If a girl youre vetting for an LTR sleeps with someone else?

[Alpha13SC]

IMO, the problem isn't the sex itself, but the fact that you didn't had enough influence over her in order to not do sex with anybody, but you.

Now, the thing is that you two weren't mutually exclusive, which makes things pretty normal if you want just a fb/fwb type of relationship with her. But her past action(remember one post where she let another guy sleep at her because he didn't had anywhere to sleep) and other kind don't indicate a good girlfriend material. And even if you pull it off for now, in the future, chances are that she ll become more problem, toxic, test you, and she ll profit for any crack in your frame.

It's not about the sex, but what that act sub communicate. And sub communicates enough red flags that it's anticipated in the future more problems with her, thus more post from you here on forum. This is not a problem, everybody seems eager to give you a hand, but you still gotta listen to what we say here .

You seem to like her more than the others.

But you gotta be stronger than that. Take it as a test. Willing to continue a relationship with a girl who lied to you about sleeping with somebody else in the past? What do you think, just because you two labeled the interaction between you two as "official relationship" things are different now?

Wake up.

I'm not saying to break up with her or something. I m saying to fully understand the situation between you two and if you choose the emotional path, assume the responsibility of her future actions as well. Because you knew what type of girl she wasn't(full loyal).

My past ltr started of as well, as fwb. After 2-3 weeks she told me she had to say something, nervously. And I was like wtf. She told me that her ex came to her with flowers to get back together. Of course she refused. And I was like "did you were nervous to say that to me? That you refused a guy? That's insignificant". In another time, 1year+ after, when she wanted to break up with me, actually did it that day, after we had the discussion she told me again that she met with a guy on the street and after, that day, he invited her to coffee and bullshit(she refused), even if she basically broke up with me. She was still submitting to me. After one day, we got back together. That's the kind of influence you want to have over here.

Guys here gave you practical advices. They're good, coming from experience. I m saying to understand the actual situation.

Go on, continue the relationship. Make your mistakes. With time, you'll realize that actually a life isn't enough to make all the mistakes and to learn from them, and you'll go more with other's advices who see the situation better.

Alpha13SC

 

[topcat]

My question to you @topcat is why the sex part doesn't bother you. I see it rationally and of course at that point she didn't even know the relationship would lead anywhere and had also known I was sleeping with other girls. She considered me a player (I had even tried making out with her friend like 2 weeks prior to that incident).

Here's my line of thinking as to why the sex part doesn't bother me:

​

- I present myself as a player from the outset.​

​

- Poor girl reckons I might not stick around.​

​

- Though she likes me a bunch she has to keep her options open, to protect her ego and in case I ghost her (plus in her mind "fuck him i'm gunna get mine!").​

​

- I'm also only seeing her every 10 days or so (after the initial lock in).​

​

- I like high sex drive girls.​

​

- If she messages me and I'm unavailable or she runs into another hot prospect..OF COURSE SHE'S GUNNA BANG - she'd be an idiot not to.​

Once I've been banging her to smitherines for several months, yeah she'll probably go de-facto monogamous until we get rocky, but you'll see that coming when she pulls back compliance...

This is probably another reason why it's good to get lock in quickly (ie. bang her on three separate occasions in a short space of time) then taper off your meetings to once every ten days or so. You frazzle her mind with good sex, and then give her something to chase. She shouldn't want to bang other men at this point..

An example. Past MLTR, big club queen, faghag (look it up), slut. Revealed to me late in to the r'ship that she stopped partying (i suspect her primary means of procuring dick) when we started banging. I wouldn't have cared either way so early into it, given I wasn't invested, but it was interesting to hear nonetheless.

 

[Skills]

EDIT:
This is the ACTUAL case of whats happened to me, last one was a hypothetical.

Met girl in beginning of december, we hooked up for a week. I left out of town for two weeks and we didn’t speak the entire time. I came back, and we got together a few days before New Years. She hooked up with someone New Years night, ONS. At this point; neither of us were moving towards an LTR.

Only thing is, I never knew until yesterday. When I had asked her if she had been with anyone else since we were talking (i asked her this about 1.5 months back pre-relationship); she lied and told me no one else. The same question came up yesterday and she admitted there was a guy on New Years.

We’ve now been in a relationship for a few weeks, its mid april. That was the one time she had sex with someone else during us talking. We got official late March.

What do you do now?

@moom , i want to answer your post objectively..... You met a girl and you hooked up for a week, but then you left town and you did not speak to her the entire time you ghosted her, so now she did not consider you as ltr but a fuck boy.......

- you hooked up a few days before new years, still she does not know were you 2 are and is not exclusive

- new year is just like valentines is a day women want to be with their dude (obviously you were not with her, cause is a fb relationship)

- at the beginning when you ask her, she did not know how you would react and if it would hurt you, and kill her chances if in the future something would develop.

- now that she is getting emotionally attached to you, and falling for you, she open up....

Keep dating her, keep your eyes open, she telling you is a positive.... Again, i Personally see this as a positive.... My problem is you are flawed in the way of how you jump into ltr, which is a different issue.....

This is how we do it, date multiple women, multiple women competing, after a stricked vetting process you pick the best...If this is what you did good.... Also make sure your read rld design guide to find ltr:

The Ultimate guide to getting and keeping a girlfriend (featuring Revlifestyledesign) - The Skills Method

I’m going to outline the key factors for managing a monogamous relationship for the kind of guys who read this site, alpha males, not some men are from mars, women … Continue Reading →

www.theskillsmethod.com

 

[moom]

IMO, the problem isn't the sex itself, but the fact that you didn't had enough influence over her in order to not do sex with anybody, but you.

Now, the thing is that you two weren't mutually exclusive, which makes things pretty normal if you want just a fb/fwb type of relationship with her. But her past action(remember one post where she let another guy sleep at her because he didn't had anywhere to sleep) and other kind don't indicate a good girlfriend material. And even if you pull it off for now, in the future, chances are that she ll become more problem, toxic, test you, and she ll profit for any crack in your frame.

It's not about the sex, but what that act sub communicate. And sub communicates enough red flags that it's anticipated in the future more problems with her, thus more post from you here on forum. This is not a problem, everybody seems eager to give you a hand, but you still gotta listen to what we say here .

You seem to like her more than the others.

But you gotta be stronger than that. Take it as a test. Willing to continue a relationship with a girl who lied to you about sleeping with somebody else in the past? What do you think, just because you two labeled the interaction between you two as "official relationship" things are different now?

Wake up.

I'm not saying to break up with her or something. I m saying to fully understand the situation between you two and if you choose the emotional path, assume the responsibility of her future actions as well. Because you knew what type of girl she wasn't(full loyal).

My past ltr started of as well, as fwb. After 2-3 weeks she told me she had to say something, nervously. And I was like wtf. She told me that her ex came to her with flowers to get back together. Of course she refused. And I was like "did you were nervous to say that to me? That you refused a guy? That's insignificant". In another time, 1year+ after, when she wanted to break up with me, actually did it that day, after we had the discussion she told me again that she met with a guy on the street and after, that day, he invited her to coffee and bullshit(she refused), even if she basically broke up with me. She was still submitting to me. After one day, we got back together. That's the kind of influence you want to have over here.

Guys here gave you practical advices. They're good, coming from experience. I m saying to understand the actual situation.

Go on, continue the relationship. Make your mistakes. With time, you'll realize that actually a life isn't enough to make all the mistakes and to learn from them, and you'll go more with other's advices who see the situation better.

Alpha13SC

Thanks for laying out perspective here alpha.

A few things to say here:

You’re right, this girl definitely isn’t ideal LTR material. She’s got a hefty list of red flags tbh. However, in our actual relationship, the amount of influence I currently hold is massive. I mean she even got my name tattooed on her back lol, a bit extra but yeah.

Girls are naturally boundary pushers and although I’ve caught her in a lie that she admitted to and she also told me right away when a guy came and slept at her house (and she also called him and kicked him out the next morning infront of me), neither of these were deal breakers. She didn’t cheat, and girls never tell the truth 100% however I’m quite firm with these boundaries. There are some bumps in the beginning of the relationship while boundaries get tested but she seems to have fully submitted.

Either way, I have enough abundance to know if I walk away for any massive violation of my boundaries, that I will be ok and find another girl. I’ve given myself a mental note until second week of may that if I catch her in any big lie between now and then, I’ll have some respect for myself and cut the chord. For now, she seems to be in line.

But yes; you are right. I incredibly appreciate every brother on here helping me with their insight. Worst case scenario, its a lesson learned. Best case, it works out.

 

[Just a Man]

Now you’re both not exclusive and she has a one night stand with someone else.

Do you:
1) Break things off?
2) Stop vetting her for an LTR and just have fun till it ends?
3) Not care because it’s not exclusive officially and continue vetting her for an LTR anyways while also sleeping with a few girls on the side yourself?

If you're both not exclusive then you're both not exclusive. If you break things off because she fucked someone when you were mutually non-exclusive, then that's covertly possessive, which IMO is not a healthy way to be.

Maybe leave vetting her for LTR until you actually are exclusive - if that's the deal you want - at which point fucking someone else (afterwards) would become a breach of terms which you might reasonably care about.

For my money, it's (3) here. You were mutually non-exclusive. She slept with someone else. So what?

Met girl in beginning of december, we hooked up for a week. I left out of town for two weeks and we didn’t speak the entire time. I came back, and we got together a few days before New Years. She hooked up with someone New Years night, ONS. At this point; neither of us were moving towards an LTR.

So you were very, very casual and not putting any strings on each other. She was free to play.

Only thing is, I never knew until yesterday. When I had asked her if she had been with anyone else since we were talking (i asked her this about 1.5 months back pre-relationship); she lied and told me no one else. The same question came up yesterday and she admitted there was a guy on New Years.

She started by not wanting to hurt your feelings. She then felt able to be more honest. Girls do this. Kicking her over for this is pretty thin-skinned in my view.

I seem to have a different view on this from some of the strong condemnations I'm reading here. Guess I just can't get worked up about her behaviour. Seems pretty understandable to me. Sweet girl: she told you eventually even though she probably never needed to.

 

[moom]

@moom , i want to answer your post objectively..... You met a girl and you hooked up for a week, but then you left town and you did not speak to her the entire time you ghosted her, so now she did not consider you as ltr but a fuck boy.......

- you hooked up a few days before new years, still she does not know were you 2 are and is not exclusive

- new year is just like valentines is a day women want to be with their dude (obviously you were not with her, cause is a fb relationship)

- at the beginning when you ask her, she did not know how you would react and if it would hurt you, and kill her chances if in the future something would develop.

- now that she is getting emotionally attached to you, and falling for you, she open up....

Keep dating her, keep your eyes open, she telling you is a positive.... Again, i Personally see this as a positive.... My problem is you are flawed in the way of how you jump into ltr, which is a different issue.....

This is how we do it, date multiple women, multiple women competing, after a stricked vetting process you pick the best...If this is what you did good.... Also make sure your read rld design guide to find ltr:

The Ultimate guide to getting and keeping a girlfriend (featuring Revlifestyledesign) - The Skills Method

I’m going to outline the key factors for managing a monogamous relationship for the kind of guys who read this site, alpha males, not some men are from mars, women … Continue Reading →

www.theskillsmethod.com

@Skills
I see your point and @Just a Man I see you're in agreement as well.

I'm surprised this topic brought in this many opposing viewpoints.

On one side, I think if she did this while we were talking (and there was definitely some investment on both sides, I had slept with her 4 times before New Years), then what's going to stop her from cheating when in a relationship.

On the other side, I think about how I slept with 4 other girls while her and I were talking and not exclusive. I also think about how early it was in the relationship and @Skills point of how New Years is like Valentines day.

I jumped into the LTR the proper way. My issue is repeating patterns. This one instance on New Years doesn't bother me, besides the withholding of information in the beginning. What bothers me is if she'll repeat this while in love in a relationship or if the relationship has a down period, how will she act.

Thanks for all the insights guys, I'll be keeping my eye on her

 

[Skills]

@Skills
I see your point and @Just a Man I see you're in agreement as well.

I'm surprised this topic brought in this many opposing viewpoints.

On one side, I think if she did this while we were talking (and there was definitely some investment on both sides, I had slept with her 4 times before New Years), then what's going to stop her from cheating when in a relationship.

On the other side, I think about how I slept with 4 other girls while her and I were talking and not exclusive. I also think about how early it was in the relationship and @Skills point of how New Years is like Valentines day.

I jumped into the LTR the proper way. My issue is repeating patterns. This one instance on New Years doesn't bother me, besides the withholding of information in the beginning. What bothers me is if she'll repeat this while in love in a relationship or if the relationship has a down period, how will she act.

Thanks for all the insights guys, I'll be keeping my eye on her

I already explained in women are women series that the only and real true way to find this out is, if you can find out is if she had a history of cheating.

 

[Rakehell]

I already explained in women are women series that the only and real true way to find this out is, if you can find out is if she had a history of cheating.

this isn’t hard to find out either^

atleast pre “okay this is a potential bf phase”, all you have to do is “stumble” on the topic of cheating

i had this girl tell me a really descriptive story about how she and her boyfriend had broken up and she chased him but he acted like he didn’t want her anymore so days later she subsequently decided to sleep with a guy on campus in a closet somewhere

shit sent goosebumps down my spine

 

[Skjöldr]

But IMO, I stopped giving a damn about a woman's fidelity. Babysitting another adult gets tiring after a while, and now I think it's smarter to focus on how she treats you within the relationship and not what she does with her pussy in her free time.... but that's me and I know a lot of men can't handle that train of thought

Very good perspective and something that I will keep in mind.
However, screening for an LTR, the less promiscuos a girl is, the better IMO