Is this acceptable or Am I being insecure?

[Drigo]

Hi GC,

On a Friday night, my GF calls me if I wanted to go out that night with her friend. The said friend is his birthday and staying in town for the night and leaving the day after. So I thought to myself, maybe he knew this person for a long time. So we met up with the dude and went to the club. GF first bought us drinks, then head to the dance floor. Mind you, during the ride to the club, my GF's attention was on him and even in the dance floor, her body language was fully on him, leaving me out of circle. I played it cool the whole night and chatting up with the dude. He turns out to be a comedian and a realtor. So I thought, he might not be a threat.

So we left the club after two drinks and went to the bars. Then something hit me. My GF wanted me to go out that night to be the designated driver for both of them. I shrugged it off, because it was the dudes birthday. We drank some more, and while I was trying to hold or kiss my GF, she won't submit. The night felt like she wasn't my GF at all. I still played it cool the whole night. So we're about to drop the dude off his hotel, my GF tells him when he comes back six months from now, that they should hang out and be her tour guide. I didn't react because of tiredness and sleepiness.

The following day, I asked my GF who he was or if she was a good friend of hers. Turns out she met this guy when she went out of the country when looking for ecstasy and he help them out. At that time, we weren't exclusive. Knowing that she barely knows him and taking him out on his birthday at her expense bothers me. I had not talked to her about how much I was bothered by what happened as I did not want to come out as insecure and I'm not. I don't mind her hanging out with guys that she knew for a long time, but this one just confused me.

So am I over analyzing this situation (I may be because I'm posting about it) or what would you do differently? Its a new scenario for me and I'd like to know how to handle it when it happens. Might I add that my GF is a social worker, thus being talkative and getting to the roots when having conversation is just part of her job, but her body language through out the night and the next day texting him back and forth is going out of line.

 

[Franco]

Drigo,

I would ignore it.

Unless your girlfriend has been constantly giving you less and less of her time for weeks now to the point where you feel like she's doing things behind your back, then investing any more thought or time into this is only going to hurt you in her eyes. It's a good thing you haven't brought it up yet, so hopefully I caught you in time.

It's very possible they might have had a fling (or something close to it) when she was out there, but a girl always wants the best guy by her side, so if you truly ARE the better man, then you have not much to worry about. But part of being the better man is being the less "needy" one. The more your actions lean toward needy (while the other guy's leans the other direction), then the lower your social status is going to appear to your girlfriend. So I wouldn't bring it up at all if I were you (as that will just seem controlling and needy on your end).

One last tip I would give is that you don't try to hold and kiss your girlfriend all that much in public venues, especially nightclubs/bars. If she wants to come up to you and do that, then that's fine. Otherwise, you should definitely be doing your own thing and enjoying yourself while you're there. If anything, she should be more worried about girls checking YOU out (or you talking to other girls) while you're there. Although you might have an urge to dance all up on your girl and hold her and kiss her while you're out dancing (because you see other newbies doing it), it's better to just let her do her own thing while you do your own thing. When you play things that way, she'll often just seek you out and dance with you when she feels like she needs to assert to other women that you are indeed her man. And you'll often find that her dancing will be a lot more sexy as well.

- Franco

 

[PinotNoir]

Did she verbally ask you to be DD? Or did you just assume that role?

I'm curious because when a girl asks me to DD I just always turn it down. I deem it as supplication (kind of like holding a girl's purse), but I think this is due to my bitterness haha.

Franco, do you think it's okay to DD for a girl if she verbally requests? If it's just her and other girls, I probably wouldn't have a problem with it, but even then, I view the night as a waste and boring for me if I were to do it, but maybe I should just be off having fun with people as you said. I guess it's also different depending on if you're having sex with the girl or not.

 

[Franco]

Pinot,

Franco, do you think it's okay to DD for a girl if she verbally requests?

It probably really depends on the situation and how the whole thing came about. If I was wanting to go out anyway and not drink, then I don't mind driving people. But if my girl were to suddenly come up to me and ask me to drive her to have some drinks with some other guy and not drink myself, I would probably decline. Depending on the context of other possible scenarios, however, I could accept some invitation like this. It really does depend.

This doesn't seem to apply to this scenario, though. She definitely didn't ask him to be a DD since she bought both of them drinks (and if she did, she's a bad influence for a DD then). I don't really see anything too harmful in this interaction other than Drigo attempting some PDA in a nightclub/bar, which is generally something you want to avoid (especially if there's possible competition around).

I guess it's also different depending on if you're having sex with the girl or not.

Yeah, I mean, this was his girlfriend so it's a different story. If some girl I wasn't having sex with (or wasn't my girlfriend) asked me to do something like this, I would simply laugh and ask, "are you serious?" =P

- Franco

 

[IrishConrad]

I think it's a shit test. Plain and simple. She wan't to see how you react to her behavior that I also think is out of line.

Does she frequently club and party with or without you.

If her behavior continually changes around certain people or certain public settings I always see it as a red flag.

I agree with Franco to ignore it for now, be the better man. I hope she respects that it was a nice gesture for you to DD and gave you a nice morning BJ when he was gone.

 

[Drigo]

Franco, thanks for the feedback. I appreciate it a lot.

I did ignore the idea and shrugged it off. Only brought it up when we took a shower the next morning asking how he was, and that's it.
Sexed her anally that morning, twice. I also found out she hit up two of my friends, who shes friends with too, to come out and party with this guy, but they already had plans that night. I never try to hold or kiss her when we're out, she usually do those things. The situation was new to me and acted with emotions which was my fault for forgetting my fundamentals.

Pinot: As for her asking me to DD the night, no she didn't ask me. I told her when we're heading home why she didn't let me know I was the DD. and her reply was she could've been the dd if I told her. I didn't know the dude was riding with us, so I assume we were meeting the dude in the club. I'd turn it down too If she directly ask me to DD.

IrishConrad: As for clubbing or going out, no she doesn't go every week, only on special occasions. And I think I established that early in the relationship. As Chase said, Great to talk to, be sexy and great in bed are the only things I did with her. That's the only occasion I've seen her attention wasn't on me and I guess I wasn't use to it. She did thank me after we dropped off the dude.