- Joined
- Apr 25, 2018
- Messages
- 34
Some background:
I have been in an LTR with my partner for over four years and we get on brilliantly. We have two kids together, a house and are both in professional jobs. Financially, we are independent, except for our mortgage and I own the larger share. Our first child was conceived within the six-month honeymoon phase of our relationship. We are also not married.
For some time now, I've been questioning whether I want to be in this relationship with my partner anymore. Like many on here, I am fascinated and intrigued with learning and understanding seduction. So much so, it's almost a compulsion. Nothing makes me more satisfied than meeting someone and sweeping them off their feet. Especially when they're women I feel crazy about. It is how I met my long-term partner and how I managed to secure a high quality one (thanks Chase!). This, right or wrongly, has made me struggle with the concept of being “settled down”, and yes I have read Chases’ guide on the subject.
The issue:
I have lost sexual attraction for my partner and dwell in infidelity. Physically, I struggle to feel aroused by my partner and fail to develop much in the ways of sexual passion when I am. We have dwindled to having sex only on the odd occasion and it's nothing more than a ten-minute stint with a single pop.
At first, two years ago, I thought this was down to me not hormonally functioning as well as I should be, so got some tests from doctors. My results were normal and I was given some blue pills, for the occasions, and chalked this blip up to me being somewhat stressed at work or maybe overtraining. What followed was a sort-of-resurgence in attraction as my partner got back in shape, after a year or so of our first child being born, and me being horny plus armed with blue pills. Our second child was conceived shortly after this and I wanted her to get an abortion. She was devastated and I could see it would destroy her so I made, in no uncertain terms, that this was her choosing and that I would expect her to be the work horse in bringing up the next child. And once again, the weight gain problem came and we had no sex for about a year.
Fast forward to recent months, and she is not coping well at all with the kids. I find myself being the breadwinner, keeper of the house, gardener, cook and fifty percent man looking after the kids. It has left me with little time for me, which is difficult for an introvert but not impossible. Anyway, these are all what I would consider mild points, as they can be worked on and improved, plus are influenced by environmental factors (lockdown, changing jobs, finances, etc.). They’re also inconsistent in their effort.
For me, the biggest issue is the loss of physical attraction. My LTRs physical build just isn’t my ideal and I overlooked it at the beginning of our relationship due to getting that part of my sexual desire satisfied by a younger less mentally attractive girl on the side for a few months. My natural preference is for petite, slight framed women and they are whom typically dated before my LTR and struggled with sexual loss for.
The hard part:
In spite of all that I’ve mentioned before, my LTR and I get on amazing. She is a brilliant partner. Loyal without question, great with kids, super smart, socially amazing... the list could go on and on. She is an amazing woman and my best friend. However, the excitement has gone and we’ve tried many date nights, drinks and travelling, but nothing works. My desire to have sex with her like a cave man is so far gone, it makes me feel depressed. I have stayed together for our kids. They deserve a strong male model and to be financially free of poverty – which is what I provide. I just can’t help but sigh a sigh of loss when I think that this is all my life will be. No excitement, no reward or sexual release when days are tough and battles conquered. Just ten minutes then pop and followed by TV or games.
How did I come to the crescendo to write this?
One of the girls I’ve met in my infidelity has turned my head. She is on the same wavelength as me and the attraction on both our sides is unquestionable. She made me feel alive again. I felt emotions I forgot existed.
Unlike other side girls, I told her about my current situation/status. All be it in drips and drabs depending on the questions she asked, as I am aware that most women would run a million miles from a guy with baggage. To my surprise, she stuck with me and her attraction grew and grew. Until I revealed to her that I had second child of less than a year old last week. I could see she was in turmoil and calmed her when togther. However, as we can't maintain constant contact, she has gone in auto rejection because she is terrified of being a home wrecker. Her friend is likely not helping in this issue. This has upset me a lot and been an emotional earthquake that has shaken me to action so as to not have a repeat in future.
My question is, am I right to break this off? I am terrified of the fallout and damage to my children. My LTR will be devastated, which she doesn't deserve.
Am I just being selfish, am I seeking thrills which ultimately are just some kind mental health flaw in me?
Has anyone been in this kind of situation where sexual attraction is the issue and not a whole lot else?
I have been in an LTR with my partner for over four years and we get on brilliantly. We have two kids together, a house and are both in professional jobs. Financially, we are independent, except for our mortgage and I own the larger share. Our first child was conceived within the six-month honeymoon phase of our relationship. We are also not married.
For some time now, I've been questioning whether I want to be in this relationship with my partner anymore. Like many on here, I am fascinated and intrigued with learning and understanding seduction. So much so, it's almost a compulsion. Nothing makes me more satisfied than meeting someone and sweeping them off their feet. Especially when they're women I feel crazy about. It is how I met my long-term partner and how I managed to secure a high quality one (thanks Chase!). This, right or wrongly, has made me struggle with the concept of being “settled down”, and yes I have read Chases’ guide on the subject.
The issue:
I have lost sexual attraction for my partner and dwell in infidelity. Physically, I struggle to feel aroused by my partner and fail to develop much in the ways of sexual passion when I am. We have dwindled to having sex only on the odd occasion and it's nothing more than a ten-minute stint with a single pop.
At first, two years ago, I thought this was down to me not hormonally functioning as well as I should be, so got some tests from doctors. My results were normal and I was given some blue pills, for the occasions, and chalked this blip up to me being somewhat stressed at work or maybe overtraining. What followed was a sort-of-resurgence in attraction as my partner got back in shape, after a year or so of our first child being born, and me being horny plus armed with blue pills. Our second child was conceived shortly after this and I wanted her to get an abortion. She was devastated and I could see it would destroy her so I made, in no uncertain terms, that this was her choosing and that I would expect her to be the work horse in bringing up the next child. And once again, the weight gain problem came and we had no sex for about a year.
Fast forward to recent months, and she is not coping well at all with the kids. I find myself being the breadwinner, keeper of the house, gardener, cook and fifty percent man looking after the kids. It has left me with little time for me, which is difficult for an introvert but not impossible. Anyway, these are all what I would consider mild points, as they can be worked on and improved, plus are influenced by environmental factors (lockdown, changing jobs, finances, etc.). They’re also inconsistent in their effort.
For me, the biggest issue is the loss of physical attraction. My LTRs physical build just isn’t my ideal and I overlooked it at the beginning of our relationship due to getting that part of my sexual desire satisfied by a younger less mentally attractive girl on the side for a few months. My natural preference is for petite, slight framed women and they are whom typically dated before my LTR and struggled with sexual loss for.
The hard part:
In spite of all that I’ve mentioned before, my LTR and I get on amazing. She is a brilliant partner. Loyal without question, great with kids, super smart, socially amazing... the list could go on and on. She is an amazing woman and my best friend. However, the excitement has gone and we’ve tried many date nights, drinks and travelling, but nothing works. My desire to have sex with her like a cave man is so far gone, it makes me feel depressed. I have stayed together for our kids. They deserve a strong male model and to be financially free of poverty – which is what I provide. I just can’t help but sigh a sigh of loss when I think that this is all my life will be. No excitement, no reward or sexual release when days are tough and battles conquered. Just ten minutes then pop and followed by TV or games.
How did I come to the crescendo to write this?
One of the girls I’ve met in my infidelity has turned my head. She is on the same wavelength as me and the attraction on both our sides is unquestionable. She made me feel alive again. I felt emotions I forgot existed.
Unlike other side girls, I told her about my current situation/status. All be it in drips and drabs depending on the questions she asked, as I am aware that most women would run a million miles from a guy with baggage. To my surprise, she stuck with me and her attraction grew and grew. Until I revealed to her that I had second child of less than a year old last week. I could see she was in turmoil and calmed her when togther. However, as we can't maintain constant contact, she has gone in auto rejection because she is terrified of being a home wrecker. Her friend is likely not helping in this issue. This has upset me a lot and been an emotional earthquake that has shaken me to action so as to not have a repeat in future.
My question is, am I right to break this off? I am terrified of the fallout and damage to my children. My LTR will be devastated, which she doesn't deserve.
Am I just being selfish, am I seeking thrills which ultimately are just some kind mental health flaw in me?
Has anyone been in this kind of situation where sexual attraction is the issue and not a whole lot else?
Last edited:
