I'm coming across as rude...

[James D]

Hey guys!

So I've been having an issue where I come across as rude.

So a scenario:

Yesterday there was this event at school and I entered. Now there are these girls over there who I know and have flirted with in the past. I make eye contact but it is a fast eye contact where I don't even have time to smile or anything and she breaks it. So I talk to people but the girls are distant so I don't want to make too much effort to meet them either. The event ends and I didn't greet them. The next time we meet they are cold. One of them says I'm rude.

Now this has been happening a few times and I noticed that it always happens when the girl knows that I noticed her but didn't say hi. Because I've had instances where I was genuinely busy with something and didn't notice them and didn't say hi. But in those moments the person meets me later and they are warm.

I'm obviously socially uncalibrated if I keep running into this problem and the worse thing is that may not even know what is it I'm doing wrong.
My guess is that eye contact might be a problem. If I'm not planning to meet someone I should not make eye contact.

I might also point out that the reason I don't greet them is because I don't find a cool and low effort way to do it. At times they are talking to others and then the eye contact exchange is done (so they know I noticed them) but I can't walk over and interrupt but then the rest of the time they are in situations where its not easy to walk up and then the event ends and no greeting is done. In trying to be low effort I'm just being aloof and losing girls (so its a net lost anyway)

If you guys have come across something similar or maybe know someone who makes those social mistakes, please feel free advise. I'm trying to get better but social calibration is one of those things you may not even be aware you are doing that is fucking you up (if you were aware you would be socially adroit).

So do you think I should be aware when to make eye contact? I think its the main problem here

 

[Fuck This]

Point A this is "AT SCHOOL". School age girls are flighty and moody as hell. Easily offended (SJW's anyone?)

Point B What you are getting is a shit test. "No it would be rude if I called you a self centered egotistical cunt" (don't say that word for word) Don't pander to her mood.

Point C : are you being warm towards other people but not her? When you are busy , acknowledge her and continue on doing what you need to do.

 

[James D]

Point C : are you being warm towards other people but not her? When you are busy , acknowledge her and continue on doing what you need to do.

Hey man!

Thanks for replying!

Well thanks, point C is one of my issues. Yes, this is something I do. I'm not warm towards her but with others. Gotta work on that.

Cheers!

 

[Overdoze]

If one is only aloof it might come across as alluring but dark.

girls need an opening of sorts in that vibe

A simple cool way to change it is to
- when you see them nod upwards w a slight smile - nodding is a confident way to aknowledge - and it feels like theyre seen and inside w you. theres a warmth to it.
- get out of your insecure rule of having to be cool all the time. BE COOL instead. move in and say hi - find your way to engage them vs being lazy and putting up 1 mio fear driven excuses. Eg stumble across her making it appear like a coincidence or go in low key or go in strong w purposefulness owning the walk. Mystery method has their ways, writers in here theirs, flawless tim his, i "materialise" a lot or just walk in confidently(low-key-but-purposeful/bad-ass-entry).

More varied model of it (and thus more stimulating)
A trick is to DO BOTH
some times you just look and exchange tension
other times you go in the warm nod way from the Initial EC.
other times you do the walk over or engage maybe a bit after the ec excange (let it sissle a little)

Advanced
mix your initial aloof vibe w. other more emphatic vibes. eg "feeling content" and "aloof" when you look at her. The feeling content will provide her with an opening/warmth while the aloofness breaks rapport and provides tension which arouses/stirs her dependent on how you carrie it.

 

[Michal]

You can flash your eye brows and smile a bit or just wave. The moment you lock your eyes, if you overanalyze and overthink what to do and those 2 seconds pass and you just stare with a dead face at the girl, of course they will think you are rude.