Is a man being dominated in bed by a woman a weak man?? Serious question?


Space Monkey
space monkey
May 13, 2019
I recently had a speed dating event where I didn't really pick up any dates, but I learned that my communication and conversation leading skills need a lot of Polish and work, but when I told one of my friends this he started talking to me about something completely different, namely my fetish and fantasy for a woman to dominate me sexually.

He said this might be the problem that I wasn't getting any dates, because he said this said desire is the reason that I come across as unconfident, and that it's an indication of weakness in a man which I 100% disagree but this man would not let up. He said that if I feel I want to be dominated by a woman sexually I must be insecure about something. Everything he has said sounded really outrageous but it got me thinking. What does the seduction community think of this?

Do y'all think that a man that likes a woman to dominate him in bed is secretly a weak man or is it just sexual fantasy and nothing more?

Answers from experienced ppl also helps. I don't believe wanting a woman to dominate me in bed means I am a weak man I can stand my ground when need be. If u guys prefer to be the dominant ones when dealing with women that's okay, but I know most women like to be dominated by a guy, but there was nothing addressing a guy that likes being dominated by women.


Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Jun 13, 2016
It's been talked a bout briefly in a few articles and on reddit, I've given big quotes and links below:

What Hector thinks about it

reddit said:
So I should get a sex change because I'm a masculine woman?
Hector said:
Masculine = dominance/aggressiveness. You still take dick in your pussy. You're a power bottom, essentially.
reddit said:
I also peg, so.where exactly does that fit in?
Hector said:
That's dominance yes and you're essentially acting like a man. Penetration is masculine and the men who are getting pegged are feminine men. Should they chop their dick? Depends on how much they like being penetrated.

You're a masculine women, you have masculine energy, but you're still a woman, otherwise you wouldn't like anything to do with being a woman (i.e., transgender, but even hormone replacement and a sex change wouldn't alter your chromosomal makeup).

Sexuality is fluid, whereas gender/sex is fixed. ... ?limit=500

Hector said:
Never. Submit.

If the sexual act involves your submission or degradation, don’t do it. The fantasy isn’t evil and it isn’t shameful. Every man is free to delight in what he wishes, so long as it doesn’t harm others or violate their consent.

But, if you let a woman penetrate you with a strap-on, she will respect you less, and that’s not good for a relationship or her attraction for you.

If you let your girlfriend cuckold you, as a “bull” rails her brains out in front of your eyes, she will lose respect for you. You are delighting in your inferiority.

If you let a friend or two join you in a gangbang of your wife, she will lose respect for you.

Why do these destroy her image of you as a dominant man? Because in these cases, you’ve either...

Given her power over you
Given another man power over you

You relinquish power, and thus lose your position upon the sexual throne. Remember, women want dominant men.

So here’s a list of acts that you should avoid with girls.

Kinks to Avoid With Hookups or Casual Relationships

Pegging (her penetrating you with a dildo or strap-on)

Any extreme physical abuse against you (punching, whipping, etc.)

Any extreme verbal abuse against you (anything degrading to your virility, stamina, size, or dominance)

Any bondage where you’re humiliated (gagging, full-restraint, etc.)

Kinks to Avoid With A Long-Term Monogamous Girlfriend

All of the above

Cuckolding (another man nailing your girl while you watch)

Double-Penetration/Eiffel Towers/Gangbangs (if another man has sex with your girlfriend, you’re done. Game over.)

If you notice, it’s totally cool to double-team a girl with a bro or even a random stranger, so long as you don’t plan on converting her into a serious girlfriend. She’ll forever remember that wonderful night with you two.

What are some others that might not only be fringe, but fun? Well, I’ve let lovers blindfold me, but it really didn’t do much for me, since men crave visual stimulation. And I wouldn’t mind a girl handcuffing my hands behind my back, so long as she’s just blowing me or wants to ride me hard. The problem isn’t necessarily dominant women – I LOVE dominant women; soft and inexperienced women can’t ride your cock like a champ and are too meek for my personal tastes. But at no point can that aggression dominate me or make any suggestion that I’m not in control.

Okay, but can a woman give you a rim-job or stick a finger up your ass? Sure! Just make sure she’s pleasuring you in some other way at the same time, like sucking your dick. That way, it takes the shape of “I’m doing it for his pleasure.” Her submission (pleasing you) becomes your domination.

One of my more notorious fraternity brothers would often say, “It’s not a real blowjob unless her finger is up your ass.” He also challenged a group of women to a deep-throating competition where they took turns showing their python-throat skills on a big black dildo. He won. ... phrodisiac

What Chase thinks about it
Chase said:
If you’re engaging in stuff like cuckoldry (where you invite another man to come shag your woman) or pegging (where she puts on a strap-on and shags you), she’s not going to be able to view you as an alpha provider. Maybe a cool guy, maybe an equal, maybe a good friend, but you’re not the man she submits herself to. If you submit sexually to her, she owns you; if you rent her out to other men, she’s not really yours. ... a-provider

Chase said:
article written by a man about his enjoyment of pegging (i.e., when a man lets a woman shag him with a strap-on). Some male commenter had insulted this writer, and called him less than a man.

But then, the feminist readers of the website piled onto this commenter. And they all had the same attack line for him:

“What’s the matter, are you not man enough to take it up the butt?”

It’s a fascinating rhetorical device. Either you agree to receptive anal sex, which has profound effects on the male psyche (anecdotally, men who receive anal sex become more feminine, moodier, and bitchier), effectively making you no longer a full ‘man’... Or you don’t agree to receptive anal sex, in which case you are ‘not man enough’.

This double bind got me thinking: what is masculinity, anyway? How do we define what is or isn’t masculine? Who in our society holds the right to craft these definitions, women or men? Is masculinity decided by the society, by the man, or by something else?

The answers will intrigue you, I think. ... man-enough

As far as I understand it from reading ,if a guy didn't like that, but did it "for her" I'm guessing that still counts as submission, in the context of it would lose the guy attraction and respect from her end.

But, in your case, you enjoy it, is that then no longer submission? Or is being dominated like that a problem regardless of if you wanted it because then she "owns you" as Chase puts it and causing long term relationship problems? I think Hector usually tries to cover variables, and he hasn't written anyting in there about an exception eg "if you like it, then she won't lose respect or attraction from it" , but he also said this "But at no point can that aggression dominate me or make any suggestion that I’m not in control."

So if you were in control, while she was dominating, maybe that is not counted as giving up your control? You'd need someone who's more of an expert than me to answer this variable question :)


Jun 6, 2019
SpiceyDoll said:
Absolutely not! Sex is sex and it has nothing to do who you're in real life.
Bullshit, life is about power. Sex is one of the most important arenas of life and power. Do you think a conquering tribe would submit to the women of the newly conquered tribe? No, they would mouth fuck and rape them like bitches.

If you submit to a woman, you are the equivalent of a slave or boy in her eyes. Because the women in human history would only domme males in those categories. Ive seen au paires lightly tease and torment boys of different races but be nice to boys who looked like them. (source: multiple swedish au paires)

You can try to justify your own proclivities and results, but at the end of the day only you can look in the mirror and ask yourself.. are you getting the results you want?

Hector Papi Castillo

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Dec 2, 2013
Absolutely not! Sex is sex and it has nothing to do who you're in real life.
Not really sure what this means.

Sure, your sexuality isn't ENTIRELY who you are, but it's not NOTHING.

In fact, my sexuality usually tells me a lot about how I'm feeling lately. If I'm feeling incredibly confident and alpha, I will walk around with a hard-on like 24/7 and be massively horny/aggressive. If i'm feeling down, I will be deflated, not horny, and not nearly as "rawr" as I am when I'm feeling good.

So what does a man desiring submission to a woman say about him?

Well, I won't judge you.

But, to a WOMAN, especially a potential mate, for you wanting to be submissive to HER....she will lose respect for you. I don't care how progressive/enlightened she is. We're talking primal instincts here. You can't lecture you way out of them. All the "progressive" girls I know are usually the MOST craving of being degraded and treated like my sexual property. They tell me of guys who are submissive to them and their tone is mostly veiled disgust/contempt. If I text her and submissive guy texts her, I get her over 9.9/10 times.

What we have is an unfortunate situation that no matter how much I accept your sexuality (which I do), it won't change the fact that my acceptance or even a woman's acceptance of your sexual preference WILL have an effect on her attraction to you.

Every situation I've seen where the man isn't super dominant ends up in him eventually getting disrespected/ghosted/flaked-on/dumped.

I'm not saying you need to change your sexual preferences, but for WOMEN, you won't be truly "alpha" to them.

Philosophy dies in the face of a simple dichotomy: either she's wet or she's not.

Moral calculus won't change this.