In dire need of help!

[Sub-Zero]

Im not going to beg, but i really need help. I just cant accept rejection, im afraid of rejection, im afraid of saying wack shit, im afraid of looking bad. Im in my head so much, it's driving me crazy. I read and read articles, and say to myself today is the day i do this and that, then after a day of freezing up, i go back home and read more articles making more promises to myself and this is an never ending cycle.

I've been on this site for years and have not done one day time cold approach, or night street approach. I approach in the club, but im starting too get way too in my head and afraid of rejection for some reason. I try and try to swallow my pride and face embarrassment, but i just freeze. I even try to force myself to think the girls are silly and cute, does not work. I approach in nightclubs here and there then i just lose it for a while.

I always feel that it's better for me not to get rejected and say nothing. But i have to stop. What can i do to fix this long problem, what did you guys do? Thank you

 

[ray_zorse]

Dude you need to help yourself, no-one is going to do it for you.

Got an exercise for you: Compliment a woman then eject. It's hard to see how she could reject you if you only deliver a genuine compliment.

Example: Standing at the traffic lights waiting to cross. She's next to you. "Hey I just had to tell you I like your jacket"

-Ray

 

[Mr.Rob]

Pickup and rejection are synonymous you can't really do pickup without facing rejection.

You can look at it like it sucks that you have to face the pain of losing your identity and self perception and perceiving yourself as a loser outcast to society.

Or I like to look at it like: Awesome, all the people I admire most in this world have only gotten to where they're at because they went through massive amounts of adversity and survived. I want to become like my mentors and facing and surviving rejection is going to be one way of becoming a stronger version of myself that will put me further on that the path to becoming like my mentors.

A metaphor: Having your ego crushed is like crushing a clay vase. It's painful that you have to put each piece back together and glue them to one another again but after you do it the vase is twice as strong as is was previously, thus it's less susceptible to being broken again.

To acquire strength, pain is the requirement.

I advise you to take baby steps, on a daily basis and hold yourself accountable to doing those baby steps.

We're more than happy to support you on your journey but you're going to have to devise a plan, and take action to achieving what it is you want.

Good luck! If there's any more info you want on devising a plan comment below I, and I'm sure others on the boards here, would be more than happy to help put together some baby steps to help you get started.

-Rob

 

[Sub-Zero]

Dude you need to help yourself, no-one is going to do it for you.

Got an exercise for you: Compliment a woman then eject. It's hard to see how she could reject you if you only deliver a genuine compliment.

Example: Standing at the traffic lights waiting to cross. She's next to you. "Hey I just had to tell you I like your jacket"

-Ray

Yeah... what i meant by help was that i wanted to know what you guys did too overcome my problem. People have different ways for handling things and i wanted just to get different methods that you did.

Thanks

 

[Sub-Zero]

Pickup and rejection are synonymous you can't really do pickup without facing rejection.

You can look at it like it sucks that you have to face the pain of losing your identity and self perception and perceiving yourself as a loser outcast to society.

Or I like to look at it like: Awesome, all the people I admire most in this world have only gotten to where they're at because they went through massive amounts of adversity and survived. I want to become like my mentors and facing and surviving rejection is going to be one way of becoming a stronger version of myself that will put me further on that the path to becoming like my mentors.

A metaphor: Having your ego crushed is like crushing a clay vase. It's painful that you have to put each piece back together and glue them to one another again but after you do it the vase is twice as strong as is was previously, thus it's less susceptible to being broken again.

To acquire strength, pain is the requirement.

I advise you to take baby steps, on a daily basis and hold yourself accountable to doing those baby steps.

We're more than happy to support you on your journey but you're going to have to devise a plan, and take action to achieving what it is you want.

Good luck! If there's any more info you want on devising a plan comment below I, and I'm sure others on the boards here, would be more than happy to help put together some baby steps to help you get started.

-Rob

Thanks man for offering to help me out. It makes this seduction thing easier and it might motivate me more to keep approaching.

As of right now i am kind of good with my social circle at work game and get all my lays from there. I can still work on a few things, but i can say im pretty good. Day game and night street game, that is an absolute no go, and i say that because i have a hard time doing approaches at night clubs and i feel if i can't approach in a place that is dark and im pretty much anonymous in, i can't do it during the day where it is not expected.

My situation i want to get handled right now, is to get out of my head. I over think a lot and it leads to my inaction. I also think that what i say won't be good, and pretty much sike myself out.
Now, i do approach and strike conversations, but lately it's been hard as hell for me to do it. I just become frozen. And approach anxiety is a bitch!!!!

could you help me devise a plan for nightclub game. I just feel it is easier for me to start approaching than day game. I have a hard time starting conversations, opening and being aggressive, im in my head a lot.

Also, Day game to me just feels very unrealistic, but i wouldn't mine a plan for that too.

Thanks again my man

 

[ray_zorse]

Hmm well it seems to me your problem is one of inadequate warmup. You may find this hard to believe but every outing I have starts exactly the way you describe... anxious and in my head. And neither does it just evaporate as soon as I do an approach either. Check my journal reports... they pretty much all start with "I was anxious and in my head and the first x approaches did not go well. By the time I hit the x I was feeling slightly better... blah blah blah...". So you just have to trust that each time you talk to someone, although it may feel totally boring and platonic and awkward, it gets you out of your head a bit, and that things will improve in the long haul. The two rules I live by are "approach the first girl you see" and "treat the first three approaches as practice". There are plenty more warmup strategies, I'm happy to elaborate but you can probably search the boards or the forums for this yourself.

Chase's "two venues" strategy is good in your situation, although I do not use it myself.

If you want a strategy for nightgame well it depends a bit whether you want to do dancefloor approaches (which is the main thing I do although Chase doesn't recommend it) or bar approaches or sitting down approaches. But basically I'd say go in with a compliment, then introduce yourself by name and then ask them what kind of a night they've had up to this point... if they seem to be in a group of friends then cold read as to what kind of friends they are and what's the occasion (like did they meet some colleagues for dinner and then decide to go out, or is it a birthday party or a hens or did they just pregame at a friend's or at a house party then hit the clubs, or was it like Friday 5pm drinks after work that got out of hand, etc)... once they start sharing the details of their night and pointing out their friends and explaining the exact relationship you're basically golden, you can start getting physical, etc.

Daygame and night street game are basically the same deal except as you mentioned it's more unexpected, also instead of the difficulties of dancefloor approaches you have a different problem which is tackling women walking and doing street stops, for which a more aggressive statement of intent is necessary (perhaps stick to stationary targets initially).

-Ray

PS Above all else just force yourself to do this once... I couldn't really see myself doing it either and delayed for some months but I couldn't put it off forever cos I badly wanted to progress... my first cold approach ran away from me, second was okay.