Socializing Investing in friend's problems?

[Starboy]

Recently i've come across some suprising developments regarding some of my older friends from grade school who I have not talked to much.

This guy from high school talked to me about a mutual friend who i've known from a young age,but stopped talking to. To sum it up without sharing too many details the mutual friend turned into a borderline creep who's lost basic rational thought. He's become a total recluse/bum and I feel bad that he's deteriotated so much. I knew he struggled socially,but I never envisioned it would get to that point. The acquaintance asked if I would be willing to reach out to him to offer some support since i'm an old friend he knows,but I wasn't committal because I didn't want to make helping him my responsibility and burden. I knew it would take a lot of energy and effort from me and I thought I don't want to waste my time helping someone who probably doesn't want to change.

A different friend had reached out to me asking for help. He is a socially normal dude,but mentally he's in a dark place as well. He's in a toxic household,he shared with me that's he's been the victim of assault (worse than physical)and because of that event his mental state has been in constant turmoil and he's been really fucked up by this event. I was shocked he had this experience and I felr like he needed someone there for him so I tried my best to be a friend and suggested he seek out professional help. Tried to teach him what I learned from the community about being present and not letting your thoughts dominate you. While we were together a part of me didn't want to be there and talk about his issues and problems. He said he didn't wanna share his negative energy with me and didn't hold me there,but I choose to stick around because he needed help and I know he's going through a difficult time. He ruminates on the past a lot and is always making mistakes that put him in bad situations.

I thought I had problems that were bad,but people I know have been going through worse and they don't even know how to handle it. I just don't know if I should be investing myself into other people's problems when I don't even have mine sorted out. Tbh I lean towards not wanting to be involved,but I feel like these guys can't help themselves. I always had empathy for other men who struggle since I can relate to them,but because of this I act like their problems are mine.

Is the smart thing to do cut people like these off? Should I avoid helping them further and let them solve their own problems? I feel like i'm always looking out for other people before myself.

 

[Zoro]

The only time I’ve been able to help people. They have been very clear about what help they need, (and there was compensation) or they were very open to my suggestions and advice, and then would go forth and implement the advice.

Otherwise it’s like talking to a brick wall. They say “yes I should do that/not do that, and then next time you see them they haven’t changed a thing.”

“Help” is a small word that has broad and varied meanings.

Would you offer advice to someone who’s open to it and willing to make good on your time by following through with it? Sure sounds good.

Would you invest a lot of time and energy into a project of a person, resistant to change, unwilling to do their own work?
probably not

 

[Nicko]

"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink"
my opinion, is that sure you can guide them because you feel empathic for them. That's normal and a great thing to do for friends but those who don't have the desire to change will simply not change. No matter how much guidance, time, effort, energy and resources your provide you can't force someone to change if they refuse to.

I personally tried with a few of my friends and more often then not you'll be wasting your time,

Law 10: Infection: avoid the unhappy and unlucky
"you can die from someone's else's misery-emotional states are an infections as disease. You may feel you are helping a drowning man but you are only participating your own disaster"-The 48 Laws of Power, Robert Greene

You'll wasting a lot of your time and worse they'll begin to effect you mentally with their adverse circumstances and sooner then later you'll go down the same spiral and end up in the same state as them. They'll cling to almost anything any drag you down so beware of these people( im not saying their bad people, they seriously help but not from you but from themselves)

Perhaps inspiring them to get the help they deserve to create action ,so they can work out of the hell hole with their own two hands is a better approach.

If you were the first person who your friend has opened up to, you want to call their family memebers/ more closer friends to help them out of this hell hole. He'll/she'll more likely to listen to someone who is more closer to them.

Ultimately if I was you, I would leave them and cut my losses. time is valuable and this could go on for years to decades so keep moving forward not backawrds.

 

[happynanako]

The solution is simple, I met this guy from social media. He claimed to know me and have observed me (which was pretty creepy). He has depression and he goes around telling people like his trump card. He can do this or that because he has depression. I was absorbed into his problem and felt stressed out as he is texting me daily about his problems.

The issue:

1. He wants to rant but does not want to change the current situation
2. He seems to want advice but does not want a solution
3. He just seeking attention
4. He uses my advice and enforces it on others instead of himself.

After about 2 months, I realised this is mentally draining and I have decided to do the last resort. Which is to block him totally, which he goes around spreading bad names of me. Which no one actually cares because he simply goes around offending every single people possible. He has the habit of doxxing others which got him into a various numbers of trouble.

Just remove toxic and problematic people who are not willing to change for the better. They are afraid to step out of their comfort zone to change for the better. You should give a chance to those who are troubled but willing to change for the better.