Is backbiting a norm?

[trashKENNUT]

Hi Guys,

Is backbiting a norm? It seems like it. Guess i am feeling like some guys here who don't want to lie to girls. But really, we lie because girls can't see that, and life isn't about you, it's about them. Everyone thinks like that.

So i was thinking, maybe it is just the way that it is. and i need advice from people who have already work past this. Any advice to make peace with backbiting? (So then i can backbite your ass because that's how we all are!!! LEt's created our own hell on earth. XD)

Zac

 

[Chase]

Zac-

Not clear what the connection is between backbiting and lying, unless the backbiting others are doing about you are lies?

Anyway, backbiting's common, although it isn't always ill-intentioned. It can just be friends remarking on things they find surprising or annoying about other friends:

• "Wow, Merv said that girl he was bringing over was hot, but she was REALLY ugly. Makes me wonder what all those other 'hot' girls he's slept with looked like."
  
  "You know what I can't stand about Rick, is how everything is ALWAYS someone else's fault. If the guy would just solve his problems instead of blame others he'd be a millionaire by now."
  
  "Hey, did you like how Benny said he was going to show us the right way to jump a fence, and then he fell right on his ass? That was pretty epic, huh."

This stuff isn't actually mean-spirited and usually your friends don't think any less of you if they engage in it. It's just a sort of grounding their opinions of you and humanizing you rather than seeing you as some kind of deity beyond reproach. It's only bad if you notice it affecting the way people treat you or the things they say to you in person.

The main way to handle this kind of stuff is just be nonchalant about it; if you catch wind of it, you shrug it off: "Oh really? Hmm. Anyway..." When everyone else is gossiping about you, it only serves to make you a more interesting character. No such thing as bad publicity in that way.

The only time to really address it and stamp it out is if people address it to your face; at that point, if it needs to be shot down, shoot it down.

Chase

 

[trashKENNUT]

Chase,

Guys who are my friends, my past friends. One of this guys are like going out with my girl friends, and few tried to contact my ex. I'm fine with guys dating my ex or try to contact girl friends. I learn to pass that.

But to overhear people put me down and this girls treat me badly (as in i am inferior) is fuck up. I can only thank God because i am so a devil when this girls worship me like God when i was with them.

It's exaggerating but i am piss off, really. (You remember you told me how your ex feels resentful? I am feeling that shit, but why)

Zac

 

[trashKENNUT]

Chase,

No need to worry. I get it already. IT's profound how women tries to find your friends as a substitute for you. You noted this before as quality b,c of you (i think that's what you wrote but somewhere along that line).

So whatever happens, on my part, i can still find something good from here.

Zac

 

[trashKENNUT]

i somehow have variations of this occasionally popping out where it is bad because people become annoyed when i do not give them value anymore. Usually, people who suck i guess.

Any ideas on managing is welcome.

Zac

 

[trashKENNUT]

I never understood this until afterawhile. It's a human thing. So slap ppl with religious books.

Zac

 

[trashKENNUT]

Why You Talk Shit About Your Friends.

Or is it.....