FR I'm a horrible noob

[theemann31]

Hey guys, I did some more approaching at my summer job at Abercrombie & Fitch. I still suck (badly) and I might have done worse than my previous approaches at a waterpark but I need to post these, because maybe it will shame me into doing a better job with girls and someone might feel my pain too. So without further adieu, here are some more rejections.


Interactions at Abercrombie & Fitch:

Cute Girl near the Stockroom
I was walking through the store carrying clothes when I saw a cute European with tan skin, about my height facing a closet of hanging clothes looking and feeling them. I decided to approach after some anxiety and just began walking over despite the fear pulling back at me; I tapped her shoulder with poor fundamentals: bad posture (I was hunched over), I had that “durr” look on my face when you’re desperately waiting to see someone’s reaction like it’s life or death, a poor voice with no deepness or “guttural purr”. My body was pointing completely towards her and my proximity was close, the only thing I did right was that I was making eye contact with her throughout the opener.
ME: Hey excuse me, listen, I saw you standing here and I thought you had an amaz…amazing figure.
HER: (Turns and looks at me puzzled, then I smile and she smiles back) oh thanks…
ME: (I rub the back of my neck not knowing what to do and walk away)

Hot Chick in Mens 2 Room
I was placing more clothes on the floor when I saw another girl, she was short, again European with tan skin and a pretty face. I just tried my best to ignore my anxiety and walked over, again with poor fundamentals (the same as the last one) I faced her completely when she was walking over slowly and opened her up
ME: Hey excuse me, I saw you walking by and thought you had a great figure…
HER: What, I don’t speak English
ME: (stare for a second) I said you have a great figure (motioning her curves with my hands with a smile on my face)
HER: Thanks (smiling)
ME: Are you single?
HER: No
ME: Oh, well then thanks, take care (I touch her shoulder and walk off)

Another European Girl
This one was again browsing clothes in one of the closets in the perimeter of the store, I was nervous but still approached this girl with the usual, poor fundamentals and my body facing right at her.
ME: Excuse me, I saw you over here and I thought you had an amazing figure, so I just had to come over and meet you
HER: (looks at me and immediately looks away and down and backs away) Thanks…
ME: (I move in closer kinda chasing her) Tell me your name
HER: (mumbled something I couldn’t hear but I didn’t care)
ME: Where are you from?
HER: Argentina
ME: OH, so you don’t live here in Miami
HER: No I’m just vacationing here
ME: (I was clueless and didn’t know what to say and start backing away) thanks then (and I leave)

Nine West Girl
Everyone has a funny approach story, this one was really dumb and sad on my part and it’s kinda hard to write. I saw a pretty American girl who worked at Nine West browsing through one of the closets on the wall near a clearance section and I finally fought my anxiety to go over and approach. Again, this is before I thought fundamentals were important, so they were poor and creepy like the other approaches. I walk over
HER: (her head snaps around SUPER FAST) Hey is the 40% off clearance too?
ME: Yeah it is, look right here (I point out the small print on the sale fixture)
HER: No way, that’s really cheap, you sure? (she looks at me with a concerned face and I’m thinking “what the fuck, you want me to raise the price or something?”)
ME: Yeah… you know the real reason I came over… is because I thought you were cute and wanted to say hi
HER: (breaks eye contact down, turns around and tries to walk away, but walks into the closet and hits a pole and tries to play it off)
ME: (I take this as cue to leave)
Funny part is where she tries to escape me and walks right into the closet, kinda sad and I feel sorry I put her through that but I guess it’s all a part of being a total clueless noob.



Final Approach, Cute Short Coworker
This last approach I did was probably my best one of the day because without knowing it, I stayed very calm, had little anxiety and used the best fundamentals of the day and went all the way to a number close. I begin fixing a pile of knocked over clothes in the central canoe room and I notice her next to me fixing the same table so I tell myself it’s now or never and go into action with almost no fear. The girl is maybe 5’ tall, Hispanic and not particularly cute
ME: (I stand up straight and look right at her touch her arm) Hey there, you look really cute in that outfit.
HER: Thanks (totally indifferent to me)
ME: (I stay calm and continue) Tell me your name (I extend my hand)
HER: (notices my hand looks at me and shakes it) I’m Michele
ME: I’m Josh, are you single?
HER: Yeah…
ME: Well listen, you seem really interesting and cool so I think we should hang out sometime, would you agree?
HER: Noooo…. (imagine going up to a total stranger and asking them if 2+2 is 5 the no you get is the kind of no that I got)
ME: Ok, that’s cool (and I walk off)

That's all the approaching I did that day, what is concerning me is that I go off to college in 7 days and I still suck with girls. I really want to get better and I acquired a copy of Chase Amante's How to Make Girls Chase book and just reading the first few pages on fundamentals, I now see how important fundamentals are and am working very hard to improve them. From reading the basic opening section, I now see that my openers were too strong for girls who were not open to them. What I did wrong was I shouldn't have gone direct, I should've gone situational and said something like
"Well this shirt is nice, what do you think? I bet you'd look cute in it"
I shouldn't have pointed my body right at them, I should have looked over my shoulder when opening them and spoke with a deeper, slower voice with some deep purr to it and stood up straight with perfect posture, held strong eye contact etc. But I didn't, and I hope I at least get far enough to start learning a bit about a girl before I run out of things to say.

I always write up a process that I will use on a girl that I approach to get her, here's an example:

Hired Gun Process

1. Open Situational
ex. "How's your day going?"
"This shirt here is nice, what do you think?"
2. Go Direct
ex. "You know, I must say... you have a really pretty face/ incredible curves/ are really attractive
3. Basic Questions
ex. "So where ya from?"
"Where are you in life right now? College, graduated?"
"So what do you do in life outside here, you know, when you're not hitting on guys?"
4. Manage the Threads of Conversation
Cut threads when going nowhere
Amplify threads when they're going the right way
ex. "tell me more" or "no way that's cool, go on"
Dive Deeper
ex. "When did you start doing that?" or "Do you like doing that?" or "How did you first get started with that?"
5. Number Close Out or Use a Yes Ladder
ex. "So tell me, are you happy we ran into each other? --- Did you enjoy talking to me?--- Do you like eating food?--- Great, then I think we should hang out and grab a bite to eat later this week or next, would you like that?"

I always write up things like that but have only gotten to a number close once (and got rejected as you read). I try not to stick too close to it and become robotic or scripted but sticking to the process helps me move around with a direction. I just always fizzle out somewhere past the opener and walk away from the pretty girl in shame.

So that's that, this was hard to write but I need to if I'm going to get any help. If you're willing to help me out then please help me get past the opener, at least to making repartee with the girl and let me go down in flames at the deep dive. I really do want to improve and be able to achieve my goals which are: 1. To be Thrilled, not scared and jump at the opportunity to meet girls 2. Have consistent success in day game cold approaches to get numbers that won't flake and get instant dates and instant lays like ZPhix. 3. Have an army of girls to have booty calls and eventually make girlfriends 4. To not be too scared to next a girl because I will have Absolute Abundance Mentality

Whatever you tell me I will apply in the field until I get success and post it here then move on to building better fundamentals and progress to the next skill to master. And in the end, a year from today everyone on the forum will be rewarded when I am getting good with this and you guys start seeing 3-4 high quality detailed lay reports coming up and we all know how fun it is to read those and learn from them. If you bothered to read this far then thank you, you now know the most embarrassing part of my life, my lack of skill with girls and my ambitious goals

- Thanks, Joshua

 

[SaltyT]

How strong do you consider your fundamentals? I mean how much do you invest in fundamentals?

Tells us how you look

 

[SaltyT]

Seems you could work better in the first aproaches... You can come out with something stupid to make her laugh, did you do eye contact at the very start of all?

 

[Smith]

Actively work on your fundamentals - work out, get better style, haircut, facial hair, sexy walk, good voice, eye contact, facial expression.

And sexy smile + strong eye contact when you open her.

It also seems like you're struggling to get into a good vibe.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wdm58UmlpQ0&list=UUr4noD5_Hxn6X_qdaQHA6Kw

Shoot out those rainbow jizz brother.

Don't worry about numbers, dates. Those comes naturally when you're having a good time. Just be glad u took action. Whether u succeed or fail is not the point at this stage.

 

[theemann31]

Seems you could work better in the first aproaches... You can come out with something stupid to make her laugh, did you do eye contact at the very start of all?

I definitely need to work on my first approaches, I will try making them laugh in the opener next time, I just read something saying you should put a girl at ease first before you do anything else so I will work on doing that next time. Eye contact happened on all of them but most of them were creeped out by me so they averted eye contact and I really couldn't hold it because they broke eye contact. I am now working very hard to improve my fundamentals. In the E-Book the fundamentals are split up into 4 categories: Body-Voice-Fashion-Social and for homework I am supposed to open girls directly or situationally while maintaining 8 of my fundamentals (2 from each category). And as I master each fundamental I am supposed to move on and master more from each category until I have mastered them all, so that's what I am now working on.

Tells us how you look

I'm 5'6" Black (brown skin not super dark black), in good shape (I have a washboard stomach, no gut) wear clothes that fit tight to my body like skinny jeans or extra slim fit button downs and pretty bland semi dress shoes, sometimes I think I am dressed like I am going to church. I am 18 and have no facial hair, just a light mustache and side burn stubble that reaches a little past my ears.

Thanks for responding bro, I really appreciate it

Actively work on your fundamentals - work out, get better style, haircut, facial hair, sexy walk, good voice, eye contact, facial expression.

And sexy smile + strong eye contact when you open her.

It also seems like you're struggling to get into a good vibe.

I gotcha Smith! I'll be starting college 1400 miles Northwest of where I live now so I will be getting a fresh start to NAIL my fundamentals (all of them) but quick question, How do you know when you've mastered any particular fundamental? are girls gonna be all over you like in the Axe bodyspray commercials or is it something more subtle?
Also How do YOU sexy smile, what works for you?

Don't worry about numbers, dates. Those comes naturally when you're having a good time. Just be glad u took action. Whether u succeed or fail is not the point at this stage.

Alright bro, I won't be looking for those, but I'm just the kinda guy who likes to "take shots at the endzone" you know, go for the number or when I reach the point of isolating girls in the future, going for escalation to sex, but I get what your'e saying, it's all about the basics now.
Thank you Smith, I'll get to work on that

 

[theemann31]

Shoot out those rainbow jizz brother.

Dude, that's a really good idea, I'm going to do that! Have you tried that?

 

[Smith]

How do you know when you've mastered any particular fundamental? are girls gonna be all over you like in the Axe bodyspray commercials or is it something more subtle?
Also How do YOU sexy smile, what works for you?

when you see girls responding well or checking you out.

Sexy smile is closed mouth smile. Practice in front of the mirror. I think chase has this down to details in his article.

Dude, that's a really good idea, I'm going to do that! Have you tried that?

I sometimes jst compliment girls then walk away. It puts both of ya in a good mood - win-win.

Try preopening if u find girls surprised or creeped out by u before u even say anything.

 

[Richard]

Got your PM bro so I'll respond with some advice.

I still suck (badly)

First and foremost get rid of this mindset. If you tell yourself something so derogatory then you're going to slow down your learning curve quite a bit - a better way to phrase it would be "I still have room for improvement." Never beat yourself up with labels because you'll eventually become that label.

I was walking through the store carrying clothes when I saw a cute European with tan skin, about my height facing a closet of hanging clothes looking and feeling them. I decided to approach after some anxiety and just began walking over despite the fear pulling back at me; I tapped her shoulder with poor fundamentals: bad posture (I was hunched over), I had that “durr” look on my face when you’re desperately waiting to see someone’s reaction like it’s life or death, a poor voice with no deepness or “guttural purr”. My body was pointing completely towards her and my proximity was close, the only thing I did right was that I was making eye contact with her throughout the opener.
ME: Hey excuse me, listen, I saw you standing here and I thought you had an amaz…amazing figure.
HER: (Turns and looks at me puzzled, then I smile and she smiles back) oh thanks…
ME: (I rub the back of my neck not knowing what to do and walk away)

Even if you think that you're bad - you still approached and that automatically makes you better than probably 85% of men.

However, you're not advanced enough (or rather comfortable enough with this) to use a direct opener complimenting her body. When you use a direct opener it has to be confident, and backed by powerful fundamentals (as Smith was talking about) and if you deliver something so direct without matching body language then you sound like a pervert or a creep.

Also, you just gave up (as you did in all your examples) without trying to persist. In this instance you didn't know what to say and your mind went blank... a good way to combat that is:

• Memorize some interesting questions to fall back on
• Admit that you're mind is blank. Own up to whatever thoughts are in your head. Girls respect that and will give you some leniency because they know you're nervous.

"Listen. My head went blank, and I'm nervous. But I think you're really cute and I wanted to come tell you that." <--- Girls respect the fact that you were able to say something despite your nerves, and it actually shows that you are confident because you're combating something that's holding you back.

This one was again browsing clothes in one of the closets in the perimeter of the store, I was nervous but still approached this girl with the usual, poor fundamentals and my body facing right at her.
ME: Excuse me, I saw you over here and I thought you had an amazing figure, so I just had to come over and meet you
HER: (looks at me and immediately looks away and down and backs away) Thanks…
ME: (I move in closer kinda chasing her) Tell me your name
HER: (mumbled something I couldn’t hear but I didn’t care)
ME: Where are you from?
HER: Argentina
ME: OH, so you don’t live here in Miami
HER: No I’m just vacationing here
ME: (I was clueless and didn’t know what to say and start backing away) thanks then (and I leave)

Same thing as I just mentioned above - and this is more proof of girls viewing you as a creep because you're words and body language aren't in tune with one another. Another point I'd like to mention is that you shouldn't demand a girl tell you her name because it sounds forceful instead of dominant, like your prying for details. Instead, talk casually back and forth:

Me: "Excuse me, I saw you over here and I thought you had an amazing figure, so I just had to come over and meet you." (your also putting power in her favor when you say something like this)
Her: "Thanks"
Me: "So what brings you here today?"
Her: "Just shopping. The usual stuff."
Me: "You don't sound like you're from around here... where are you from?"
Her: "Argentina, and I'm vacationing here in Miami"
Me: "Hmm.. so you're looking to have some fun and adventure? By the way, what's your name?"

....and so on and so forth. Try easing your way into more personal things like that. As a side note I'd also take things sexual very fast but I think you'd feel uncomfortable doing that as of now so I'll save those bits of information for later.

This last approach I did was probably my best one of the day because without knowing it, I stayed very calm, had little anxiety and used the best fundamentals of the day and went all the way to a number close. I begin fixing a pile of knocked over clothes in the central canoe room and I notice her next to me fixing the same table so I tell myself it’s now or never and go into action with almost no fear. The girl is maybe 5’ tall, Hispanic and not particularly cute
ME: (I stand up straight and look right at her touch her arm) Hey there, you look really cute in that outfit.
HER: Thanks (totally indifferent to me)
ME: (I stay calm and continue) Tell me your name (I extend my hand)
HER: (notices my hand looks at me and shakes it) I’m Michele
ME: I’m Josh, are you single?
HER: Yeah…
ME: Well listen, you seem really interesting and cool so I think we should hang out sometime, would you agree?
HER: Noooo…. (imagine going up to a total stranger and asking them if 2+2 is 5 the no you get is the kind of no that I got)
ME: Ok, that’s cool (and I walk off)

Again, you're not building any rapport and you're moving farrr too fast without having the fundamentals or experience to do so. When you're just starting I actually recommend taking things just a bit slower, lengthening your conversations out, and getting as much quality out of your interactions as possible.

So, I want you to work on building rapport before deep diving, work on your fundamentals (namely moving more slowly, tone of voice, and controlling your body language.)

Remember to relax and chill out bro. You're placing too much of an emphasis on picking up girls - it's something that's supposed to be fun and adventurous, not a chore.

-Richard

 

[theemann31]

Thanks Zphix

Thanks Zphix, you always keep it real man, no sugarcoating. I gotcha I'll keep a positive attitude and have fun with it, I think I do have fun sometimes but I've got some clear goals to work towards now so I'll enjoy the journey to reaching them I think I'll give direct openers a break for now and go solely indirect and focus in on putting the girl I'm talking to at ease with non creep ball fundamentals and building repartee with humor and non personal questions. Now thinking about it, I just think I tried something I'm not ready for, but that's cool.

To make things easier on myself, on my next few interactions I think I'm just going to find out about 2 things about the girl after she's comfortable with me
1. How was life where she's from and why she came to where she is now
2. What she's doing with her life now and why she's doing it

That should help right, Indirect opener, get her comfortable with me with some humor and basic questions, get those two topics in and I should do better along with some much improved fundamentals. That should help me make some new friends in college too since i only know like one person going there and need friends with cars to go out places to meet more girls.

I think I got my work set out for me Zphix, I'll get on it and hit the boards up with a straighter back and more body control

 

[SaltyT]

A friend of mine used to get big shoes, they help you to look taller, and also what about your hair? Get a kick ass hair...

You can come across and say something stupid to make them laugh, let's say she's white, you can make chocolate jokes, like she's all quite, "you like chocolate? girl say yeah, ooh you mean you want to eat me, that's why you are quite, you are sizing me up!!?" hahah and then laugh (always laugh or you will be creepy!!, chase framing my friend..

About your height, you can say jokes like: "what about you what do you do? (girl).. I play basketball (you)... Really! You are not very tall! (girl)... well you should know essence doesn't come in barrels ;D then laugh... (she's like omg this guy is confident)

Tell us how you are doing..!! And don't thank me, i love to help other guys to success in this btch!!! Peace bro...

S.T.M

 

[theemann31]

Gotcha SaltyT, I'll have to scour the Internet for cool black guy haircuts, and height doesn't bug me at all, the chocolate jokes are funny but I'm not that comfortable with those, there's a ton of comedians who make jokes on those though so maybe I'll check them out

 

[sneaky_charm]

Alright dude, I think I may be able to help here, since I frequently find myself in similar situations.

If you get too nervous and leave, not knowing what do do, I'm guessing your interactions are too fast. That is, you are talking with a quite fast pace.

SLOW DOWN. All I can say is SLOW DOWN.

Try to keep your pace of talking almost as slow as possible. That way, your mind thinks you are relaxed, and you almost NEVER run out of things to say.

In case you STILL RUN OUT of things to say, just stay there, look into the eyes of the girl like there is no one else in the world you want to see right now, with a sly smile on your face, and...KEEP LOOKING UNTIL SHE SAYS SOMETHING, or till you find something to say.

ALWAYS, whenever you are about to approach, remind yourself that you will not leave the girl if you do not find something to say. Just reminding yourself that right before you approach a girl will decrease the rate of such situations happening significantly.

Hope I was able to help.

- Kevin

 

[theemann31]

SLOW DOWN. All I can say is SLOW DOWN.

Try to keep your pace of talking almost as slow as possible. That way, your mind thinks you are relaxed, and you almost NEVER run out of things to say.

In case you STILL RUN OUT of things to say, just stay there, look into the eyes of the girl like there is no one else in the world you want to see right now, with a sly smile on your face, and...KEEP LOOKING UNTIL SHE SAYS SOMETHING, or till you find something to say.

ALWAYS, whenever you are about to approach, remind yourself that you will not leave the girl if you do not find something to say. Just reminding yourself that right before you approach a girl will decrease the rate of such situations happening significantly.

Good shit bro, looking back at that and my other interactions with girls and people in general, when I slow down I am much more sure of myself. For instance, in high school, the teachers would always make us present our designs in front of our class and other classes and sometimes in front of board members and other important people, so as you can imagine I would be very nervous before a presentation. And a trend that I have observed among these presentations is whenever I would just be in the moment and slow down and enjoy the spotlight, I would OWN the presentation without any problems, so I guess talking with girls is the same thing. I do have an example of this with a cute girl at a sandwich shop, here it is:

During my lunch break on the first day of my summer internship, I went to a sandwich shop with my friend that has the BEST turkey and ham sandwiches, but the bad part is they have a long waiting time for the food to be prepared. So on that day after I ordered and was waiting by the pickup area, a cute girl walked in. She was 5'3" Hispanic about 22 years old with light skin, long black hair, a pretty face and was wearing a white tank top with a light blue skirt that went all the way down to her toes. She ordered her food and then sat down on a stool about 15 feet from me; I battled with the anxiety of going over to her and lost...I didn't budge. But then she walked right over to where I was and stood next to me at my left side in the waiting area. So I decided to take action!!!

Me: (touching her arm) Hi there, you have really cute earrings
Herlooks over and smiles back) Thank you
Mepause) I'm Josh
Her:I'm Chrystaline (or something like that)
Mepregnant pause and stare in her eyes smiling) So what are you doing in this part of Miami?
Her: I intern at (business) across the street and I study coding there
Me: That's cool, coding... what got you into doing that? it's not a common profession
Then she completely goes off telling me about different computer coding languages and that it's just something she's liked for some time and blah blah, she said so much that I can't remember it all (I was trying hard to pay close attention) until my food came and I looked at the time and had to leave immediately or I would be late for work (I had to eat while working) so I thanked her and left.

That interaction happened after the ones at Abercrombie so I was fighting myself to keep better fundamentals and not be too direct in the beginning, but without knowing it I was also slower and more calculated in the beginning and after she told me she was into coding, I just held eye contact and smiled and enjoyed the presence of a pretty girl in front of me until I thought of something (this was all done subconsciously). Funny thing is that thinking back, now I would have tried to be a little sexual remarking that if I was interning with her I would probably not be able to focus with a girl like her in the room or I would have gone a bit more push-pull and told her she is "such a nerd" for studying coding, then quickly bring her back from the jaws of auto-reject by telling her not to get defensive then whisper in her ear that guys like me find pretty girls with intelligence to be irresistible or something of that nature (with the matching sexual vibe and non creep ball fundamentals) then follow up with some deep diving (GOD i wanna try something like that with a girl SO badly right now).

This also reminds me of yesterday, when I went to the DMV to take my driving test, one of the DMV employee ladies was giving me some MAD attitude for asking what was taking so long (I was polite about this) so without saying a word to her after her attitude, I slowly moved my head and then my eyes towards her, made eye contact at the bridge of her nose between her eyes, stared for a second, then gave her the "skeptical look" smiled and looked off (up and to the side), amused at her challenge of me and spoke to another DMV lady who saw my authority (through fundamentals and non verbal communication) and she quickly told me a printer was down and would be back up momentarily. Going slow is good stuff.

But yeah back to the sandwich shop girl, I was calm and collected because I spoke slowly; it's gotta be a feedback loop where me speaking slowly makes me feel more in control and then feeling in control makes me perform better and performing better makes me... and so on and so forth. Good point sneaky_charm, I think this a really good lesson for any beginner