Calls & Texts Ignoring a Text but Still Responding

[JacobPalmer]

Hi All,

This is a bit situational and couldn't quite find any insight on the boards or in the GC articles. Let me give some backstory as I'm not quite sure how to ask my question.

This is a girl I've slept with once (well, multiple rounds in one night). The sex was amazing, and she told me she couldn't believe how wet she got. Things seemed to be going well. Texting her is a chore though, both before and after, as she's super busy and sometimes comes across as a bit ditsy in her texts, but still super flirty (aside from this latest exchange). Anyway, I asked her out and she basically ignored the text but still responded. Here is the exchange:

Monday 11:21 a.m.

Me: Hey you hope you had a great weekend. My schedule this upcoming weekend is the same...work Saturday night but off first. Would love to see you - drinks/food after?

(no response, and the next day my schedule changes)

Tuesday 7:46 p.m.

Me: Actually, change of plans, I could do Friday! Comedy show?

Her: Hey you just got off work now omg such a long day I worked 13 hours today !!!!!

Me: Busy!
Me: Let me know if Friday works

That's how I responded, and I'm hoping there is a better way to actually do that. So my question is how should you respond when a girl ignores the question in your text (or in person?) but still responds? Because on the one hand if you go with her conversation you lose all the power/frame in that conversation, and that's telling her it's ok to ignore your question, but on the other I feel like letting the conversation just die because she ignored the question isn't the right move.

Thoughts?

 

[Hue]

Jacob,

It's always tricky when a girl is legitimately living a busy life. That said, this is texting. She could be investing more and definitely doing a better job of getting back to you.

Hey you hope you had a great weekend. My schedule this upcoming weekend is the same...work Saturday night but off first. Would love to see you - drinks/food after?

I've seen this work (and especially with girls that you've just killed it with and provided good sex) where you can just go straight into making plans to meet.

That said... I feel like texting nowadays is less and less inclined towards somewhat longer texts with multiple messages in them. It's become much more conversation-like.

Even just beginning with a ping "hey you hope you had a great weekend" works fine as a starter text, then after a 3-7 message exchange you can start to plan logistics, depending on how she texts back. By doing the "hey my schedule is this, let's do this exact day, sound good?", you steam-roll her options into just Saturday night. That's a problem simply by how much it limits her.

Me: Actually, change of plans, I could do Friday! Comedy show?

This comes off as if you've taken her ignoring the text as her saying no, because you double texted. It was only a day, my man... if she really is busy then she could take a couple days, or perhaps she doesn't know her schedule yet and doesn't know what to tell you just yet.

That might have not been your intention, but this is likely how it comes off to her.

Also both texts end with you asking her to meet up. This sets the frame that she is now the guardian, the judge, and the decision maker to whether she will allow you to meet with her. "Food and drinks?", "Comedy show?", just don't have as strong of a frame as suggesting / leading the text does.

Example:

Wednesday / Thursday

You: "Hey hey ms. busy (used this "ms. busy" frame when she's not responding and it's worked for me). Found some changes in my weekend, it turns out. Let me know what you're up to."

This^ says, "hey - I have a change of plans. Also you seem to be too busy to have gotten back to me. Get back to me." without being needy. That's persisting. It also doesn't specify what's behind "door number two" for your weekend, which might make her curious.

Her: Hey!!! Sorry I've been working like nonstop and crashing after work everyydayyyy... I'm free this weekend though!

You: I totally understand haha. I'm meeting a friend this Saturday, but Friday was going to go watch stand-up at [comedy club / tavern]... would love for you to join (=

^Way less needy. You're going to the show. She is welcome to join, but you're not making your weekend center around her, she's simply allowed to tag along. Then you flirt and physically build sexual tension at the show, invite her home and fuck... if that's what you want to do. There's also ways to just invite her straight to your apartment after you've fucked, but that's a whole nother conversation.

Her: Hey you just got off work now omg such a long day I worked 13 hours today !!!!!

She ignored your ask.

Me: Busy!
Me: Let me know if Friday works

"Busy!" as it's own text sounds like you're annoyed.
"Let me know if Friday works" is moving in more of a "okay bitch, tell me your schedule" in a dominating way. But because you're coming off as annoyed, it shows her that you're giving her power in the situation, yet again.

I would have responded,

"Yikes. Sounds rough".

That's it.

You've already asked her out, and she's not blind. She read your texts, my man. The ball is in her court, and it's on her to get back to you.


Texting is an art my man. You may have been meaning to say one thing, or come off a certain way, but it's reallly easy to send something off, without going through the process of "if I was this exact girl, and I was getting this exact text, how would that make me feel when I get the text. Then, how would that make me feel 20 minutes after I got it, and then a full day after I got it". Texts sit there and don't move. Girls read those things multiple times, and they also love to show their friends the texts and have discourse about them. Trust me, I see it at my job all the fucking time.


Hope all this helps! Let me know if you have any questions.


Hue

 

[JacobPalmer]

Thanks!

Yeah those are much better. Regarding the Friday double text, it was my intention to double text, because I would have preferred Friday as Saturday was busy. Moot point now but whatever.

"Busy!" - yeah I was a bit annoyed haha. I like your text back better though, thanks for that.

In any case, she just texted me back today.

Her: Hey you ! How are you today? I have such a bad cold I don't know how I got it but I have been working like a dog and sleeping like an old man ! Just thought about you

So I think we're ok again, but will definitely play things off a bit more cool/non chalantly going forward.

Thanks Hue!

 

[JacobPalmer]

Update: She now just told me she's been thinking about me and was playing with herself. So sounds like everything is better than I thought ha.

 

[Hue]

Hahaha!

That's the thing with texting dude - it's a glimpse into the 7 seconds of where they were cognitively, emotionally, etc.. shit can seem one way this moment and then appear totally different the next.


Glad to hear it (; you two have fun now.