Is the guy always at fault?

[ramirezs316]

Chase has a ton of great advice on this site. 99% of the do's and don't's he lists are spot on and I always pick up on something I could've done better or something I totally nailed. It seems that most instances of a guy not getting a girl--barring her clearly not being attracted to him--the guy is at fault in some way. But aren't there cases where the guy does mostly everything right and the faults of the girl prevent anything from transpiring?

Example: I tried to date a girl I work with. She was giving me signals earlier in the year, I responded with a semi-romantic gesture, and she got weird on me. I backed off for weeks until her signals returned. I asked her out as soon as I could. She wasn't sure about dating a co-worker but she said that she would think about it. I gave her my number and went about my business. Then she had her friend ask me to go out with the two of them--minus the friend, who said she would be too busy (wink, wink). I played along and said sure and "they" would let me know when. The final week of her work semester (she's a teacher), the girl was acting really upset when she would see me around. I thought about asking her out again (to emphasize that we wouldn't be working together that summer), but her busy schedule prevented me from seeing her. When I passed by her, I asked her if I could stop by her room to talk, but now she was acting weird again. She sent me an email the next day saying that she was moving (only an hour away though) and a relationship was not her top priority. So I wrote her a note wishing her good luck and gave her my number again.

This girl's signals (which had accrued over months) were immense before and after I asked her out and even the day after I gave her the note. Yet after making moves, she wouldn't let me get close.

Are the guy's moves supposed to always make up for the girl's hesitations? If I was really good enough, should I have gotten her to see me before she leaves and after? Or are some things just out of the guy's control sometimes?

 

[Light]

The answer to your question is no.

The outcome of your scenario can only be caused by two possible reason:
1) Either you're not being persistent enough, and not reading her IOI properly.... or...
2) The girl just isn't ready / She doesn't know what she wants herself (like a little girl).

If number 2 is true, just move on. Shes not worth your time. She is we call "Time Wasters".
I know a few of them personally. They're usually borderline crazy too - Avoid at all cost

 

[ramirezs316]

The answer to your question is no.

The outcome of your scenario can only be caused by two possible reason:
1) Either you're not being persistent enough, and not reading her IOI properly.... or...
2) The girl just isn't ready / She doesn't know what she wants herself (like a little girl).

If number 2 is true, just move on. Shes not worth your time. She is we call "Time Wasters".
I know a few of them personally. They're usually borderline crazy too - Avoid at all cost

It's unlikely I misread her indicators of interest. They were pretty clear.

Staring at me from across rooms
Looking at me over her shoulder when I wasn't looking
Laughing at all my jokes
Playing with her hair when talking to me
Avoiding eye contact when talking to me
Nervous laughter around me

She helped me out with every little photo and video thing I asked her to do. I found out at the end of the semester that she normally doesn't like being on camera. Also, I could tell her and her friend were talking about me at an event I was taking video for. I enhanced some of my footage later and could read the girl's lips--she asked her friend what she should do about her feelings. So there's that.

Number 2 is what I've been suspecting. This is what one of her other friends told me she was probably doing. Granted, this girl does have a troubled relationship history. She was engaged until November of last year, then jumped into a quick relationship, then kind of started another when I was courting her. It aggravates me that she would go cold on me only to give me strong signals when she knew she might be leaving and feel the need to push me away.

Anyway, I pretty much gave her three chances to start something with me. I don't have her number, so there's no risk of me chasing her. I feel good about how I left it, but she was so odd around me sometimes that I don't expect she'll have the nerve or humility to message me. Oh well.

 

[Good Vibes]

Are the guy's moves supposed to always make up for the girl's hesitations? If I was really good enough, should I have gotten her to see me before she leaves and after? Or are some things just out of the guy's control sometimes?

Somethings are out of your control no matter how good your game is of course but don't use that as an excuse if you fail with her, always analyze your mistakes afterwards.

 

[Good Vibes]

It's unlikely I misread her indicators of interest. They were pretty clear.

Staring at me from across rooms
Looking at me over her shoulder when I wasn't looking
Laughing at all my jokes
Playing with her hair when talking to me
Avoiding eye contact when talking to me
Nervous laughter around me

She helped me out with every little photo and video thing I asked her to do.... Also, I could tell her and her friend were talking about me at an event I was taking video for. I enhanced some of my footage later and could read the girl's lips--she asked her friend what she should do about her feelings. So there's that.

Don't get too excited about all that, girls do this all the time and you'll never get anywhere with them if you dwell on it too much, that's dangerous territory especially if you develop feelings before you escalate to intimacy with her. Guys that try to work out if she's interested in you almost always fall for her and then stuff it up. You shouldn't worry if a girl is interested or not just approach and do your thing. If you can't stop thinking about her, try to give an even amount of thought to at least 3 other girls as well to avoid infatuation on just one girl.

 

[ramirezs316]

It's unlikely I misread her indicators of interest. They were pretty clear.

Staring at me from across rooms
Looking at me over her shoulder when I wasn't looking
Laughing at all my jokes
Playing with her hair when talking to me
Avoiding eye contact when talking to me
Nervous laughter around me

She helped me out with every little photo and video thing I asked her to do.... Also, I could tell her and her friend were talking about me at an event I was taking video for. I enhanced some of my footage later and could read the girl's lips--she asked her friend what she should do about her feelings. So there's that.

Don't get too excited about all that, girls do this all the time and you'll never get anywhere with them if you dwell on it too much, that's dangerous territory especially if you develop feelings before you escalate to intimacy with her. Guys that try to work out if she's interested in you almost always fall for her and then stuff it up. You shouldn't worry if a girl is interested or not just approach and do your thing. If you can't stop thinking about her, try to give an even amount of thought to at least 3 other girls as well to avoid infatuation on just one girl.

I've been picking up on things I would've liked to have done better.

She had been really cold toward me for awhile, so I didn't want to risk destroying our work relationship by pushing for a date. Once she warmed up, I went for it. I will admit, though, that I had to stop and really look at her signals this time. I didn't want to think I was reading into every little thing she was doing. I know that doesn't matter and I should just dive in, but for me, it makes it easier to approach a girl I work with when I'm sure she is interested in me.

I was also concerned about developing feelings for her, as I would see her almost every day. I was totally still going after girls during the weekend and pulling numbers. Most of them weren't worth following up with, but they were still good practice. I think now I need to get better at getting the girls I really want, so one girl doesn't become my favorite option and therefore my only option.