Is MORE eye contact always….better?

[Kaida]

Recently, I’ve been focusing on my use of eye contact. One thing that I’ve picked up on is that the really high status guys really dont make good eye contact AT ALL. Sometimes it’d look like they’re almost avoiding it (but not quite). And they dont really reply to everything said to them either, like they’re completely out if it. Otherwise, they’re pretty normal dudes.

This also coincides with the fact that sometimes I get the best reactions from people in general (not just girls) when I dont really feel like making eye contact and pretty out of it (Later, when im more into the conversation I kinda stare down girls accidentally and it seems to spark good reactions). I make eye contact intermittently but not nearly as much as I normally try to.

When interacting with a cool dude who barely makes eye contact, theres usually this moment when you’re staring at them while talking, and it’s almost like you want them to look at you. Meanwhile, they’re looking away, and you’re not even sure if they heard you.

What gives? Isn’t strong, dominant eye contact a key trait of high status people? I’m genuinely curious about the nuances of this. @Chase

 

[Lobo]

I've noticed that as I've been getting better at all things social and improving my body language(really being more relaxed and in control of my state), I give waaaaaay less eye contact than I used to. I feel like when your that relaxed and have confident, high value body language, your eyes become like lazer beams, and it becomes easy to make someone self concious accidentaly.

I also do notice people looking at me more when talking(like legit staring it feels) and I know when I turn to look at them, that piercing effect will happen, and even though I'm just nonchalantly looking at them, the low effort applied just seems extremely powerful. I've noticed this is only something that happens with other guys. With girls, I can look at them much longer without feeling the need to look away. Because instead of getting uncomfortable by my eye contact, they seem to get more aroused.

But I would also like to learn more about eye contact nuances, its actually been something I've been questioning for a long time. Before I used to give good sustained eye contact, but now it feels overkill just based on how people are reacting.

 

[Searcher]

I like to match the level of eye contact the other person is giving.

If they start acting aloof and looking distracted while I am talking.
I will kich up my aloof up a notch and barely make eye contact whether I am talking or listening.

One thing that I’ve picked up on is that the really high status guys really dont make good eye contact AT ALL. Sometimes it’d look like they’re almost avoiding it (but not quite).

All social interactions with people like this will be about dominance and the best way according to me is to have a cold demeanor and your best poker face.

And they dont really reply to everything said to them either, like they’re completely out if it. Otherwise, they’re pretty normal dudes.

If they don't reply act bored. If they ask another question in response to your question, don't answer, ask a question back.

 

[Kaida]

I also do notice people looking at me more when talking(like legit staring it feels) and I know when I turn to look at them, that piercing effect will happen, and even though I'm just nonchalantly looking at them, the low effort applied just seems extremely powerful. I've noticed this is only something that happens with other guys. With girls, I can look at them much longer without feeling the need to look away. Because instead of getting uncomfortable by my eye contact, they seem to get more aroused.

This^ I’ve noticed that piercing effect too, and instantly sense their discomfort, but I keep doing it anyway because I want to be more comfortable with eye contact + it’s pretty dominant.

You’re definitely right about the girls, you can honestly just stare at them 80-90% of the time and they’ll get more aroused the more you do it. It can even trigger fsc if done too early because of how aroused they are. They even point it out at times, saying “Stawwwp looking at me like that!” in a flirty way

 

[Chase]

@Kaiderman,

Eye contact is necessary when:

1. You are trying to get someone's attention
2. You are trying to make people feel included
3. You are trying to showcase dominance

However, when you are clearly the most dominant / highest status guy there, and there is no doubt about that, you will tend to not be doing any of these things most of the time, and instead you will have people competing for your attention, while you are thinking about something else or focused on something else.

I wouldn't recommend being distracted all through a seduction and barely looking at a girl you are trying to seduce, but in general, when you are the high status guy, you can turn off the need to be looking everyone in the eyes all the time, and not really worry about it.

Chase

 

[Kaida]

@Kaiderman,

Eye contact is necessary when:

1. You are trying to get someone's attention
2. You are trying to make people feel included
3. You are trying to showcase dominance

However, when you are clearly the most dominant / highest status guy there, and there is no doubt about that, you will tend to not be doing any of these things most of the time, and instead you will have people competing for your attention, while you are thinking about something else or focused on something else.

I wouldn't recommend being distracted all through a seduction and barely looking at a girl you are trying to seduce, but in general, when you are the high status guy, you can turn off the need to be looking everyone in the eyes all the time, and not really worry about it.

Chase

Ah, that clears things up

Concerning using eye contact to get someones attention, wouldnt it be a little needy to be looking at someones eyes seeking their attention? Or is there a way to demand attention that doesn’t come across needy

 

[trashKENNUT]

I wouldn't recommend being distracted all through a seduction and barely looking at a girl you are trying to seduce, but in general, when you are the high status guy, you can turn off the need to be looking everyone in the eyes all the time, and not really worry about it.

Concerning using eye contact to get someones attention, wouldnt it be a little needy to be looking at someones eyes seeking their attention? Or is there a way to demand attention that doesn’t come across needy

To add to @Chase point
while answering your question as well.

That 'demand for attention without coming across as needy, is done 'unconsciously' by your fundamentals, then emotion state, then job, then money, then social engagement, then social approval (TikTok/Instagram/real life).

But Zac, how do I demand attention?

Well first things first. Hopefully a Girlschase article will be written to address this (I might not know it already exist) and this post will be just a complement to the article.

It is very important to recognize where it is that she perceive you as "high status". The keyword is 'where', and not the literal word but the feeling she gives.

She might not perceive you as high status, yet. This is often the reception from super new beginners. But there's also many times for many guys here in the forums, they are somewhat already been perceived as high status by girls.

ANd Girlschase members interactions with girsls feels like a mismatched. It feels something is amiss from the start, and this is often in social circles.

Now, I'm pretty confident this is the issue below.

There's 3 levels of 'Status'.

Level 1: Job/Title/Role of Family
Level 2: Social Engagement and Approval
Level 3: Fundamentals/"I already like you"

To make this analogy of levels, simple.
You might have know some people who have the job/title (level 1) but they are ridiculed by family, friends because their Tag Heuer doesn't feel "real" (level 3) to their friends.

Maybe you get a car (level 1) but your family sees you as the black sheep (level 1).

Or maybe you are number 2. Your status are of the sigma male but you also kinda new to the social circle.

She likes you.
You know she likes you.
She knows you know that she likes you.

But she knows that she needs approval from the immediate social circle that is around her. Keyword here is the immediate social circle. (level 2)

An example of (Level 2) problem

Another example of another (Level 2) problem but this time, your (level 1) is involved and she doesn't know what to do.

So ZAC, What do I do now?

Figure out where she perceives you as 'high status's, first. This is difficult if you are super new.


z@c+

 

[Chase]

@Kaiderman,

Concerning using eye contact to get someones attention, wouldnt it be a little needy to be looking at someones eyes seeking their attention? Or is there a way to demand attention that doesn’t come across needy

Well, I don't mean like "She is talking to her three friends, meanwhile you are standing there gazing at her trying to get her to look at you."

I'm talking about how you're in a conversation with her, and you really want her to pay attention to what you are saying, the vibe you are creating, the seeding you are doing, so you look deep into her eyes as you speak to make sure she's focused on you and what you're doing / your delivery.

Or you're in a group of people, and you're speaking to them all, but you want to make sure she knows you have an eye out for her especially, so you give her a little bit longer, stickier eye contact than you give to everyone else.

Of course you can also do the "gaze across the room seductively at her" thing, but hopefully you are following that up with a smile and an approach so it doesn't just look like you're a statue.

The other thing you can do if you are talking to someone but she is not paying attention is to start pointing at your eyes while telling her, "Hey, look up here, look into my eyes, I'm talking to you." Best for one-on-one situations, because if it's in front of a group and she rebuffs you, it doesn't look good

Chase

 

[Searcher]

Or you're in a group of people, and you're speaking to them all, but you want to make sure she knows you have an eye out for her especially, so you give her a little bit longer, stickier eye contact than you give to everyone else.

How to respond when you are talking to a girl or guy in a group and instead of looking in your eyes, he/she looks around in a distracted manner (Body position in a way that shoulders are only partially turned towardd you like he/she is about to leave). And only looks in your eyes when he/she is talking.

 

[TomInHo]

This also coincides with the fact that sometimes I get the best reactions from people in general (not just girls) when I dont really feel like making eye contact and pretty out of it (Later, when im more into the conversation I kinda stare down girls accidentally and it seems to spark good reactions). I make eye contact intermittently but not nearly as much as I normally try to.

I've personally noticed that when your fundamentals are top notch, you can get away with less eye contact. Because you appear to be high status, people will actually work harder to gain your attention with the less eye contact you give.

When interacting with a cool dude who barely makes eye contact, theres usually this moment when you’re staring at them while talking, and it’s almost like you want them to look at you. Meanwhile, they’re looking away, and you’re not even sure if they heard you.

In that situation, the cool dude is the more dominant male in the group. I bet if you took a closer look at your emotions you'll notice you had a growing need to get his validation.

And also, when he finally gave you some eye contact.... it felt so good because you felt like you earned it

What gives? Isn’t strong, dominant eye contact a key trait of high status people? I’m genuinely curious about the nuances of this. @Chase

Eye contact is just one non - verbal cue for social dominance. But from my experience it seems to work better when you use it in a push/pull fashion

 

[Glow]

Short answer no

Better answer: understand the nuances more

heres how you can use giving less eye contact initially to make her see you first and then use variations of ec to stir good things:
Using active disinterest and walking into an area directly ignoring her is an example of not giving her ec while being active around her, i do this purposefully which has vibe and tension effects on her. Or on people.
Or using an a-lister presence where you sorta hide from the public with what we label low attention span and look vaguely diffused more directionally with eyes down and being sorta caught in your own field of vision looking only forward a meter or two. while waling into centre spots where you will be noted ( certain spots are keen to grab attention eg if theres a lot of pressure on them - central visual spots where you will be seen by many) think of stars running for sunday shopping in their hoodies. Doing this Can give women a chance to take you in while feeling their usual effects doesnt work here eg if theyre beautiful or sexy. Basically disarms her. You then actively move towards her or by her until by coincidence you softly look at her w a prolonged look at the right time to ignite connection. this can be done with or without her looking. but trust me she will see it f done right. its far better than eg hovering imo as it activates her, ignites certain dynamics if used with sexual tension and makes you far more captivating.

You can additionally add a calm, slow moving presence -see cajun beyond words, a purposefulness and decisive firmness eg and youll definitely capture most women.
+ look at her slowly from down and up to meet her eyes walking there, holidng it for a slight time not moving your face or subblicating and you add even more spice to it.

This is just one model where what you outline is used more precisely.

There are one mio others eg presmile and look at her and then have more ec for a connective soft approach eg..
you can also remove you ghaze with a slight disdain to disapprove somethign she said aka a takeaway with your mere attention.
Also often its more about reacting slower to the other that creates a powerful contrast and presence. change the vibe to soothing and its smooth as well. Actors use this to show status.
etc etc

Just various examples to highlight various nuances of various ec uses.

The point is really to understand what eye contact to give when and what its a part of. The difference between prolonged glance, to a side glance to a look downward up, to a look from a chin above the horizontal line, to a curious look, to adding sexual energy, to warm prolonged charisma type ec two to three secs per person in a set. Train the details to the right level. Se the related things that changes the power of EC beyond volume of it.

The way to learn is to go play with it and look around for nuances. Try them. etc. search the things ive given you here check eg cajun, low awareness radius, side gazing, glances, various degrees of prolonged ec, tension.

 

[Chase]

@Sully,

How to respond when you are talking to a girl or guy in a group and instead of looking in your eyes, he/she looks around in a distracted manner (Body position in a way that shoulders are only partially turned towardd you like he/she is about to leave). And only looks in your eyes when he/she is talking.

My first tack is usually going to be to stop talking, and ask him, "Hey, what's going on? You're distracted."

If he still keeps doing it, then I am going to stop talking to him, unless I absolutely need something from him.

If I need something from him and he's not paying attention, then I will get near to him and tell him, "Hey. Pay attention for a second. I need you to listen to this." If he keeps doing it after that I am going to start snapping my fingers and pointing at my eyes to get his attention. This assumes I'm the one in charge and he should be listening to me, of course. If it's some sort of subservient situation like I'm an employee talking to a distracted boss, I will probably just ask him if I should come back later or if he wants me to go on with it while he listens.

Chase

 

[Dash of Englishness]

I was a bit taken in by this scene. it was hard for me to remind myself that this kind of staring would probably not be tolerated in reality.

 

[Rakehell]

Here’s an excerpt I pulled from a woman on Quora about a girl who locked eyes with a handsome stranger. Obviously it’s gonna be subjective to the person but I think it’s still interesting.

Well, it happened it to me. Few months back, april - precisely, when returning from a tour on an unfortunate day in a heavily occupied airport, I let my buddies to walk while I caught an empty seat in a chair next to an old Chinese man. There I was feeling all bad for the lone grandpa next to me struggling to make every move, he seemed so delicate, I wondered if he was visiting his grandchildren and do they know how much struggle they go through to come and meet them. I helped him a little with his luggage and sat back relaxing and casually scanning the room lounge.. that's when I caught him looking at me.. we Locked eyes that few seconds we held eye contact and i cant really explain what i felt, it's like you say an electrifying feeling, a skipping of the heart, a yearning of the soul may be. Then i looked around and he was into his phone.

I assumed him to be Britan or aussie holidaying obviously as he was in shorts, looked a few years older than me and he was leaning his back to the wall and front directly facing the row of chairs. His friend next to him was chatting him up, but he again looked lost and looked at me, I didnt know why, I am a very conservative south Indian girl yet it felt like our eyes were talking something so I smiled politely despite my surroundings
This time I broke contact took few inaudiable sighs and looked around if he was checking out someone else may be.. who knows right. And then like every woman on earth i began to suspect my looks and went to the loo to check out in mirror. When i was back i noticed them laughing and talking about me, he was being teased by his friend.
I started to ignore and sat back but again he was looking at me and eventually our eyes locked again, this time as though we have been together for years and it was a very strong tension. It was a very beautiful emotion that it felt like a part of me was leaving when he reluctantly walked to the elevator and I had shifted chairs. Months later i still recall how absurd un expected it is to feel this way but definitely it's a beautiful feeling.

 

[CassieDon]

@Kaiderman,

Eye contact is necessary when:

1. You are trying to get someone's attention
2. You are trying to make people feel included
3. You are trying to showcase dominance

However, when you are clearly the most dominant / highest status guy there, and there is no doubt about that, you will tend to not be doing any of these things most of the time, and instead you will have people competing for your attention, while you are thinking about something else or focused on something else.

I wouldn't recommend being distracted all through a seduction and barely looking at a girl you are trying to seduce, but in general, when you are the high status guy, you can turn off the need to be looking everyone in the eyes all the time, and not really worry about it.

Chase

This sums it up nicely.

What I will add to this is that based on my experience is that when speaking to people (either sex/gender) especially when it is about your passion, a sales pitch or whatever, it comes across as more powerful when you have eye contact. Especially when paired with a confident voice, speech and posture. They all work in concert, but eye contact is what seems to lock it into place.

But make sure your body isn't so stiff that you're natural looking and feeling when doing this. You don't want to be looking like an owl with the Joker smile while you make a creepy level of eye contact.