- Joined
- Feb 23, 2022
- Messages
- 694
Just finished an Insta date that started out decent and ended up going no where, plus I really fumbled in the final stretch.
She's this cute Asian girl. Probably about 26 years old.
Met her at a Barnes and Noble. Used my fave shopping opener "I can tell you're putting a lot of thought to this decision"
We get to gabbing. Pretty basic stuff, nothing too spicey but definitely a touch of flirting.
Speaking of touch, I break the touch barrier with a handshake. Probably should have gone with the handclasp to inject some tension. But here we are.
I get compliance pretty quickly and have her hand me a book off the shelf.
She is a scientist who is looking for a book that isn't so scientific and more adventurous. Okay, I play to the adventurous and spontaneous frame. So far so good.
She mentions she likes westerns so I move her to the Western section. We chat about this and that, and she mentions her vision board. I have her show me on her phone. I get in close to her kind of stand behind her and to the side. Maybe could have used some kino here, put my arm on the swell of her back or something, but I didn't feel that bold, or perhaps I wasn't sure if that was the vibe yet.
We chat some more and I move things over to the cafe. This is all feels natural and happens without a second thought or hesitation.
We sit down and we go a bit more deep dive, but still keep things somewhat light. She is doing most of the talking, but I am supporting and leading the whole thing.
I won't bore you with too many details of our convo but I it's i important to note that, while flirtatious to a degree, I never really escalate the convo too much to include a touch of sex talk or anything. Some things I do however are:
- Qualify her with a couple compliments when she is being cute and passionate about a subject
-Continue to gain compliance by getting her to "tell me more" about subjects. Also have her show me her jewelry (although she took her ring off and handed it to me instead of giving me her hand). I also have her flex her muscles for me when she is talking about working out. I have her smell books with me and we discuss the pleasing qualities of each books smell (this also allows for me to inject a bit of pre sex talk gambits about the importance of engaging with the sensual world).
-Gather logistics, about her living situation and what her plans are for the day. She doesn't have any plans, and also she shares a house with her brother but he is out of town on a camping trip.
-I seed the pull with a number of things. (unfortunately my place is no good right, as I am in a temporary housing situation for the winter that is not ideal for bringing randos over). We were connecting on yoga, so I seed the idea of doing yoga together. I also gather that she has a good living room for doing yoga. She is into sports, and there is going to be a game on a bit later. I also gather that she has a decent tv for watching the game on. These are the two major grounds I have to suggest a pull back to hers. There is also the potential for a walk by the river. Which I gather is at least somewhat close to hers. How close though, I am not sure. All of these ideas she seems interested in, at least in the context of a soft close. No hard close yet.
Okay, so here we are with decent compliance and logistics. Some there is some fun flirtatious energy, but nothing too sizzling (also missed an opportunity to tell her she smelled good when she leaned across the table to show me something on her phone, right after we were smelling books. Dang, that would have been a decent escalation). As you can see, a number of elements are in place but the tension has kind of plateaued at a medium temperature.
There is a moment also where she seems to get a bit self conscious about talking so much and is like "I could just talk forever, stop me if I'm talking too much." To which I assure her that I am enjoying talking with her and I like how passionate she is about her interests. She responds by saying "really?" in this really cute validated way, and she perks up.
The energy shoots back up and she is getting rather animated. I suggested we move things. I am basically like "this is really fun, lets keep hanging out." She seems mostly about it and is like "okay, what should we do." I mention that we can go to hers and hang out, we can do some yoga or watch the game when it comes on. She seems hesitant and deflects mentioning that she wants to grab a couple magazines first. I figure okay why not, its what I have to work with.
So we go to the magazine rack and have a bit more back and forth. She is really peppy at this point and the energy is good. I think this is probably where i could have escalated the vibe a little more. Thrown in some solid Kino and a touch of sex talk. Kept it subtle but basically ran some very low key second gen. But any way I didn't quite capitalize on the momentum and the energy stayed at its plateau. We went to purchase her magazine's and left the store.
This is where things start to get dicey. Basically I start pushing for the pull. I'm like "okay we're kind of in opposite sides of town, we could roll in one car, but then one of us has to drive the other back here later. Or I just follow you and you toss me your address in case we get separated." Basically framing it as an assumption that we have just decided to go to hers.
She starts to stall and is like "oh I thought maybe you meant meet up later and watch the game"
And I am like "well we could maybe meet up later but I gotta work crazy early (this is true). What are you up to now, we're both lind of just hanging out, and this is fun connecting like this"
She is clearly stalling more and says that she is kind of hungry and wants to grab a snack at the mall food court. Okay sure, not ideal momentum here but its what she has thrown out there and maybe I can address whatever is making her stall.
Well, as we walk into the mall she drops this on me "so what are your intentions here, I just want to be straightforward"
I am not sure if this is the best response, because I can sometimes when these types of moments are dropped on me. I basically say "intentions? we just got to talking and its been fun. don't see why wouldn't keep connecting, but I am not sure there are really any intentions"
she responds by basically saying "okay cool, I'm having fun talking with you too"
So we get a Cinnabun and she barely even eats it because "she just needed a little taste" (yeah she was definitely just buying time) and we are back in the parking lot.
This is where it all falls apart. Basically she is not hitting when it comes to the pull, and is trying to deflect and re frame a bunch. She starts by saying that she is not looking to date because she is focusing on her career right now. I try to play it off like "dating already? we just met. Isn't that getting ahead of ourselves?"
She starts to get super flustered and is saying how she "was just going to get a book today, and it's fun being spontaneous but I wasnt expecting this and maybe we should leave this here"
and Iam like "do you want to leave it here cause it seems like we are having a really fun time, and its not like we both have anything else to do,"
Then she is like "yeah we are having fun, but I just came to shop I need to do some shopping, we can shop together"
and I respond with "I'm not really looking to walk around shopping I've already been here for a while. How important is it that you do your shopping now?"
And she is like "not very important but finding know" and she starts blushing and is like "oh now I'm blushing now, I dont know"
So I respond with "I'm not sure what's going on here, we're having fun and your blushing and it seems like you want to hang out but you're apprehensive"
and she says "yeah its just don't know, I was just came here to get a book" (repeating herself)
And I am like "well it's not like we have to hang out, it just seemed like it could be fun to keep this going"
and she reiterated "I just need to focus on my career right now, I cant be tied down by anything"
And I was like "why would us hanging out get in the way of your career"
and she was like "maybe if you just come hang out with me and my friends. We'll all network" (lol network?)
And any way I can't recall how it all went down but it ended with me putting my number in her phone to "stay in touch" and i was about to send myself a text when I noticed that I had put a digit wrong, and she started rushing me and I was like "hold up I gotta change it. And I changed it and started to text myself and she stopped me like "I'll text you later, at some point"
I don't know, exactly how it all went down cause it was a very circular conversation and I was definitely trying to hard close her instead of just being flexible. There was an opportunity at the begining of this back and forth to just grab her digits and just try to get her out from there. But I didn't like the frame, especially since we had already hung out for some time and there was really no reason for us not to keep hanging out.
I was trying to get to the bottom of what was holding her back but I couldn't quite out my finger on it.
Maybe it was ASD.
Or maybe there wasn't enough attraction since I wasn't escalating the vibe. Hence the "what is your intention here" question. I was running indirect game for too long, and she was second guessing the entire interaction.
Or maybe it was ASD because there was not enough attraction.
We were having fun enough, but it wasn't smoldering.
I don't think it was quite a comfort issue. Because she seemed comfortable enough. If it was a comfort thing and I think maybe she was just not comfortable because she wasn't sure my intention.
It might have been some other reason I am not quite seeing. But my main takeaway is that I could have escalated the vibe a bit more, done some more Kino. Done some more sexual frames. Then maybe she would have bought in more.
I could have probably turned it around once she started questioning my intentions. But I fumbled by getting too deep in a frame battle. It started to feel like I had an agenda because I was poorly gunning for a hard close. Having an agenda combined with unclear intentions is stranger danger.
Or maybe there was something else. I ask if she was seeing any one and she said no...
Also, maybe I was being impatient. Now that I look back, maybe there was no harm is just going shopping with her. I guess at the time I was concerned the interaction would lose momentum, we would have been stepping into a poor frame. We were already about 40 minutes in, and I thought if I went shopping with her it was a losing battle. In retrospect she probably just needed more time (all of the solutions she was suggesting we're about meeting in public) and I could have taken the shopping opportunity to ramp up into second gen. I didn't really see a game play though, like how was I going to pull from there. Man, I need to be more patient. I think that was probably the move.
Any thoughts gentlemen? How could I have landed this one?
She's this cute Asian girl. Probably about 26 years old.
Met her at a Barnes and Noble. Used my fave shopping opener "I can tell you're putting a lot of thought to this decision"
We get to gabbing. Pretty basic stuff, nothing too spicey but definitely a touch of flirting.
Speaking of touch, I break the touch barrier with a handshake. Probably should have gone with the handclasp to inject some tension. But here we are.
I get compliance pretty quickly and have her hand me a book off the shelf.
She is a scientist who is looking for a book that isn't so scientific and more adventurous. Okay, I play to the adventurous and spontaneous frame. So far so good.
She mentions she likes westerns so I move her to the Western section. We chat about this and that, and she mentions her vision board. I have her show me on her phone. I get in close to her kind of stand behind her and to the side. Maybe could have used some kino here, put my arm on the swell of her back or something, but I didn't feel that bold, or perhaps I wasn't sure if that was the vibe yet.
We chat some more and I move things over to the cafe. This is all feels natural and happens without a second thought or hesitation.
We sit down and we go a bit more deep dive, but still keep things somewhat light. She is doing most of the talking, but I am supporting and leading the whole thing.
I won't bore you with too many details of our convo but I it's i important to note that, while flirtatious to a degree, I never really escalate the convo too much to include a touch of sex talk or anything. Some things I do however are:
- Qualify her with a couple compliments when she is being cute and passionate about a subject
-Continue to gain compliance by getting her to "tell me more" about subjects. Also have her show me her jewelry (although she took her ring off and handed it to me instead of giving me her hand). I also have her flex her muscles for me when she is talking about working out. I have her smell books with me and we discuss the pleasing qualities of each books smell (this also allows for me to inject a bit of pre sex talk gambits about the importance of engaging with the sensual world).
-Gather logistics, about her living situation and what her plans are for the day. She doesn't have any plans, and also she shares a house with her brother but he is out of town on a camping trip.
-I seed the pull with a number of things. (unfortunately my place is no good right, as I am in a temporary housing situation for the winter that is not ideal for bringing randos over). We were connecting on yoga, so I seed the idea of doing yoga together. I also gather that she has a good living room for doing yoga. She is into sports, and there is going to be a game on a bit later. I also gather that she has a decent tv for watching the game on. These are the two major grounds I have to suggest a pull back to hers. There is also the potential for a walk by the river. Which I gather is at least somewhat close to hers. How close though, I am not sure. All of these ideas she seems interested in, at least in the context of a soft close. No hard close yet.
Okay, so here we are with decent compliance and logistics. Some there is some fun flirtatious energy, but nothing too sizzling (also missed an opportunity to tell her she smelled good when she leaned across the table to show me something on her phone, right after we were smelling books. Dang, that would have been a decent escalation). As you can see, a number of elements are in place but the tension has kind of plateaued at a medium temperature.
There is a moment also where she seems to get a bit self conscious about talking so much and is like "I could just talk forever, stop me if I'm talking too much." To which I assure her that I am enjoying talking with her and I like how passionate she is about her interests. She responds by saying "really?" in this really cute validated way, and she perks up.
The energy shoots back up and she is getting rather animated. I suggested we move things. I am basically like "this is really fun, lets keep hanging out." She seems mostly about it and is like "okay, what should we do." I mention that we can go to hers and hang out, we can do some yoga or watch the game when it comes on. She seems hesitant and deflects mentioning that she wants to grab a couple magazines first. I figure okay why not, its what I have to work with.
So we go to the magazine rack and have a bit more back and forth. She is really peppy at this point and the energy is good. I think this is probably where i could have escalated the vibe a little more. Thrown in some solid Kino and a touch of sex talk. Kept it subtle but basically ran some very low key second gen. But any way I didn't quite capitalize on the momentum and the energy stayed at its plateau. We went to purchase her magazine's and left the store.
This is where things start to get dicey. Basically I start pushing for the pull. I'm like "okay we're kind of in opposite sides of town, we could roll in one car, but then one of us has to drive the other back here later. Or I just follow you and you toss me your address in case we get separated." Basically framing it as an assumption that we have just decided to go to hers.
She starts to stall and is like "oh I thought maybe you meant meet up later and watch the game"
And I am like "well we could maybe meet up later but I gotta work crazy early (this is true). What are you up to now, we're both lind of just hanging out, and this is fun connecting like this"
She is clearly stalling more and says that she is kind of hungry and wants to grab a snack at the mall food court. Okay sure, not ideal momentum here but its what she has thrown out there and maybe I can address whatever is making her stall.
Well, as we walk into the mall she drops this on me "so what are your intentions here, I just want to be straightforward"
I am not sure if this is the best response, because I can sometimes when these types of moments are dropped on me. I basically say "intentions? we just got to talking and its been fun. don't see why wouldn't keep connecting, but I am not sure there are really any intentions"
she responds by basically saying "okay cool, I'm having fun talking with you too"
So we get a Cinnabun and she barely even eats it because "she just needed a little taste" (yeah she was definitely just buying time) and we are back in the parking lot.
This is where it all falls apart. Basically she is not hitting when it comes to the pull, and is trying to deflect and re frame a bunch. She starts by saying that she is not looking to date because she is focusing on her career right now. I try to play it off like "dating already? we just met. Isn't that getting ahead of ourselves?"
She starts to get super flustered and is saying how she "was just going to get a book today, and it's fun being spontaneous but I wasnt expecting this and maybe we should leave this here"
and Iam like "do you want to leave it here cause it seems like we are having a really fun time, and its not like we both have anything else to do,"
Then she is like "yeah we are having fun, but I just came to shop I need to do some shopping, we can shop together"
and I respond with "I'm not really looking to walk around shopping I've already been here for a while. How important is it that you do your shopping now?"
And she is like "not very important but finding know" and she starts blushing and is like "oh now I'm blushing now, I dont know"
So I respond with "I'm not sure what's going on here, we're having fun and your blushing and it seems like you want to hang out but you're apprehensive"
and she says "yeah its just don't know, I was just came here to get a book" (repeating herself)
And I am like "well it's not like we have to hang out, it just seemed like it could be fun to keep this going"
and she reiterated "I just need to focus on my career right now, I cant be tied down by anything"
And I was like "why would us hanging out get in the way of your career"
and she was like "maybe if you just come hang out with me and my friends. We'll all network" (lol network?)
And any way I can't recall how it all went down but it ended with me putting my number in her phone to "stay in touch" and i was about to send myself a text when I noticed that I had put a digit wrong, and she started rushing me and I was like "hold up I gotta change it. And I changed it and started to text myself and she stopped me like "I'll text you later, at some point"
I don't know, exactly how it all went down cause it was a very circular conversation and I was definitely trying to hard close her instead of just being flexible. There was an opportunity at the begining of this back and forth to just grab her digits and just try to get her out from there. But I didn't like the frame, especially since we had already hung out for some time and there was really no reason for us not to keep hanging out.
I was trying to get to the bottom of what was holding her back but I couldn't quite out my finger on it.
Maybe it was ASD.
Or maybe there wasn't enough attraction since I wasn't escalating the vibe. Hence the "what is your intention here" question. I was running indirect game for too long, and she was second guessing the entire interaction.
Or maybe it was ASD because there was not enough attraction.
We were having fun enough, but it wasn't smoldering.
I don't think it was quite a comfort issue. Because she seemed comfortable enough. If it was a comfort thing and I think maybe she was just not comfortable because she wasn't sure my intention.
It might have been some other reason I am not quite seeing. But my main takeaway is that I could have escalated the vibe a bit more, done some more Kino. Done some more sexual frames. Then maybe she would have bought in more.
I could have probably turned it around once she started questioning my intentions. But I fumbled by getting too deep in a frame battle. It started to feel like I had an agenda because I was poorly gunning for a hard close. Having an agenda combined with unclear intentions is stranger danger.
Or maybe there was something else. I ask if she was seeing any one and she said no...
Also, maybe I was being impatient. Now that I look back, maybe there was no harm is just going shopping with her. I guess at the time I was concerned the interaction would lose momentum, we would have been stepping into a poor frame. We were already about 40 minutes in, and I thought if I went shopping with her it was a losing battle. In retrospect she probably just needed more time (all of the solutions she was suggesting we're about meeting in public) and I could have taken the shopping opportunity to ramp up into second gen. I didn't really see a game play though, like how was I going to pull from there. Man, I need to be more patient. I think that was probably the move.
Any thoughts gentlemen? How could I have landed this one?
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