I'm afraid of approaching women, no matter how much knowledge I have

[[GC]Jay]

Hey,

I have this knowledge accumulated not only from girlschase articles but also from other PUA materials e.g Mystery Method & Pandoras Box System by Vin DiCarlo but I'm still a pussy and fearful when it comes to approach. I'm a guy with a face, I always put my physical appearance as my primary attraction to women but this doesn't get me anything, I actually never approached any women before in my life, never have a girlfriend either, and I easily get oneitis or obsessed with one girl whom I never even meet in person. I don't have much friends either, I do maybe 3-4 and basically I don't have a social circle or belong to any. My lack of exposure to society made me like this, so just to make me feel better I kept on reading articles for improvement but never actually done most of it except the fundamentals which I really dig cos I did a few changes in my wardrobe, going into the gym, but approaching women? nah.

Every bit of what I'm reading seems pointless if I can't even do the basic and that is approaching women. I'm the one who kept on holding myself for things that I should do but I don't know how to fight this damn feelings, everytime I see a women or get near one - It makes me nervous. Then all that knowledge in my head are thrown out of the window then I get to start feeling another day of failure.

 

[Richard]

Jay -

Being that people always work towards whatever they feel is "good" then it's easy to see that you're not weighing the pros and cons properly. Serial killers, though knowing that society thinks murder is wrong, still feel "good" in committing murder. Now you, you don't think that approaching is "good" for you - even if you do know that it's good, you feel like not approaching is still the best and safest option.

I was in your exact shoes buddy - heavily introverted, small social circle, one girlfriend before GC, and tired of feeling like I was missing out on a part of life few people ever get to indulge in. For a while, I was deathly afraid of approaching because I felt like not approaching was saving me from rejection, and was saving me from looking like an idiot not knowing what to say next. But, I thought about things in perspective and that's when I started to approach and that's how I ended up sleeping with 14 girls (thus far), and having 3 wonderful girlfriends (thus far).

Basically Jay, think about things this way: what pleasure are you getting by not approaching, what pain are you avoiding by not approaching?
Then - what pleasure would you get by approaching, and what pain would you avoid by approaching?

Pleasure gained by not approaching: In your case, I see no pleasure you get by saying "Hey! I'm going to let another girl that I think is cute walk away from me!"
Pain avoided by not approaching: Well, I won't be laughed at, I won't be rejected, I won't end up feeling worthless, etc.

Pleasure gained by approaching: Signifying that I'm building self-confidence, feeling good that you can communicate with people, physical pleasure of sex, pleasure of emotionally connecting with women, pleasure of succeeding at something most people see as nearly impossible, becoming a dominant person which spills over into workplace success, pleasure of making friends and lifelong connections, I'll have the power to do what I want, and soooo much more.
Pain avoided by approaching: Well, I won't be alone like I've always been, I won't feel depressed about not having friends or a girlfriend anymore, I won't be just a face anymore, I won't feel jealous towards my friends who have success with women, and mannnnyyy other things.

Make a list like that until you see that learning to approach is actually a "good thing for you" to do.

Aside from that - when you approach a girl if you're nervous... tell her - admit that you're nervous but approach her anyway. If you've got this idea that you've got to be a super edgy, super smooth guy to pick up chicks then you're dead wrong - we all get nervous bro, even us pros. When I approach girls my face will still turn red, I'll feel the knots in my stomach from time to time, but I'll approach anyway and I'll slow things down to start to take it easy.

All the knowledge in your head doesn't mean anything either - there's never going to be a point in time where a girl will do or say something that you can immediately link back to an article to get a follow up step for you - the ability to make moves comes with experience not with knowledge and the only way to get experience is to approach - go through the hardship then see incredible life gains.

And if you need further inspiration - my friend Tool/T Vaunswa, joined this site having never kissed a girl, held a girls hand, had sex with a girl, or had a girlfriend - and now he's engaged to the woman of his dreams... all because he started to approach women.

-Richard

 

[Flames]

So what's your question?

 

[ocantu1987]

This worked for me tremendously, next time you see a cute girl you want to talk to, dont think about anything and just do it, say "I thought you were cute and I had to come meet you, Im jay, well that is all I wanted to say, bye". bam! you can say your nervous it is okay, this unlocked my approach ability for me big time, ever since then I can approach lol

 

[Adamantimus]

Hey,

I have this knowledge accumulated not only from girlschase articles but also from other PUA materials e.g Mystery Method & Pandoras Box System by Vin DiCarlo but I'm still a pussy and fearful when it comes to approach. I'm a guy with a face, I always put my physical appearance as my primary attraction to women but this doesn't get me anything, I actually never approached any women before in my life, never have a girlfriend either, and I easily get oneitis or obsessed with one girl whom I never even meet in person. I don't have much friends either, I do maybe 3-4 and basically I don't have a social circle or belong to any. My lack of exposure to society made me like this, so just to make me feel better I kept on reading articles for improvement but never actually done most of it except the fundamentals which I really dig cos I did a few changes in my wardrobe, going into the gym, but approaching women? nah.

Every bit of what I'm reading seems pointless if I can't even do the basic and that is approaching women. I'm the one who kept on holding myself for things that I should do but I don't know how to fight this damn feelings, everytime I see a women or get near one - It makes me nervous. Then all that knowledge in my head are thrown out of the window then I get to start feeling another day of failure.

My advice is to practice by confronting girls at bars. This is an easy way of approaching women, and you don't even have to fear losing your face, because "You don't know these girls, so what's there to lose, right?"

Or if you want an even more easy & basic approach, you can, when you're eating at a diner, just go to a girl's table and ask, "Is this seat taken?"

And there you have it. An easy conversation with a girl. It doesn't necessarily have to lead anywhere, but if you want, you can ask for her number at the end of the conversation.

I know your situation. I've been there. Maybe I still am there. I've never had a girlfriend, nor I've never had a one night case. But I keep improving and I keep becoming better.

And eventually I will hit the motherload (no pun intented), and so will you too. =)

Cheers!

 

[Drck]

I used to have high anxiety when I was among people. What helped me a lot was meditation, feeling relaxation and pleasure. I learned to meditate in my room, I learned to have great feelings about myself while alone. Once I knew how to meditate and have good feelings, I went to the crowds of people and I meditated there. Just by walking between people and meditating, I learned to have good feelings. I associeated those good feelings with being between people.
Then you start talking, maybe just couple of words to the guy who sells news papers. Maybe waiter, or waitress. And then you meditate again, relax about it. Then you maybe want to talk in front of small group of people, just couple of guys. You talk and you meditate. You associate good feelings with talking to other people.

And then, why not talk to that girl who you are not interested that much about? Just talk to her, then meditate. Maybe you want her to be your friend, just friend. Maybe you want to talk to her friends too, then you meditate again.

Then there is this sweet and pretty girl. You don't have to sleep with her, you don't have to marry her, and she doesn't have to be your girlfriend. Maybe just a talk with her is good enough. You talk to her and then you meditate again.

Autosuggestions are great as well. Go back to your room and meditate, then once you feel good keep repeating: "Talking to people is great". "Talking to girls is great". "I feel great when I talk to girls" and so on. Keep repeating those over and over, do it several times a day, do it before you fall asleep and when you wake up - and you'll see the changes in couple of weeks.

Those little steps will get you much futher than one huge jump...

 

[[GC]Jay]

Thanks for the responses guys. I can't go out in clubs during the night, my parents are very strict and they don't allow me to go out during the night. Maybe someday I can go for this activity but not now while I'm still under their roof.

 

[Dylweed]

Then do day game, find a street where there are a lot of hot women walking around. Start approaching. There's really only one option you have, do it! Obviously its going to be hard but the other option, not approaching, will just make your life worse. So go and do it. Get horribly rejected, and keep getting rejected. Then after a while you will have been rejected so many times that you won't care about getting rejected one more time. Thats when your confidence builds and you start seeing success. Start approaching NOW! You have no excuse

 

[[GC]Jay]

why some girls i have talked in the past were not active during conversation? they weren't smart and get's easily bored. most of them can't get my jokes, they were somewhat dumb. these the second reason why I don't want to talk to girls, it sometimes make me thinks that i'm the one who have the problem cos maybe I'm just a boring person to talk to.

 

[Franky]

Hey,

I have this knowledge accumulated not only from girlschase articles but also from other PUA materials e.g Mystery Method & Pandoras Box System by Vin DiCarlo but I'm still a pussy and fearful when it comes to approach. I'm a guy with a face, I always put my physical appearance as my primary attraction to women but this doesn't get me anything, I actually never approached any women before in my life, never have a girlfriend either, and I easily get oneitis or obsessed with one girl whom I never even meet in person. I don't have much friends either, I do maybe 3-4 and basically I don't have a social circle or belong to any. My lack of exposure to society made me like this, so just to make me feel better I kept on reading articles for improvement but never actually done most of it except the fundamentals which I really dig cos I did a few changes in my wardrobe, going into the gym, but approaching women? nah.

Every bit of what I'm reading seems pointless if I can't even do the basic and that is approaching women. I'm the one who kept on holding myself for things that I should do but I don't know how to fight this damn feelings, everytime I see a women or get near one - It makes me nervous. Then all that knowledge in my head are thrown out of the window then I get to start feeling another day of failure.

At first I wanted to do some pet talk and then I realized it would do you no good. So I am just gonna go ahead and say stop being a pussy and grow a pair. You basically saying you have no balls right? But you do have money, right? If I were you I would hire a coach or something and the first lesson would be slapping you in the face and kick your ass and drag you out in the street and make you start talking to the first girl you meet. Self pity or victim mentality will make you a pussy. You don't want go down that road. Approaching girls is like get your balls and dick out there and let the girls slap or squeeze or kick. Some girls would kick it really hard, but most girls would just do a soft touch or even better give you a head.

 

[[GC]Jay]

At first I wanted to do some pet talk and then I realized it would do you no good. So I am just gonna go ahead and say stop being a pussy and grow a pair. You basically saying you have no balls right? But you do have money, right? If I were you I would hire a coach or something and the first lesson would be slapping you in the face and kick your ass and drag you out in the street and make you start talking to the first girl you meet. Self pity or victim mentality will make you a pussy. You don't want go down that road. Approaching girls is like get your balls and dick out there and let the girls slap or squeeze or kick. Some girls would kick it really hard, but most girls would just do a soft touch or even better give you a head.

lol franky no i don't have money - i'm actually a working college student so yeah i'm that poor and no this isn't another excuse for me and thanks for the advice dude. it's because of me from kid to now that i've been staying inside the house, playing video games, watching porn, eat & sleep.

 

[Franky]

At first I wanted to do some pet talk and then I realized it would do you no good. So I am just gonna go ahead and say stop being a pussy and grow a pair. You basically saying you have no balls right? But you do have money, right? If I were you I would hire a coach or something and the first lesson would be slapping you in the face and kick your ass and drag you out in the street and make you start talking to the first girl you meet. Self pity or victim mentality will make you a pussy. You don't want go down that road. Approaching girls is like get your balls and dick out there and let the girls slap or squeeze or kick. Some girls would kick it really hard, but most girls would just do a soft touch or even better give you a head.

lol franky no i don't have money - i'm actually a working college student so yeah i'm that poor and no this isn't another excuse for me and thanks for the advice dude. it's because of me from kid to now that i've been staying inside the house, playing video games, watching porn, eat & sleep.

Tell you what Jay, I was just like you, playing games stuff like that but my case is harder than you --- my English is so bad that I talk like a three year old and can you imagine how I do deep diving? It's f***ing hard for me and I don't even complain. You're in a much better position than me and you should do a much better job than me.

 

[[GC]Jay]

I'm tryin my best not to fall down bro. Last time I just had a fight with my mother and brother because of depression and I put the blame on them which I shouldn't. I blame them because I'm alone and for them it's nothing, they said it's just all in my mind but they don't see the truth. right now i'm doing all my best to improve and maybe just maybe i'll do some approach.

where you from anyway?

 

[Dylweed]

why some girls i have talked in the past were not active during conversation? they weren't smart and get's easily bored. most of them can't get my jokes, they were somewhat dumb. these the second reason why I don't want to talk to girls, it sometimes make me thinks that i'm the one who have the problem cos maybe I'm just a boring person to talk to.

you're just justifying your actions of not approaching, which are really caused by anxiety. You're afraid of them finding out you're boring. Sitting and complaining about it will never make it any better. Take action and go through with it. You literally have NO excuse. Any excuse you come up with is just an excuse.

I very strongly suggest daily meditation. Meditation will help you become present to the moment and more aware of your thoughts and less identified with them. This means your thoughts will lose some of their power. And your thoughts are the whole reason for why you are here, posting this thread. You have beliefs that you aren't good with girls. These beliefs are all just thoughts that were formed from your past experiences. They're thoughts to help keep you stay the same, because your subconscious mind never wants to change. It only wants to repeat itself. And it does this by creating thoughts to keep you the same. Even if you know you need to change, it will very hard because thoughts will pop into your head to justify not changing. This is why there is no real excuse. These excuses are just thoughts that you need to become aware of.

If you get out of your head, and into the present moment, you can do anything you want to do. The past (thoughts based on the past) will lose their control over you. You have to get out of your self image. That is why you are afraid to approach. You're afraid that your self image will be hurt if you fail. And that fear first enters your consciousness as a thought which is followed by an emotional response. But thoughts are not real, they are not who you are. Who you are cannot be changed. Meditation will help you find this inner peace that will help you become outcome independent.

So start meditating and approaching women today, you have no excuse for not doing it or putting it off.

 

[Smith]

Hey jay,
don't think of it as 'approaching'. Think of it as inviting the girl into your reality or taking her on an adventure, and if she doesn't want to come then it's her lost really.
Also I think, you need a lifestyle change if all you do is video game, porn, eat and sleep, because just 'approaching' girls won't make your life whole lot better immediately, although it certainly will make you happier in the long run (from a few months to forever...so doesn't that sound like something worth doing?).

I very strongly suggest daily meditation. Meditation will help you become present to the moment and more aware of your thoughts and less identified with them. This means your thoughts will lose some of their power. And your thoughts are the whole reason for why you are here, posting this thread. You have beliefs that you aren't good with girls. These beliefs are all just thoughts that were formed from your past experiences. They're thoughts to help keep you stay the same, because your subconscious mind never wants to change. It only wants to repeat itself. And it does this by creating thoughts to keep you the same. Even if you know you need to change, it will very hard because thoughts will pop into your head to justify not changing. This is why there is no real excuse. These excuses are just thoughts that you need to become aware of.

Like some people suggested, do meditation. It is really powerful, especially if you want to be good in seduction or life. you're in college right? then join a meditation club (if you have one, which I'm sure you do). Ever since I started meditation a month ago, I realized I'm more calm with myself. More relaxed and not worry as much.

why some girls i have talked in the past were not active during conversation? they weren't smart and get's easily bored. most of them can't get my jokes, they were somewhat dumb. these the second reason why I don't want to talk to girls, it sometimes make me thinks that i'm the one who have the problem cos maybe I'm just a boring person to talk to.

If you really have read all that information on GC and APPLY THEM, then no girls should be bored talking to you.
I assume these are your experiences from BEFORE. Now you have to go out there, apply deep diving and all that to see the differences it makes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33rsHCWgISI
I hope this video can help you. But in the end it's all about taking that first step. I think you're reading too much stuff about PUA, which can gives you an unrealistic expectation at first and frustrates you. So stop reading and take action. You don't have to learn all the PUA stuff to be good with women. why do you think people invented PUA in the first place? to make money on something everyone can easily do everyday but are too scared to.
Ask yourself why you are here? and remind yourself why you are doing this?
Do you know why you're making this post here? It's because you're frustrated with yourself for not taking action.
Quit porn, quit video games, do sports, go to parties and go to the mall or the street whenever you're free.
Just go out and compliment girls then walk away, you got nothing to lose there. and if you can do that comfortably then try to get into a conversation.
Most importantly, HAVE FUN. This is a journey for life so you have to enjoy it.
You can't be the master at anything in one day, even a few months. It takes years to be actually good at something.