I'm Taking a Break From Dating.. Possibility the Boards Too

[Troy]

To start this off kind of a rant. After I posted yesterday saying I was going to meet Jenel and take her home right away, it just feel apart. YOU KNOW WHAT KEEPS CAUSING this? My logistics stink. She actually told me she wanted to come cuddle with me and when I was ready to go out, my Dad came home and my little brother is staying home.

This just ain't right ... I told Jenel " My Dad came home and is asking me to do some stuff. I will soon leave out". She told me " never mind us meeting. Bye sigh".

This has happened to me way too many times. It's not that I go on dates expecting sex , it's just that when I get girl's telling me to move forward, I fail to move forward

I'm quite angry this keeps happening and I don't feel the motivation to keep trying and failing. I think the best thing I can do now is work hard and take all my money and either go to college where I have good logistics or I get a apartment when I have a good job.

You know the feeling when you approach and it comes off the wrong way. You fix it. But when it happens to you way too many times it can leave you discouraged.

Same here. I must be wasting my time and money doing dates. Dates that go nowhere when they could go somewhere if I had my own damn place.

I am going to get into network marketing so I will still be socializing and learning to pitch sales and talk to people.

I'll probably be going sexless, celibacy for a good while. To be honest I feel like blocking and deleting every girl out my phone. Every time I see the numbers I feel like a failure. That cute brown chick who told me to take her home, the Indian girl I was on my way home in a taxi only for my brother to be home I had to turn back and we I had to send her home, and about 20 more girls I had wanting to come home and cuddle. They told me so. Yet I couldn't deliver.

I looked into every where in the city, bathrooms, allys, parks everywhere and I couldn't find anywhere even semi private.

Finally I want to thank everyone who has replied to my posts and helped me grow thus far.

I have learnt so much. I went from not being able to get numbers to now being able to. Plus dates and I have a whole new social circle. I go out regularly now . I'm far more confident .

I just want to say all this. I love how you guy's are. I can't thank you enough. I still have a few more posts to make but I will be far less active here till I get other aspects of my life sorted out.

I thank you everyone.

Have a great day and I hope to continue seeing this site grow and everyone grow. Not just in seduction but in every area of your lives.

Respect

Troy

 

[Lawliet]

Yeah bro, I feel for you.
I also lack a pad to bring girls to. Bad logistics naturally.
Hope to hear from you soon back with a new pad and a lot more!

Lawliet

 

[Sophisticated Gent]

May I suggest that due to your circumstances that you forget about trying to pull the girls and just go on dates to practice getting good at the other aspects. Once you get on your own you will be in top notch form.

SGent

 

[Richard]

Troy,

Back when I was first getting into pick-up, the first few girls I successfully connected with and wanted to move things forward I was unable to because I lived at (and still live) at home with my dad and sister and one of them is always home. This hurt me, slowed me down, and made me question whether it was even worth it to keep learning pick-up if I couldn't successfully convert approaches to lays. Somewhere along the line, I got determined and decided that despite my poor logistics I would learn how to seduce women.

What I came to realize was that I had logistics besides my house, my room, or my bed; but I had to be resourceful about it. I live in the ghetto by the way, dangerous neighborhood, all that jazz. I haven't stopped to ever analyze how I started to convert these dates into semi-public sex but along the way I did, and here's what I think happened:

1) On dates, I am sexual, flirtatious, and fun. I get women turned on, and I get them thinking about having sex with me. The resources to accomplish this are all over the site.

2) I don't typically offer my place as a potential after date spot. I avoid talking about my house and my living situation so she doesn't get the notion to want to see it. So far I keep the conversation sexual, and I avoid offering my place as the place to have sex.

3) I lead them on a walk. When I go on dates, I pick a place that is close to somewhere with good enough logistics, and there's always a reason to go to this place. For instance, there's a small coffee shop (a mom and pop take on Starbucks, basically) that is close to the park with wetlands and in the wetlands are 3 bird-watching towers that are abandoned at night. As I lead them on the walk, I bring this up in conversation "Hey, you know, there's this really peaceful scenic spot up the road a little ways, let's go check it out."

4) At the spot, I escalate with an "I can't help myself mentality" in a fun and playful way. So, I may stand behind her, and place my hand around her waist, and pull her body to my chest and look over her shoulder/slight headbutt. I do something sexy and playful to begin the escalation. Test the waters, if she's comfortable with that (and these days, they are comfortable with it), then I move on to kissing her neck or something a little more romantic than a headbutt.

5) Getting to actual sex is something I can't help you with though. I don't encounter LMR because I screen for sexually adventurous girls who I know before the date won't object to semi-public sex but I'm also into these girls naturally. You seem to be looking for something with more continual substance - I obviously can't cuddle with these girls any time I want, and I can't invite them over hardly ever. So, I also started to screen for girls who have semi-free houses/living situations so that if they want to cuddle I can head to their place.

What I'm saying is that you don't necessarily need your logistics to be your home in order to move forward with women. It takes a more specialized skill set but it's also invaluable to learn.

P.S. If you really can't find a place that is semi-private around your area then you're not looking hard enough. Hector told me this a while back when it came to finding girls who were single and the same principle applies to you finding a semi-private place to play around in. I have a spot that's off a nearby busy street - it's a baseball field with a storage shed. Completely exposed, but behind the storage shed the cars and drivers can't see us, and nobody goes back there unless the field is being used.

So, I'd encourage you to take a look around your area with this question at the forefront of your mind "What place around here can I use as my logistics for sex?" Asking the right question leads you to find the right answer buddy.

In the event that you want to stop going on dates with girls and spending your money, then you can try to pull girls out for walks. This is another thing I used to do to push my limits and see just how far I could advance with seduction. Troy, you shouldn't let your lack of perfect logistics and game hold you back from trying to pursue your goal of seducing women, there is always a way through when you focus on finding it.

-Richard

 

[Troy]

Hope to hear from you soon back with a new pad and a lot more!

Thanks a lot bro and same good wishes to you

May I suggest that due to your circumstances that you forget about trying to pull the girls and just go on dates to practice getting good at the other aspects. Once you get on your own you will be in top notch form.

SGent

Yeah sounds good. One question though So what about girls losing interest because I'm not moving forward with them and what would be the main point for the girls to come meet me? Either they want me as a friend or a lover.

Richard thanks much for the long reply. I don't have any further questions. You explained everything properly

Troy

 

[Bboy100]

Imo, girls aside, I feel like if you're living with your parents, that's something you might want to get handled first anyways. Having your own space is quite liberating in its own right. Having said that, you can still continue going on dates. There's no need to go on dates which require you to pay money.

 

[Troy]

Imo, girls aside, I feel like if you're living with your parents, that's something you might want to get handled first anyways. Having your own space is quite liberating in its own right. Having said that, you can still continue going on dates. There's no need to go on dates which require you to pay money.

Bboy you hit the nail on the head. My own place means easier faster pulls. For the times I had girls home, I never faced any last minute resistance. Once any girl was indoors with me, she always got sex. I guess I just need to learn to do the same with girls in public. All my escalations to lays took somewhere between 20 minutes to 1 hour indoors. It's because I used a lot of push pull so by the end of that time, the girls were the ones to drop their panties.

I'm kinda fearful I will have difficulty doing that outdoors because I simply don't have more than 20 minutes. I just don't see me and a girl in a dark alley way for a hour before sex begins. I need a way to get to see real fast once I can pull her in a alley

I will still have to spend $7 per date just for transportation. Unless someone can suggest a way to get girls to travel 30 minutes to 1 hour just to see me in my neighborhood . Oh and at night also when the ally's are dark. And also convince those girls to probably let their parents wonder where they are when they should have left school (17-20 year old girls). And also a way to pull them into Allys . THAT'S WHY I NEED MY OWN PLACE .

See it!!! BTW thanks Bboy

Troy

 

[Troy]

Guys,

I managed to set up back a date right at my house. I told Jenel that I'm almost broke so she will have to come see me. She asked " what will we do when we are at your place ?" I said " well I'm going to cook lunch for us and then you said you wanted to cuddle so OK ". Jenel " yeah that's why I was really coming ,just don't tell me this only to flake tomorrow.

I gave her directions straight from the town, get a taxi and tell the driver to let you off at Rube Road ( duh of course I changed the road name).

She agrees to meet me tomorrow Thursday.

Now here the fucking problem starts again my brother is being a big fuck. He should be at school this morning yet he in bed playing sick and my parents believe him. I know when someone is sick. The only real reason he not going out is because he wants to skip classes. I don't even know if he will leave later to go to the gym.

And if so I would be glad. What I'm fearful of is this HAPPENING TOMORROW..

Guys I can only keep my fingers crossed I can still meet Jenel tomorrow. ( NO I CANNOT PULL DURING THE DAY. Too many people are around and no corners. It's no good I don't have a solid plan or plans. I feel so out of control . She has to reach home before 8pm. Her parents will cuss her out and she won't disobey to spend a little time in the night with me ( I prefer she obeys). Night comes down at 7:00pm. My ONLY backup option is to tell her from now we have to reschedule again ( most likely she will get angry that I changed plans again ). I'm trying to be as creative as possible. It still ain't working.

Feasible option : pull her in a dark alley. Will she agree to meet at that time? I don't know, I can only ask. Her daily money would have been finished before 7pm.

So what should I do? See how my logistics keep really really messing me up

Troy

 

[Richard]

Dude why do you have such a problem with your family letting a girl come over? Aren't you like 17-18? Wtf man, just tell everyone to chill out. Have her over and do not worry. Ask forgiveness not permission. No your family won't kick you out or disown you and if they do you're probably better off for it!
.

Rad,

Why are you getting him to focus on the negatives here?

Instead, I'd ask a question like "How can you get your family to understand your stance on wanting to date girls?"

The key to solving problems is asking better questions which inspire great thought and ultimately great answers. They are the medium you use to channel your focus, so let's get him to focus on the possibilities, opportunities, and solutions.

-Richard

Troy, you're telling us that your family is ruining your logistics. I haven't followed every post you've made so maybe this has been explained and I missed it somewhere but, what has your family told you about bringing girls over? Is your dad/brother saying you absolutely cannot do something so wretched or are you assuming that them being at your house while having a girl over is going to ruin things?

 

[Richard]

I want to give OP a peek of the attitude I believe he is missing as well as make him feel uncomfortable with his situation so that he'll be motivated to change it and assert himself in a way that he typically and reportedly does not.

I'd like to see a post where Troy tells someone, anyone, that he's the shit and they need to fuck off. Rather than him trying really hard to appease them. It's a theme. If he could encompass that attitude full time, I think his life would turn around. I think his skills are better than he gives himself credit for and many of his posts are just excuses to not take action.

Perhaps my method here was ineffective.

Richard, you make me contemplate how I could be a more effective mentor on the boards and I appreciate that! I have a tendency to give tips and perscribe actionable advice based on my experience rather than pointing the advice seeker toward exploring an answer that works for him.

Cheers,

Radeng

Sorry if it felt like I was bashing you, totally was not =P

I think that a good mentor is someone who walks along side somebody on their path, and doesn't direct them which is why asking good questions and offering choices is so key in coaching/mentoring. That's only my opinion though, I'd be curious to hear you elaborate on your point of view.

Chase has told me that sympathy without actionable advice does nothing, as does solely offering actionable advice because it looks condescending from someone who is a peer. It'd be like me telling Chase that he needs to fire half of his staff in order to succeed in his business - it looks condescending.

As for Troy, you seem to have been following his posts a little more closely than I have so I think you have a much better picture of who he is and what his situation consists of and because of this your actionable advice to him may be just what he needs. I'm operating solely based on this post. Looks like I'm playing the good cop, and you're playing the bad cop Rad; one of us should be able to get through to Troy with this approach. What do you think?

-Richard

 

[ray_zorse]

Hey guys Troy is my buddy and I'm in agreement on his need to be more of a boss and more willing to NEXT people who don't provide value (have discussed this with Troy at length), but on his logistics it really is a bit of a lost cause, parents are highly religious and deadset opposed to hookups, neighbour is highly religious and spies on him and calls his parents if he brings a girl home while they're out, plus there seems to be some sort of social status issue which means they're highly sensitive about whom they let see their living situation. Parents have made a blanket rule that any guest in their home requires permission which is subject to numerous requirements that eliminate basically everyone and I think this applies to everyone in the family which is large(?). Punishable by death or at least so much drama that it's not worthwhile.
Ray

 

[Richard]

Hey guys Troy is my buddy and I'm in agreement on his need to be more of a boss and more willing to NEXT people who don't provide value (have discussed this with Troy at length), but on his logistics it really is a bit of a lost cause, parents are highly religious and deadset opposed to hookups, neighbour is highly religious and spies on him and calls his parents if he brings a girl home while they're out, plus there seems to be some sort of social status issue which means they're highly sensitive about whom they let see their living situation. Parents have made a blanket rule that any guest in their home requires permission which is subject to numerous requirements that eliminate basically everyone and I think this applies to everyone in the family which is large(?). Punishable by death or at least so much drama that it's not worthwhile.
Ray

Thanks for clearing that up Ray,

If this is the case then I'd recommend he let this be known with girls early on, and then screen for girls who have open homes as logistics. I've never consciously played this angle but looking back I can think of a few cases where I conversed with girls about my home situation and how I desperately want out of it but circumstances prevent me, etc. and girls are really open to this. Basically, you can use it as a Byronic trait or a character flaw with great effect.

The most recent example would be a few nights ago where I was at a girls house and we got onto the topic of my dad and myself - it was really emotional and when I started to talk about how I wanted out, how I constantly bite my tongue and exhibit godlike amounts of self control she simply put a finger to my lips, hushed me up, pulled me in close, kissed me and played the hero. Girls love to play the hero when you let them and Troy, you have a case where girls can play the hero for you.

Now the question becomes; "How are you going to find girls/screen for girls who have open places as logistics?"

-Richard

 

[Estate]

All good advice so far. There are ways around not having your own place.

Just to throw something out there. Troy, you sound like a young guy. You're not the first guy in the world to live with his parents or heck, in my city, I seem to be in the 1% having my own place, guys and girls well into their 30s are still at home or at least have roommates just to afford living in the city.

I think you might be making too big a deal of this, you dont have to give up dating or meeting girls completely because you dont have your own luxury bachelor pad, this is a pretty normal part of life.

First off. You're focusing on one girl. If youre not out honing your skills meeting lots of girls, theres no point giving up everything because your focusing on sex with one girl. I think thinking about sex is jumping way ahead of things. Get out there and get good at meeting girls and taking them out.

Next, on logistics. As I said, I feel lucky but Ive really only had this the past 2 or 3 years. Especially for younger kids like teenagers or early twenties, its totally normal to not have your own place and it doesn't stop hundreds of thousands of kids get in relationships or even have sex.
I think if you're younger too it buys you some time. When you're a little older the dating market is a little more cut and dry. You take girls on dates and need to move things forward fast or they go stale. With younger women too, people get in relationships without even having sex for months or even at all! The women are inexperienced too. I think it buys you a little more time with them at your age. Not sealing the deal in 2/3 dates doesnt have to be the end of it. Itll depend on the girl and her experience level of course.

But just wanted to throw that out there. Stop focusing on one girl and practice meeeting women in general. Im sure she is in the same situation as you. At 19 I had a girlfriend and it was the exact same. We couldnt hang at either of our houses, we really didnt have sex for quite a while into things but you know.... we got creative. Thats what people do. I think you might be blowing up a small issue into a big one as a way out of getting out there and keep practicing.

Keep working man, it'll work out.

 

[Troy]

New Lay Report

Hey bro's , I'm proud to say this rambling and all the advice you gave me wasn't for nothing. I got Jenel over today and fucked her silly lol she was holding onto my back tightly today and screaming out " oh ah ah Troy Troy fuck me deep and harder ah oh baby yeah I like it like that... Fuck my little pussy boy.. I'm going love you boy ah ". The Lay report goes up shortly after this. I will soon edit this post and send the link for all the juicy details

Edit : Here is the lay report No Date, Straight to Sex

First off. You're focusing on one girl. If youre not out honing your skills meeting lots of girls, theres no point giving up everything because your focusing on sex with one girl. I think thinking about sex is jumping way ahead of things. Get out there and get good at meeting girls and taking them out.

I should tackle this first and get it out of the way. Estate I understand the concept of having options and continuing to meet more girls. But I should be honest with the rest, when I see guys give this advice so easy it pisses me off . Know why ? Well in this post I wasn't just talking about one girl. I was talking about 20 + girls I lost because of the same issue. I LOST 20 GIRL'S WHO WERE WILLING AND SO ATTRACTED TO ME RIGHT AWAY THEY WOULD FUCK ME. Please to go back to the top and start reading again. If I had the opportunity to learn with one girl ,why should I mess up? It would be like me writing 20 field reports talking about the same thing and you guys wondering " why is Troy's head so tough? It's like he never learns ". Estate what I'm saying is that sometimes meeting more girls is NOT the answer. I fully believe it's much better to make the mistake once with 1 person than to make it with 20 persons . So when you see me write a post and get advice I take it all in and apply it with the next girl. When I can get results now with one girl, I don't see the logic in getting half way with 20 more girls. My formula is

Less interactions + faster learning = better results

Instead of

More interactions + slower learning = delayed results

Is your dad/brother saying you absolutely cannot do something so wretched or are you assuming that them being at your house while having a girl over is going to ruin things?

My entire family is opposed to sex outside of marriage. I live in a Christian minded household . Last time I had a girl over my parents told me the devil had consumed me and I should repent. Even kissing is frowned upon. No joke!!!

If this is the case then I'd recommend he let this be known with girls early on, and then screen for girls who have open homes as logistics. I've never consciously played this angle but looking back I can think of a few cases where I conversed with girls about my home situation and how I desperately want out of it but circumstances prevent me, etc. and girls are really open to this. Basically, you can use it as a Byronic trait or a character flaw with great effect.

Richard I did this today. I told Jenel before she came over that I'm not allowed to have over visitors but I don't care. I told her how my neighbor's may behave when they see us walking inside. So how effective it was? At first she was scared and had second thoughts about coming . However I continued talking and convinced her it will be OK . The result ..she still came and I took her to bed

I'd like to see a post where Troy tells someone, anyone, that he's the shit and they need to fuck off. Rather than him trying really hard to appease them. It's a theme. If he could encompass that attitude full time, I think his life would turn around. I think his skills are better than he gives himself credit for and many of his posts are just excuses to not take action.

Thanks a lot for saying this part. Many of my posts excuses? I'm not so sure about that. My skills being better than I give myself credit for? Yes I agree, I just realized. The part about appeasing to others I don't quite get. I take advice because I wanna learn so under what conditions do I tell others on the boards to fuck off and stop appeasing?

Hey guys Troy is my buddy and I'm in agreement on his need to be more of a boss and more willing to NEXT people who don't provide value (have discussed this with Troy at length), but on his logistics it really is a bit of a lost cause, parents are highly religious and deadset opposed to hookups, neighbour is highly religious and spies on him and calls his parents if he brings a girl home while they're out, plus there seems to be some sort of social status issue which means they're highly sensitive about whom they let see their living situation. Parents have made a blanket rule that any guest in their home requires permission which is subject to numerous requirements that eliminate basically everyone and I think this applies to everyone in the family which is large(?). Punishable by death or at least so much drama that it's not worthwhile.
Ray

Hey Ray Well said in summary form. I do come around my "big family from time to time. Right now I just live with my parents and two brothers and sister .

Troy

 

[Richard]

Awesome job on the lay Troy.

Now that's it happened once you should know that these circumstances can't hold you back anymore. Absolutely no excuses for why you can't fuck girls anymore!

-Richard

 

[Big Daddy]

So, Troy, does this means you're still leaving the boards?

Good job on the lay man

@Ric

Yeah, I see where you're coming from. But one does need a reality check from time to time. Reading radeng's comment was like being struck by a lightining - it's totally true.

@radeng

Dude why do you have such a problem with your family letting a girl come over? Aren't you like 17-18? Wtf man, just tell everyone to chill out. Have her over and do not worry. Ask forgiveness not permission.

This wasn't directed to me but it SURE hang a bell. You know about my (not-shitty-as-Troy's-but-still) logistics and you are TOTALLY right. Most of the time I make this more complicated than it needs to be. Thanks.

 

[Troy]

Awesome job on the lay Troy.

Thanks bro

I just meant, that the reports you write make it sound like you take quite a bit of shit off of people. Including girls, your guy friends, and your family. I am hoping that you start telling the people in your life who give you shit to fuck off! I may be wrong about this, it may just be that you just use the boards to come and ask about your problems so that is the only side I get to see. However, it usually comes off in a way where you smoothly start an interaction, lose steam a little bit, feel delated and defeated and then let it go and give up and then feel depressed about it. Instead, I wish you'd start the interactions with everyone as smooth as possible, and when you start losing steam, crank it up a notch and plow through it like a bull in a china shop, and then feel proud that you totally fucked it up, rather than feeling defeated for giving up. A lot of your posts you sound very defeated.

Well you are right 80%. However I do have successes I don't talk about mainly because ,well I don't like bragging and also because success doesn't need fixing. I mainly just post to get my problems handled and when I do I just didn't see a reason to write a post saying how I had a kickass party and all the girls were grinding on me or whatever else went well. It's only when I go on dates or have a lay report you would have seen success here and there. Maybe I should start posting some of these successes . Thats why I sound defeated to you usually and to others ( probably). Last week I went out with 3 girls for dinner then the following night Shadean my female bestie invited me to a roof top party and most of the girls were talking to me yet I didn't approach any. Yesterday me and Chadwick we hit the gym ,sometimes me and D'jean run together and then we go back to his place and we have lunch with 2 girls. Everything ain't bad man . I'm enjoying my life so much more.

I was only fed up ( before this lay )with me going on dates and having girls so into me yet I couldn't close. I started to feel that my focus should be to take a break from dating and put all that time into making money and getting to college so I could reap the benefits long term .

I've decided to just balance everything ( go on cheap dates for now while still powering my way through to make money). I hope this explains everything.

So, Troy, does this means you're still leaving the boards?

Na I'll stay. This turn around showed me there is lots of potential. A better way to put it now is that I will still be here helping other guys in whatever thing I'm experienced in. And also I plan to write more field reports instead of " question posts (sure you will still see question posts from me, just not as much till I say so). I've gotten the majority of basics down that if I wanted to pull I can ATTEMPT ( there is no guarantee ). Reason I say is because almost every girl I go out with is willing to go somewhere alone with me. But again my logistics aren't good far too often. Note that in my lay report I used my friends place in broad daylight. I don't like the idea of every time I wanna lay a girl I ask friends for their place. I like my independence. See in the report my Dad was still at home WHEN I wanted to take her home ( no I couldn't rebel, my Dad is a Christian that will cause a lot of drama, it wouldn't be worth it walking home with a girl while he is there.

I've buckled down fully and I am looking for opportunities to move out. Whether that be making more money or going off to college.


Troy

 

[Lawliet]

Welcome back
Thanks to everyone posting also and glad to see it worked out for you bro.
Good encouragement for me also being in a similar situation.

Best,
Lawliet