Is She Toying with Me or Being Honest?? Can I Turn It Around?

[Lover]

So basically, I have given up on the girl that I saw a month ago. She's the one from this LR. I definitely caught some oneitis after the sex, and she's been giving me a hard time on text afterwards.

On to the post.

I texted her the same evening after sex, thanking for an eventful day, hoping she had arrived home safely and couldn't wait to meet again. She said likewise.

I texted her a week after, suggesting a meet up, and what's her schedule like.
Well, things were not going very well, personal stuff had taken over her life, and it was going to take some time.. and whatnot..
I was understanding and wanted to meet when she didn't have so many things that bothered her..
She said sorry it had to be like this, but thank you for understanding.

I texted her again two weeks later, last Thursday: hoping she was good and suggesting a hot drink soon.
She didn't respond until three days had passed. She dodged this one as well, saying that she was game, but not at the moment because she was not good, also the reason she hadn't respond until now (lol, really?). But she'd like to some other time. And proceeded to ask about some other things about me, unrelated to the date..
Replied yesterday. Told her alright, hope you'll get things solved.. we'll text sometime later, take care

I'll admit I was being more playful in my texts than this report implies, but I'm not in mood for detailed translation.

I want to believe she's telling the truth about things being difficult for her. But at this point, I don't know what to believe. I have a couple of theories:

1. She's really having a hard time and wants to meet again, but me pushing her to meet is not helping.
2. It was a one time thing for her

I'm stronly believing it's the last theory I'm right about, but only now am I beginning to believe this.. why? because of two things in her previous texts:

The text one week later: "Well, things were not going very well, personal stuff had taken over her life, and it was going to take some time.."
The last text: "she was game, but not at the moment because she was not good, also the reason she hadn't respond until now. But she'd like to some other time."

If I am right, I feel like a fool for not recognizing this sooner... and the mistake on my part is that I let my feelings blind my better judgment. It's hard to tell what said personal stuff is about when she's being vague about it (but she has no reasons to reveal it to me). However, the "she'd like to some other time" was written so casually that I suspect she's literally telling me "come on dude, read between the lines"

I know that some guys tell a girl they had sex with that they are really busy afterwards as a mean to not seeing her anymore.. is it possible I am a "victim" (in lack of better terms) to such treatment right now?

On the other hand, I can't help but feel (yes, it's a feeling, not a thought) it's theory #1 that's correct.. I have tried this before, but that was in my teens.. I wonder if people/girls in their mid 20's do stuff like that? She did say sorry, but some people do say sorry just like they say hi..

Well, what I want to know is:

1. Is she telling me politely to let her go?

2. If yes to #1: Is there still a chance of turning things around? Or is that window closed?

3. If you have taken the time to read the LR, can you tell me if there's anything I could have done to prevent this from happening? Or if things have been out of my control ever since I tried to set up a new meeting?


With hope of further improvement
a-jay

 

[RockstarBalance]

Dude... you're in Scarcity right now... It's Valentine's Day - quite possibly the EASIEST Day out of the Year to get Laid... The Day after too! (All Holidays are Easier to Get Laid) Here's something I've Learned - if you're doubting yourself with the Girl, chances are - you missed your Chance already... Ditch the Girl - go get some NEW Pussy! And I Promise, your Dick, and your Brain will be much more at Ease

~RockstarBalance

 

[Lover]

Welcome on the boards, dude

One clarification about the scarcity you mention: you're right, it is there, but it's not about the pussy. It's about the person it is attached to.

If you took the time to read the LR I linked to, you probably wouldn't say I missed my chance already... What chance did I miss then?

... and Valentine's Day? What's that

 

[Ree]

I Have had dates show up when their mom was sick.....and i have had girls cancel because they weren't feeling well..only to bump into them in a nightclub....no one is ever busy ....it all depends on what priority they gave you....

Your Scenario 1 and scenario 2 are not different scenarios.....
She doesn't want to meet up.....you can either quit her or persist.
Which you choose depends on ..how much investment you want to put.
What it doesn't depend on..is is she really going through stuff?...that is irrelevant

 

[Lover]

Ree, good examples.. it makes me think of some of the girls in my life. A former fwb that visited me for some hot sex when her great-grandmother was dying.. and a current fwb that just told me she needs a sex break because she can't get over a guy - her sex drive has taken a hit now, and she's not in the mood.

I'll admit it's easier to only consider whether she wants to meet or not, but on the other hand it's too much black and white thinking for my taste. In the examples I mention, I see another factor in play: how they deal with emotional stress. You can't make me believe that every girl cope with emotional stress only by fucking an available guy. But I wouldn't be surprised if it's a common way to do this, or if people do this in some periods of their lives.

But I do understand your point. If she wanted me bad enough while still going through stuff, she'd most likely meet me anyway when I tried to make it happen.

I'm still trying to make sense. What has happened since she has turned this way. I have a couple of theories, but it doesn't matter in the end. I'll go dark for some months and hit her up later. If she hits me up first, I'll have to assess by then how bad I want her.

 

[Lover]

Ree, let me know what you think about this.

Last night, I had an epiphany, realizing at that point that I didn't really care about letting her go. And that's when it hit me: she is probably just toying with me by playing hard to get. So my thought pattern is as follows:

I probably didn't do anything wrong on the date or during sex. In fact, I think I did everything right. But she began testing me AFTERWARDS when I tried to set up new meetings. Am I truly the kind of lover of her dreams.. or am I just a fraud? As the fool I was, I was going the safe path, being understanding and trying not to "hurt her feelings further". Like I said in my original post, I had oneitis for her. My feelings has died down a lot by now. I still care about the outcome, but not as much as previously. Now that I'm seeing her "true colors", she's just like any other girl to me... weird, right? (I wonder if every man, deep down, really wants that one special, unicorn girl).

Anyway. She's socially smart, I'll admit that. She made up vague reasons for why she couldn't see me. Because she could reason her unavailability, I thought "oh, makes sense". Instead she could just say "Nah, don't have time, but happy reschedule next week". She sounded neither sorry about not being able to make it nor excited to set up a new meeting. Thus, I believe she is just playing hard to get at this point.

As a result, I texted her an hour ago, saying "Well, Juliet. It's been a while since we met, and my interest is declining because of that. But you should contact me when you are ready to drop your preciousness Otherwise, take care in the future. Bye bye "

(Side note: here, we call people "precious" when they are playing hard to get)

My plan for now is to ignore any other text she sends that is not related to us setting up a new date. It's going to be emotionally hard on me because I'm not used to ignoring girls this way. But if I do reply to a text by her when she is complaining or saying "all right, it's the end", I'm not sticking to my frame.

Unless she goes WAY out of her way to explain whatever personal stuff she is going through.. only then I might consider breaking my rule of ignoring her. Otherwise, this is me going in the dark forever

 

[Ree]

hey Ajay
has she replied to the text.?
if so what did she say?
what are her levels of compliance?

it is true that some girls play hard to get...while it is also true that some girls are just busy with other stuff and because of that they deprioritise you.
i dont think there is any difference between these two scenarios because both are scenarios where the girl is not scared to lose you.

i think there is something to be said for trying to turn it round.
i know in gc we are usually trained to drop her and move on,but i feel in a scenario like yours it is better to try .
as you come out stronger(this i was adviced by drck)
here is what i would have suggested

.ask her out three times then send the "ball in your court text"

it seemed like you have already sent the ball in your court text.

so then has she replied?...if so...what did she say?
if no....cut contact until she does

 

[Lover]

Hey Ree,

No replies at all. I think I maybe overdid it with the preciousness thing, but what's done is done. I can only wonder if she's testing me even at this moment lol.

I have kept myself busy since I sent the text, and she might pop up in my thoughts here and there. But there are not really any emotions associated with the thoughts anymore. So I don't even feel like babbling about her further. The only thing that still itches a little, is that I'm not sure what her intentions were.. and I might never know

But I think the situation is interesting, so let's dive deeper

it is true that some girls play hard to get...while it is also true that some girls are just busy with other stuff and because of that they deprioritise you.
i dont think there is any difference between these two scenarios because both are scenarios where the girl is not scared to lose you.

Like I said, if a girl goes out of her way to explain herself, I'd be more understanding and respect her a lot more. It shows a certain level of interest on her part to keep it going. That's when you know she doesn't want to lose you even though she has to deprioritize you - maybe! But we can't EXPECT her to just explain herself. That would require I asked her to elaborate on whatever's going on. I wonder if that'd make her stick around..?

Another thing: I wonder if they are sometimes testing your boundaries by playing hard to get or being genuinely busy to measure how much of a challenge you are to them.

But what you say, also proves another point: Some women might not be afraid to lose you if you're not a rockstar in their eyes. And by rockstar I mean: you're (one of) her type(s), both physically and personally, a trillion times. And a rockstar, of course, has options. Thus, she will work harder for your attention. Maybe I was not that much of a rockstar as I thought?

I think it was Chase who used the rockstar analogy in one of his articles.. right now I can see why it's a good one

But it all comes down to one thing: we might never really know what the hell is going on in their heads

i think there is something to be said for trying to turn it round.
i know in gc we are usually trained to drop her and move on,but i feel in a scenario like yours it is better to try .
as you come out stronger(this i was adviced by drck)

I'm a huge proponent of communicating whenever I find it possible. If a woman has done nothing I'd consider "shitty", I don't see any reason not to send a text like the one I did. I think it's good manners to do such. But maybe it's just me being too nice..

 

[Ree]

Hey Ree,


I'm a huge proponent of communicating whenever I find it possible. If a woman has done nothing I'd consider "shitty", I don't see any reason not to send a text like the one I did. I think it's good manners to do such. But maybe it's just me being too nice..

true.....but once you send that "ball in your court text" dont contact her again.
these situations are never guaranteed,but the ratio for turn around is higher if she contacts you.
it may be months later..or she might never contact you again.
but such is life.

Like I said, if a girl goes out of her way to explain herself, I'd be more understanding and respect her a lot more. It shows a certain level of interest on her part to keep it going. That's when you know she doesn't want to lose you even though she has to deprioritize you - maybe! But we can't EXPECT her to just explain herself. That would require I asked her to elaborate on whatever's going on. I wonder if that'd make her stick around..?

true...its like that rule,that if a girl flakes because of a legimitimate reason and she really wanted to see you she will try to set up a date,or give an explanation(if you need to ask for an explanation she doesnt want you that bad).....

compare.....

hey Ajay..sorry i cant make it today,can we meet thursday instead.

this is usually legitimately busy....sometimes i girl wont offer an alternative day,because she assumes you are busy,but if she contacts you first to cancel,then that is a sign something actually came up......
as opposed to girls who will stand you up...or only cancel the date after you contact them.

i think if a girl flakes without informing you first or without suggesting an alternative day ..then you should delete her....you might persist but then as you no doubt know..the more you invest ,the more risk there is that she becomes a oneitis....i personally like to screen bad prospects out early

Another thing: I wonder if they are sometimes testing your boundaries by playing hard to get or being genuinely busy to measure how much of a challenge you are to them.

when you are in oneitis there is a tendency for you to view everything as game.
it is very common to see that....even when a girl ignores a text from a guy who has oneitis.
instead of the guy thinking"she ignored me,she is simply not attraced"
...the guy might think...."she is so attracted that she is gaming me...she wants me super bad"
this is usually the ego protecting itself.
when a girl wants you super bad..she wont try such risky manouvers,she will be too scared of losing you....
think of the girls who wanted you bad....how did they act?
i am betting,they responded to texts instantly....i am betting that if you called them,they replied even if in a classroom....i bet they always called back.
it is true some girls are busier than others,but a girl who wants you bad will bend over backwards to make it work.
That is why i insist that from your side..if a girl does not reply.... it shouldnt matter wether she is legitimately busy or she is disinterested or she is gaming you.
these are not three different diseases with three different remedies......for all ends and purposes these three things are the same thing.

 

[Ree]

after sex some girls trip out....but they usually just need time (lots of time...like a month or two)..and persistence...

i kind of wish you had persisted without sending her that "ball in your court text"
but now that you have done...dont contact her...

 

[Lover]

when you are in oneitis there is a tendency for you to view everything as game.
it is very common to see that....even when a girl ignores a text from a guy who has oneitis.
instead of the guy thinking"she ignored me,she is simply not attraced"
...the guy might think...."she is so attracted that she is gaming me...she wants me super bad"
this is usually the ego protecting itself.
when a girl wants you super bad..she wont try such risky manouvers,she will be too scared of losing you....
think of the girls who wanted you bad....how did they act?
i am betting,they responded to texts instantly....i am betting that if you called them,they replied even if in a classroom....i bet they always called back.
it is true some girls are busier than others,but a girl who wants you bad will bend over backwards to make it work.
That is why i insist that from your side..if a girl does not reply.... it shouldnt matter wether she is legitimately busy or she is disinterested or she is gaming you.
these are not three different diseases with three different remedies......for all ends and purposes these three things are the same thing.

You're absolutely right here.

The girls wanting me bad.. I can definitely remember some of them being fast texters. They were particularly eager to get back to me fast when I texted first.

My ego protecting itself.. yeah, it definitely took a hit when I realized she wasn't going to make it anymore easy for me post-sex.

Epiphany: there are no guarantees in life. Stop thinking otherwise

after sex some girls trip out....but they usually just need time (lots of time...like a month or two)..and persistence...

I (my ego) didn't expect it to happen with this girl, but I guess that's just the game.

Looking at the big picture, I know I can expect her to text me eventually. But I might still have overdone things on the last text. But I'm going on with my life as if she's not there.

I'm still not sure if I did something wrong, or if I could have something differently this time. I still have a couple of theories about my mistakes, but nothing really to go on.. let me know if you want to hear them. For now, I'm gonna assume it's on her. And if I meet other girls where the same scenario plays out, I might notice a pattern.

Ree, thanks for taking your time to offer your view of the situation. It might not seem like it, but you have helped me out a ton here!

 

[Ree]

hey...eager to hear ur theries on why you think it didn't work

 

[Ree]

I saw a post where..chase met a girl...fucked a girl...the girlthen felt sluttu for fucking too fast and became cold...chase turned this around (obviously)....I have had similar experiences...sometimes...shit happens...sometimes its something you did..but someties the girl was just wired that way....anyway what do you think you did wrong

 

[Lover]

Hmmm..

Theory #1: I might actually have done nothing wrong in the seduction. But the only thing I forgot, was to talk about expectations. Maybe she wanted to keep things über casual because of whatever circumstances she was going through, and save me for later. And because I got feelings for her afterwards, I just couldn't see this and went through the thought pattern that she was playing with me. To me this is the most likely theory.

Theory #2: Still did nothing wrong. But she might have used me as some kind rebound for some other guy I don't know about.

Theory #3: One mistake I might have made, was doing 50 % of the talk during the date. But I felt like I couldn't have talked any less because she claimed to suck talking about herself. Maybe the real issue was I sucked at deep diving her, and I might have been less attainable than I thought. Value was no problem.

Theory #4: Maybe she wanted to keep things über casual because we separated ways with me being fuckboy-ish. I don't remember completely how we got to talk about gangsters, but eventually the conversation went something like this

Me: Yeah, I know, I'm sooo gangster
Her: And that makes me sooo wet
Me: You know the worst part about that statement? It's true *devilish smile and eyes*
Her: *frustrated and excited face"

But it's unlikely as well.. because this was the only time I made any fuckboy-ish statements.

If I take a really good look at myself from outside perspective and completely hide my ego for one second.. I have trouble believing that any of my minor mistakes could have contributed to her postponing a new meeting this much. So I'm gonna go with theory 1.. but with that said, it's very unlikely she'll return anytime. For real. My "ball in your court" text was pretty bad because I added the preciousness-thing. From what I can tell, the underlying meaning of that text is that I thought she was playing games with me when she might not have been doing that at all.. I wouldn't be surprised if she turned just as dry as the Sahara desert from reading that text

Oh well. We live, we make mistakes, and we learn. And I might have to become a more humble man again.

 

[Ree]

Yeah....I think I would want to strike off the 50 percent talk....if you got to fuck her..,then a deep dive probably wasn't the problem ....ur right...it's super hard to analyze and troubleshoot these things ...with only one girl as the data.,,I think with these things ...you just have to let them accumulate before you can see a pattern
...,,fifty lays from now..is when you will probably see...a situation like this five more times,,,then you go like.....ah huh.....so that's what I did wrong

 

[Latecummer]

well I am pretty new to the boards and all but I have been using gc for a while now and its pretty much taken my game to a whole different level with several lays under my belt.,anyway to address your issue I don't really think I am of much help to your situation just wanted to say I can relate coz currently am experiencing this kind of shit and it buffles me to say the least.,one moment the girl is hot for you the next she's blowing you off the water not wanting to meet.,anyway as for me I decided to text her again today set up a date for tomorrow.,if she comes up with another excuse I guess ill have to leave the ball in her court and drop her.,

 

[Ree]

well I am pretty new to the boards and all but I have been using gc for a while now and its pretty much taken my game to a whole different level with several lays under my belt.,anyway to address your issue I don't really think I am of much help to your situation just wanted to say I can relate coz currently am experiencing this kind of shit and it buffles me to say the least.,one moment the girl is hot for you the next she's blowing you off the water not wanting to meet.,anyway as for me I decided to text her again today set up a date for tomorrow.,if she comes up with another excuse I guess ill have to leave the ball in her court and drop her.,

love ur name

 

[Lover]

Latecummer, welcome on board!

Yeah, this situation sucks. If I could do one thing differently after trying to set up two dates, I'd like to do one of two things:

1. "Forget" her until she contacted me again. Why? Because I can't know whether she's being honest about being busy or having personal issues to deal with.

2. Text her that "it seems we have different expectations, take care", and move on.

I think we have to remember that just because we moved fast and fucked her on the first date, we as men don't "own" the girl. The girl is not ours, and we're not entitled to her. If we think otherwise, it's our ego that is currently speaking for us.

And if it's the first time she's moving this fast with a guy she's dating, I wonder if she is going through the rollercoaster of emotions and just needs time to think and feel things through. But it's hard to tell with girls what their sexual stories are really like

Just give her some space if she's not down to meet anytime soon. That's what I'll do with girls from now on.

 

[The_real_AFC]

In my opinion the best way to get beyond all these shenanigans women pull (for your sake) is to have options.

If I were you, I wouldn't have texted her the night you had sex - understandably you were trying to be polite but sadly there's no room for politeness where women are concerned.

Take that energy and head out into the night, meet some other girls, get numbers and start working on your next lay. The quicker you move on the better. An abundant mindset has a way of rendering these situations irrelevant.

 

[Lover]

In my opinion the best way to get beyond all these shenanigans women pull (for your sake) is to have options.

If I were you, I wouldn't have texted her the night you had sex - understandably you were trying to be polite but sadly there's no room for politeness where women are concerned.

Take that energy and head out into the night, meet some other girls, get numbers and start working on your next lay. The quicker you move on the better. An abundant mindset has a way of rendering these situations irrelevant.

You're absolutely right. Thanks for reminding me!