Improved my fundamentals but my mindset still holding me back

[gravity]

I'm getting better and better socially, my fundamentals are in a good place. Still have room for improvement, and my sticking point at the moment is the underlying feeling of being out of place when there is no "reason" for me to talk to someone/progress in the relationship. Couple of examples that pop to mind are: I go to a coffee-shop for about a year and a half on a regular basis and my interactions with the waiter are me saying "the usual", "thank you", I understand the logical premise of it but I don't honestly know what pushing me not to.
Also cold approaching, I can approach and hold a conversation, joke and so forth but not to express my attraction for the girl. Now that I think about it I think it has to do with being ashamed of my sexual attraction?
Some mindsets/habits holding me back:
- Not even considering the girls that I find attractive become I'll get nervous and lose them anyway, so I talk myself into considering the ones that I don't like but that seem interested in me, being pulled in two different directions, overthinking it and acting on neither.

- Being too concerned about how I look to other people/myself when approaching a girl, getting with the girl takes the back seat and I'm focused on the interaction having to go a certain way so that I'm satisfied. Also playing not to lose and not to win.

- In the case of the girl and me both being interested in each other I can't calibrate the amount of interest to show, I show none in the beginning when she does, then when she goes cold I take it as my cue to signal my interest.

Appreciate some perspective, I don't know if this is mental masturbation on my part and I need to grow a pair see the first girl I find, say hey and say what I feel, but I really can't switch off my overthinking, like I'm walking into a minefield and I must scan it all before taking the first step.

 

[ulrich]

Are you gaming in the same places always? Using the same techniques?

Perhaps you are doing progress but some habits you have already built stop you from keeping forward momentum.

Some things that have helped me break past through barriers AFTER I HAVE MY MENTALITY IN ORDER are:

1) Change locations - So you feel in a different environment and get free of old useless habits

2) Look for confirmation - I used to watch infield videos of top guys doing street approaches.
At some point I could understand what I “should” do but I wasn’t doing it… just looking at guys doing it successfully gave me some confirmation and context on the nuance of some techniques (like the right timing or frame).

 

[StrayDog]

2) Look for confirmation - I used to watch infield videos of top guys doing street approaches.
At some point I could understand what I “should” do but I wasn’t doing it… just looking at guys doing it successfully gave me some confirmation and context on the nuance of some techniques (like the right timing or frame).

Harder to find decent infield footage than it was back in the day.

Glad I got in the game when the internet was swimming with reference material. Helped a ton

 

[gravity]

Are you gaming in the same places always? Using the same techniques?

Yes, I mainly in the morning I walk around for an hour before classes. I see 3/4 girls that catch my eye, open 1 or none. College is ~250 people, a girl that I find interesting and giving me IOIs but is always in group I sent a follow in ig and I'll go for a coffee date and see.
I'm not too focused on techniques atm, just building the habit of switching off my mind and go approach the moment I see a girl I like, and actually going for the ones that I find beautiful/intimidating.

 

[PaulieFlyn10]

Harder to find decent infield footage than it was back in the day.

Glad I got in the game when the internet was swimming with reference material. Helped a ton

Who were your favorite infield videos from?

 

[StrayDog]

Who were your favorite infield videos from?

Well, as much as I have had to put a lot of effort into unlearning a lot of their material that really doesn't suite my style, I pretty much cut my teeth on RSD videos (Girlschase was always #1 but no infield back then, and not much now either).

Yeah a lot of their stuff was socially against the grain. There was a lot about them I couldn't really stomach (especially the more bombastic dudes like Julian). And also a lot of their footage was about what look impressive and sensational, but wasn't necessarily about streamlined results. But still there was a good deal of technical thinking baked in there, and a lot of in depth breakdowns.

So as much as it had me try weird shit I would not recommend (just saying awkward counter intuitive things and what not), it also helped me to experiment with what was possible, hype me up before going out, and have some basic technical framework to play with.

Say what you will about RSD (and it is probably all true), they sort of dominated the scene. There was tons and tons of footage and you could kind of pick and choose what you thought might work.

Other than that there was just tons of stuff back then. Often from lesser known guys who had some pretty good technical stuff. You could just find hours of material. Sure there was tons of not very good stuff like Simple Pickup (I think lead the way to the more click bait version of infields we have now). But the culture back then was different, the footage was more raw, and often times way more technical oriented.

I can't remember a lot of the names of the guys back then, its been so long. But there were dudes pulling girls from the mall to their houses, or cars. Or from the street to motels and such.

Honestly some of the infields felt too raw to me. Too voyeuristic. Like damn, this dude is really secretly filming all this? just felt off. But all that footage helped learn me up some, so what can I say?

Wouldn't even know where to begin finding a lot of that stuff on the web today. That was over a decade ago.

Then there was of course @Tony D, doing infields a little past that era of things but still coming with really solid, tasteful, technical game. Kind of the anecdote to RSDs out there approach. Just being chill and normal and moving things along in savvy ways. Always found his day game approaches to be a breath of fresh air.

 

[Tony D]

I always struggled with the idea of secretly filming women. But I personally learned a ton watching other coaches with their early infields. I remember paying my $300 to go to a hot seat (Julian) and he showed tons of footage from him and Tyler. I walked out with this huge epiphany (Wow, they're not much better than I am, if at all. I'll keep doing what I'm doing then.)

I'm not saying I was sooo good. But that pickup isn't really that complicated. For the newbie introvert who is a boring conversationalist, stifled, insecure, yeah it's a big leap to get that good. But once you do figure it out, you will really figure it out, and it won't be so hard to attract women anymore. Though, if you want the 9s and you're not a 9, it's mandatory to know this stuff. And it will take a lot of work.