In need of some serious help...

[ChalupaBatman]

So I have been dating my gf since April of this year, and we used to have sex like crazy...I mean I got it on the reg when I wanted and how I wanted. Now I can't seem to barely get anything and she complains that all I ever want is sex. She also says she just isn't in the mood as much as I am and when we used to do it regularly she just used to give in to me because I was persistent.

I know this sounds childish but Im actually considering ending it. What am I doing wrong? Can this be fixed? Is this normal?

Any advice will definitely be appreciated. Thanks guys!

CB

 

[Franco]

CB,

This is probably slightly difficult to diagnose because the underlying problems might be in the details of your relationship. With that being said, the first two things that come to mind for me are: (1) are you giving her GOOD (orgasmic) sex? And (2) are you treating her well in the relationship in terms of expansion and new, exciting things?

The first problem is relatively straightforward: she isn't really enjoying the sex you're giving her, and she's kind of over the idea of having it with you. This generally isn't a good sign as it's a fundamental problem that needs to be addressed in terms of your technique and the level of effort you put in to making sure that she's getting off just as much (or more) than you are.

The second problem usually slowly snowballs over time if you're spending too much time with your girl without giving her new experiences. They don't even have to be frequent, but you should be trying new, fun things with your girlfriend occasionally (or possibly pick up new hobbies that both of you can enjoy) to keep her always feeling like the relationship has endless opportunities. If she feels like the last 8 months of your relationship has just been the same cycle (come over, eat, fuck, go to sleep) over and over again, she's going to start expecting more out of you.

In case it has to do with boredom (which is a possibility as well), you might want to look into this article: If Your Girl is Bored: Change These 6 Things

Last but not least, you're always welcome to end the relationship if you feel like meeting new women (or possibly a new girlfriend) is something that you want to do anyway. But whatever you decide, it is important to take note of what's happening with your current girlfriend so that you can avoid the same situation with the next girl in the future.

- Franco

 

[ChalupaBatman]

Hey Franco,

I also wanted to mention that I pay for pretty much everything in the relationship. Granted I do make more, but it bothers me that she never offers. We've talked about it before and she knows it frustrates me. Ive actually quit offering to take her to lunch because of this, Im sure she knows the reason why. She said that its the mans role to pay for things and thats just how it is and she wont settle. Any help?

My gut tells me its not the sex. Even though its not amazing every time, most of the time I can make her scream. Unfortunately sometimes I ejaculate early, which sucks. We have only came together at the same time on two occasions. I am always the one initiating sex, is this bad? She used to initiate it earlier in the relationship. Im really starting to get worried.

I think a part of the issue could be what you described below. In the past she has come over, we usually do some activity...play a game or watch a movie, and then we have sex. I have tried to escalate to sex first thing when she comes over to change things up, but it has only been successful once (towards the beginning of the relationship), and has not been successful since. I can feel things becoming a bit stale and I'm afraid the new and exciting part of the relationship is gone.

I told her I wanted open communication and told her I wasnt mad and then tried asking her what was wrong and she kept saying it wasn't me. She also said she is getting frustrated that it keeps coming to this and why all guys are like this. I guess she had these same issues in the past with previous boyfriends?

I'm not sure if anyone on the forums can relate to my situation, but I can feel her slipping away from me. I was caught a little surprised yesterday when she started to call the shots, like when she would see me again. I have lost any abundance mentality I once had. I am literally sitting here obsessing over her and wishing we were hanging out. I know its not a good situation to be in. This is the first time I have had a relationship go on this long and I am just lost at what next steps I need to take.

I've thought about just not seeing her this weekend and making up some excuse why I cant. It would be incredibly hard for me because I enjoy hanging out with her so much. Is this step necessary and one y'all would make? Should I go out and try to see other girls to get my mentality back although we are in a relationship?

 

[ray_zorse]

Hey mate I think you have actually answered your own question, you seem to have a pretty good idea where you are going wrong and what to do about it. I like the way your mind works you rogue

One thing to keep in mind is although we have a lot of material on the site about how to get her investing etc, it's a lot more geared towards meeting new women and doing things right from the start. Once you settle into a pattern with a girl it will be very hard to change that pattern.

As an example suppose you stop calling her and wait for her to initiate... instead of thinking "Chalupa is a high value man who is busy with his work, probably seeing other women and has trouble fitting me into his schedule" it will be more like "Chalupa is butthurt and ignoring me, wonder how long that will last?... I can take him or leave him so might just wait till he resets to his standard default and starts chasing me again".

This is because it takes literally years to change a frame once it's set. (In this case the frame is "she's the prize"). That's not to say it can't be done. Especially if it is coming from a genuine place (you really are busy with your life and meeting other women). It may also be that she's really into you and fears losing you, even if she hasn't been put in a position where she has to express that. In that case some tough love is called for.

I would maybe ignore her for a bit and do some cold approach. If you're a newbie it's unlikely to lead to sex straightaway so you don't really have any moral issue there, you're just practising your conversation skills. When she gets in touch you could say something along the lines, "I notice I'm doing a lot of the work to keep this relationship going, I'm not really up for that so I'm calling a halt but that doesn't mean I'm not fond of you, I can still offer you my company to hangout etc"... and if this hanging out leads to sex, well then, well then...

However, only you can make the right call here

cheers, Ray

 

[ChalupaBatman]

Thanks for the help Ray!

"It may also be that she's really into you and fears losing you, even if she hasn't been put in a position where she has to express that. In that case some tough love is called for."

How do I get her to express that shes into me and fears losing me? The reason I ask is because deep down I feel like this is more the case in our relationship. Then again, I could be in denial. Should I ignore her and start to pull back on the relationship a bit to get this response, and if so, for how long? I know it sounds odd from what I wrote above, but I think we both are really thankful to have eachother.

How can I approach and not have it feel wrong? I want to be faithful. As far as your statement about calling a halt, I just can't do that at this time. Perhaps that is my downfall, but taking it to that level is huge and I think this may still be salvageable. What is the purpose of this...to take charge of the relationship again? I would be open to doing that if I pulled back and still didnt get the response I wanted though.

 

[ray_zorse]

Hmm well it feels like a pretty standard case to me of "she has options, you don't"... but giving your viewpoint the benefit of the doubt... umm well you've just got to stop investing in the relationship and if she invests then you match that investment.

Problem is this is easier said than done... for instance sitting at home thinking about her and wondering why you aren't hanging out and what she's doing... that's investment. You think she is matching that investment? Nope. Cos she'd just pick up the phone, suggest a hangout and you'd agree right?

Given the near-impossibility of matching your investment levels as things are now, you gotta do something drastic bro, I mean lets face it, what you are doing now is not working and having the opposite effect to what you want right? What would you suggest to do about it?

To explain what I mean let me describe a sticking point that's been plaguing me for a while...

I meet a girl in a club on the dancefloor, introduce myself, exchange some basic info and we dance and grind for a bit. I'm having a great time and I just want to keep dancing and grinding with her. However, after a while she gets bored and turns back to her friends. I've proved myself to be a bit of fun to play with, but basically an orbiter.

So what I have to do is, when things are going well, grow some balls and say "okay lets go to the bar for a drink..." or "okay lets go outside so we can sit down and talk a bit..." and likely she's gonna say "oh no I have to stay with my friends" and I'm gonna go off and do that thing by myself (even though I would have preferred to stay dancing with her)... but sometimes she's gonna say "okay let's go" or just follow me. Those are the ones you want

Let's relate this to your situation shall we... so you've started a relationship which sounds pretty standard type (for a non GC reader) and you've had some fun together (dancing)... but you feel things are getting a bit same same and she's reducing contact (turns back to her friends)... time to take action and put her in a situation where she has to invest or lose you (let's go to the bar)... from what you describe she probably won't invest, but that's a good thing. It's called screening. It prevents you wasting time on women who jerk you around.

Let's look at it from another perspective too. As I keep telling my mistress who is unhappily married to another guy... and wants to make her marriage work... she needs to be willing to walk away. This does not mean she will actually have to walk away, just that she has to be genuinely willing to. That's the only way you can have any kind of negotiating position. Well, she hasn't acted on this advice and as a result, she's still unhappily married... I would say to him "I'm not happy with how things are... these are my needs... I still love you, but if my needs aren't being met then I will have to look elsewhere". In your case I wouldn't advocate the exact same approach cos it would look needy, instead you have to show it through actions instead of words.

Breaking up and offering her FWB would also be helpful for your situation wrt. paying for dates... if you hangout as friends you could just say "half and half?" when you order and if she doesn't agree, don't order and go home. If she cuts up rough you'd just say "well given we're not in a relationship anymore I don't see it's really reasonable to expect me to pay for stuff".

cheers, Ray

PS Having said all that, the best thing you could possibly do is get your life back by taking a long break from her and meeting a shit ton more women. But I appreciate you don't want that.

 

[Smith]

Hey Chalupa,

There're some sound advice here already, but just adding to this.

ChalupaBatman wrote:
How can I approach and not have it feel wrong? I want to be faithful. As far as your statement about calling a halt, I just can't do that at this time. Perhaps that is my downfall, but taking it to that level is huge and I think this may still be salvageable. What is the purpose of this...to take charge of the relationship again? I would be open to doing that if I pulled back and still didnt get the response I wanted though.

You can still meet new women, flirt with them, but you don't have to get their number or sleep with them if you don't want to. Even if you just do this, it will still remind yourself that you have options and you never know, you might actually meet someone more amazing than your current gf.
When you do this and dial back your investment on her, i.e. put in two times less effort than her, you won't be obsessing about her.
Also remind yourself that there are more important things than women, and Nothing Lasts Forever. Things change all the time. It's wishful thinking to want your relationship go back to the way it was, but that doesn't mean it can't change for the better. If you can come to accept this and willing to walk away any time when it's not working out, you'll be less needy and more grounded in your action.

All the best brother!

 

[Franco]

CB,

I also wanted to mention that I pay for pretty much everything in the relationship. Granted I do make more, but it bothers me that she never offers. We've talked about it before and she knows it frustrates me. Ive actually quit offering to take her to lunch because of this, Im sure she knows the reason why. She said that its the mans role to pay for things and thats just how it is and she wont settle. Any help?

These are the types of things where precedent is very important. From the first time that she tells you that she expects you to pay, the conversation should go something like this:

You [to cashier/waiter]: That'll be separate, please.
Her: What? Aren't you going to pay for me?
You: I didn't tell you beforehand I was going to pay for this. You can afford a burrito, right?
Her: Well you're the man; it's your responsibility to pay for the woman!
You: *Laughs*... and where did you hear this?
Her: It's just common courtesy!
You: I think you have me mistaken for someone else! I don't pay for people because I feel obligated to pay for them; I pay for them when I WANT to pay for them. Now are you going to pay for that burrito, or would you rather go home hungry?
Her: *angrily pays for burrito*

Most guys don't want to deal with things this way because it's obviously going to cause some drama, but you need to set that precedent early on. If this conversation were to continue, you could probably tell her that, if she's looking for a guy to pay for everything for her, then she's dating the wrong guy and maybe she should look elsewhere. She'll likely get a wide-eyed and surprised look on her face as it's unlikely most guys who are getting inside her pussy speak to her that way, which will inevitably make her more frustrated... but in a good way. Unless she absolutely can't afford the meal for some reason, you'll often find that she just learns that you're a man who does what he wants, which is subconsciously more attractive to women than a man who is easy to control.

I actually pay for most of my first dates, but the way I do it represents the fact that I WANT to pay for the date. As soon as we start seeing each other more and we buy common meals, I usually just pay for my own and expect her to pay for her own as well. USUALLY the girl won't argue or make a big deal out of it, but if she does, you basically need to be a bit of an asshole and make her understand that SHE'S the one who's lucky to be with you; not the other way around.

I told her I wanted open communication and told her I wasnt mad and then tried asking her what was wrong and she kept saying it wasn't me. She also said she is getting frustrated that it keeps coming to this and why all guys are like this. I guess she had these same issues in the past with previous boyfriends?

Not a good idea. You never want to bring up problems with a girl unless she's bringing them up herself. If she is in a bad mood about something or is yelling or complaining, then you can attempt to address the issue. Until there's any indicator that she's upset about something, then you don't want to bring it up because it comes across as needy/annoying. I wouldn't be surprised if she's had the same issues with previous boyfriends because there are many guys out there who worry too much about what she might be thinking, and that is an unattractive trait.

I've thought about just not seeing her this weekend and making up some excuse why I cant. It would be incredibly hard for me because I enjoy hanging out with her so much. Is this step necessary and one y'all would make? Should I go out and try to see other girls to get my mentality back although we are in a relationship?

Hmm... it definitely sounds like you are losing power in the relationship and it is going downhill. I think she's just starting to get somewhat bored with the relationship, and you're attempts to resolve the problem are just annoying her because she knows the problem is an internal one that she can't vocalize to you (which is that you are somewhat more weak and needy than she initially thought, and it's causing her attraction to drop for you).

Since you seem to be losing your abundance mentality over this girl, it might be worth your time to approach other women. I wouldn't do it in front of your girlfriend of course, but you should at least regain some of your composure by reminding yourself that you know how to meet women. That way, if things do go south with your girlfriend, you'll already be knee-deep in the process of meeting new women again so that you aren't mentally stuck on her.

- Franco

 

[Ktowndub]

Wow, that's some good advice from Ray and Franco. I really love how ray compared this to being on the dance floor, and Franco hit the nail on the head when he said how needy you come across when trying to ask her to tell you what's wrong. The thing is, as men, we are problem solvers.. Women don't want us to always solve their problems, so asking her what's wrong is a terrible place to be in. You are coming across weak and needy, when the problem really is she's bored. You've become to complacent and settled in and she is now thinking that you are just like every other guy. There is a lot in what u write that tells me that you are so chasing her and probably when u two first met, U weren't.. That's when you were attractive to her. You would be best to pull back but not in a way that she knows U are intentionally doing it, and also.. Don't pull back to "fix this," pull back to "fix you." If you don't regain your composure she is going to be gone and you will be left with your head spinning and then you will prob go into a serious chase mode, repelling her even further. I am in a situation myself in which Ray has advised me, but at first I didn't want to yield to it. Now that I have, things have some what turned around, but even if they don't, I am ok and I will just move right along. I know you feel her slipping away, which makes you want to grab tighter, but you CAN NOT DO THAT. And if you pull back, you feel that she will just go away all together,, sometimes, that's what needs to happen. anyway, like both above have said,, go and talk with new girls, get more numbers, and have more options..
Good Luck, Friend!!

 

[ChalupaBatman]

Hey everyone,

I apologize for not replying until now but I wanted to provide an update and ask more questions.

First off, y'all are amazing and I couldn't feel luckier to be a part of these boards and to have found girlschase. I really do appreciate all of you taking the time to respond to my problems. Some of the advice given was what I was already thinking but I just had to have someone tell me before I acted on it.

*Update*
We are still very much together and the relationship is now going on seven months. She brought up that she wants me to come on her family's vacation this year (which is a big deal), so this tells me we are OK right now.

We are still not having sex as much as I would like or as much as we used to back when the relationship began. Which brings me to my first question, for those in long term relationships, how often are y'all having sex? I want to be sure I'm not some crazy sexaholic or if this is normal between guys wanting it more and girls not so much.

My other question is that when we haven't had sex for a while, it is VERY hard for me to last for at least 30 minutes without cumming. Due to this, I have not been able to make her cum with my member, only with my tongue. I realized that when I used to make her orgasm with my member, it was the second time around and I could last longer and build up a good rhythm. The problem lies in that once I cum, she usually doesn't want to go a second round like she used to. I really dont want to masturbate (I hate it and it kills my sex drive), but Im wondering if this is the only way to get her to orgasm with my member because she won't do multiple rounds anymore. Any help with this?

Based on the advice given above, this is what I plan to implement:
-Go out at least once every week (if possible because I am going to school right now) and flirt with girls and leave it at that. I was definitely much more attractive when the relationship began because I had options and was going out frequently. As the relationship has gone on, I have become more needy and thus...less attractive

-Not bring up problems anymore unless she brings them up. I was not aware how terrible this made me look. This is my first long term relationship, so thank y'all for steering me on the correct path.

-Try to get her to pay some more but I think I am screwed on this because of the precedent I set.

-I think I'm going to quit initiating sex...at least for a while. I'm tired of always initiating and I'm ready for her to do that again. I'm hoping she wonders whats wrong and starts to initiate...that is my hope at least. I'll try to control myself, I really don't want to masturbate. My plan is to use that pent up frustration as fuel to go out and meet people.


CB

 

[Franco]

CB,

We are still not having sex as much as I would like or as much as we used to back when the relationship began. Which brings me to my first question, for those in long term relationships, how often are y'all having sex? I want to be sure I'm not some crazy sexaholic or if this is normal between guys wanting it more and girls not so much.

This is a tough question to answer because it really depends on how often you see your girlfriend. I actually only see my girlfriend on the weekend -- she comes over late on Friday night and leaves on Sunday in the early afternoon -- but some guys see their girlfriends 4 to 5 days a week. Naturally, the amount of sex you have is probably going to be less each day (unless you're just a sex machine of a man), but you might end up having the same amount of sex in the course of a week that I do in a weekend.

I'd say I usually have sex with my girl somewhere in the range of 3 to 7 times over the course of the weekend, with 7 being uncommon unless we're just really horny (or it's a special occasion like this weekend was [Valentine's Day]), and 3 being the minimum. The most important thing that I always keep in mind is how many orgasms she has over the course of the weekend. I always make sure she has AT LEAST one orgasm (even if I'm feeling really lazy and not in the mood), and I'll usually give her a few on an average weekend.

Sex drives are going to differ based on the guy, but it's important to at least be giving your girl orgasms when you do have sex. An orgasm a day keeps the suitors away.

My other question is that when we haven't had sex for a while, it is VERY hard for me to last for at least 30 minutes without cumming. Due to this, I have not been able to make her cum with my member, only with my tongue. I realized that when I used to make her orgasm with my member, it was the second time around and I could last longer and build up a good rhythm. The problem lies in that once I cum, she usually doesn't want to go a second round like she used to. I really dont want to masturbate (I hate it and it kills my sex drive), but Im wondering if this is the only way to get her to orgasm with my member because she won't do multiple rounds anymore. Any help with this?

Hmm... this one would worry me a little bit. Usually when I have sex with my girl and I finish early (and she doesn't orgasm), she usually tries to find ways to start sex again right after or within the next few hours so that she can get "her fill" of the intercourse. What this could mean is that your girl isn't very confident in your ability to reliably give her orgasms when she wants them, so she may just not be interested in going another round because she feels like she'll be left unsatisfied. I also think you want to refrain from constantly giving her orgasms orally -- it's telling her that you're no longer man enough to give her orgasms vaginally. Once in awhile is okay, but you need to be giving her vaginal orgasms for her to feel completely satisfied.

If you need to masturbate a couple of hours before you see her so that you can give her an orgasm on the first round, it might be worth it. You might want to do it several times so that she's feels confident in your ability to give her orgasms at will.

-I think I'm going to quit initiating sex...at least for a while. I'm tired of always initiating and I'm ready for her to do that again. I'm hoping she wonders whats wrong and starts to initiate...that is my hope at least. I'll try to control myself, I really don't want to masturbate. My plan is to use that pent up frustration as fuel to go out and meet people.

I'm not sure I would do this. If the problem is that she isn't completely satisfied with the sex, then taking away what she's getting certainly is not going to make things better. I think you just need to give her some strong vaginal orgasms for an extended period of time to remind her what you can do. I would maybe even consider doing something extremely aggressive that turns her on and that she (probably) hasn't experienced in awhile. Check out this article for more information:

• Turn On Your Girlfriend with Raw Sexual Enthusiasm

- Franco

 

[Drck]

Didn't read every answers yet, but I see something quite striking in your text:

"I also wanted to mention that I pay for pretty much everything in the relationship. Granted I do make more, but it bothers me that she never offers. We've talked about it before and she knows it frustrates me. Ive actually quit offering to take her to lunch because of this, Im sure she knows the reason why. She said that its the mans role to pay for things and thats just how it is and she wont settle. Any help?"

>>>> It is quite important to set your frame right from the beginning. There are two types of girs (in simple words), takers and givers. The one you are describing is a taker: you do everything for and and she does very minimum, perhaps nothing for you - and this is from the VERY beginning. What do you think will happen in 1 year? 10 or 15 years? You'll be doing exactly the same, and much more of it. It will become your habit.

What is even worse is that she is entitled, she EXPECT men do provide, to give, to pay - while she takes all she can. Maybe she is pretty, and at first she will reward you with good sex. Ok, great, but as the time goes on there will be less and less sex... I bet on it, she will be denying you more sex in the future... Wait, she alredy does:

"Now I can't seem to barely get anything and she complains that all I ever want is sex. She also says she just isn't in the mood". And another one: "We are still not having sex as much as I would like or as much as we used to..."


>>>> It will not get any better. It is not really the sex, there is much more to it. Another way to see it is, that you are investing everything into her - while she invests minimum into you... She's got the power in this relationship, right from the beginning. Not good. Maybe not today, but in the future she will be able to walk away from you with no problems - while you won't be able to do the same, you may even ended up with broken heart...


In my opinion, she sees you as a provider only. Good, nice and honest guy, but not so exciting (in a sense of Lover). She doesn't really care much about you no matter how sweet she is (again, my opinion only).

"I told her I wanted open communication and told her I wasnt mad and then tried asking her what was wrong and she kept saying it wasn't me."

>>>> Yes, it is not you. It is her. She is not that attracted to you. You are a great guy, great provider, you do exactly what the whole society expect from you, you are too much of a Nice Guy - which everybody says is great but in reality this behavior is not too exciting to girls...

It is not childish, walk away from her, date other girls. You stepped into Beta provider frame with girl who is a taker, and unfortunatelly the frame seems to be too strong to change. You will not change her personality, I wouldn't even try, too much energy for nothing. Try to find a giver, a girl that does things for you spontaneously without you asking for it, and of course give her back - she gives you 55 you give her 45. This girl is giving you 20 and you are giving her 80, and she is giving you less and less (sex)...

In general, you want to be more dominant, more leading, more of a Lover. Less of a Nice Guy and less of a Provider.... At the same time you want to avoid entitled takers. Give NOTHING to takers, perhaps that is the only way to keep them attracted...

 

[ChalupaBatman]

Well friends...my gut is telling me this relationship is on the downhill. She is spending the night less and less, and I feel lucky to get sex when I get it.

I can't tell if I'm overreacting or I'm in denial. I'm really not sure what to think anymore. I've got zero abundance mentality, although I was doing okay with girls before the relationship began. The thought of going out to pick up girls just doesn't sound appealing to me anymore.

I'll try to post more detailed stuff soon about everything. Right now I'm just sad.

 

[ChalupaBatman]

So I will provide an update in hopes that others can learn from this situation. I am still dating the same girl...for over a year now. We had one rocky point this summer but overcame it. It was my fault for not communicating more about my expectations. I had a chance to cheat on her this summer and I did not (not sure why I included this...I guess perhaps to show the forums I am still a somewhat high value guy).

My question here is for Chase/Franco or anyone else who can advise me on how I should proceed with this relationship. Basically I would say our biggest issue is sex. Its awkward as hell to talk about with her and some of my best buds. For instance this past week, she has shut me down 3 nights in a row when I have come on to her, she always says she is too tired and when I reach down in that area she shuts me down immediately. I know some of you will say drop her and run for the hills...some of you already have. However I just read an article by chase that said to watch out for girls with high libidos, they tend to be crazy and dont make good ltr. We have had a good ltr for the most part with the exception of this issue. It drives me nuts at nights when I am stuck there with her and not getting any, I could be out and even if I strike out I tried and had a chance at least. With her that night it is a zero chance.

We talk about it and she tells me she doesnt have as high of a libido as me. I will admit my sex drive is high, but what males isnt? I dont think its too much to ask for sex every weekend. Another issue is that this could very well be my fault. A year into this relationship I have to ask myself...am I not the high value guy I once was, or have I been slacking on bf duties? Either way Ive come to a crossroads on should I break it off or press on. Do yall know any better ways to communicate this with her? I do give her a solid orgasm most of the time we have sex. Like I said earlier, she is a good girlfriend and I do like her, I just wish she wanted to have sex more.

Thanks again everyone.

CB

 

[ray_zorse]

Dude, go back and read the advice already given! Nothing has changed here and how many months have gone by? 6? And have the things predicted by Franco and Drck come true? Yes they have! You are acting needy and beta, and she knows this, and it's killing/has killed her attraction for you.

Quite honestly, you are in scarcity -- if you want sex, go out and get some. Why aren't you? In my opinion, because you don't believe at a core level that you have options. So while she'll hardly ever have sex with you, you're stuck in a mindset that she's your best sexual option. No, she is not!!!!

As to getting sex in a relationship, well you need to be the boss, you decide when to have sex, and if she makes excuses etc, you persist through them, just for the sake of the principle: She doesn't get to choose when you have sex (except if she's initiating it at extra times and you agree, then in that case you can reward her for moving things forward). This is how to be a dominant motherfucker. If it's a serious, hard no, then dump her.

Ray