If attraction expires, then why do girls still have crushes?

[Lowes]

A big emphasis here on GC is that attraction expires fast -- one misstep or missed escalation window will dampen her attraction for you significantly. If this is true, then why do girls still say they have a "crush" on certain guys? I have quite a few questions about this.

I'm part of a new social circle that's been around for a few weeks. Normally, if you took a few weeks to act, it would kill a girl's attraction, but in this case, I've noticed that multiple girls there have crushes on me. (Sidenote: I'm not pursuing anything with them because a one-night stand would only lead to awkwardness, and I'm not interested in a relationship right now, so I'm sticking with friendships.) On top of this, I had a few girls back in high school who had crushes on me for months or years.

But why is this the case? Are they too inexperienced to know what they're doing? Do they lack abundance? Does social circle attraction take longer to expire than cold approach attraction? Perhaps it's because I haven't yet started the relationship/lover process (asking them out), so there's no "attraction" to expire in the first place?

Also, does a crush place you into boyfriend candidacy rather than lover candidacy? I have great fundamentals and I'm clearly sexy, but since I haven't made a move yet, perhaps they now view me as a relationship type rather than a fast sex type? Hypothetically, if I were to get one of them on a date and try for fast sex, would they heavily resist?

Lastly, one of the girls there has a boyfriend in the group (and they're clearly into each other), yet some of her actions/body language show that she's still attracted to me. Considering she has a boyfriend, am I misinterpreting things? Or does she still think I'm sexy, but just not act on it because of her relationship?

 

[trashKENNUT]

Lowes,

If you are in a social circle setting and she has a crush on you, she won't always do things with you. Because you fit into the boyfriend role, and she has a boyfriend and the chances of it becoming a problem is too high. IF you are a girl, your boyfriend will always be Choice number 1. Your boyfriend's friends will automatically be Choice number 2, 3, 4 and so on.

That's life. I forgot where i learn this from. I do know Chase mention this but my experiences confirm it.

Zac

 

[Lawliet]

This is pretty strange.

I had girls who would have crushes on me for the whole high school years.
Girls who would tell me after we all graduated.
Attraction expires, but why do prolonged crushes still exist?

 

[trashKENNUT]

Everyone,

Hmm... i think everyone is confused. It is similar to the feminist. Do all women sucks? No, of course not. Is the world coming to an end for men? Definitely no.

Attraction expires? Yes
Prolonged crushes?

1)She doesn't know what to do. (She's in naive stage. Before disillusionment stage, as Chase notes on stages of life)
2)She likes you but doesn't necessarily want to do things with you. Why?

- Has a boyfriend
- Overthinking that she likes you more than you think she does
- Choice 1, 2, 3, 4

and so on.

All the notes above are what is after principal of how things work, but this is a principal issue, that is either boyfriend or lover.

She likes you but doesn't mean she do anything with you. That's the key to cut through everything. It can be good however to venture into "wrong" areas to know what doesn't work.

Zac

 

[Lawliet]

I think this has something to do with nurturing attraction long term.
Chase mentioned something like this but has yet to write an article on it.

Lawliet

 

[trashKENNUT]

Yeap. Nurture that is put you as backup plan. boyfriend zone.

Zac

 

[lao che]

a crush is unrequited and the girl (or boy) feels the person will always be out of reach. that's why the attraction doesn't expire, or dies gradually. it's like a girl having a crush on Bieber, she doesn't ever believe it can happen so she is free to dream about it for many months or years. if she got the chance to meet him and he took her out for dinner, talked about himself the whole time, then held hands and dropped her off at home with the promise to take her out again next week, attraction would probably die kinda fast.

as for the girl with a BF ... i mean, have you ever had a girlfriend? she had some hot friends that you'd like to fuck if it wasn't for your already being in a relationship? of course, you think they are sexy and would still like to fuck them, it's the social contract stopping you. biology doesn't turn off as soon as you agree to "go steady" with your partner. same for this girl, she wants to fuck you. why wouldn't she?


good thread, good questions that i'd never thought about before

 

[Drck]

There are different ways girls is attracted to you, or better way to say it: Different way the girls like you.

When you meet a girl for a first say 1-3 times and there are sparks, the attraction is simply the highest. Sometimes the attraction peak may be even much lesser, an hour, perhaps just a couple of minutes. For a guy, this is the best time to seduce her, take her to bed. If the guy doesn't do anything, the attraction goes lower and lower, she is slowly loosing an interest and he is having harder and harder time to get her to bed. So this is the classical perception of attraction.

However, that doesn't mean that the girl won't be interested in you in the future. There are many scenarios, for example she may fall into auto-rejection, but then she comes out of it and shows an interest again. It is as not as high as originally, but it's high enough to sleep with you. Or She may at first think that you are out of her reach, not attainable, so she may sort of tease you over longer period of time but she'll never sleep with you, even though she has a crush on you. She just doesn't have the guts to do it.

Or she may be bored, she may have broke up with current BF, and there is the guy she used to like a lot before.... Or, at different times of her life she is looking for a different type of guy, as she knows you longer she may start appreciate some qualities of your personality that she didn't see before, and she may actually develop higher and higher attraction for you...

There are simply many different scenarios where she can come back and be attracted to you differently....

Peculiar thing happens with girls that are highly initially attracted to you but for whatever reason the potential relationship fails. Maybe you didn't act fast enough, maybe she fell to auto-rejection as you were unattainable to her, whatever reason... Girls like that usually want to keep in touch with you even after they created some insane drama, even distantly through social media. Girls like that may be freely pursuing another guys, they may be in a great relationship with another guys, they may even get married. Everything is perfect in her life except one thing - she contact you in the future, even after couple of years, and she wants to meet with you...

I know for a fact that this is happening, and probably in much higher rate than most would accept; it happened to me, and I know girls that just got out of their relationship and they contacted several guys from a distant past that they haven't seen years.... just to go for a date or two to discuss good old times... and the next thing you know she is getting happily married to this guy - who is now established with good income - and they get married just after 5 short weeks... The guy thinks he's the King because he is allowed to take care of her and her child.... While she's still keeping in touch with me, LOL. You just can't make it up, you wouldn't even believe it if it didn't happen to you, talk about Red Pill... There are so many guys out there that are just plain FOOLS, you wouldn't believe it...

 

[trashKENNUT]

Drck, everyone,

Girls like that usually want to keep in touch with you even after they created some insane drama, even distantly through social media. Girls like that may be freely pursuing another guys, they may be in a great relationship with another guys, they may even get married. Everything is perfect in her life except one thing - she contact you in the future, even after couple of years, and she wants to meet with you...

I know for a fact that this is happening, and probably in much higher rate than most would accept; it happened to me, and I know girls that just got out of their relationship and they contacted several guys from a distant past that they haven't seen years.... just to go for a date or two to discuss good old times... and the next thing you know she is getting happily married to this guy - who is now established with good income - and they get married just after 5 short weeks... The guy thinks he's the King because he is allowed to take care of her and her child.... While she's still keeping in touch with me, LOL. You just can't make it up, you wouldn't even believe it if it didn't happen to you, talk about Red Pill... There are so many guys out there that are just plain FOOLS, you wouldn't believe it...

Doesn't necessarily have a child beforehand but you are spot on. Sometimes, the marriage is quick because her timer wants the baby out now. And most guys never saw it coming. It's pretty scary.

If you want to be safe, always lookout for quick marriage. It applies to everyone, even EXPERTS or anybody.

p.s: Boyfriend/Provider role doesn't have expiration date. It is afterall FOREVER right? (ROAR! CAPS/Bold letters War, pls pardon me. i'm playing here)

Zac

 

[Tripz]

The philosophy on why attraction expires that is taught here on GC is a fail-safe.
When you are attracted to a girl that you might run into or sometimes see on random occasions at bars and such, and she is attracted to you the whole thing becomes much more personal and invested and thus so called crushes exist and attraction doesn't expire so fast.
The whole attraction expires fast thing is about girls you meet on the street or whatever that you'll probably never see in your life, that's why the whole thing exists, to make you polarize her and move forward/escalate so that you either bang her or not.
Take it this way, if a girl approached you, and you were somewhat neutral about her, neither attracted nor repulsed by her presence, and she gave you her number or took yours, and then you don't hear from her for about a week and then she texts you or whatever, do you feel strongly attracted or still think about her, or does she just pop up in your head like an annoying message and you just kind of ignore it because you've moved on.

 

[Franco]

Lowes,

I'd have to say that radeng nails most it on the head: social circle setting is different.

Girls have crushes on guys in social circle because they are constantly interacting with them, and there is a dynamic there that's in constant fluctuation.

You'll basically never have a girl that you cold approached have a "crush" on you that lasts for months or years. Girls that are cold approached are the ones that Chase is referring to when he talks about attraction having an expiration date.

- Franco

 

[Rage]

Social circle is wayyy different; like franco and radeng talked about a bit, randoms your attraction if it expires its kinda done.... there is no social reason or excuse or happening for you guys to ever meet again. All you can do is cold text her periodically and hope to get a reaction but that wont pan out much at all and any attractive girl has a number of guys doing this to her all the time.

Social circle I think a neat way to think of it is that the girls mind can change just as it can from attracted to not, it can also change from not attracted to "oh I change my mind I'm down to fuck him". I think this article really beautifully and eloquently encapsulates why that indecision will be there https://www.girlschase.com/content/indec ... kes-it-way

Women wont make a hard decision like guys sometimes can that "I dont like this chick and NEVER wanna see her or do her"; womens' prerogative and natural route will be to be indecisive. So if she IS seeing you over and over for whatever social circle reason, her feelings may change for you and continue to change for you.

I've had a social circle girl who (it's quite fucking ridiculous on my end really... cause it's always the guys fault) who I had a failed text with, then few weeks went by then had a date and failed escalation to sex at getting the pants off, then a date again few months later then failed escalation fucking again in the exact same way... and then I'm sick of it and wouldn't do her any more or try to because I fucked up too many times with her already and I think she's fine hold no resnemtnet or bitterness... but its like trying to cook the same dish that you burned trying to make on 4 separate occasions. If theres not much return out of it for you and it will just taste like basic food, then you dont really car eto go through all the hassle andpotetnial fuck up of it just to haev it burn again (and have the reward be so low if you do succeed).

I think THIS is the most important thing is that as a high value guy: YOU should be the one getting to the point where you are nexting are seeing other girls and do have these girls who might go to same schoolr gym as work who do change their miidn wanna see you sometime and not others, but YOU dont care really to see them becuase youre constnatly meeting new ones. And even if theyre hot even if theyre gorgeous, you'd rather have the new girl and will be intent on meeting new different potnetially better girls continually.

Social circle and school you'll run into the same girls repeatedly. I've come to realize and its my opinion that the best way to succeed with those girls, is to not focus on them at all! and focus on girls you meet throughout your day in cold approach and other approaches (who if you fuck up you wont see again). Focus on laying new randoms, and then those girls will be warm to you and then you'll get to pity fuck them once ina while (the social circle ones)

hope that i contributed relevantly man, cause kinda skimmed most of the thread

all the best,

-Rage

 

[Lowes]

Thanks everyone, this is a wealth of information and it explains quite a bit.

It looks like I've been studying cold approach dynamics for so long that I'm still largely uninformed on social circles. It seems I've still got a lot of work ahead.

 

[Lawliet]

Yeap. Nurture that is put you as backup plan. boyfriend zone.

Zac

Haha nice one.
Exactly on the point

Lawliet

 

[trashKENNUT]

Lawliet,

Not meaning to be an asshole or anything.. and it doesn't necessarily mean the girl is bad. IT is just that you do not have a clear idea of what you're jumping into. Some people actually survive that jump but for most of them, they do not always enjoy that jump.

Zac