Intro and seeking help

[Tripz]

Hello.
I'm new to this forum (as this is my first post) and pretty new to the site, although I've noticed that applying stuff you guys post here and on the site has improved my game by 70% (which is saying a lot). Now I don't know why but it seems that I don't always have that thing that makes me close.

Quick background.
Up to this point (so far, I turn 20 in a few weeks). I've always had 2-3 girls chase me (every year or period new girls appear), and chase me hard, full on with the green light that says "GO MAN", and yet I didn't muster up enough courage to close, and it's not fear or anxiety. I always feel confident, look sharp and good, and feel good(I dress formally, and it's looks really good on me), I'm a 6'4 200 pound man, got a masculine face. I've had both women and men label me as an attractive, smart guy, who's in so called "top league" and yet I've never actually felt that way, mainly because I've never got the women who would make me feel this way, sure I've dated and hooked up with a few women of such quality but it was usually circumstantial and not actually my doing.
I've also heard from close friends that they have heard other girls talk about me and mostly my friends (I don't wanna come off as the new guy who seems to know it all and be perfect and just be here to brag, I'm actually here for help, lots of it) that we come off as a bit arrogant and mostly intimidating. I've had a few sexual encounters with women up to this point, and I know someone might say it's fine for your age, your just becoming yourself etc, but thinking back I'm banging my head when I could've had tripled those numbers. Up until recently, I'd get girls numbers on broad daylight, recently at the US Embassy(I'm from Europe), while traveling inside a bus, and from shopping for sunglasses. And yet I've never called them (until recently when I stopped being a little bitch and projecting negative thoughts in my brain that she doesn't feel the same etc etc).

I read the field reports you guys post here and I just think that it's like from some movie, where the guy just goes on through parades of women (like Antman, props to you man, and everyone else here), on a daily basis, just switching from one to another, and feel like that's an impossible goal and just feel like giving up hiding in a cave until the grim reaper calls upon me.(A little Allan Poe there ).

Though I block out these negative thoughts because I've been through pain, lots of it, I had to teach myself everything, I have a beautiful family, everything a man could ask for, but lacked a real father figure and was raised by women which they molded me to believe that treating women like queens is what works and in the past years I've had to change a whole outlook on life which is not easy, it's hard changing your life, even though my father is a dominant man, a man's man, I never really learned the ropes from him or anyone. Everything I know in my life I credit to myself, I discovered myself, from reading, adventures (I love travelling and so far have visited a good number of places, like the US for 4 months this past year which changed my life towards better and boosted my confidence and my "manbility"), everything I did is created by myself, as I said by reading, testing talking, I've always felt that I'm alone in this world and I've always treated it this way, it's me vs the world (which is not so bad).
Back to the point, I block out these negative thoughts (sorry for going off point alot in this first post but I'd really like you guys to know more about me so you can give me a nice evaluation) because I taught myself motivation (creating one whenever I feel like it, except in this category) and because I've seen my improvement from the last few years to now it's like I'm a new person, so I know that frustration is normal when your a beginner at something and that giving up is only giving in to your feelings and emotions to what feels hard, but giving up is not my option because I know if I give up, I'll forever live in misery, and when I wake up at 60 years old wonder what if. So I know that small steps lead to big steps and changes happen, I'm a student and I've seen these results mostly in my studies as well as stuff I've been doing, such as lifting, sports, improving on the most difficult things, I learned 4 languages (excluding my native) by myself and speak fluently as you can see my English is pretty alright. I've felt success in numerous things, I know it's a lonely man's journey, I've felt it, embraced it, but this is different, it's a whole new game, while interesting and fun and fresh and new, it is also intimidating.


Now what do you guys feel like I should mostly pay attention to, I still feel like it's pretty hard to just plainly approach women, though I'm good at conversations, I knew about deep diving even before I knew it existed (some of the stuff I read on here I've actually been using without knowing that it is useful it just felt natural and logical), I'm still discovering myself and most of my other stuff is satisfied and I'm focused on this part because it has always illuded me. I'm still trying to develop that oozing confidence and devil may care way of life, where you never come off as nervous and everything even things that are huge for others seem small to you (obviously experience helps a lot here), I feel like I know a lot of this stuff and yet I don't use it or use it properly, I'm basically a theorist, I really need practice. I don't feel that anxiety when approaching, I feel pretty calm normal, and yet I rarely approach, it's like that part of me isn't working, though with A LOT of help from this site, I started manning up and going after it. Yet I'm not satisfied with my results. (In no way bashing on the site, It helped me change MOST things that made me screw up, a real life saver)
I started assuming attraction as suggested because I don't wanna burden myself with negative thoughts because it'll get me nowhere, I've read articles on transition and closing a lot of times and yet, I feel the actual attraction of the woman, the signals the whole deal and I rarely close, I just feel like it'll be inconvenient (changing that too from what I learned in the Cold Approach article), and just don't know what to do, should I go here, should I go there, she'll know my intentions and not feel the same. I've noticed that when I make my intentions clear in the first few minutes it does help, still in regular situations I feel like nothing is going to work.
Which leads me to my biggest problem, I get easily attached. I don't mean attached as to, I'm chasing like a little bitch (as I used to) and normally not get her, but after I've done something with a girl, I just think about her and only her, and rarely notice other women, the reason this is of course is because I've never felt that the number of girls I've had is appropriate for me, it's an alright number but what bothers me is that it could be a lot better if I just go after it, anyway back to getting attached, It's not love or anything like that, I don't know what it is, It might be fear of the unknown because I've gotten one girl and got familiar with her and everything else is out of my comfort zone, even though on every other category I live outside the comfort zone this particular one is driving me nuts. I don't know why but I use to feel like this type of stuff (getting women regularly) just felt like something out of a movie, like being robbed(bad example) or something that only happens to other people and you never seem to experience, it feels like I don't consider myself worthy or that I come off as unworthy and women (not all) just look and pass through me, like my presence isn't truly felt. Also I've noticed that I can project and be the man I see myself as towards girls I don't feel attraction to, but when it comes to hot girls and girls I feel attracted to alot, I try to do the same thing, but it's all kind of blurry and I feel like it's not working properly, I handle it nicely sometimes but other times it's like playing darts while your super drunk ( I guess I do get anxiety ), and it's alot harder to control certain things it's like you lose yourself.

I just wanna hear your advice, any article recommendations I should pay extra attention to, or personal advice, I know my stuff comes off a bit too much and that I know my problems, their roots and reasons and yet I can't seem to get over them, which is why I'm turning towards you guys, I'll be starting to post more and more here, hopefully I'll be posting regular Field Reports, and keep on improving.

Thanks in advance and sorry for the long post.

 

[Adam101]

Hey Tripz, I appreciate your long intro. post but I have to admit I found it a bit confusing as it relates to what your goals are. So you can tell me if I'm off the mark but here's what I got from it.

It sounds like you already have reasonable success with women provided you're put in a situation where you can meet them. But your issue is that these women are not the types of women you want to be with. In that case, you may need to adjust your overall presentation to better fit the kinds of women you're after. As the seasoned readers / practitioners know women respond to archetypes and like us are naturally more drawn to the type they like. Try looking at the men that the women you are attracted to are with and take an inventory to see how closely you match that profile. If you don't come close then you probably should adjust your fundamentals to suit the goal.

You also appear focused on raising your number of lays just for its own sake. That in and of itself isn't necessarily bad but you get into a quality VS quantity argument. Do you want sex with one really great girl or ten mediocre ones? In my opinion you seem really hung up on the number just for its own sake and I don't think that's helpful. If the goal is more experience then sure of course you want more lays for more reference points but getting the number up just cause is an unfocused goal that I don't think will do you much good. Also, there's nothing wrong with getting into a relationship with a girl you really like if you think she's dynamite. Don't know the specifics but maybe some of the girls you've been with were worth pursuing as girlfriend material. On the other hand if you're experiencing intense infatuation then you're probably putting these girls on pedestals cause they slept with you and you don't have that abundance mentality since sleeping with a variety of women isn't normal for you.

The last thing I noticed is you mentioned being a theorist but you don't actually practice much. Not much advice to give here other than to get out and do it. Your post made all your goals seem real scattershot and you're lumping them all together. Instead choose one, smaller goal and work on that till you're comfortable and then move on. Have trouble with approaches? Get out and approach more. This is all stuff you gotta grind out...a lot. And all the theory in the world isn't gonna do you any damn good if you don't actually implement it regularly.

The good news is it sounds like your default game is at least decent. So your issues probably center on you learning how to focus the game you do have towards what your goals are. Sorry I didn't link to any articles but despite the length of this post I'm pressed for time. But if you look up "types" and "pedestal" I think it'll steer you in the right direction. Maybe I missed the mark on what you're looking for but I hope this helps you out.

 

[Tripz]

Hey Tripz, I appreciate your long intro. post but I have to admit I found it a bit confusing as it relates to what your goals are. So you can tell me if I'm off the mark but here's what I got from it.

It sounds like you already have reasonable success with women provided you're put in a situation where you can meet them. But your issue is that these women are not the types of women you want to be with. In that case, you may need to adjust your overall presentation to better fit the kinds of women you're after. As the seasoned readers / practitioners know women respond to archetypes and like us are naturally more drawn to the type they like. Try looking at the men that the women you are attracted to are with and take an inventory to see how closely you match that profile. If you don't come close then you probably should adjust your fundamentals to suit the goal.

You also appear focused on raising your number of lays just for its own sake. That in and of itself isn't necessarily bad but you get into a quality VS quantity argument. Do you want sex with one really great girl or ten mediocre ones? In my opinion you seem really hung up on the number just for its own sake and I don't think that's helpful. If the goal is more experience then sure of course you want more lays for more reference points but getting the number up just cause is an unfocused goal that I don't think will do you much good. Also, there's nothing wrong with getting into a relationship with a girl you really like if you think she's dynamite. Don't know the specifics but maybe some of the girls you've been with were worth pursuing as girlfriend material. On the other hand if you're experiencing intense infatuation then you're probably putting these girls on pedestals cause they slept with you and you don't have that abundance mentality since sleeping with a variety of women isn't normal for you.

The last thing I noticed is you mentioned being a theorist but you don't actually practice much. Not much advice to give here other than to get out and do it. Your post made all your goals seem real scattershot and you're lumping them all together. Instead choose one, smaller goal and work on that till you're comfortable and then move on. Have trouble with approaches? Get out and approach more. This is all stuff you gotta grind out...a lot. And all the theory in the world isn't gonna do you any damn good if you don't actually implement it regularly.

The good news is it sounds like your default game is at least decent. So your issues probably center on you learning how to focus the game you do have towards what your goals are. Sorry I didn't link to any articles but despite the length of this post I'm pressed for time. But if you look up "types" and "pedestal" I think it'll steer you in the right direction. Maybe I missed the mark on what you're looking for but I hope this helps you out.

Thanks for the reply, I looked into the articles you said I should search for and into my issues and it really seems to me that it's just the numbers that are bothering me, anyway I've started changing the way I interact with women on a daily basis, and I'm starting to feel alot more confident, and women seem to come off a lot warmer to me now than previously. Even when talking to girls at school, I get little shoulder nudges and smiles etc, slight signs of attraction and it's making me feel a lot better, and I just feel this thing where the more confident I become the warmer they seem towards me.

I'm just still getting used to the being completely confident and dominant thing, because it's alot different from what I used to believe and raised as, and even though I know it's for the better and I see alot of differences, I still feel like dominating seems like it's something awful and like I'm hurting other people, but I'm starting to see it for what it is, I also have a Psych class which is helping me dive into all this stuff and understand it better and add on a couple of things or get some things clear.

I'm nowhere near the transformation I have in mind and I've also started to implement the goals vs aims approach, where I set little steps(goals) that are achievable and will push me towards better things and one big aim that if I can I pull off, I'm just waiting a couple of days for my finals to end, so I can start going out and approaching. Anyway thanks again, I really needed an outside perspective on my situation, now I can start focusing on small steps.

Edit: Forgot to mention, I started using the "confident walk", shoulders back, chest put out and chin parallel to the ground, it's a slight change from my normal walk but it seems to be working on myself and others too, although I did get a weird kind of compliment from a girl in my class saying that I walk straight like a soldier/man, but from a woman's perspective I don't think it's bad so I'll take it.