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Is dread game the only way to deal with disrespect?

Dragonetti

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Is the only way to deal with minor disrespect in an established relationship to employ dread game / withdraw attention?

I have someone I've had a close on-off relationship with for years. We're very comfortable. Sometimes she takes forever to text me back, a sign of disrespect. How can I deal with this without losing frame or looking butthurt?
 

Chase

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Sometimes she takes forever to text me back, a sign of disrespect. How can I deal with this without losing frame or looking butthurt?

If it's important, call her.

If it's not important, it's a relationship dynamic mismatch (i.e., you want to have happy back-and-forth texting but she doesn't care for it).

No I'm like "do you want to hang out" and I dont get a response for 24 hours

Oh.

Sounds like you are not Priority Number One.

Are you sure you're not just her sometimes-lover while she looks for a more serious commitment option?

That'd be my guess, especially if we're talking an on-off relationship here.

If you want Top Priority Treatment you need to act like a Top Priority Guy:

  1. Show her you're serious about her
  2. Show her she has a future with you
  3. Give her progress in the relationship
  4. Get her excited about where this is leading

If you don't want to do that, learn to be more flexible:

"Hey LMK if you're free in the next couple of days to hang."

Then don't expect to see her that day necessarily.

Plan accordingly.

Chase
 

Dragonetti

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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  1. Show her you're serious about her
  2. Show her she has a future with you
  3. Give her progress in the relationship
  4. Get her excited about where this is leading

How do I show the first two things if we've already dated? The dynamic is a rather complicated situationship
 

Chase

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How do I show the first two things if we've already dated? The dynamic is a rather complicated situationship

I don't know the details of the relationship.

But wherever the farthest you got to previously, you need to subtly bring up that you are open to take it further.

Probably you want to link it to some kind of "maturation" process, like how you have started to tire of dating around or whatever.

Basically just throw some bread crumbs that let her hope she can have something more with you after all the prior disappointments.

That is assuming she doesn't already have a guy she's pursuing for something serious.

Which, from the sparse details you've shared here, she may.

Chase
 

Skills

Tribal Elder
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5,580
No I'm like "do you want to hang out" and I dont get a response for 24 hours
Some takes... your flawed idea that if a girl takes forever to text you back, it is a sign of disrespect is totally none sensical... Second even with girls i am dating and having sex with if i put them on the spot without feeling them out and testing waters, i probably get the same cause you are just cornering her aka putting her on the spot... If she wants to say no, even if she likes you, she rather ghost that turn you down, in the post i will link please read second entry by ijjjjji (entry 2) read the whole post after....

 
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you miss 100% of the shots you don't take

TomInHo

Modern Human
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Dec 13, 2021
Messages
753
Is the only way to deal with minor disrespect in an established relationship to employ dread game / withdraw attention?

I have someone I've had a close on-off relationship with for years. We're very comfortable. Sometimes she takes forever to text me back, a sign of disrespect. How can I deal with this without losing frame or looking butthurt?

I get why you'd want to use dread game, but why bluff?

Instead of pretending to withdraw attention, why not actually give it to a girl who's genuinely excited about you—one without the baggage of an on and off dynamic?

Idk... it just seems like a better use of time to me
 
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Dragonetti

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Sep 11, 2023
Messages
135
I don't know the details of the relationship.

But wherever the farthest you got to previously, you need to subtly bring up that you are open to take it further.

Probably you want to link it to some kind of "maturation" process, like how you have started to tire of dating around or whatever.

Basically just throw some bread crumbs that let her hope she can have something more with you after all the prior disappointments.

That is assuming she doesn't already have a guy she's pursuing for something serious.

Which, from the sparse details you've shared here, she may.

Chase
Do you have an article on this kind of strategy you've mentioned? I'd love to hear more
 

Chase

Chieftan
Staff member
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@Dragonetti,

Do you have an article on this kind of strategy you've mentioned? I'd love to hear more

Closest would be my article on getting a girlfriend back:


-C
 

archimedes

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 12, 2024
Messages
67
If it's important, call her.

If it's not important, it's a relationship dynamic mismatch (i.e., you want to have happy back-and-forth texting but she doesn't care for it).



Oh.

Sounds like you are not Priority Number One.

Are you sure you're not just her sometimes-lover while she looks for a more serious commitment option?

That'd be my guess, especially if we're talking an on-off relationship here.

If you want Top Priority Treatment you need to act like a Top Priority Guy:

  1. Show her you're serious about her
  2. Show her she has a future with you
  3. Give her progress in the relationship
  4. Get her excited about where this is leading

If you don't want to do that, learn to be more flexible:

"Hey LMK if you're free in the next couple of days to hang."

Then don't expect to see her that day necessarily.

Plan accordingly.

Chase
Lemme autistically reply, not to hijack.

--Without being disruptive or annoying one of my goals is to learn and also show people how I think because it's fucked up but in an autistic way. I want others to see what goes on in mind I guess

This is an amazing thread and an amazing reply. No really.

It's an amazing thread because original guy asks about dread game, which sounds kinda Neurodivergent if you think about it. I mean using technical terminology.

Then we get a great reply from Chase. Its jarring because it makes so much obvious sense but was unexpected in these quarters , by yours truly at least

You have to know the context.

Typically people start their dating journey gullible and trusting. maybe some get results but if they don't they go online and get "red pilled" or taught stuff. Maybe then they get results maybe they don't. If they do then maybe they overgeneralize. They only have semi success, and with a type. Maybe they fail still, and go back and forth. This is kinda me. But everyone.. well most everyone is so dogmatic, and attached to their views, on fb etc

What I'm trying to say without trying to flatter is chase seems to have a lot of balance. My mind is so confused so often. Are women objects you can manipulate and persuade who don't know what they want or are they people with direction and strong frame but just trolling us/deliberately deceiving us half the time, playing with us?

Your post says to appeal to better nature and her own self interest. I know that's right. Yet that's what failed before (for guys generally) but maybe it's the timing. Maybe it was always just the details.

Life is so confusing. It's hard to know what's real but when I read chases stuff it seems right and good. When the day is done these days it sounds campy but I have no answers, so if I'm laying in bed, if I've done my daily business and even met and talked and flirted with people, (which is actually something I commonly do and I often mean it seriously though it almost never leads anywhere)..

..as I'm lying in bed these days I'm just trying to open and connect with my heart, working through everything there. Trying to see with my heart not my mind. Maybe that's the way.

Some stuff like what's here makes sense to both the heart and mind but usually you see one or the other, angry normies anti red pill ppl expecting everyone to just be their idea of normal and good and get love (and low key put the women on a pedestal and say they're all victims).. and guys too deep in the manosphere on the other, or salesmen.

Truth must be a blend or how could both ideas exist simultaneously? And success and failure must be in the details. For me the details are the autism probably and then almost all dating advice over the years represents an overcorrection. Who knows? Could be. Nobody mentioned autism in dating help space till you.

Maybe that's why they say it's like fishing. You've done the right thing to get a nibble and now you got a reward that. I don't know. I guess maybe you follow women's lead in terms of escalation and relationship escalation but only if you want to, if you want her energy in your life, but then don't expect special treatment.

Amazing also how nobody discloses they're chasing or pursuing other people. I don't like being in the dark. "I'm in the dark here." That's where I always get hurt. That and when people make assumptions. We all do but I feel my assumptions are so natural and basic but I guess that's the autism.

How are we supposed to know this stuff lol? Brave New world

Anyway..good stuff. More pain to get through. More illusion and repression to work through
 

DarkKnight

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Oct 18, 2018
Messages
1,755
I get why you'd want to use dread game, but why bluff?

Instead of pretending to withdraw attention, why not actually give it to a girl who's genuinely excited about you—one without the baggage of an on and off dynamic?

Idk... it just seems like a better use of time to me
This. So much better for your peace of mind and no loss of time
 
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