Is my thinking accurate?

[Anonymous]

First off, I'm new here and I look forward to putting in some time to improve my interactions with women, thank you Chase for creating such a place.

I'm in a bit of a predicament. I'm going to try and keep it to the point since I need help fairly quickly.

I was set up with a girl through a mutual acquaintance.
I took her to a comedy club where we saw the show and had dinner and drinks. (7pm)
Afterwards we went to a nearby bar for another drink (9pm)
after about an hour she asked me to take her home (10pm)
when we got there i kissed her goodnight.
5 minutes later as i drove away she called and said she had a great time and wanted to go out again.

In hindsight I think i obviously missed my cues to escalate and it's driving me crazy. I touched her throughout the date and she was receptive and she reciprocated too, she enjoyed the kiss and the phone call makes me think I quit it too early, to be honest I was trying not to get over excited and fighting to stop myself getting a hard on in public. But i should have asked to come in when i dropped her off (at the time i was worried her room mates, her sisters, were home).

Now, I arranged another date for tonight which she agreed to sunday but flaked on monday, I have maintained radio silence after a short reply to her excuse (I sent the last message). I know there is sexual attraction between us but i don't want to see her again unless we end up at my place or hers, I'm worried that a fun date will be a first class ticket to the friend zone, and after reading the articles on this site I hope i caught myself in time to avoid a mistake.

Here's my plan going forward:

I have maintained the radio silence but i want to invite her over to my place for dinner, I thought I would send a text like this:

"I want to have you for dinner Kate, when are you free?" there's a little sexual implication in there to show where my heads at in case she's wondering if I'm attracted to her, should i word this differently? Or maybe a phone call? (although I worry that would be too much pressure)

Maybe my thinking is wrong and I should wait? (although that's trouble in itself) or ask her to come to the mall with me saturday and build some rapport since I actually need to go and get a fall coat?

Any help is appreciated Gents

 

[Thedoctor]

Canadian,

Maybe my thinking is wrong and I should wait? (although that's trouble in itself) or ask her to come to the mall with me saturday and build some rapport since I actually need to go and get a fall coat?

This is actually probably a quicker ticket to the friend zone.

My current thought process on flaking is this: You asked her out. For whatever reason, she flaked. That means it's up to her to counter by at least initiating texting, especially if you texted her last. Think of it this way, if you were the celebrity of her dreams and you asked her out one day and she happened to be unavailable (maybe she was visiting her grandmother on her deathbed...), she would do everything in her power to establish a meet with you soon after. When you maintain radio silence, you are sending her that underlying message: that you are a desirable male and aren't going to chase after her like every other guy does. You asked her out and it is up to her to make sure she makes herself available to you in the near future.

Eventually, as enough time passes, she may think to herself: "I wonder why he never asked me out again." Curiosity often will get the better of her and she'll initiate a conversation with you.

Does this happen every time? No, not at all. But for me, it has had a better success rate than trying to ask her out again. If you do decide you still want to try again, after a week or two of radio silence, just send a simple text along the lines of "Hey Kate, let's have dinner sometime this week. What's your schedule look like?"

-John

 

[mindful]

Canadian,

Maybe my thinking is wrong and I should wait? (although that's trouble in itself) or ask her to come to the mall with me saturday and build some rapport since I actually need to go and get a fall coat?

This is actually probably a quicker ticket to the friend zone.

My current thought process on flaking is this: You asked her out. For whatever reason, she flaked. That means it's up to her to counter by at least initiating texting, especially if you texted her last. Think of it this way, if you were the celebrity of her dreams and you asked her out one day and she happened to be unavailable (maybe she was visiting her grandmother on her deathbed...), she would do everything in her power to establish a meet with you soon after. When you maintain radio silence, you are sending her that underlying message: that you are a desirable male and aren't going to chase after her like every other guy does. You asked her out and it is up to her to make sure she makes herself available to you in the near future.

Eventually, as enough time passes, she may think to herself: "I wonder why he never asked me out again." Curiosity often will get the better of her and she'll initiate a conversation with you.

Does this happen every time? No, not at all. But for me, it has had a better success rate than trying to ask her out again. If you do decide you still want to try again, after a week or two of radio silence, just send a simple text along the lines of "Hey Kate, let's have dinner sometime this week. What's your schedule look like?"

-John

Yep this is pretty much it. Flakes used to frustrate the shit out of me, but it's happened so many times now I just laugh.

So many variables in play, yes, you probably should have made a move. However, she was still emotionally high from the date so she called you afterwards, which was definitely a good sign. However, it sounds like she has cooled off. Don't sweat it bro, keep meeting more girls. That's really what you always need to be doing.

Welcome to the boards!