I'm having difficulties in Approaching.

[Duke22]

Guys,

I've been trying to approch since the last week, but haven't succeded yet.

I got sick with the girl i love who broke my heart, so told myself to replace her with a better girl. So i got out there but just couldn't open my mouth at all, on monday two girls came from the front, but when they got close, i just couldn't say `Are you single?'. I'm not really scared, its just that i can't seem to open my mouth, the whole week went like this.


I know deep down that if i open my mouth just a few times, its not gonna be a problem anymore.


Solution?

 

[foggy]

Don't put so much pressure on yourself. All you need to do is say hello and walk away. If conversation ends up happening then that's great but don't go in expecting to have one. Once you're comfortable with saying hello to girls, then you can eventually graduate to asking them about their marital status.

 

[Sandman]

I agree with backstory and additionally you can have certain goals for your self in an outing. For example, I will not go home unless I say hi to 5 girls. You gotta mean it though...

I'm not a great cold approacher either but I dabble in it, and even dabbling leads to great results! All you need to do is get used to that uncomfortable feeling in your stomach

 

[Mr.Rob]

I always asked myself: How is your life going to look a year from now if you continue to bow to the short term comfort of making excuses and not approaching/going after what you want in life?

Also try approaching with the intention of getting rejected. Even the greatest seducers get rejected every now and then if not regularly.

Too Short, notorious for rapping about how much he got laid, raps: "Cause I bust mo nuts than a squirrel, and my dick been in pussies around the world; but I still talk to fine hoes and get shot down, I just say 'bitch', slam the bass, and smash off with my top down"

Gotta pay, to play pimpin'

-Rob

 

[Duke22]

I'm not having a great time.Still couldn't approach, although there wasn't opportunity and i couldn't act on two. FUCK.

It's tuff man, going through all these emotions, i know i'm the one to blame.

I'm really dissapointed in myself right now.

 

[lostnumber]

I'm not having a great time.Still couldn't approach, although there wasn't opportunity and i couldn't act on two. FUCK.

It's tuff man, going through all these emotions, i know i'm the one to blame.

I'm really dissapointed in myself right now.

Start small. Tell yourself that no matter WHAT you will absolutely positively walk up and approach a girl. If it goes badly and you need to call it a night and go home to cry about it after you can, but you will approach at least ONE girl. That's an emminently achievable goal, I don't care who you are or where you live.

I was having the same issue you are back when I lived in Australia. The one girl I finally approached? I ended up falling in love and dating her for 3 years.

 

[Franco]

Duke22,

If it helps you feel better, it took me somewhere between 1 and 2 months to make my first cold approach after discovering this material, and I was going out every single weekend during that time. If I did the math, that would be somewhere between 40-60 hours of me standing around thinking about approaching (and wanting to approach) but not actually doing it!

Keep putting yourself in a position to succeed, and eventually you'll be able to push away the negative thoughts and make things happen.

- Franco

 

[Duke22]

Well,

I still couldn't approach.

How did you guys got over it for real. I'm not much of scared but when I see a cute/hot/sexy girl coming from the front, I don't know what to do.

It's frustrating guys. I haven't approach even once. I took one hour walk just for this, but nothing.

 

[readjusting]

Just ONE girl.
If you circle around in a whole day. And approach just ONE girl. It’s much, much better than zero.

 

[ResentMasculinity]

well how did you end up with the last girl you were dating?

 

[Richard]

It took me over 3 months of going out before I could approach - I actually remember PMing Franco about it way back in the days and, hell, I probably still have that PM floating around. After a while I just reached a point of anger/frustration/unhappiness with myself and I said "If I do nothing, how I feel won't change and I don't want to feel pathetic anymore" and then I did my first approach.

After that approach I remembered thinking "Really, that's all? If I had started this months ago.." and then proceeded to run through a list of things I could have gotten done like get laid.

It's actually really humbling looking back on that experience because it really was that simple - you just have to do it once and get your foot in the door. After that, the world opens up and your mental model shifts accordingly. You won't have any idea of how simple what I'm saying is until you actually do one approach.

-Richard

 

[Duke22]

Well,

I did two, yesterday, on Friday. I woke up and saw that the weather was too good to be missed. So I decided I'll go out and try. I couldn't act on LOT of opportunities,....there was a girl coming from the front, attractive, I thought let's do it, I felt little fear, when she got close I wanted to stop her, but I felt nervous, hesitant, a feeling of FEAR. I let her go. Few opportunities had passed by.

Then one girl was coming from the behind, I saw her, I was on different side of the road, we walk together separately like 2-3 minutes, then I decided..if I let this go, I might not get another girl,..so went to her side of road and said :

Me : Hello, (no reply), hi
Her : (no reply at all)
Me : So, college?, Coaching?
Her: (nod)
Her : why?
Me : why? ....I can't ask?
Her : (gesture her head in no)
Me : (I laugh a bit) should i go?
Her : (nod in yes)
Me : it's okay.

And I left. It was kinda awkward after that cause we were heading same direction for like 5 minutes or something. Guh.

I went home after that and slept, woke up in evening and had to go, again same thing happened.

I saw a girl all of a sudden, she was behind me a bit, so I let her come closer, when she got close.

Me : Hello, (she's walking), hi, (still walking) ... LISTEN. ( I got her attention)
Me : so, you going to class.
Her : yes
Me : hope you don't mind, but I thought it'd be nice to talk to someone on the way.
Her : okay.
Me: (I asked about what she's studying, and found out that she's in her master's)
I relate to it, cause I'm doing the exact course.
Made her laugh a bit. Then asked her what she wanted to do after that, no reply, I asked again, still no reply. Now she seemed little uncomfortable like she wanted to go away from me. I asked her should I go, she said yes in crying tone. I said ' okay, sorry'.

After that i saw her face, looks like she was about to cry man. WTF. I didn't do anything to trigger that kind of emotions or did I? You guys should let me know.

I also felt.... embarrassed after that, like insulated, someone has just slept me or something like that. And I got scared about approaching.

So, what now? Do I keep doing it. Certainly, but..... what I'm doing wrong?

These are not the kind of reaction I was hoping.

But I'm gonna go again, cause now i know deep down that I'll do it again. If I can do that twice, I can certainly do that more times. It took me like 5+ hours to do that.

Your advice is needed

 

[Mr.Rob]

Hey man,

Wow well done, you did it!

At this point it really doesn't matter what the girls reaction is. You'll have plenty of time in the future to work on getting your approach down right, for now just be proud you overcame your fear.

Not much time for a reply but you need to work on getting the girls attention straight off the bat.

Watch how these guys do it in these video's.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNh2X5UkDsM&index=2&list=PLtfVGUer52V5Le0MmXSbMecf8sDMZi03h
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKLyuwd9uhU&list=PLtfVGUer52V5Le0MmXSbMecf8sDMZi03h&index=1

Get in front of her, say "hey excuse me!", stop moving yourself, and when she stops to see what you have to say then you deliver your line. For you I highly recommend going direct and paying the girl a compliment so she knows WHY your approaching her. In these approaches the girls reacted as they did because they couldn't really tell why you wanted to talk to them.

Regarding the crying girl, no you didn't make her cry (well unless your like 6'3" and look super intimidating idk). Go out and do 10 more approaches (practicing like aforementioned) and I guarantee you'll get some better reactions.

-Rob

 

[Duke22]

After that day, i didn't go out, yesterday and today i got out again, but no approach at all.

I'm not feeling so great

 

[Duke22]

Okay,

So it's time to stop excuses and approach.

After reading the 'best of (board name)' ....I realise, everybody go through this in order to deal with APPROACH ANXIETY. So, in all honesty, my situation is no different. I've just got to Approach.

No other way. True.

In my visualisation, I see cute, sexy girls giving me ATTENTION and loving me like nobody else. 'this I have to make it true'

- Duke

 

[Duke22]

Well,

After roaming around a lot with a friend, I did talk to group of three girls. And it took me 6+ hours today to do that, I'm having a serious headache right now.

We went in a park as we have been walking too much but I failed to approach again and again , so we went in a park cause we were literally so tired of walking around the whole day. I needed to pee, so I went in the bathroom, and there was a group of girls going to the same bathroom, when I finished, I was washing my hand, I saw one girl from that group look at me, she was Attractive, I went to the door but three of them was standing in a way I couldn't get out, so I said :

Me : 1 second (I wanted one of them to give me space )

Me : (they didn't listen or whatever) can I go?

The attractive Girl : go, there's lot of way.

I felt insulted, cause it felt like she meant disrespect. I left and didn't look back and didn't reply. Her response was kinda mean though.

Anyway, at least I did open and realised that, I'm putting unnecessary pressure on myself. Cause its just socialising.

By the way, I have few question :

- how do respond/reply/act when a girl bumps into you. I had it happened twice with me, the girls were clearly interested but I didn't know how to make it work.

- I have this gut feeling with some really attractive girls that they can play some really important part in my life, like a good relationship or something. How correct I am?

Tomorrow, me and my buddy are going to a zoo, so any situational openers you got.

If someone could help me with these issues, I might get something out of it, like a girl!

Thanks

 

[Duke22]

Before leaving the house, I told myself to approach 5 girls, even saying 'hello' will count. Me and my buddy went. It took me like 3+ hours to say my first hello to a girl. But I didn't stop, I just said that in passing way, don't know she heard it or what, but after that, I got excited, little later I said hello to another girl, again in passing way, my friend told me after that, that girls said hello in return. I was SHOCKED !!!!.......I was in my head thinking ......do girls say hello back?. Still shocked, not something I had happened to me before.

We both were really tired now and decided to head home, in the bus I made a little chit chat with a lady, she had 2 little kids with her, but thanks to my friend who messed it up. Stupid fuck.

Anyway, to be honest ........3 is better than 0.

But I still struggle to stop a girl and chit chat.