Long-Term I'm 25 years old & never had a girlfriend

[Theozil10]

I'm 25, good looking, in good shape, have a good job that pays well, have had an interesting life traveling and living in different countries, and don't have a problem getting & sleeping with women, yet I have never had a serious relationship.

Most girls I like.... we end up going on a handful of dates, have sex a lot and then they slowly loose interest. The girls I don't like, end up staying around and want something more serious.

Not sure what I'm doing wrong, maybe trying to game too much? I feel that if I start to do more relationship things, they aren't as interested as when we first met. I guess i'm struggling to find the balance between acting aloof/indifferent and building more comfort.

 

[Dude909]

Always invest a little bit less than she does, is a good rule of thumb.

If you provide more details and examples we will be able to help you better,

 

[Theozil10]

Always invest a little bit less than she does, is a good rule of thumb.

If you provide more details and examples we will be able to help you better,

I guess my real question is about how to go about having a more serious relationship with a girl from work.

We have worked together for nearly a year now. We go out on the weekends with other people from work, sometimes a big group and other times just 3 or 4 of us. I can sense that she likes me a bit, but I also know she is dating around. I met one of the guys she went on a bunch of dates with, but she doesn't seem to think he is what she wants.

The other week she organized a happy hour event, i showed up 30 mins late and no one was there, she arrived a few minutes after me and we ended up drinking and bowling together for an hour before anyone showed up. We also have a shared secrets with each other that we promised not to tell anyone else about. I joke and flirt with her and the other girls in the office all the time, but I'm not sure how to take it further.

Should I keep doing what I've been doing and wait for her to make a move? I've never had a serious relationship with anyone and its unchartered territory for me.

 

[ray_zorse]

Dude YOU are the man, YOU must lead. She won't make a move, YOU must gather up your balls and (discreetly) set up a hangout with her from which you can pull her to a seduction location (e.g. your home). Read up on simplifying dates. Easy date means you meet at your home in the first place and MIGHT work here, but it's a risk and meeting for coffee near your home might be safer, just means your connection building, leading and plausible deniability need to be on point for you to execute a successful pull to home. Concentrate on (1) getting your dick in the hole (2) getting her to meet you for sex at least 3+ times so you can be sure she's your girl (3) settling into a routine of regular casual sex. Baby steps mate. If you do this correctly she will initiate relationship talk regularly, and after 3mth or so you can let her "win" (if you don't she will likely get frustrated and cause drama or auto reject). Never initiate relationship talk yourself as this makes you look needy and weak. Try to have regular sex with as many other (existing or new) girls in that time frame as you can, and keep your hangouts with this girl to once every 10 days. This will keep her hungry for more, and position you as a challenge. However, let's not get ahead of ourselves. First you need to bed her, and frankly, since you did not lead decisively until now, the chance may well be gone, she might have you in a provider slot (won't give up the honey without extensive commitment and investment on your part) or, worse, an orbiter slot (gives you little tidbits of flirting to keep you interested, such as shared "secrets", but basically uses you for the attention and validation you provide). Only way to know is try
Ray
PS. Read articles on www.girlschase.com until your eyes bleed, the fact you're asking this question indicates you need more of a grounding in what GC teaches (but there's no shame in that, we've all been there). Follow the teachings correctly and you will be a sexy dominant mofo with options out your wazoo and many girls trying to tie you down into relationship.

 

[HippertyHopperty]

Hey Theozil,

I'm in a similar position to you. I could have had a serious relationship with a number of women that I wasn't into but then whats the point of that? The key i find with the girls you like is because you like them you will communicate this either subconsciously or consciously to them and this will make you needy. If you're anything like me you will end up being submissive to the girls you like the most and then its all over...

I'm currently focusing on getting a level of abundance with women where whenever i meet a girl i consider date-able I come from the mindset of "I wonder what the next one will be like" so that i don't get too hung up on the current prospect. That being said you should not have labeled a girl as date-able until you have slept/sleeping with her. Otherwise you'll trip up over your emotions.

That sounds like what will happen with the girl you mentioned in your post... but good luck man and get reading!

Kind regards,
HipHop

 

[Sophisticated Gent]

Most girls I like.... we end up going on a handful of dates, have sex a lot and then they slowly loose interest. The girls I don't like, end up staying around and want something more serious.

I am going back to the beginning here because this statement reinforces what HipHop is saying. When you like a girl you are over investing and looking needy. When you don't like the girl you are not over investing. This is why the ones you like move on and the ones you don't stay around. You are looking needy and weak to the ones you like. Of course there is the second possibility, the sex is not good enough. If you are not bringing the orgasms regularly then you need to read some of the help on here. See this link.

https://www.girlschase.com/content/make- ... es-or-less

 

[Theozil10]

The key i find with the girls you like is because you like them you will communicate this either subconsciously or consciously to them and this will make you needy. If you're anything like me you will end up being submissive to the girls you like the most and then its all over...

Thanks HipHop, I think you're right about this. For some reason, if I don't sleep with the girl on the first or second date, I start getting oneitis and I start to get needy. I've no idea why.

I agree with most of what everyone has said and I appreciate the advice. My next steps should be to isolate her and then move towards sex. Though, I have some doubt about doing it, considering we work in the same office and sit less then 10 feet from each other everyday. If something were to go wrong, it would be a disastor, considering my company is a big firm and they take "sexual harassment" seriously. Though I don't think it will come to that. But I did know a guy who used to work at the office who went on a date with her and he told me that they went back to his place and made out. He started getting very needy and creeping her out with all the attention and everyone else in the office thought he was being creepy and weird. I guess I'm just over thinking this and if things don't pan out as planned, to just keep it cool and respectful.

Also, I'm always going on dates with other girls, it's just a lot of work and I don't think the girls are very good in this city compared to where I used to live, which makes me more cynical about going on dates with average looking girls. Why can't all the women in this city just be like Eastern European women!! haha

 

[ray_zorse]

Mate, early in my journey I asked out a girl from my office, it seemed promising initially but it appears she changed her mind and around the same time I got a bit awkward and weird (kind of didn't know what to say when I bumped into her and stuff, would kind of want to impress her instead of just playing it cool, and consequently blurt stuff out that I shouldn't have said, etc)... and you know what, things were a little weird for 6 months or more but I do not regret it in any way, because I picked up so many valuable reference points... I say just go for it and fuckin hell, even if you get her back to your place and make out with her and it gets around the office so what? You're not creepy or weird, you'll handle it fine. In fact one of the keys to being a good seducer is to be able to handle interpersonal tension without cracking. Like there's this woman at my kids' school who I had a conversation with a few years back and I may have made my attraction a bit too obvious (touch, looking deeply into her eyes, long pauses etc)... and now I notice she avoids me a bit in the playground, it's very subtle but I notice it. Err so I want to say to her something like "heyy I notice XXX and look there's no need to worry, sorry if I gave you the wrong idea"... BUT after really thinking about it I DECIDED I LIKE THE TENSION and the fact I've made her just a teensy bit uncomfortable, makes me laugh... just my sexual edge... giving out a rather dangerous vibe perhaps... so why would I defuse it? She can always address it if she wants [Incidentally I ran into this woman, with her family at a fish farm I took my kids to a month back, and had a conversation with her recently, it was surprisingly chilled].
Ray

 

[Theozil10]

Thanks ray,

You're right, I'll just go for it. We have a going away party for Tuesday, I'll gauge her interest in me then and make a move once i've isolated her. Otherwise, I keep flirting and teasing her at work, until we go out again and then I'll make a move.

I've noticed that when I haven't been laid in a while I start to develop these things called "feelings." Might have to slay a few dragons, before I get the princess. haha

Any tips on how I should make a move? I could suggest going for a drink together or I was thinking of just making a move on her after the party. She usually asks if she can get a lift home from me. I have a running joke with her about how she's trying to make herself wife material. So I could bring that up, tease her a bit and say "it would never work out between us, because xyz" then say "fuck it" and kiss her.

Any ideas?