FR+ Instant Date with Tantra Girl

[Grand Pooba]

<I’ll expand this later, need to get this out for now>

Approached a girl on the street with the CW opener, she already had noticed me earlier and turned warmly, smiled, and came to a stop. Immediately she turned to face me, then revealed that she’s spreading really good energy today and feels really good, because she went to a Tantric workshop the night before and it blew her mind. I related to this by talking about a Tantric workshop I went to long ago, and how it instilled this feeling of bliss and alignment within me – how when the Chakras are aligned, it feels blissful and energetic. She then revealed to me that she’s a really experimental person and is trying out many new things in her life – including LSD at a party tomorrow. I told her that sounds really fun, and how LSD really expands her mind.

I asked her where she’s going – she was going to buy some yoga pants for this party. I told her that I’m going to a store to buy some clothes myself. I started deep diving on the street, finding out more about her. But ultimately, we really had a great energetic connection. It turned out she was going home after going to the store, so I suggested that we go to our stores and grab drinks together after she’s finished. I told her about a cool cocktail lounge just 15 minutes away or so – and showed her on Google maps. Found out she likes red wines, but then she proposed we meet there at 7:30 (it was around 6:30 at the time). I obliged got her number, and then let her on her away.

Did another five approaches until 7:15, when I texted her:

ME: Hey R, it's GP
HER: Hi darling
HER: I finished early and I just got to the bar
ME: Heading to <Bar> now - when you get there I'll meet you at the bar
ME: Ok great, see you soon

Got there at 7:27 and went up, she was sitting at the far corner. Took the seat next to her and she already had a drink. It looked delicious, and she offered me some to try, which was really nice of her.

We spent roughly the next fifteen to twenty minutes talking several stories (mostly her talking) about how she’s a rock climber, and moved through a whirlwind of things from upstate NY down to NYC. We had a whole thread of intertwining stories of her life – and in the middle I concluded that she’s a dopamine girl – super adventurous and exploratory, to which she agreed. She also revealed that she’s bi-sexual – and at one point became a full lesbian for five years, but has since changed to accept men as well. She told me she likes to be dominant with women (and likes women who look tom boyish) but likes to play the submissive role around men. This was a perfect segue into sex talk and dynamics later on.

I also noticed during this story that her knee was touching my knee for virtually the full time. Eventually I had my hand on her thigh, which she readily accepted. She was also starting to grab and hold my hand, and put her face really close to me over the course of the date.

Then after her stories, she wanted me to talk about myself and how I got to NYC. So I shared my story and ups and downs as well, which generally found super boring because it was so different from her – it became pretty apparent that we’re from two totally different backgrounds – her from the military and no college, and me from high education and owning my own business.

To counter this, I immediately started to switch to discussing topics like BDSM and sex. From there on out, we spent the time talking about BDSM, festivals, sex and dynamics between men and women. I could see that she was getting really turned on, and we were in total alignment with what we were saying. Not only does she love BDSM, but as I was talking about festivals I’ve been to, I revealed I’ve been to many play parties in NYC as well as down the East Coast. Turns out that she hasn’t been to one, and I really piqued her curiosity about these.

Kept on talking about a bunch of stuff, building the vibe....

About halfway through the date after our drinks were finished, I asked her if she likes art. I proposed that she come check out the art at my place.

<Note here: I should have used a Yes ladder, which I did not. It’s critical for me to start using Yes ladders during the pull attempt. I should have added that I need to get up early tomorrow, so she cannot stay long if she comes over – I’ll have to kick her out after 20 minutes.>

She asked what kind of art, and I said my own art. She rejected my invitation, saying she has a cat to feed, and has to wake up in the morning at 7am, among other things she was doing.

I then asked if she lives in the neighborhood (yes) which she had revealed earlier. Suggested instead that we go and hang out at her place instead. To this she gave a similar excuse, but also that she should be safe and responsible, since she just met me on the street. I was totally cool and chill about her response, and told her I’m still having a really awesome time with her.

She then proposed we get another drink – and we did.

Kept on talking about sex and BDSM stuff – I also asked her what it’s like dating women. She started telling me more about her desires in tantra as well as her business – at this point we were flying high on vibe.

She was grabbing my thigh as I was grabbing hers, and she was holding my hand and grabbing it periodically. She even asked me how tall I am, after we compared hand sizes. I assume she was doing this to assess how large my penis is – our fingers were exactly the same length. She smiled about this, I could see a squint in her eye about it.

Shared more stories about her crazy guy friends, revealed she’s polyamorous anyway… you get the idea. I was totally cool with all this.

She showed me a video of a friend of hers Jason Silva, who I apparently remind her of. Then she sent me a youtube link to this video.

After second drinks were done we split the bill (she proposed it), and she asked me to walk her home. It was a little outside my route, but I agreed to it anyway. Walked with her holding her tight, at the same pace. She kept mentioning that she should be responsible tonight, but we should meet up soon. Then shared her schedule that she’s free Friday during the day, and busy on Friday night with parties, and recovering Saturday, and free Sunday onwards. I told her I’m totally booked Friday, but I could make Sunday or Monday work.

When we got to her house, we talked about meeting up Sunday night. She agreed, then asked if she could kiss me. We had two pretty hot make outs – and I tried to break both of these off both times before she could break it off herself – for the first time I succeeded.

As I was walking away, she yelled at me before going in “It was so nice to meet you, GP!” and I said back to her “you too, R!”

Literally ten minutes later she texted me:

HER: I wanted so badly to invite you in, but look at me exerting self control

I was totally stumped how to respond here – and to be fair, I was kind of drunk. Part of me thought that maybe this was a form of her inviting me back, but I didn’t know at all what to saw. In the end I totally screwed up my texts to her.

I had no idea what to do here. This is what I sent and how the exchange went:

ME: Would you like to spend more time together tonight?
HER: Sunday
ME: Sounds good
HER: Goodnight, Jason Silva <inside joke>
ME: Sleep well, Rachelle!

My text back was needy and bad.

This is how it actually should have gone:

Girl: I wanted so badly to invite you in, but look at me exerting self control
Me: Self control is a terrible thing...
Me/Her: I had a great time with you tonight, R - sleep well!
Girl: Good night, Jason Silva
Me: Sleep well, R!

She didn’t text at all on Friday, so the best course of action is to text her on Saturday morning, follow up and ask how her parties and trip went, and then try to see her on Sunday evening in my area. Still don't know

I made one minor needy mistake, and that could affect us getting together – but other than that, I did pretty good, in fact. She'll probably meet up with me, but it'll be more difficult now to sleep with her.

Lessons:

• I totally was stumped by her text about inviting me in. She was teasing me, so all I had to do was tease her back. Instead my text to her was needy. Once she leaves your sight, the date is over.
• Don't try to persist over text. Never persist over text. This was a really bad move and screwed up the dynamic.
• She still had a lot of fun.
• Use a Yes Ladder during the pull opportunity.
• Also should have told her that I need to sleep early and she cannot stay.
• My outfit yesterday was killer - should use it more often.

 

[Velasco]

she asked me to walk her home. It was a little outside my route, but I agreed to it anyway. Walked with her holding her tight, at the same pace. She kept mentioning that she should be responsible tonight,

When we got to her house, we talked about meeting up Sunday night. She agreed, then asked if she could kiss me. We had two pretty hot make outs

Literally ten minutes later she texted me:

HER: I wanted so badly to invite you in, but look at me exerting self control

I was totally stumped how to respond here – and to be fair, I was kind of drunk. Part of me thought that maybe this was a form of her inviting me back, but I didn’t know at all what to saw. In the end I totally screwed up my texts to her.

bathroom excuse bro!!! "fuck now I gotta take a fucking piss wtf girl"
#ItJustHappened

 

[Científico]

Great FR as always. To be honest, this girl seems exactly like your type - I would have likely had more difficulty than you relating to her on these topics of BDSM, tantric workshops and all that. I am still often surprised by the quality leads one can get just with cold approach alone.

Also nice job highlighting the lessons about persisting over text, so guys like me dont make the same mistakes!

My outfit yesterday was killer - should use it more often.

Any info you can share here?

 

[Grand Pooba]

bathroom excuse bro!!! "fuck now I gotta take a fucking piss wtf girl"
#ItJustHappened

Fffffffuuuu... did not think of this!! Shoot.

 

[Glow]

Great Report @Grand Pooba - just some thoughts from my end - maybe they can be useful.

Sounds like a good serendipity sorta initial connection moment you had appearing w. her. @Razorjack pointed to these connective moments somewhere in here advising to create them through sensory pacing her and it got my mind back to them. Good to see it in action. Im curious to explore these a bit - how to mobilise them actively.

Also i like how you seem to be cool in all the process, not reacting to her resistances but moving things back on track and staying cool and relaxed.

- Are you using a conversation management setup to drive topics eg. SOTS but also other eg sensual topics and interesting topics?
- Do you fractionate?

The reason i mention it is that there are a few resistance points youre experiencing and conversation management structure can help adress and avoid those resistances proactively. We can proactively manage them by leading their states more and avoid permission sorta setup. Bacchus explains it somewhat in his podcast amongst others. A key is to be more aware of the impact we create and orchestrate that to the progression.

It is sorta how you nudge and drive the conversation across topics in smart ways that impact her deeper and deeper and moves her through states.

Maybe youre already doing it. if not - its one of the key tools many of us use for both day and night game.

You want to GET HER into the horny level sexual state that makes her be carefree. With a stronger control of the process you can tip her over so that she will invite you in. Or so that you guys just go in as a natural thing in relation to how you feel.

Also maybe the - see my art bait would work better if you were an artist or introduced that as a passion of yours - maybe you did. but just wanted to add it so that it is more of a consistent part of your representation. Letting her slowly discover that you have an art side sorta.. making her curious about it. Hinting, but not saying too much in the build up. Describing the experience of doing art etc. I think you get my drift.

 

[Grand Pooba]

bathroom excuse bro!!! "fuck now I gotta take a fucking piss wtf girl"
#ItJustHappened

@Velasco thank you for this, very viable lesson and point that I could have used to probably get in her house and get her in that moment. I had completely forgotten about this strategy, so thanks for reminding me about it.

To be honest, this girl seems exactly like your type - I would have likely had more difficulty than you relating to her on these topics of BDSM, tantric workshops and all that.

It's very easy, now that I have experience in this, to relate to girls whom like exploring the same thing, or are curious about it (and there are many).

I am still often surprised by the quality leads one can get just with cold approach alone.

It really is a great system of getting many, many, many good leads.

just some thoughts from my end - maybe they can be useful.

Thank you for your great feedback @Glow. Very, very useful info here.

Sounds like a good serendipity sorta initial connection moment you had appearing w. her. @Razorjack pointed to these connective moments somewhere in here advising to create them through sensory pacing her and it got my mind back to them. Good to see it in action. Im curious to explore these a bit - how to mobilise them actively.

Yeah, I think R and I had really good energy which became apparent on the initial meet - and I was able to carry that into an initial date. The thing is, I've noticed in day game you have literally 30 seconds to 1 minute to create this with a girl - and I'm also working out a better way of creating this when I see a girl. In this case it just naturally happened - the moment she mentioned tantric energy, I could relate to it, and we felt it. With other girls I need to do the same thing, it really is about meeting her where she's at.

Also i like how you seem to be cool in all the process, not reacting to her resistances but moving things back on track and staying cool and relaxed.

This is SUPER important, and I learned this from making many mistakes where I wasn't cool and then lost the girl at resistance. I've learned to distance myself from wanting sex in order to achieve this - it's better to be cool in her resistance, rather than show any weakness or neediness, because either will kill the seduction completely.

With R, once I was cool and "accepted" her resistance and told her I'm having a good time with her, she proposed getting another drink, and the interaction continued.

- Are you using a conversation management setup to drive topics eg. SOTS but also other eg sensual topics and interesting topics?
- Do you fractionate?

To be fair, I need to get better and calibrated at doing both of these. Aside from some sex talk topics that I'm extremely good at relating too, I need to create more of a structure that makes this flow *with* the fractionation.

The reason i mention it is that there are a few resistance points youre experiencing and conversation management structure can help adress and avoid those resistances proactively. We can proactively manage them by leading their states more and avoid permission sorta setup. Bacchus explains it somewhat in his podcast amongst others. A key is to be more aware of the impact we create and orchestrate that to the progression.

Can you clarify what resistance points you saw, and how you would deal with them in the conversation?

You want to GET HER into the horny level sexual state that makes her be carefree. With a stronger control of the process you can tip her over so that she will invite you in. Or so that you guys just go in as a natural thing in relation to how you feel.

How do you do this?

Also maybe the - see my art bait would work better if you were an artist or introduced that as a passion of yours - maybe you did. but just wanted to add it so that it is more of a consistent part of your representation. Letting her slowly discover that you have an art side sorta.. making her curious about it. Hinting, but not saying too much in the build up. Describing the experience of doing art etc. I think you get my drift.

Good point - I didn't cover this nearly enough at first - in this case we briefly talked about art, but it was kind of abrupt.

--

In other news, I did set up another date with her for tonight as planned, we're cooking at her place. So let's see what happens tonight...

 

[CasanovaWannabe]

Thank you for sharing your report.

I'm not really experienced enough to offer seduction advice aside from the fact that I think you did quite well overall.

Sometimes it's got nothing to do with you no matter how much you deconstruct your actions. Recall the goal of Tantric practice is not necessarily sex at the end. It's more sharing intimacy in a genuine way.

I have found thanking women for dates has an oddly effective result, because nobody bothers to do so properly. Say why you are thankful.

Thank her for the lovely night tomorrow, and mean what you say. Any sexual disappointment about her rejection will be obvious, so be as genuine as possible by avoiding focusing on the endgoal. You'll get there by enjoying the journey in my opinion.

 

[Grand Pooba]

Second Date on Sunday Evening 6pm


<Been busy with other stuff, so didn’t get a chance to update this…>

I saw R again on Sunday evening, as planned – long story short, we texted back and forth on Saturday, and she invited me over to cook on Sunday, after I suggested us cooking together. I suggested we meet at a grocery store near her house at 6pm Sunday, which we did.

During the day I was feeling a ton of anxiety, so quite frankly my state wasn’t the best. However, she also revealed that she’d had a rough day due to having some computer issues, which we talked about extensively.

Unfortunately my anxiety never really calmed down during this meet – so there was always *some* part of me that felt kind of needy and anxious.

Since SHE was the one cooking, and we were cooking at HER house, I basically let her run the show for most of the date. It was actually a rather strange role reversal – because she ended up picking all the groceries as well as those she wasn’t using that night, and she ended up cooking the meal itself and directing it. All I really did was pick the beer we had, which was a good choice, and once we got back to her house I helped her chop up all the veggies going into this dish.

She was a really great cook, too – and basically dominated the whole date in this way. I’m not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but ultimately in this role reversal I was following her lead. So overall, I could have done some things better here.

While we were cooking she gave me some weed to smoke and smoked herself – usually I love weed, but in this case it just increased my anxiety a little bit. I mentioned I was anxious today several times, so hopefully she didn’t hold this against me.

While cooking in general she was not touchy-feely or anything like that, but I kept up my own aggressiveness and kissed her often, touching and rubbing her body all over. It’s hard to do while she was focused on cooking – but often times when she found a moment, she’d kiss me really passionately, or bend over with her ass straight on my crotch. The sexual chemistry was undeniable for sure, we definitely had that.

Early before cooking, I mentioned that I was writing earlier today. When she asked what I write about, I said self improvement and relationships. I reminded her that she mentioned she does polyamory, and she revealed that she’s already seeing two secondary partners, and one of them wants to be her primary, but she doesn’t really want that and she’s looking for a main primary right now. (See how this ties in? Maybe this is her hinting at what she wants out of me).

Then she immediately asked “When’s the last time you were in a relationship?” My response was, “I actually do nonmonogamy too, but right now I’m very single” and left it at that. This was mostly true anyway – my sole mLTR broke things off with me last week, and one FB I ruined a frame with and has now seemingly gone cold, while the other one is traveling in California and got dicked up by another guy, so she’s also gone pretty cold from me, at least for now. To this, R said “very single, huh…” and trailed off. We didn’t talk about it again.

Somewhere in the middle of the date she also asked me what my plans were tomorrow. I said I’m flexible. She revealed she had to start work at 7:30am, and I said “that’s great, I usually start at 7am anyways.” This was a mistake – I should have pretended to be more busy – and the truth is, there was a gym class I wanted to go to in the morning at 6:45am, but I didn’t talk about it at all. But it would have been much better to seem busy, than not busy. In truth I live a SUPER busy lifestyle compared to most people I know, but maybe it didn’t seem like it to her that night.

Right before eating I asked her where her bathroom was, and she went and walked me over there, and I immediately grabbed her and started making out. It was a magical moment of sexual tension, because we held space and got into a heavy full body make out, before disengaging. In truth I should have gone harder and wall slammed her, because it was hot and dark, and we could have probably just fucked there on the spot. I don’t know why I waited, I guess I didn’t want to seem needy and the food was still cooking, anyway.

We ate food after like almost 1.5 hours of cooking, and sat together at her bar in her apartment – she has a really nice apartment, too. Right after food she said she wanted to have ice cream, but in the process I pulled her into me, and started to make out. Was an awesome feeling, because we just got into this good rhythm of passion, making out, kissing her neck, rubbing her whole body. I pulled her off her chair and onto my own lap (she’s skinny and light). It felt very on.

Suddenly in the middle of heavy making out and her being on my lap, I mistakenly broke it off and said “Ice Cream?” and this cut the whole sexual tension short, as we both got up to get ice cream. Shot myself in the foot here – sexual tension and moving things forward is certainly what I need to work on, and just going for it and making it happen while I still have the opportunity.

<Note: In retrospect, she had mentioned doing a tour of her home before during dinner. I did not take advantage of this at all – when she said that we should get ice cream, I should have just said “how about that tour” and that might have given me the leverage to sleep with her once she showed me her room.>

Then we got ice cream and sat on her couch in the living room, eating ice cream. Her cat came over and started to really bond with me, so I gave him some attention while we were both eating ice cream. Suddenly she gets a call from her friend, and waltzes over to the kitchen to take it, texts back, and comes back to me saying "So I need to kick you out soon..."

Then came the true deathly LMR – she listed reasons why I had to go home:

• My friend keeps calling me and really wants to talk, so you need to leave and leave me the time to talk to her.
• I have to get up really early tomorrow and figure out all my work, since I don’t have a working computer right now.
• I have an early 7:30am appointment.
• I’m also on my period.

Wow. It was so pro – I was so confused too. Did I just get played?

I first attempted to persist, by telling her that I don’t care about period sex at all, and that I was really having a good time with her. I persisted in my escalation and pulled her back into me while smiling and being cool – and kept escalating. Tried this twice, each time she backed off and unfortunately once in the middle of being hot and heavy her friend called AGAIN trying to reach her – seems like they really did have some appointment to talk about something, and it would like 30-45 minutes.

Finally I tried one last time telling her again that some guys care about period sex, but I don’t. She then clarified that she doesn’t care either, but she just really doesn’t want to do it on the first time, and make that the first impression of us. She then asked if I’m free to get together with her next week – and I told her that, unfortunately, I’m traveling to California from Thursday to Monday the following week (true) and I also had plans Wednesday night (also true). I didn’t mention Monday or Tuesday, but she’d still be on her period anyway.

Then she mentioned that she really wants to see me after I get back, and we should still make plans to meet up. She then asked about my own place, maybe hinting that she wants to come over to mine at some point.

I once again persisted telling her I’m having a great time with her, and period sex is normal and fine. But she just didn’t seem down, so I backed off and said that I can understand that on the first time she could be self conscious, so we could meet next time perhaps. Shortly after making out again, I proceeded to get up to leave, quite disappointed. She told me she wants to see some pictures from California, to text them to her – and I said I would, and that I had a great time and we’d be in touch. Left her place at like 9:30pm.

We didn’t text each other that night or the next day – I figured that me doing so would be needy, and since she already discussed plans, to just leave it where it is.

-

Anyway, long story short – I gave it a shot, but looking at the big picture here I pretty much went from almost having a street pick up to instant date to lay, to having a total stall out and being put into a sort of boyfriend zone, basically, and fucked up there. Granted, she legitimately seemed interested to meet me again, and we’re both very busy people – so I don’t think that her not texting me the next day is a bad sign. However, this slow process is certainly not the way I would have liked to go.

Also, I’ve given the chance now of life intervening and us never getting together – girls only say what they feel in the moment, but it’s not a promise. For all I know, even though she kept saying we should get together once I’m back in town, she could change her mind and everything will be destroyed. Or she could backwards rationalize that I’m not the right guy at all.

Escalation is still my huge sticking point – I should be a lot more aggressive and fun here, but I still haven’t figured it out. About the only escalation I’m reasonably good at is with excited girls, but if a girl BF zones me (like R) or if she’s nervous (like my FU report recently), I definitely struggle versus the other guys.

It’s my goal to fix this year – since it’s really the only thing standing in the way of my success as this report and the other ones show. I think a big problem that I don’t GO for the kill, when I have the chance to.

Lessons:
- I had many chances to do a hard escalation, I didn't take them. I wasn't prepared.
- Should have probably escalated BEFORE cooking.
- Should have not brought up getting any ice cream.
- Need better frame control and more dominance on this date, since it was at her house. She was in charge virtually the whole time, which fucked me. Part of this was my anxiety, part of this was being in her place. But I was more submissive than dominant.
- Should have also put down the ice cream and shit, and just gone for a hard passionate escalation.
- Maybe there was a chance to finger her or something - but if she's really on her period, it would just be tough.

It remains to be seen if we'll see each other again....

 

[Velasco]

About the only escalation I’m reasonably good at is with excited girls, but if a girl BF zones me

She BF zoned you AFTER of the "ice cream?" move.

I just wanna know what was your thought process here. (did you think pushing her off would make her more attracted?) Maybe this will fix your escalation troubles. Cause hey..if she's on my lap and we making out aggressively like that....mannnn Ice cream is the LAST thing on my mind...lmao.

Wow. It was so pro – I was so confused too. Did I just get played?

its very likely she was on her period (but if you hadn't fucked up the above, she wouldn't have cared too much about it. However, because you did, she can now use it against you as an excuse to not fuck) and texted her friend to keep calling her to make it look legit. Letting some random dude stick their penis inside them is a huge risk for girls. She could get impregnated by a beta (which is a nightmare from an evolutionary perspective). So she's gotta be extra careful you legit (either an alpha (sex for sex) or someone she can get something out of (land a movie role, promotion, etc.). "Whenever there is doubt, there is no doubt."

 

[Grand Pooba]

She BF zoned you AFTER of the "ice cream?" move.

I just wanna know what was your thought process here. (did you think pushing her off would make her more attracted?) Maybe this will fix your escalation troubles. Cause hey..if she's on my lap and we making out aggressively like that....mannnn Ice cream is the LAST thing on my mind...lmao.

Clearly wasn't thinking straight here, I have no answer for this, but it was a bad fuck up for sure.
I think some part of me wanted to hold the tension - which seems to be a recurring theme. And yeah, maybe I thought pushing her off was a good thing for pacing. Clearly it was not.

its very likely she was on her period (but if you hadn't fucked up the above, she wouldn't have cared too much about it. However, because you did, she can now use it against you as an excuse to not fuck) and texted her friend to keep calling her to make it look legit.

I think you're right.

Based on this assessment, it's probably lost.

I'll find out if I text her on Saturday/Sunday and she doesn't respond.

 

[Glow]

To be fair, I need to get better and calibrated at doing both of these. Aside from some sex talk topics that I'm extremely good at relating too, I need to create more of a structure that makes this flow *with* the fractionation.

So one suggestion you could consider could be to use rikers model where you shift between three levels

1. fun and interesting topics - opens her up, disarms and makes her bubbly
2. feelings and imagination - moves her into deeper emotional and trancy states
3. Sensual topics - moves her into arousal states

its a good way to use as conversational pillars and move the convo + fractionate back and forward between these three pillars. Were several who use these and its massively field tested. Me, Bacchus and i think Carousel and Teevster have used it too im sure. Teevs adviced me on it some years ago and i loved it as it gave a simple very useful framework for managing seductive conversations.

Can you clarify what resistance points you saw, and how you would deal with them in the conversation?

hm i felt there were some clear ones but i cant remember which one i thought of.

One is the response to laving to yours for seeing your art i already mentioned where a more gradual buildup could be applied - creating a gradual intrigue about it thereby "softening the pull" as it makes it a smaller next that has more curiosity with it as a positive force. It becomes a lighter next this way - part of a flow, especially if you can sincerely express you would love to hear her view of your art based on her shoiwng some sort of opnion on art or you guys having a good dialogue around it.

Secondly eg Her focus on being responsible sounds all anti slut defense. I would use sexual frames to liberate her eg antislutshaming frames. Check eg teevs the mirror routine for concreteness. I have posted a sexual frame example in here were i talk about how i tell a story about my sexually expressive NY friend - in the SOT discussion towards the end. In short, it allows her to feel more liberated around you proactively managing this barrier, sorts countering the resistance of it way before it pops up.

If its more of a safety concern - youre a stranger, seed in stories about how youre doing stuff w. kids around your family or whatever. Just show youre a dependable safe guy. But to me it sounds more like shes been fast w new guys before and shes trying to be more responsible on this front. dunno. You know better since you experienced her Tone of voice, vibe w it etc.

You could also prime her in other ways around the art and immersion. Get her into more emotional states doing a socalled deeper bubble using immersion SOTs... on how working with ART.. can sometimes just make you forget everything around you... you feel like minutes becomes hours... hours become days... its just you and this piece in a dance deep inside the forces of creation...
In short, talks and stimulating her to feel immersion vividly, then transferring into sex talks or other from that.

These things togheter would
- Drive her more emotionally into better states
- Presumeably make her bypass the be responsible resistance through stronger frames

This will be another dimension of sex talk that gets her past resistances so that you use sextalk specifically for particular frame setting beyond just talking sex for sexs worth. You wanna think what other objectives can sex talking do for me. Note the various use of sextalk for specific things like ASD and LMR beyond just sex talking to turn her on.

Btw most of us dont nessecarily wait for the Slut frame to come up but proactively release it way earlier by seeding in the frames in the convo. it becomes a bit of a floating alive way of language. techs like Weasel phases, pacing and leading and topic nudging becomes key for steering more.

 

[JWest]

I always enjoy your day game reports, Grand Pooba. But often find myself wondering what the details of the open/initial conversation were. For example, can you please elaborate on your CW opener?

 

[Pelusita]

Then came the true deathly LMR – she listed reasons why I had to go home:

• My friend keeps calling me and really wants to talk, so you need to leave and leave me the time to talk to her.
• I have to get up really early tomorrow and figure out all my work, since I don’t have a working computer right now.
• I have an early 7:30am appointment.
• I’m also on my period.

Love how you picked up this girl on the street!

Furthermore i’m sorry to tell you this but this girl was clearly bullshitting you here. Even if you were hard escalating before the ice-cream the result would have been the same, she would have came up with this list of excuses. She was not enough attracted and therefore she came up with these excuses because that is what this is.
She gave you some clear hints of what kind of man she was looking for in the initial day1, she likes her men dominant. You should have invited her over to your place and you should have decided what to cook and lead the interaction all the way. This gives you the natural lead role and dominance over her.

It sounds like she was leading the whole interaction from the groceries to the actual cooking. Hugging her while she is cooking is a submissive trait, girls should want to disturb you while you are busy, not the way around. All this making out was only killing the tension and i think she just felt she wanted to abort.

You gave some important clues that should have played their part in this too. You said you were anxious, girls pick up on this and specially these ”yoga-freak-girls” they are very suceptible to energies. When you told her you were ”single” while she had multiple partners did not make it better, you should have told her ”yeah i see some girls accationally”. Another factor that could be at play is your low momentum when it comes to relationships. Both your fb and mLTR recently gone gives you an air of neediness.

I think you should consider next date to be at your place and you doing the leading.

I actually wrote an article here on GC where i elaborate more onwhy it’s great setting up your own home date.

The Home Date: A Perfect Date Idea to Get Girlfriends

Want to plan a second or third date to make her fall head over heels for you? Well, bust out your best cookware and have her for dinner... and dessert. Contents 1. Plan Your Date in Advance 2. The Importance of Having Your Own Place 3. Keep Your Apartment Tidy 4. Leave Traces of Other Girls in...

www.girlschase.com

Just my 2 cents
Pablo

 

[Grand Pooba]

I think you should consider next date to be at your place and you doing the leading.

Are you talking about specifically with this girl?

We did text a bit again, then COVID got in the way and she didn’t want to meet. I was also out of town, and she still thinks that. But, nothing can happen till things get better, if they get better.

 

[Grand Pooba]

Love how you picked up this girl on the street!

@pelusita! Thanks, really loved your feedback here. This actually really, truly made me realize what went wrong here....

Furthermore i’m sorry to tell you this but this girl was clearly bullshitting you here.

Yes, definitely. 100%. Problem is that when it got there, it was too late.

Even if you were hard escalating before the ice-cream the result would have been the same, she would have came up with this list of excuses. She was not enough attracted and therefore she came up with these excuses because that is what this is.

OK, got it. This was an attraction problem in the end because I was behaving submissive to her (actually, I knew this and could feel this in the moment, and did not know how to actually address it, when she's the one in the lead at her place. It was weird, because usually that's the position that I'm in....

She gave you some clear hints of what kind of man she was looking for in the initial day1, she likes her men dominant. You should have invited her over to your place and you should have decided what to cook and lead the interaction all the way. This gives you the natural lead role and dominance over her.

Ah yes, I did invite her for cooking, but when she said yes, she suggested her place and I went along with it (rather than push back). While it made for a much better cooking experience at hers, I was not at all prepared in my frame for this. Actually, I blew it really, really hard here.

It *could* be that she was telling me the truth about her period - and she is bi-sexual, saying she also likes to be dominant sometimes. I get that me not showing this side at home was not attractive at all.

It sounds like she was leading the whole interaction from the groceries to the actual cooking.

In this case, yes. When usually it's me, but for this one it was at her place and she knew what she wanted to cook - so she was leading. Correct though, I needed to be more dominant.

Hugging her while she is cooking is a submissive trait, girls should want to disturb you while you are busy, not the way around. All this making out was only killing the tension and i think she just felt she wanted to abort.

Interesting - I guess this is actually a huge mistake. I didn't realize this - and you're right, I should have worked hard to raise tension. Making out would yeah, kill tension too. So how would you have done it exactly?

My Home and Escalation game is super duper weak - it's literally the weakest part of my game - so any help to improve this would be a good start.

Sometimes I feel like it's better to escalate hard to sex before even cooking - just go for it and be super dominant, in this kind of situation.

You gave some important clues that should have played their part in this too. You said you were anxious, girls pick up on this and specially these ”yoga-freak-girls” they are very suceptible to energies.

Correct - my own anxiety that day made her anxious. This was bad, and probably did a lot more damage than I realize. She was ALSO anxious from before according to her, so I wasn't helping.

When you told her you were ”single” while she had multiple partners did not make it better, you should have told her ”yeah i see some girls accationally”. Another factor that could be at play is your low momentum when it comes to relationships. Both your fb and mLTR recently gone gives you an air of neediness.

All of these are correct.

Anyway, thanks - I think this girl is, SO UNFORTUNATELY, a lost cause. The more I look at this second date, the more I blew it pretty hard. Of course she did text me the following week; but with the coronavirus thing she doesn't want to meet (good excuse lol - but this is what I get for not closing).

 

[Pelusita]

Interesting - I guess this is actually a huge mistake. I didn't realize this - and you're right, I should have worked hard to raise tension. Making out would yeah, kill tension too. So how would you have done it exactly?

My Home and Escalation game is super duper weak - it's literally the weakest part of my game - so any help to improve this would be a good start.

This was also clearly a freak girl, these girls test your frame alot. They need resistance and a challange. I would actually not touched her at all while we were cooking and teased her and busted her balls in a playful way.
Talking about Bdsm were clearly making her horny on the first date so i would bring up that topic and expand on it, showing her some DHV-stories about your experiences for instance. Like i said, freaks need to feel that it’s a real valueble and seeked after man she is meeting. Most dudes feel scared having to deal with such a girl and would try to makeout with her. With most normal ”average girls” going for the makeout could be the correct route, but with freaks it’s a bit different. They need to feel challenged and lose attraction when they get dudes overwhelmed. Breaking off the makeout for ice cream was actually a great choice with a girl like this, there were too many mistakes done prior to that you sadly already had lost her at that point.

You mention your home-game is weak, what part of it is bad specifically?

Glad i could help brother
Pablo

 

[Velasco]

This was also clearly a freak girl, these girls test your frame alot. They need resistance and a challange. I would actually not touched her at all while we were cooking and teased her and busted her balls in a playful way.
Talking about Bdsm were clearly making her horny on the first date so i would bring up that topic and expand on it, showing her some DHV-stories about your experiences for instance. Like i said, freaks need to feel that it’s a real valueble and seeked after man she is meeting.

yes. excellent advice

 

[Grand Pooba]

This was also clearly a freak girl, these girls test your frame alot. They need resistance and a challange. I would actually not touched her at all while we were cooking and teased her and busted her balls in a playful way.

Can you expand and expound on this? Like really explain this - I've had this type of situation happen with a couple of girls (usually freak girls) so I really do want to understand it. I get the type a lot...they're interested in me off the bat, but I'm not good at closing them.

 

[Pelusita]

Can you expand and expound on this? Like really explain this - I've had this type of situation happen with a couple of girls (usually freak girls) so I really do want to understand it. I get the type a lot...they're interested in me off the bat, but I'm not good at closing them.

I could actually in details describe to you how i manage these kind of girls. Freak girls are kinda my specialized favorite type of girls. Maybe i can expand on this topic in an article here. If you want we could Skype and I can explain in detail how you deal with this type of girl.

 

[Skills]

A lot of girls do not like or want sex on the period, specially the first time... I personally do not have sex with women on the period, there is nothing they can say to me, to make me do it....