I'm gonna be the guy who's too forward.

[Average]

So I've decided that people in general are gonna be cold to me whenever I try to interact with them. I think that the way to get over this is to actually let the coldness come my way and to just keep trying to interact with everybody anyway. (I.e don't take the signals).

I'll try to show them the value I think they want that I can offer them, and I won't attend their social events until I'm invited. So here are my questions:

1. What will be the long term negative effects of this?

2. Will people eventually learn to like me?

3. Will I be slotted as beta forever even though I'm offering and trying to supply value to them?

4. Should I approach groups as well as individuals at this point?

5. Should I weaken my fundamentals to avoid looking like an alpha male so I don't intimidate them?

6. Will my value offering be devalued because I'm ignoring their cold signals?

7. Will it be more savvy to stay low and offer value to those taking the first steps towards interacting with me?

8. What would be a better strategy towards friending people in your opinion?

I won't make a move until the board answers these questions because the repercussions on my reputation will be severe and lasting. And also because the balls required to pull this off will need to be huge and mine are currently medium sized. So if I'm going to do the scariest thing in my entire life....I'll need to know it's for a fruitful purpose.

 

[andersen09]

So I've decided that people in general are gonna be cold to me whenever I try to interact with them. I think that the way to get over this is to actually let the coldness come my way and to just keep trying to interact with everybody anyway. (I.e don't take the signals).

I'll try to show them the value I think they want that I can offer them, and I won't attend their social events until I'm invited. So here are my questions:

1. What will be the long term negative effects of this?

2. Will people eventually learn to like me?

3. Will I be slotted as beta forever even though I'm offering and trying to supply value to them?

4. Should I approach groups as well as individuals at this point?

5. Should I weaken my fundamentals to avoid looking like an alpha male so I don't intimidate them?

6. Will my value offering be devalued because I'm ignoring their cold signals?

7. Will it be more savvy to stay low and offer value to those taking the first steps towards interacting with me?

8. What would be a better strategy towards friending people in your opinion?

I won't make a move until the board answers these questions because the repercussions on my reputation will be severe and lasting. And also because the balls required to pull this off will need to be huge and mine are currently medium sized. So if I'm going to do the scariest thing in my entire life....I'll need to know it's for a fruitful purpose.

Hey Ash,

I just wanted to make a clarifying question. Are you trying to make friends to get a social circle? Are you trying to be invited into a social circle? Are you trying to get girls in social circle?

What's your specific situation and what specific goal are you trying to achieve?

 

[Average]

What's your specific situation

I'm in college and I have no friends. Everybody else seems to be part of their own social circles. You could say I'm an outsider. I'm also still struggling to see what it is that people value and how I can give it to them. My conversation skills are lacking as well.

what specific goal are you trying to achieve?

The answer to this question is tied to the answer to this question

I just wanted to make a clarifying question. Are you trying to make friends to get a social circle? Are you trying to be invited into a social circle?

I guess I have 2 goals:

1) To get invited into a social circle that I may be able to chill with on a regular basis. This is what all of my questions in the post is to help me with. When I went to my first party I saw a massive collection of various social circles and that's when it became clear to me that having the ability to get an existing social circle to like and accept me should be my main focus in being social. However, most circles seem resistant to outsiders, but seem to be accepting after some time. Which is why I think I have to be an overly forward guy.

2) if I see a social circle that I'm not a part of, and I see a hot babe in there that I want to seduce, I need a method which I can use to speak to her in such a way that her social circle won't protect her by cockblocking me.

So it seems both goals: to seduce a girl who's part of a group and to get my own social circle.....entails that I need to answer the question:

How to be accepted by an existing social circle.

 

[andersen09]

What's your specific situation

I'm in college and I have no friends. Everybody else seems to be part of their own social circles. You could say I'm an outsider. I'm also still struggling to see what it is that people value and how I can give it to them. My conversation skills are lacking as well.

what specific goal are you trying to achieve?

The answer to this question is tied to the answer to this question

I just wanted to make a clarifying question. Are you trying to make friends to get a social circle? Are you trying to be invited into a social circle?

I guess I have 2 goals:

1) To get invited into a social circle that I may be able to chill with on a regular basis. This is what all of my questions in the post is to help me with. When I went to my first party I saw a massive collection of various social circles and that's when it became clear to me that having the ability to get an existing social circle to like and accept me should be my main focus in being social. However, most circles seem resistant to outsiders, but seem to be accepting after some time. Which is why I think I have to be an overly forward guy.

2) if I see a social circle that I'm not a part of, and I see a hot babe in there that I want to seduce, I need a method which I can use to speak to her in such a way that her social circle won't protect her by cockblocking me.

So it seems both goals: to seduce a girl who's part of a group and to get my own social circle.....entails that I need to answer the question:

How to be accepted by an existing social circle.

First, if you want to get into a social circle, you have to understand how a social circle works. A social circle is generally made up of 80% followers (Value Takers) and 20% leaders (Value Givers). What this means is that even if you befriend someone in a social circle that's a bottom feeder or a follower, they aren't likely to introduce you to their social circle because well, they're at the bottom of the social circle and if you're friends with them, you're gonna be one of those guys. Think in terms of + signs or - signs in social circle. Are you bringing + or - in terms of value

There always one or two key players in the social circle who are the leaders, connectors, basically VALUE givers to the social circles. You'll see this in any circle from nerds, cool kids, hipsters, jocks, and so on. What you want to do is develop a relationship with one of these people as someone who will give MORE value to their circle AND make the PERSON who's introducing you, more "valued" for introducing you.

I'll use an extreme example. Imagine you were in a social circle at a hobby setting and say the commonality between all the people in that circle was to get better at martial arts of some sort. And you bring Chuck Norris into your social circle. Your circle will value your contribution for having brought Chuck Norris, who offers tremendous value, AND give you the credit. THAT's who you want to be. A "Chuck Norris" they WANT to bring in.

So what does all this mean?

1. Generally, become a person who brings value into other peoples lives. It may be with positive emotions, having funny things to talk about, getting connected to a fraternity (there's a reason why people join fraternities), having beautiful women around, and so on.

2. If you want to seduce a girl in a social circle you will FREQUENTLY run INTO, you have to be a person of #1. If it's just a social circle in a club, that's different. But in a college environment, if it's a social circle, the only way you can just go INTO that circle is if you're of someone that's high value social status wise AND bringing MORE value.

Usually in college it's all reputation.

Hope that helps.

 

[Inbocca]

I won't make a move until the board answers these questions because the repercussions on my reputation will be severe and lasting. And also because the balls required to pull this off will need to be huge and mine are currently medium sized. So if I'm going to do the scariest thing in my entire life....I'll need to know it's for a fruitful purpose.

This is what stands out to me the most out of all you said.

You're looking for validation. You want security and knowledge that what you're doing is going to work out. There are no guarantees. You could try one thing in one group and try it again in another and get a totally different result. What kinds of social circle are you looking to get into? Fraternities? Gamer groups? The same mechanics work for both, but they have different criteria. The things that work for one don't work for the other. Obviously there are more than the two, but I trust you get what I mean.

Here's the thing about cold signals: it's sign you're not welcome and people expect you to pick up on them. By not doing so, you communicate one of two things: you don't get it, or you don't care. The difference between the two is how you react. Take Hector's tale about the time someone threatened him at a club and he just smiled and introduced himself. Way different than if he just kept trying the same thing and expecting a new result.

Also, this:

Should I weaken my fundamentals to avoid looking like an alpha male so I don't intimidate them?

Never ever do this. Any group that expects you to downplay your assets to fit in is not a group you want to be a part of. I can't think of any group that would, because the sum of their members' assets benefits the group as a whole. Unless they all just jealous bitches. Note that there's a difference between not trying to AMOG the group and weakening your fundamentals.

 

[Average]

Thanks guys. I really appreciate the input