You're operating under the assumption and belief that other men are better than you, all because of this ideological concept of "race".
True, if you want to meet and attract certain types of women, you must conform to a certain degree. But the fact remains, many of these men are ashamed of their culture and try to hide it, as if their skin color is going to change if they act more "white/black/etc."
No, the answer is to embrace your native culture. Make peace with this aspect of your identity. Make these parts of your identity work in your favor, instead of against you.
By embracing these aspects of my identity, I've become more well-rounded and more grounded. I've had more success with women overall. I'm no longer ashamed of my heritage. It just adds another layer of depth to my character and helps me to connect to different groups even better.
Don't make race an excuse for your failures. Use it to your advantage. Take pride in that aspect of your identity. They are not better than you. Your cultural/ethnic identity makes you different, not lesser. Don't ever let them tell you otherwise.
The mark of a real man is not his culture, his race, his wealth, or any external trappings. It is his character, his actions, the way he carries himself and his sense of identity.
There are many historical, sociological, socio-economic reasons for why race relations are the way they are in the U.S.. In fact, there were many anti-miscegenation laws even as recent as the mid 1900s (I don't recall the exact year(s)) that stemmed from xenophobia and fear that the black/yellow/etc. men were taking all the "white" women. This was a very real, and very sad phenomena that occurred. There has been a history of systematic and institutional racism that is "rich" within the history of the U.S.
Why do I bring this up?
I've since long made my peace with my racial identity and the baggage that comes with it. I don't bring this up out of spite, out of anger and a desire for revenge.
No, I bring up this point because while race certainly is a factor that most men either blow out of proportion or either ignore entirely (color blind racism), I've observed a trend among Asian men a defeatist attitude that emanates from their own lack of identity and cultural awareness.
As long as we reside in a country that is predominantly white-Caucasian, the media and entertainment, the news, all forms of information outlets and propaganda will favor or cater to those who are white. This is no surprise, nor is it anything new under the sun.
Being Asian American, I will speak from my perspective and the insights and the experiences I've had in relation to all things social and dating.
Many of us who have grown up in the States are likely to be English only, or have limited proficiency in our native languages. The generation that I am a part of saw many immigrant parents who struggled to make ends meet, who spent much of their time putting food on the table and having little time left over for proper upbringing or attention to their children. Thus, we see these children growing up through the school system, being taught by not only teachers, but through the media and their peers.
I see language as one of the biggest anchors to culture. Not being able to speak the language doesn't mean you don't know anything about your own culture, but lacking fluency and comfort with it can limit your ability to connect and understand it.
The biggest problem that many Asian American men face is their lack of cultural identity and awareness.
Now you might say, "But I'm American. I'm not a 'real' Asian." As much as we might try to conform to American standards, we cannot undo the racial component of our identity. We look Asian. People will always factor race into the equation. But that doesn't mean it's a bad thing, nor should race ever account for the bulk of our identity.
I'm not saying you should go out there and make yourself more "Asian" just for the sake of it. But what I've observed is that a number of Asian American men have a disdain for their own culture. They lack appreciation and a sense of pride in their roots and they don't represent that part of themselves with strength and without apology.
This is quite evident when I see self deprecating humor that plays on their own "Asian"-ness. They poke fun at their race, but it stems from insecurity and a desire to rise above other Asians and it comes across as approval seeking behavior to others.
Instead of pride, there lies a dormant sense of shame. Instead of being proud or owning this facet of their identity, some Asian men think they have to be more like those "white guys and black guys". The problem with this type of thinking is that you're already shooting yourself in the foot before you step out the door. You're operating under the assumption and belief that other men are better than you, all because of this ideological concept of "race".
True, if you want to meet and attract certain types of women, you must conform to a certain degree. But the fact remains, many of these men are ashamed of their culture and try to hide it, as if their skin color is going to change if they act more "white/black/etc."
No, the answer is to embrace your native culture. Make peace with this aspect of your identity. Make these parts of your identity work in your favor, instead of against you.
By embracing these aspects of my identity, I've become more well-rounded and more grounded. I've had more success with women overall. I'm no longer ashamed of my heritage. It just adds another layer of depth to my character and helps me to connect to different groups even better.
Don't make race an excuse for your failures. Use it to your advantage. Take pride in that aspect of your identity. They are not better than you. Your cultural/ethnic identity makes you different, not lesser. Don't ever let them tell you otherwise.
The mark of a real man is not his culture, his race, his wealth, or any external trappings. It is his character, his actions, the way he carries himself and his sense of identity.
