In Need Of Advice

[HellAtlantic]

I'm at a loss as to how to proceed.

Setup: So where I work which is more like a campus feel since its two towers with different businesses on each floor that are 14 floors each connected by a pavilion in the middle we tend to see everyone who works at this location quite frequently. Even tho there's lots of different companies at this location because of this connectivity it's almost like everyone who works at this location works for one large company. You see the same ppl quite often.

I've been chatting up this hard 8.5/9 for over a year now. When I say hard 8.5/9 I mean by everyone's definition not like she's a 6 and you try to justify her to a higher number to inflate the ego. Hard 8.5/9. California blond (I'm in NYC), blue eyes, big inviting tits, nice voice and smells delicious (I'm big on scents, it's a major turn-on for me). Last yr we went from smiling at each other as we'd pass each other (she initiated this) to saying hi/what's up and after several months of that I asked her name and we've been chatting ever since (since about September of last yr). Since we see each other often I felt I had to play this differently than other girls, other girls you randomly meet at a bar you never have to see again. As many of you may or may not know, I'm not single. I also have 2 kids. She is a single mom. I'm 38 and she told me she's 30. I need felt comfortable just lying to someone I see frequently, with random girls I conveniently leave out certain info lol. But this is a little different with this chick, namely because of how hot she is and I genuinely like her. I see guys around the work bldg frequently turning their heads to do double takes. She seems to really be into me, I'm a creature of routine and she seems to have got my routine down pat so that we conveniently bump into me as I come from my workout at the bldg gym.

Anyway I reached out to her via Instagram and said "hey are you the [name] from [name of work bldg]?". That was several months ago, never got a reply. We continued to talk to each other since I reached out to her via Instagram and I never mentioned it. I haven't even asked her number yet because, well, again I'm married and I'm not sure if I want to go down this path with someone I will see often. It's easier to be detached with random girls you'll never see again but it changes when you know the person. Well, Friday nite I finally get a reply from her. We had a brief chat convo, at the end she asked what I was up to. I felt horrible cuz it was an awkward time at nite (10pm). That was a blatant DTF text from her and I just couldn't manage to get out of the house with the Mrs in the other room. I didn't wanna say "chillin at home" cuz she'd interpret that as "I'm alone, come over". I just couldn't meet her. Told her I was out with friends. I ended the small chat saying "we'll hang out soon, we'll have a drink after work." She responded the next day "sure, sounds like fun."

Question: today she sent me a request to follow me on Instagram. I don't have any pics of the mrs on there but I do of my kids. I don't want her to find out that way, I'd rather tell her in person. But her next follow up question will be about my relationship status. I don't know how to play this. I'd have to tell her at some point. I kinda wanted to tell her after we made a connection, that way she'd be more hooked. I don't wanna come off appearing like a typical douche scumbag cheater (I certainly am not like that). Hell after almost one year I haven't even asked her number. I just don't know how to handle this.

 

[foggy]

I found that your post reeked very strongly of uncertainty. It was intense for me.

Firstly, in no way are you obligated to accept her request in the near future. For all she knows, you might only go on Instagram once in a blue moon. So that gives you some time. She's not gonna know about the kids until you accept her request. She probably won't bring it up either, just like you didn't when you had messaged her.

I think you have to decide what your frame is gonna be before you take this any further. I noticed that there were parts of your post that I felt you had opposing viewpoints. For example, you said you weren't sure if you wanna go down that path of further developing a relationship with her. But then you're saying you want to get her hooked.

It sounds you have developed some sort of connection with her though. You've been seeing her for a year and she's still interested in you.

I'm not sure what type of marriage you have so I can't offer too much more advice....

 

[HellAtlantic]

Thank you backstory for a very well written and mature and unbiased perspective.

I felt I wrote too much in the above post and felt beta afterwards as I invested too much thought into this and was being too outcome dependent but I couldn't edit it shorter.

Long story short I accepted her follow request and she then accepted mine. She hasnt said anything about the kids - there really isn't anything to say as she has a kid of her own. I basically wanted to avoid a "oh so you have kids? You never mentioned them before...wait, are you married?" situation and have to come up with excuses and lies. Once I recommitted myself to being outcome independent I didn't care at that point.

In the days since I've brought up the topic of hanging out after work for a drink and to chat and her response was "yeah that sounds like fun". She plays the game well, short responses and waits a long time to respond. It's annoying because I don't believe ppl's high value is tied to how fast they reply so artificially waiting a long time to reply just to appear "busy" is so contrived. But I digress...I sent a text saying "next Thursday work for u?" and there's been no response. Alas I won't contact her back until she responds. Only thing that makes it potentially awkward is we see each other in passing every few days so if she's had second thoughts it's not like she can ghost me (hence a large reason why I was hesitant to pursue something with her since we'd have to continue to see each other in the event of whatever this is dying out). Regardless, thank you for your response.