FU Interested date, no fucks where given

[Smiling_Stray]

In this post, I had managed to get the girl from "Do her connections matter?" out after about three days of texting and figuring out logistics. We met this morning for coffee, when she showed up shortly after me she found me at a small table (we were forced into each other's personal space, but it was public) and we got our coffee then I said we should go outside to help it cool. She agreed and followed, after which she asked me if I lived close, acting as if she could only vaguely remember my father (who was not home, as I knew) lived nearby. I said yeah and offered to show her where. We talked along the way and stopped on a bridge with a scenic view (walking, neither of us have a car yet). Shortly before we got there I wanted to manage her expectations so I told her I didn't want to rush into a relationship and that I was enjoying being single. At which point, she told me she has a boyfriend (who was in Germany, which she could confirm although I had never heard of him) and that she thought of me as a friend.

Yet she walked with me back to my dad's anyway. She asked if where going in, I said we should go in and get a drink (the heat was pretty bad in the hot PA sun). At this point I also told her My father was not expecting me (nor did I want him to know) so we checked around for his car and found nothing (little did I know he had one security cam outside, I can't be sure if it saw us or not but either way I'm certain it's not a big problem (*Knock on wood*). We went in and took off our shoes. Almost immediately his cat greeted us (damn cat). I previously remembered it made a mess of where I would stay from time to time so I told her she wouldn't believe it and she followed me as I showed her the way to my room. The cat followed. She started talking a lot more than she was before and focused more on the cat, only talking about that while petting it. There was a loft on the floor above us, so I showed her this too. There was a lot of junk up there but we cleared the bed and sat there. The (fucking) cat followed.

Again, she focused on the cat. No matter what I did, I couldn't seem to get her to relax and lay down. She just started talking about her cat and I started joking with her a bit about trading. Although nothing really came of it. I told if she wanted to go, we could go. She said it was okay and that she didn't want to. Still, nothing. I was really in the mood at this point but kept my cool although frustrated. She wanted to go back downstairs, we went back to my room and turned on the A/C. She wouldn't even sit this time, she just pet the cat. I asked her to stop talking about cats since we seemed stuck on that. She listened for a while. It wasn't long until we ended up back on the ground floor. She was a bit of crazy kind of girl with a considerable amount of experience. I asked her if she thought we could find any drinks anywhere.

We didn't. At this point we ended up on the couch, it was clear and she sat on the other end. I was doing my best to touch as often as acceptable but I still couldn't get her to get her light jacket off. Fast forward a bit (this is already significantly longer than I'd like), the cat comes along and tried to rub up against her so I jokingly push her out of the way as if it was coming after her, she seemed to find this exciting and ended up on top of me. She looked at my lips and back, I did the same and went for it. She pulls her head back away and says she has a boyfriend then proceeds to say she doesn't think of me this way. I said I knew she wanted to and we just went into a stair off. I let her go and say "You came all this way, to just talk?". She doesn't say anything but walks away. "Hold up." I said "I don't want this to be awkward." And apologized for the miscommunication then offered to walk her home, saying it was the least I could do (we both mentioned we're quite prone to being hit by cars).

On the way back we talked about her boyfriend and relationship, as well as past relationships, among other experiences (which was quite educational, apparently she said guys who don't know they're attractive are more attractive until they act like they know they are). I told her I would tell her a little about my past (something I haven't told many, I'm talkin' about 'hospital girl') as long as we remained friends to which she agreed and we shook on it. I told her a little about her, how she reminded me a bit of her, she didn't have any questions until I mentioned I was surprised she didn't have any questions. At which point she asked a few question and I vaguely answered. Along the way, the conversation came to a point at which I mentioned I had been talking to another girl and that she was at the beach for the moment. As we came close to her house, I let her lead the way since I didn't know where were going.

Our conversation ended up a little more personal than I was used to, it felt kinda nice to let bottled up shit out, I mentioned this and she seemed to appreciate it. When we got there she immediately gave me directions to where I said my ride was waiting then tried walking off (we're both busy people, which was previously established), I told her to wait up and said I was sorry shit went south but and wished her luck with work before we hugged and went our own ways.

I watched her walk away for a moment and went on my way. I felt eyes on my back as I left. I looked back and caught her looking back as well for a moment. I was disheartened by this but it's not the worst I've felt. I sat for a while as I waited before getting up and looking for cold approaches (busy streets), a lady who was upset with her guy friend approached me. Turned out she wasn't really what I was looking for so went looking for a next but ran out of time.

I'm trying to build up my abundance mentality but I'm pretty sure I won't be hearing from this girl again, nor do I think I should (no more chasing). But now I'm stuck with one girl who only answers texts every few days, but seems intrigued. As for this monster of a report, any ideas where I went wrong? I almost asked her on the way back but held it back, she pushed I told her the question and said I already knew the answer (I'm not really sure, I can think of a few places but can't place my finger on it. I'm not exactly sure what to take of this fuck-up).

 

[lao che]

The first thing that jumps out at me here is when you stopped on the bridge to "manage her expectations"

it seems ill timed and out of place. from the rest of the report it seems that girl this girl was DTF you would've been much better off just keeping it light and leading her back to your place ( although I am not familiar with what happened before this date I haven't read the other reports)

rather than seeing the cat as a pest you could flip it and use the cat as a tool to get close to her maybe snuggle up on the sofa to watch a movie with the cat in between( just an idea, you gotta use what you've got )

but anyway in the end she ended up on top of you and you went for it so that's good.. Instead of calling her out (i know you want to ... you came here just to talk) , Two steps forward one step back might have been a better plaY, Act nonchalant and try again later...... oooorrrrrr maybe a bit of .. aggression, no assertiveness and a bit of manhandling may have been in order. but that's a fine balance and i don't wanna suggest you get all rapey on a ho ))) i wonder what ree would have done

I have a boyfriend

me too promise you won't tell him?

Sth like this not only keeps things light, showing that you are unfazed, but also communicates discretion. discretion is vital in this scenario.

You did good to fight the urge of asking where you went wrong that would be a huge mistake, and she probably wouldn't tell you the truth anyway. i wouldn't have gotten all personal and open on the way home, seems like it weakens your position. i'll have to think it through a bit to elaborate

 

[Smiling_Stray]

The first thing that jumps out at me here is when you stopped on the bridge to "manage her expectations"

it seems ill timed and out of place.

I had a scare with a false rape accusation with another girl about a year back when we where at the same school (we had only recently reconnected, but she had always been DTF) so I wanted to be sure she wasn't hurt when she found out when I wasn't looking to take a nose-dive into a relationship just yet. Guess, I'll have to figure out a way to time it better :/ (Only question is if it should have been much earlier or later...).

from the rest of the report it seems that girl this girl was DTF you would've been much better off just keeping it light and leading her back to your place ( although I am not familiar with what happened before this date I haven't read the other reports)

You're mostly likely right, shoulda kept it light.

You pretty much already know everything you'd need to know, she's just a girl who I knew from a previous school who kept in touch and has always been really interested... kinda sucks infinity more to fuck up with someone who you've known for a while and is obviously DTF (granted with only a few interactions, but still)... just a sentence away, fuck.

rather than seeing the cat as a pest you could flip it and use the cat as a tool to get close to her maybe snuggle up on the sofa to watch a movie with the cat in between( just an idea, you gotta use what you've got )

Hmm... true, suppose I might need to work on keeping my cool a little more in the field so can be a little more mindful of these things (I'm a little rusty, it's been a while since I've been on a planned date).

but anyway in the end she ended up on top of you and you went for it so that's good.. Instead of calling her out (i know you want to ... you came here just to talk) , Two steps forward one step back might have been a better plaY, Act nonchalant and try again later...... oooorrrrrr maybe a bit of .. aggression, no assertiveness and a bit of manhandling may have been in order. but that's a fine balance and i don't wanna suggest you get all rapey on a ho ))) i wonder what ree would have done

I have a boyfriend

me too promise you won't tell him?

Sth like this not only keeps things light, showing that you are unfazed, but also communicates discretion. discretion is vital in this scenario.

Shit, ree... you're a fucking genius. I might just steal that

Guess now I know why it's good to find more than just one solution, one line isn't an answer for all situations (although it's worked for me in the past). I'll be sure to track down the article I saw on 'Two steps forward one backward' the moment I get the chance to. I get the feeling I might need it...

i wouldn't have gotten all personal and open on the way home, seems like it weakens your position.

Now I'm legitimately curious: what's the worst that could've come of this? My hand has already been played at this point, I screwed the pooch. Game over. Best thing I could've done was take it as learning experience as I was at that moment and am still now... right?

i'll have to think it through a bit to elaborate

Keep 'em coming, I'll be waiting!

 

[lao che]

i'm not ree, i'm lao che

i think ree would have just overpowered her lol he used to be infamous around here for his ... assertiveness when dealing with resistance


i read your thing about losing the v and the false rape ... weird coz in the report you only mention getting a handy from her.
anyhoo, you also tried "managing her expectations" telling her you just want something casual ... it might just be the way you tell it but you seem too eager to make that point rather than letting it come out organically.. you can't be running off to the woods with a virgin and telling her on the way not to expect too much afterwards, seems a little .. discourteous or dismissive of her



as for this girl - opening up on the walk, and weakening your position - fair enough you already got rejected but still you would rather leave her with some doubt about her decision, leave her thinking "that guy's the shit ! if i didn't have a boyfriend ..." or sth like that.
instead you kinda spew your innermost feelings and use her as a bit of therapy session, placing her "above you" by asking where you went wrong (she's not your judge, don't give her that power), and also apologizing - you did nothing wrong man, you tried to hook up with a girl you like, nothing to apologize for.
even though you know you mis-stepped, keep it inside man, a girl doesn't wanna be your ... mock exam, or practice driving test or whatever so .. yeah even though the battle was already lost now she goes away thinking "man what a pussy! i made the right decision by rejecting him, i'm glad i trusted my feelings"

i'm purposely being a little harsh and exaggerated because i'm having a hard time today finding the exact words for my feelings, but i'm sure you can catch my drift

 

[razir110]

Just my two cent on the "I see you as a friend" part,

I ALWAYS say this if the "let's be friends" shows up:

"I don't want to be your friend" with these exact words, semi-serious face, obviously no anger.. but A LOT of conviction saying it. No other variation of the sentence! "I don't want to be your friend" period. Wait for her response.

I've made turnarounds with this sentence.. It clearly communicates to her that you are not fucking around, you are not her pet, nor her "friend. You are telling her using her own female language that you want to sleep with her and any other path is out of question for you.

This is usually followed by giggles and "I've never heard this before!" from her. This is a very good chance to take the conversation to a sexual topic or something sexual and funny on how girls like to make guys their pets or on how you aren't supposed to feel ashamed of being attracted to a girl and wanting her sexually.

Even if she still decides to keep the friend thing, you will exit like a boss. Obviously the outcome will depend on what she thinks about you based on your previous interactions, this is no miracle trick. But if she holds you as a possible mate then it's VERY powerful.

In your position I would have made this the pivotal moment of the interaction. I would sort this right there at that moment very clearly. That I am not into friendships with girls. Only if she showed compliance to that I would keep the date going. If not, just end it! It's not rude nor you would be a bad loser that can't deal with rejection. Exiting a situation where you have nothing to win is wise and you just respect yourself and your time. You don't have to drag yourself next to a girl for 2 hours, who already told you twice she doesn't want to sleep with you (through the Bf and let's be friends).

Best!